His mouth left hers, trailing down to her jaw, then lower—featherlight kisses against the delicate skin of her neck, his lips lingering, teasing. When he reached her shoulder, he nipped softly before soothing the spot with his tongue, and her entire body shivered in response.
Kamsi's mind was a mess.
This isn't me. This can't be me.
She wasn't the type of girl who let herself get swept up in moments like this. She wasn't supposed to cravll his touch, to let her body react so freely. And yet, here she was—panting, burning, needing.
No one had ever touched her this way. Heck, no one knew, but Xavier had been her first kiss and now... now he was this..
Was she losing her mind?
Was she supposed to want this so much?
Her mother would roll on the floor if she ever found out.
But all of those thoughts blurred when she felt something—him.
Pressed against her stomach.
Hard. Insistent.
Her breath hitched. Xavier sucked in a sharp breath, as if he, too, had just realized the extent of his own need.
For a moment, neither of them moved.
Then, with a rough exhale, Xavier pulled back, his chest rising and falling erratically. His hands clenched at his sides, his jaw tight as if he was physically restraining himself.
"Let's stop here," he muttered, his voice hoarse.
Kamsi's eyes snapped up to his, confusion swirling in her gaze. What?
Her lips tingled from his kiss, her body still humming with leftover desire, and before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "Why?!"
The moment the word escaped, she wanted to slap herself. What the hell was that?
[Music recommendation: party's over by Billie Eillish]
Xavier's face flickered with something unreadable before he let out a low chuckle. But it wasn't amusement—it was frustration, laced with something deeper, something darker.
She swallowed. Did I do something wrong?
But no—this wasn't about her.
Xavier wanted her. That much was obvious. But not like this.
She was special to him. He didn't want to lose control, didn't want to let his hunger consume him and risk ruining whatever this was between them. If he let himself have her now, he feared he'd never be able to stop.
And the worst part?
She wasn't even sure what she wanted.
His eyes softened slightly. "Your mom might come home anytime soon," he said, his voice steadier now. "And I don't want a repeat of last time."
Kamsi flinched, remembering how they had almost gotten caught once before.
Before she could say anything, Xavier turned toward the balcony. "Goodnight, Pug," he murmured, a hint of reluctance in his tone.
She said nothing.
Just stood there, watching him go—watching him leave. Like he always did.
Her chest ached.
She sank onto the bed, pressing her fingers against her lips, her breathing still uneven. Her body still burned from his touch, still yearned for more, but more than that... she felt hallow.
What was wrong with her?
Why did it feel like something had been stolen from her the moment he pulled away?
Why did she feel abandoned ?
Meanwhile, on the other side of the balcony, Xavier stormed into his room, his pulse hammering in his ears.
That was too close.
He raked a hand through his hair, his body still on edge, still aching for her touch.
His fingers twitched at his sides, remembering the softness of her skin, the way she gasped when he—fuck.
Even as he collapsed onto his bed, eyes squeezed shut, Kamsi lingered in his mind. Her lips, her voice, the way her breath hitched when he touched her. The way her body had melted into his.
His breathing grew heavy, and despite himself, his hand drifted lower.
He didn't even fight it.
Didn't stop himself as his body acted on instinct, replaying every moment, every sound, every breathless whimper she had made against his lips. His name had been a sigh on her tongue, a plea.
"Damn it, Kam..."
The moment hit him like a tidal wave, his body jerking, muscles tensing, pleasure blinding.
When it finally passed, he lay there, his chest heaving, utterly spent.
A breathless chuckle left his lips.
"You're going to be the death of me, Kam. "
And with that, exhaustion finally dragged him under, pulling him into restless sleep.
For the rest of the weekend, Kamsi did everything in her power to avoid Xavier.
She buried herself in schoolwork, though it felt like a feeble attempt to distract herself. Every time she turned a page, her mind kept drifting back to him. She'd even volunteered to help her mom with chores, running errands that usually felt like a waste of time. But today, it felt necessary. Every second away from Xavier was a second she could breathe, think, and forget about the weight of their last encounter.
But her mind betrayed her. No matter how hard she tried to focus, the questions gnawed at her.
Why did he stop?
She couldn't help herself. She searched online, and the answers only worsened her confusion.
"Maybe you smell bad."
Kamsi immediately lifted her wrist to her nose, sniffing deeply. Vanilla. Clean. No. She had showered before he came over—she couldn't possibly smell bad, could she?
"Maybe you taste bad?"
Her throat constricted. She hadn't really considered this before, but now... Did I? Did I taste wrong.
A wave of self-consciousness hit her like a cold splash of water. She had never kissed anyone before Xavier. Was she doing it wrong?
"Maybe you're a bad kisser."
The thought made her stomach lurch. Am I?She had felt everything in that moment, the electric connection, the way their lips moved together, but now, doubts crept in like a shadow. Was she too stiff, too eager, or worse, just awful ?
"Maybe he doesn't feel the need to go further."
The words stung. Maybe he doesn't want me . Maybe he wasn't as into it as I was.
Her chest tightened. She couldn't help the doubt that twisted inside her.
But then, buried deep within the sea of negativity, was one faint flicker of hope.
"Maybe he wants to take things slow."
Kamsi's breath caught.
That was it, wasn't it? He didn't rush her, didn't push too far, because he cared about her, wanted to take his time. Maybe, just maybe, that was his way of showing respect.
She clung to that thought like a lifeline. Slow and steady. Slow and steady wins the race.
Maybe it was foolish to believe, but it was easier than the alternative. Easier than wondering if he had pulled away because she wasn't good enough.
Meanwhile...
Xavier hadn't been able to think about anything else either.
Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Kamsi's face—the way she had leaned into him, the warmth of her skin, the sound of her breath hitching as his hands had touched her. But then… he pulled back.
What the hell was I thinking?
He had wanted to take it slow. He had told himself he would, but then… he got carried away. He pushed her too fast. Too much.
He winced at the thought. He was supposed to be the guy who understood, who knew how to make her feel safe, but instead, he'd acted like a jackass.
Maybe she hated him now.
He'd even thought about texting her—reaching out—but every time he tried, his finger hovered over the send button, and he pulled away. I can't. I can't make it worse.
So, for the rest of the weekend, he did what he thought was right. He kept his distance. No texts. No calls. Nothing.
But inside, it felt like something was eating him alive.