December 12, 2022
"Max! Max!" I yell as loud as I can at my puppy. A car was approaching him at speed and I was aware of the gravity of the situation. I try to reach him before the car, but in a fraction of a second the car passes leaving behind a trail of blood and a breathless puppy. I was trembling, I cared about Max more than anything, he was the only one I got along with and even though he couldn't confirm this, I knew. All I had to do was dig a his grave in the back yard.
December 15, 2022
The grave was already made, Max was dead, I was left alone, stuck in my thoughts.
December 31, 2022
In 2 hours, a new year would come full of surprises and possible achievements. Around me there were only people, or rather faces full of false emotions, dolls that spoke lies. People who will be happy for a day. People who suffer in silence.
1 January 2023
The clock struck 00:00, the countdown came to an end, all around could be heard the clinking of champagne glasses, people were dancing, enjoying and drinking. I was trying to have fun, to laugh, but my gaze betrayed the emotions I wanted to emit. I was physically unable to show a more pleasant expression in situations where I did not feel happiness. For me, New Year's Eve was a simple event. An event that shows that the year is changing, I do not consider it an important event, not even a reason for joy, but rather a new beginning. Every year was a new beginning, a new challenge. I was walking around my parent's villa while Darren was looking at me from the balcony, with those evil eyes that seemed to rip the soul out of you. That look annoyed me, it made me feel a certain anxiety, a fear, a sadness and most of all a regret.
March 10, 2022
"Mom please don't do this!" "I'm telling you for the last time, I don't want to see you with that rag anymore! I don't want her in my house anymore." I listen to the conflict hearing how a vase breaks and how my sister sobs, Klara was sitting and watching, she had a frightening gazrle, while Khloe was humiliated by our mother. All I could do was listen and watch in silence, I wasn't comfortable doing that but today I wasn't in the mood for a conflict. I was tired after the one from yesterday. Darren had arrived home, probably tired from his dance lessons. He comes towards me and places his hand on my shoulder, getting closer forcing me to bathe in his gaze, this unnerved me as much as the fact that he was getting very close to me forcing words to come out almost desperate. "What do you want Darren?" I ask visibly and audibly bothered by his touch. "I wanted to ask you something. Would you like to go out somewhere? Don't be silly, just like friends." He had a smile on his face that made me want to rip his face off and stick a thousand needles in it. I left without answering him. Darren was an old friend, one who went overboard, one who made me hate him.
September 20, 2021
It was the beginning of a new high school year, the last year of high school. Darren and I were very close, best friends. We were arranging the room where we will say goodbye to this high school, to teachers, to colleagues. It was just me and Darren inside. "When is Aaron coming back?" Surprised by the question, I reply "Tomorrow, but why do you ask? Are you so eager to share the room with him? Do you miss snoring?" "Oh god no! I asked because I thought of him." Darren started living in my house after his mother died in a fire. Mom was her best friend and she promised to take Darren into her care. He has been living in the same house with me since he was 8 years old. "Listen, are you in love with Aaron?" I ask suspecting something. "No, nothing like that, besides, he's not my type anyway. I already like someone else." Surprised to hear this I ask him in a naive but still in a way that will leave me with regret. "Seriously, who?." Darren moves closer to me and kisses me, pushing me against the wall, devouring the inside of my mouth with his tongue. I didn't want to answer with the same thirst, I hadn't even had time to properly process what had just happened. Darren doesn't think twice and goes down with kisses. On the neck, on the chest, on the abdomen. "Darren, stop." "Why, don't you like it?" *He says as he places his hand on my belt. At which point, due to panic and an immediate reaction, I push him with such force that he falls on his back. "What's gotten into you?!" I snap at Darren as he looks somewhat ashamed of what he has done. But still annoyed that I pushed him. Daren storms out of the room, which makes me feel guilty.
March 10, 2022
"You really don't want us to forget about this and move on with our lives?" I ask as Darren rolls his eyes "I don't want us to forget because when you pushed me I felt insulted. You insulted my feelings, you insulted my intentions, you insulted everything I felt." Darren says as he walks away, he didn't look back maybe because he didn't want to look me in the eyes anymore.
1 January 2023
I was alone in my room with a glass of champagne in my hand, the fifth glass, I was drowning in the champagne and in my own thoughts. I was feeling a little dizzy and at the same time I remembered his annoying face.
I didn't regret that I refused him, but that he couldn't forget this incident. It was like he couldn't get it out of his head, what was worse was that I didn't think his behavior towards me was that exaggerated. Probably if I were in his place I would have done the same, maybe I would have been in a worse state than him. I can't forget his touches, I can't forget how he looked at me. I can't forget how I felt after I rejected him.
Why can't I forget?