He takes small steps. Each advance evoking a fresh dread. They seem so insignificant. His footsteps don't even make a sound. Compared to that man, he is nothing.
He shuffles around aimlessly. What is he supposed to do?
His head throbs. A splitting headache or something much worse. The pressure that man emitted was ungodly.
Glares from people passing by make him look down at his clothes. His hoodie is damp with his own vomited blood. He slips the piece off and ties it around his waist. It doesn't do much to stop the glaring.
He is a mess. An alone, frightened, pitiful mess.
He can practically read their thoughts: What's a Witch Spawn doing with blood on him? Did he kill someone? Don't make eye contact. I need to get away from him. He scares me.
He doesn't belong here.
He closes his eyes and covers his ears.
-Block it all out.
Reflecting on recent events, tides of sadness wash over him. He didn't realize it before, but he was having fun. His stagnating days seemed to dissipate when he was with Korlin. Life seemed to burst with color as his fears and insecurities scattered away. Now, these past couple of days are just a glaring reminder of why he gave up living in the first place.
-Just when things started looking up for my life... it all comes crashing down again.
Nothing ever goes right. Get too comfortable... and it all crumbles down.
He escapes the herds of people and finds a familiar area. An almost empty square, with an elegant fountain in the center. Very few people inhabit the space, they only pass through. It almost seems abandoned, though they must have sent cleaners out. The bloodstains he and that girl left behind have been wiped away.
Sirius walks over to the fountain and admires its shape. A large circular base and a grand five-tier centerpiece pours water over tiny pillars. Above the water's origin is a short statue of a creature resembling the wailian that had attacked him. He grabs his once-shredded arm; the memory of the pain still lingers within it.
He sits on the edge of the fountain's base and places his head in his shaky palms.
One by one, the events of the past few days pour out...
Suddenly trapped beneath the ground. Imprisoned by nature's suffocating casket. Clawing helplessly to try and escape. Trying to breathe.
Being stared at. Being looked down upon simply for existing in a world he didn't ask to be in.
Meeting that girl, Aureole. If he hadn't been talking to her, would she have even been attacked? It was my fault, wasn't it? His actions led to both their arms being disfigured. Is she alright?
Meeting Korlin. Feeling like a spectator to someone else's life, watching him frolic and enjoy himself.
Meeting Gary. I'm sure I was a burden staying that night. He only cared about the clothing.
His memories. They're going to disappear. And there's nothing I can do. I'm powerless. Not even Timekeeper could keep them. Why would I be able to?
Running away. How pathetic.
The stricter time limit. What difference does it make? It's pointless anyways. I'll just forget anyway.
Running away, again. Why are you like this?
That man. Such raw hatred, only by looking at him. How helpless he was in that man's grasp. Unable to stand. Unable to talk. Unable to breathe.
Unable to do anything.
-You're worthless, me. You don't belong here. You don't deserve this second chance.
He rubs his tired eyes. His hands drop and one of them hits something hard beneath his shirt. Lifting his shirt, he pulls out the leather journal tucked there. He brushes his thumbs across the texture, then gently hits himself on the head. He taps the book on his forehead a couple more times before recalling something.
-Alzir kept notes about his past...
Sirius flips open to the halfway point in the journal. He grabs out the inkclaw and writes 'Me' at the top of the page.
Without realizing it, he retreats into his old life. He begins writing down basic facts about himself.
[Don't forget yourself.
Birthdate: April 17th
Age: 17
Mom: Saiph
Younger Brother: Canopus
Father: Lance
Future Job: Geologist(?)
Talents: Drawing, writing, sprinting, some others...
Favorite Color: ]
He taps the claw against the sheet. 'Favorite Color,' a worthless thing to write down. This doesn't matter... Yet, he keeps tapping ink next to the words. It dawns on him...
...
He doesn't know.
...
His fingers crinkle the page as he starts to shake.
He drops the journal and buries his hands in his hair.
-What the hell... why don't you remember? It's such a simple question...
