[ 29.2 BBY, Cophrigin V ]
Distantly, I could feel the burning in my right arm as I held the one-handed hand stand. My breathing was still steady and even, but only due to the Matukai training ground into me by Adept Vinrae.
The Force was a series of taut harp-strings being plucked in rapid sequence as the strain to not try and grasp it grew more difficult because of my fatigue. Yoda might enjoy delivering platitudes far too much, but the whole.
"Do, or do not, there is no try" business was solidly grounded in one immutable reality. Trying to hold onto the Force was like trying to hold onto the wind.
You could make yourself a channel for it, you could learn to exert influence through it, and of course you could simply touch it, but the instant contact tried to become acquisition, poof. It was gone, and you were left with a faint ringing in your ears, plus an odd tightness in your temples.
Through the Force, I pulled my training saber from my belt, into my hand, and depressed it's activator even before I'd fully grasped it. Giving my eyes-closed self the extra quarter-second required to split the dirt clod said Adept had just silently flung at my nose with the Force.
All without dropping the four stones I held steady in the air before me or allowing them to wobble. I avoided wobbling myself in the wake of the cut only by holding to the concept of the Force as my balance.
Holding that balance by the narrowest margin as I returned it to my belt the hard way. God, I never got over just how much I loved telekinesis! I couldn't even begin to imagine how all the other Force-users in this galaxy apparently grew so blase about manipulating reality with one's mind, but I'd long ago sworn never to join their ranks.
"Good! That's five out of seven days you were able to hold your balance and the stones while this fatigued! We'll make a proper Matukai Apprentice out of you yet, Anakin!" The strong alto of the Matukai Adept came to me just as distantly as the increasingly insistent burn of my protesting right arm, but I'd long since learned not to acknowledge any distractions.
Not unless I wanted a ten mile run through broken game-trails to "focus my wandering attention."
"Release, Apprentice" Dark Woman commanded firmly. No sooner did the "iss" in "apprentice" leave the weathered-featured, silver haired Jedi Master's mouth than I was flipping forward to land on my feet facing the older woman.
The pain in all four of my limbs and my core was much more pronounced now that I was no longer using the Force to distance myself from said pain, but that was nothing new.
Physical conditioning and active meditation began an hour before sunrise and continued until the sun reached it's apex. Only to be followed (after a brief meal and rest) by lightsaber cadences, advanced deflection practice, and sparring until sunset.
When the absorbing and practicing of more esoteric Force-techniques would commence and continue for the next six hours. Leaving six hours for rest out of a thirty-two hour day-and-night cycle.
One day out of seven lightsaber cadences were replaced by galactic history and political theory, as a second day was also devoted to by diverting from force-technique practice. Dark Woman judged my technical and piloting abilities more than sufficient for now, but promised we would revisit those areas later if she judged it necessary.
It was a brutal regimen that would have been impossible without the supplemental teachings of Master Dark Woman's friend, ally, peer? I was never quite sure as to the nature of the relationship between the two women, Sometimes they seemed like old friends.
Laughing at inside jokes I couldn't begin to guess at which bespoke a long association. Other times they were all business and extreme formality.
I'd tried to use my empathic sense to solve the riddle, but both women were such onion-layered beings when it came to their feelings that empathy only confused rather than illuminated the issue.
My ruminations were interrupted by the careful, clipped inquiry of my Master. "It could be said you've done very well to catch up to and even surpass most Padawans your age raised in the creches and trained as initiates in the Temple's clans. What would your reply to such an observation be, Apprentice?"
Dark Women never, ever asked a non-trivial question of me which wasn't also a teaching opportunity, so I considered my response very carefully.
"I would say that comparing myself to others is a trap, because my own progress is what I can influence. I should strive to be the most effective Jedi I can be, and leave words like ahead or behind to those who don't understand as much."
"Perfectly parroted, but I won't set you to running because I can tell there's at least some understanding of my words buried in your mimicry" she responded primly.
Her normally all but unbreakable calm now swirled up into a moment of faint anxiety. Nearly causing me to gasp, it was so unexpected. Almost as unanticipated as her next words.
"Vinrae and I agree you've reached a plateau in your Matukai training for now. Which brings us to my assessment of your development. Something which should only be taken for what it is.
