I had imagined so many ways this could go, within a minute, I had forgotten all the terrors that clouded my mind. As I took my seat next to her on the bed, she couldn't look me in the eye, we rode the waves of silence for as long as we could before I asked, "Do you think I'm a monster?"
It took her a minute to clean up her tears and answer me, "why would you ask me that?"
"I saw the way you looked at me earlier. It hurt, in its own unique way."
"I'm sorry, it's just… in all my years, I've never seen anything like that before. It was unbelievable, I had never seen a person's brains before and especially not spilling out of their head like melting cheese. I didn't mean to make you feel that way."
"I lost myself, I know it's not an excuse, but I felt unexplainable strength at that moment, I never meant to crack his head open, I thought I'd just knock him out, but I killed him, I split him open with one hit on the head. Of course I'm a monster, I have to be." I couldn't look her in the eye either, I could feel my arms trembling while I spoke, my breath hitched and my body tremored remembering what I had done. That was when I felt a warmth on my hand, she held my trembling hands. I could feel the tides in my heart die down, the raging storm within, was calm, weightless.
"I don't think you're a monster Pasquale, I know you did that to protect us. My words may make no difference, but no matter what you do now, you'll never be a monster to me."
She had no idea how much hearing those words meant to me. My chest loosened and my breath came easier, it was a strange feeling, but a much needed one.
"Matteo mentioned it was your first time taking a life. How do you feel?" She asked me raising my chin with her other hand to look me straight in my eyes.
I was stunned, there wasn't really a way to explain it, but I had to try, "It wasn't like the first time I shot a Deer, or a Bear, it was different, I keep seeing flashes of it, the fear and anger in his eyes when I got the better of him. Maybe I could have dealt with the situation in another way, I can't even bear to close my eyes, I keep going back to that hall and then the woods, I don't think I can sleep. Malcolm says it gets easier with time, but the burden, it just seems too much to carry."
"You don't have to fight this one alone you know, you can share this burden with me."
"But how?" in curiosity I asked, knowing I would never want to burden her with what goes on in my mind, but before I could say anything else she flung herself on me, "I don't think I can sleep too. I'm scared." She whispered with tears in her eyes as she held on to me. "maybe I can do this one thing for you to help you sleep," she added as she bit her lips and held on tighter. How could I say no? We had both just been stripped of our identities.
I could hear Malcolm breathing from behind the door, but it didn't matter, if I could find peace for a moment in all of the chaos, it was in that moment, so I held on to her tight as we fell on the bed and under the sheets.
Like a dream she fell asleep in my arms, in each others embrace we found solace, a drifting peace amidst all of that which troubled us. I had wanted to read the letters father had for us, but that can wait the night, before I knew it I was lost, and when I came to it, it was already morning and she was no longer in my arms.
It all came back the moment I left the bed, the depths of what reality was. I gathered myself and combed through the items from don Luca's safe as soon as possible. Two letters, one addressed to me, and the other Matteo, a lot of cash, a vile of blood, documents of ownership and a journal I never knew he kept. There was no knowing of what to go through first, they all seemed equally important, but the blood got me a little bit more curious.
Matteo also needed an answer and maybe the letter might provide him some clarity. So down to his room I went, his bed was empty. The same, in Bianca's room, the master bedroom, the bathrooms, out on the deck. Nothing. No one.
The silence felt nice and set the tone to finally read father's letter, but there was this heaviness in my stomach. I knew the moment I read them, there was never going to be something new about him, not his words or his voice, but I had to. To prepare for what lies ahead I must face what is before me, at least I get to hear hos voice once more in my head as I read his words.
*The Don's letter*
Son, that you're reading this means, I must be dead, or something terrible has happened and we've had to be separated for a while. Whatever the case may be, I know it has everything to do with my past and I need you to take every word you read next very serious, and know whom you share their secrets with.
The world is not as you know it to be, there is so much I've shielded you and your brother from. What I'm about to tell you would rewrite the way you see the world around you. Trust no one, especially at night.
I was a boy when the balance of power collapsed, greed ate it's way through the sects of power: there were those who ruled the day – Humans, those who ruled the night – Vampires, and those who helped maintain the balance of power – the witches. The de Luca family was more than just a Mafia group, we were the one clan responsible for protecting the witches and the balance of power, but that was before "the great strife".
It was an unnecessary battle, going up against beasts with power men could only dream of. Or so we thought, but they had a trick up their sleeves, they had found ways to kill the vampires, a secret only held by our clan and used to protect the balance of power. There was a traitor in our clan. And so it was no longer war between man and vampire, but between the 3 camps.
All who fought died. All but 2 families among the warriors and witches with a handful of vampires, but the reign of the world as we knew it was over, there was no more ruling over the affairs of men from the shadows. Of the families that lived: My father joined a Mafia group and rose in rank, eventually becoming it's leader, while my brother; burdened by the scar he sustained during the war left off to hunt the surviving vampires. The witches became slaves to men, after we went our separate ways, society never accepted them because of the color their skin had and what they could do, the had the power to free themselves, but they were limited by their oat to harm no humans, we managed to save all but one, and her master was don Rugge.
The witch he bought grew up with me, I never got to free her before her death, but I promised to set her child free and reunite her with her family and kind…
Pasquale, you must find your way to new Orleans, there you shall learn the truth about who we truly are. The blood in the vile contains power no one should possess. No one should know you have this. Vampires still live, but they only lurk in the darkness of the night, cause in the sun they have a natural enemy. Only with a daylight ring can they walk under the sun.
I realize this may be too much for you to take in all at once, but I promise it'll all be okay. Malcolm will watch out for you. Go to him with any questions you can't find answers to in my journal and I know you have plenty, but trust me, this is not a dream. Everything I have written is the truth about the world you didn't know.
My journal will guide you on your journey. You must never let it fall into the wrong hands. Never. Take care of your brother. I love you, more than you know. I made you a gift. I hope you like it.
*Stops reading*
In the envelope was a ring, a signet with a knight on it – that was always his best chess piece. He always said I was a knight without an armor.
It was too much, It felt like fiction, it can't be true what father says. I was fidgeting, I bit my lip so hard I bleed, I was certain I wasn't dreaming, I really did just read that.
All of a sudden it felt like I was being watched through the walls of the house, I could feel the eyes on me, summoning some courage I looked through the window at the neighbor's house and I couldn't see anything, the windows were covered with pitch black blinds that would never let the sun pass through them, but even through them, I could feel the eyes boring a hole. The curtains opened a little and the man on the other end looked up at me and smiled, it wasn't friendly at all, it was a smile, but it only spoke evil, I had seen that smile before. Last night with the brute.