A realization hits... he doesn't even know who he is. What he likes, what's important to him, simple little things that anyone else could answer. Future Job: Geologist. Sure, he likes nature, the Earth had always fascinated him. But base his entire future on it? Is that what he wants? Wanted? He doesn't know.
Talents. Drawing, writing, sprinting... all things that have waned. Everything always wanes. But even then, they weren't impressive.
Everything was better when he was young. Nothing mattered, he didn't care about anything, he just enjoyed every day the best he could. He wanted to grow up, live life to its fullest. But he already was, and now... nothing matters.
He doesn't care about anything.
All the potential he had as a child has vanished. He's lost connection to his past self.
-Is this even the memory loss? It's not... is it?
The fountain water's scent is fresh and clean. The flowing streams sound soothing. A gentle breeze brings a chill. Goosebumps pop up along his skin. He releases his hair and hangs his arms over his lap.
It's a peaceful scene. The hollow space echoes the wind's cry. The square's emptiness should bring tranquility. But he can't help but feel small. So very small. Wrapped in only quiet nothingness, loneliness.
His eyes drop to the journal spread out on the floor. He wants to scream. He wants to so badly. He doesn't even know what his scream sounds like. It's been dormant for so long.
-Why did you get a second chance? What am I supposed to do? You can't do anything. You've never done anything.
A mix of envy and spite for his younger self. It's always been there, but feels so strong now. Why didn't you do more? Why didn't you try more things? Why did you let me end up this way? There is no light in his abyss of thought.
A lump forms in his throat. His eyes sting, made worse by the breeze. He feels his small heart beating in his chest. He doesn't feel worthy enough to cry. He won't let himself cry.
-You don't cry over the death of your dog. You don't cry over the death of your supposed grandpa. You cry for no one. Why should I cry over myself? You shouldn't.
All you do is cause problems. For mom, for dad, for Canopus, for Aureole, for Alzir, for Korlin... You are a burden. They don't care about you. They never have. They never will.
So why...
Sirius digs his fingers through his hair, tearing out strands. He brings his palms back to his lap and blankly stares at the ripped-out hair.
...
"Why are you even here? Why..."
"Why are you even alive?"
...
His hands tremble. His mind spirals into the depths of darkness. The void calls his name, circling his brain in tight cords. Thoughts that shouldn't be there, forbidden thoughts he put aside long ago. He considers ending it. Ending this pointless existence.
Just as he almost succumbs to the thoughts...
His body is coddled.
Slender, pale arms wrap themselves around him from behind. Long sleeves swaddle him in blissful warmth. All traces of coldness evaporate from his body. It feels as if he could melt in these arms.
Whoever it is leans into his ear. A tender whisper erases all his negative thoughts.
"I'm glad you're here."
Her voice is soft, soothing like a lullaby. Such sincerity floods him with insurmountable ecstasy. She smells like flowers, a nostalgic aroma that caresses his nose.
The world seems to stop and shrink. As if it's only him and her warm embrace.
Unable to even think, years of pent-up emotions spill out.
Tears pour from his crinkled eyelids. The warm liquid streams down his cheeks and doesn't stop. It keeps falling and falling onto his hands and fallen journal.
His vision blurs, overcome with oceans of foreign water. He tries to wipe them away, but they won't stop flowing. He almost laughs, but it evolves into a silent cry.
He places his hand over the girl's and squeezes them tight. She strengthens her embrace and nuzzles her head on top of his. He succumbs to her warmth and melts into her arms. His quiet whimpers grow louder.
His body weight shifts sideways, and he turns around. He wraps his own arms around her body. Her arms remain around him, gently caressing his back. Her chin sits on his hair, she doesn't say a word. She doesn't need to.
His body shakes along with his sniffles. She raises one arm and pets his head. He feels like a little kid again, and he welcomes it. He feels so vulnerable, but in a pleasant way, nothing like before. His tears dampen her dress, but she doesn't seem to mind.
He doesn't know if he deserves this. He doesn't care. He wants this.
He needs this.