An assessment of where you currently stand, as opposed to where you must yet progress in order to face and overcome the Trials" Dark Woman began. It was a bit of a fight, but I managed to wrestle down my anticipation for what would come next and remain completely rooted in this present moment as she'd ground into me so relentlessly.
"It's time I take you to Ilum, so you can construct your first lightsaber. I might have chosen to give you another few weeks of polish before ending our time here with Vinrae, but the Force moves as the Force wills." The Jedi Master's words were more than a little cryptic, but I could read a calendar.
Of course she was getting antsy. Palpatine had recently been elected Chancellor, Tarkin was moving to secure his grip on the man who designed the Death Star, and everything was spiraling on toward the Clone Wars. It made perfect sense the Force was starting to light a fire under her ass.
None of which I could bring myself to really focus on right now. Ilum and my own lightsaber! It was the moment every Padawan simultaneously yearned toward and dreaded.
Would I measure up with the Crystal Caves throwing all my fears and doubts back at me? Could I find the trance to build my lightsaber with the Dark Side emanations trying to seduce me, or at least impede my efforts?
A sigh interrupted my train of thought. One followed by my Master's chiding voice. "I see the speculation concerning the future in your eyes, and the nascent fear it's engendered in your aura, apprentice.
Will you never learn that the only place fear can exist is in your thoughts of the future? While you remain grounded in this present moment, fear is a phantom with neither claws or teeth."
I bowed my head in acceptance of the criticism. At least her fear-related chiding came with practical insights useful in stemming it. Unlike a certain platitude-laden green goblin, and a too-earnest Kenobi.
Surprising me by not sending me out on another five or even ten mile run, my Master simply said "Pack your belongings and turn in early. I intend for us to be breaking orbit when you're normally rising to begin the day."
The tall blond with the highly defined musculature and laughing green eyes came over as soon as Dark Woman had glided away. Sadness touched her momentarily, but then the laughter was back in her eyes and a genuine smile was quirking her pretty forty-something features upward, as she said.
"You must be so excited to be headed to Illum! I understand it's as huge a turning point in a Jedi's career as the day our acolytes are accepted as full Apprentices."
I nodded at her words, and smiled back as I replied "It is, and I am, but you don't need to worry. I don't have any intention of either forgetting anything you've taught me, or failing to continue building on those elements of the training I can persist with on my own.
Hopefully, the time will come when I'll be able to seek you out once more to continue learning. I think all members of the Jedi Order need a firm grounding in the Matukai teachings, because the mind can only do so much without a body optimized and ready to carry out one's will."
"You were listening as I prattled on like my old teacher, then. Good! Seriously however, the galaxy's a dangerous place, Anakin. I'm sure I don't need to tell you of all people that, but it really is.
What's more, there are a lot of people who believe it'd be quite the notch on their blaster to take down a Jedi. Even one still in training. Promise me you'll be careful out there and remember your training, eh?" Vinrae exclaimed. Finishing with as sincere and concerned a question as any I'd ever heard from her.
I nodded again as I smiled at the woman who'd taught me so much about how the Force interacted with and could interact with my body. My dark blue eyes meeting her bright green ones as I impulsively hugged her.
She laughed quietly, then wrapped her arms around me briefly. Finally holding me out at arm's length and looking at me in a way that made me think she was fixing my image in memory just so.
"You're going to do great out there, Ani. The galaxy's never going to know what hit it!" Vinrae's excited encouragement struck me like a shot to the funny-bone given context she couldn't know anything about, but I smiled and laughed it off.
While inside doubts continued to swirl about my upcoming trip. We talked a little bit longer, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what else was said.
I spent a very few minutes packing my meager possessions into a bag. Two changes of casual clothing, two more sets of robes, and a spare cloak rounded out my apparel. Which only left me a few training aids, my personal data-pad, and a simple chain with a tiny four-pointed star of rainbow like lead crystal Shmi had given me.
I didn't wear it regularly because I was so active and afraid of breaking it, but I'd held onto it for more reasons than I could easily pin down. Maybe it was just nice to know someone was out there caring about me. Not for what I could do, or what my existence might mean, but just for my own sake.
Even if I wasn't exactly who she thought I was. That thought stung a little, and faded only slowly as I willed myself to find sleep. Dark Woman was not understanding of needless delays when she was ready to be off, so I imagined that principle would only be magnified for an interstellar trip in it's beginnings.
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