"I have friends"—yes, but they are just a status and don't truly understand you. "I have family"—that's also just a status; they will not understand you. "Then... What do I have?" You have them, but you forget them even though they have given you everything you wanted.
"..." Why are you silent? "Because I don't know how to respond." ... Why did you leave them? "I don't know." What do you mean you don't know? "I... I..." I what...? Speak clearly.
"They don't acknowledge me." What do you mean they don't acknowledge you? Do you think all the struggles they've gone through were in vain, or... Do you not acknowledge them? "It's not like that." Then what is it? "I... I was wrong..." Yes. You were wrong. Very wrong.
*Bows head, burying face in hands, tears flowing
Why are you crying? "Because I regret it." Why do you regret it only now? "Because... I didn't care much about it before. I just realized that they were the only ones doing everything for me and they were the only ones who understood me."
It's no use regretting now; what you need is to apologize and forgive yourself. "If I do that, will they accept it?" Whether they accept it or not doesn't matter. What's important is that you've apologized sincerely.
*Bows head deeper, tears flowing even more
"I'm scared... Scared that they will never forgive me." Fear is natural. But hiding your guilt without facing it will only make you feel worse.
If you're afraid of not being forgiven, perhaps you can start by forgiving yourself. Do you think you can forgive yourself?
"I don't know." Not knowing whether you can forgive yourself is natural. Forgiving yourself is not easy; you need to acknowledge all your mistakes and realize that you are human, and you too can make mistakes.
"But what if I can't forgive myself?" Then you are not alone. Many people find it difficult to forgive themselves. And remember, forgiving yourself doesn't mean forgetting your mistakes, but learning from them and striving to become a better person.
"I'll try..."
You can try whenever you want. There's no need to rush. Give yourself time to reflect on everything, understand, and feel every emotion that arises. The process may not be easy, but believe me, slowly you will find the way.