He hasn't been embraced like this in years. He can't remember the last time. His mom often tried to hug him, but he always ignored the attempts. It always felt fake.
But this feels real, genuine. An authentic, caring hold that he never wants to end. He hasn't felt an emotion like this in so long. He hasn't cried in so long...
It's so warm.
Sirius squeezes her tightly one last time before letting go. He lifts his head and sniffles; her hands drop to his. She clasps his hands; her slender fingers soft. Sirius wipes his cheek on his shoulder and then looks into his savior's eyes.
Beautiful teal, gradient irises shining like jewels.
The most beautiful girl he's ever seen, Aureole.
Her hands tighten around his. She smiles with the same warmth as her embrace.
Sirius is unsure what to say. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. A genuine smile lifts his tear-stained cheeks. His eyes sting, but it feels good. It feels like he could cry again at any moment.
"For what it's worth, I'm happy you're alive."
And there they go. Those words trigger more tears to spill out. He tries to wipe them away on his shoulder. He's always wanted to hear those words.
His lips quiver, unable to form anything coherent. He whispers words that he's said a thousand times. But this is the first time he's ever meant them.
"Thank you," his hands squeeze hers. "Thank you..."
-When was the last time I let myself cry?
Her posture and the wings on her back relax. She fires off another smile, which pierces right through his heart.
The tears blur his vision, he retracts his hands and wipes them away. He blinks repeatedly until she comes back into focus. He doesn't want to stop looking at her.
"S-So," Sirius initiates. "What are you doing here?"
"Well," her arms fold loosely over themselves. "I was looking for you."
"For me?"
"I wanted to thank you, properly, that is. I was searching for quite a while, but then I figured maybe I'd find you here..."
"...You found me."
"I did..." she adjusts her position. "Though, I will say... I wasn't expecting this."
A sudden wave of embarrassment washes over him. He can almost feel his cheeks turning red.
"Ahh, sorry sorry, I didn't mean to- I just..."
"No no no no I didn't mean it in a bad way!" she waves her arms around to shut down his sentence. "I think it was sweet."
Sirius almost lets out a chuckle. "I just never usually cry, and I got your dress wet-"
"It's okay... it's okay. It's no big deal, I've got a bunch of these." She lifts a piece of damp clothing. "Besides, I think it adds character, you know?"
They share a short giggle.
"So," an air of shyness shrouds her. "Your arm seems to be healed; did you find the clinic alright?"
"Oh," it almost slipped his mind with everything that had happened. "Yeah, I found it just fine. Thank you." He doesn't have the heart to tell her the directions she gave were wrong. He looks down at her own arm. "Yours seems healed too."
"Yep," she wiggles her previously damaged arm around. "As soon as I got to the castle everyone swarmed around me and healed my arm. It was a lot of attention..." Her posture droops.
-Is she nervous around people?
"Castle? You mentioned going to meet nobles earlier, is that where it was?"
Only one castle comes to mind. The massive, medieval castle looming from the center of the city, built atop a massive mound. At the moment, only a singular castle turret, marked with a flag, peeks over a building into view.
"Mm, I had to discuss and rehearse lines for my acceptance."
"Acceptance? Are you like a princess or something?" He says it jokingly.
Her reaction is not jokingly.
"...You mean... you don't know?"
"...No...? Know what?"
The back of her hand covers her mouth and the corners of her lips incline from behind.
"You helped me without knowing who I was?" she tilts her head like a puppy.
"I guess so...?"
She blushes faintly. "I see... actually, this leads me to how I wanted to thank you."
"Oh?" Despite wanting to know who she is, he pushes his curiosity aside.
"Well... you said you just got here, right?" Her shyness returns.
"Oh, yes..."
"Do you have a place to stay?"
"No, not really. The night after we met, I slept in some stables. Last night I slept under a tree..."
Her concern is on full display. "Oh..." she clears her throat. "Well then, would you... and feel free to decline... would you want to maybe stay over at my place?" She twiddles her fingers.
...
The question catches him off guard, did he mishear? No, surely not.
-Is she serious? This is happening way too fast, right?
"I-"
"Of course, we wouldn't be alone or anything! It's not even my place, it's my lord's. I just thought since you have no place to stay you could live there for a while. Of course, I'd need to ask permission, but I'm sure he'll allow it..." Her words are rapid and frantic. She places her forehead in her palms. "Why is this so embarrassing to ask...?"
An odd sense of relief crosses his mind.
Thinking logically, he needs a place to stay. A place to gather his thoughts and decide what to do from here on out.
But most importantly, he doesn't want her efforts to go to waste.
"Would that really be alright?" Sirius breaks her embarrassed daze.
"Of course! It's the least I can offer you. You got my wristlet back after all." She smiles and fiddles with the wristlet beneath her sleeve.
"Is it really that important?" He feels stupid asking the question.
"Yes... without this... I don't know what'd I do." She releases the wristlet and gently claps her hands together. "Shall we get going?"
"Oh, yeah," they both stand up and brush off their behinds. Sirius wipes off the remaining traces of tears on his cheeks.
"Alright, let's head for carriage," she proclaims as she points off into the distance. She begins walking towards her pointed direction, her footsteps light and gentle.
"Mm," Sirius gladly follows, picking up his journal. A lack of hesitancy clouds his judgment. His defenses are down. Far too down. But he fails to recognize who he has been.
"So..." she skips, her personality bubbling. "What have you been up to these past couple of days? Any troubles?"
"Well..."
A sudden realization strikes him. His pursuit falters.
-Wait. I can't just follow her.
"Wait a second..."
"Hm? What's up?"
"I- hmm... how do I word this? I met this guy in a similar situation to me. I shouldn't just disappear without saying anything or helping him find somewhere..."
"So, a friend of yours?"
-A friend... huh?
"Something like that... would it be okay if he came along? If not, I understand and I'm sure he will, he's pretty laidback-"
"Of course, you seem to care for the guy, so I'm sure he's a good person. It'll take some extra negotiations, but if it's to thank you that's perfectly fine with me."
-Care about him? Do I care about Korlin? No. I don't know about that...
"Thank you so much," Sirius gives her a little bow. "You are too kind."
"Don't worry about it, you helped me, so I want to repay you in any way I can. Now, where is this acquaintance of yours?"
"Ah... about that, I have no idea. Well... unless he's still at the observatory. Though he probably tried following me..." his words trail off into a mumble.
"What was that?"
"Ah, long story, I might know where he's at, if not it might take a while to find him."
"Hmm, would it be okay if I went on ahead to the carriage then? I'll notify Wilphrey to prepare it for an extra person. I only planned on taking you back."
-Did she already know I'd accept?
"Yeah, I shouldn't take long. Once I find him, he'll probably sprint there."
"Glad to hear it," she lets out a soft giggle. "Well then, I'll see you in a bit, bye!" She turns and begins prancing away.
"Wait! Where is the carriage?"
"Oh, right!" She pivots and points in the direction of the massive castle. "It'll be at the foot of the path leading towards the castle, you won't miss it."
"Oh..."
-I don't think she can mess up these directions, thankfully.
"Alright, see you later, Sirius." For some reason, hearing his name in her voice makes him feel fuzzy.
-She remembered my name...
Sirius waves while offering a kind smile. She does the same.
And thus, the luminous angel wanes away once more.
Once she disappears, Sirius notices the expression planted on his cheeks. He places his fingers on his lips and feels the smile spread across.
-It's real...
His eyes soften.
"This isn't like me..."
Unable to remember the exact route back to Alzir's place, he starts retracing the steps he can remember.
The thoughts he had earlier have almost entirely vanished. Right now, all he has on his mind is Aureole and finding Korlin.
The castle on the distant hill comes into view.
-Korlin will love that place.
"Oh..."
Sirius stops and pulls out the damp journal. He flips it open to the crinkled page from earlier.
With a fresh view, he fills out the line he couldn't previously.
Favorite Color: Teal