Arc 5 – Chapter 41, "Heroic Reveries"
[Anastasia: You sure came back early?]
As they returned to the City Hall, Anastasia greeted them with a somewhat strained smile.
Having left the building full of bravado only to return like this, honestly, Anastasia's was about the last face Subaru wanted to see.
But this was no time to be concerned with such feelings.
[Subaru: Yeah, I'm back. But I'll head out again as soon as I'm done here. There's just something I have to try in the City Hall first]
[Anastasia: Did you come up with somethin' again? I got a bad feelin' about this]
[Subaru: Well... the first shelter was a horrible sight, I mentioned that in the communication mirror already. And I think the influence of Wrath must have affected other shelters as well]
[Anastasia: So they've succumbed to the emotional resonance… It's not like I don't feel it myself. If I let my mood drop, it feels like it'll just keep on droppin' forever. ...But I guess it works a little differently on everybody]
Subaru nodded at Anastasia's analysis.
In fact, Subaru had also noticed this on the street. The effectiveness of Sirius' Authority can vary drastically between people.
Perhaps simply being aware of the Authority's existence could help alleviate its effects: The fact that Subaru was able to calm Garfiel and Al this way precisely proved this.
[Al: I dunno how the shelter got like that, but I can't help but worry 'bout the same thing happenin' to our main guys bunched up here. I'd really rather I didn't come back here only to get caught up in another blood sacrifice or somethin']
[Anastasia: Well, you had no need to worry about that. Luckily, we only have intelligent, rational people here. Though I can't say the same about the guy who's always screwin' up the atmosphere]
Al, who came back with Subaru, said this while looking around the first floor of the City Hall. Hearing this, Anastasia snorted, putting a stop to Al's smart-assery with a gibe.
Seeing Al reply with a silent shrug, Anastasia turned back to Subaru.
[Anastasia: So, what're you plannin' to do? You came back 'cause you had an idea, right?]
[Subaru: Aah, right. ...By the way, where's Julius? He isn't with you?]
[Anastasia: I don't like bein' bombarded with question after question, you know... Julius' been actin' a little strange. I think part of it's because we haven't found Joshua yet, but I've a feelin' that's not all of it]
[Subaru: Acting strange... Now that you mention it, he was a little strange, wasn't he?]
Waking up after the failed attack on the City Hall, Subaru did notice that Julius was less articulate than usual. He seemed to be making judgements and suggestions that he would never have made in normal circumstances, and there was a visible lack of confidence about him.
He was a man with a strong sense of duty. Subaru had thought that it was because of regret for letting Gluttony escape, but perhaps it was more than that.
[Garfiel: Capt'n. It's a bad habit t'be concernin' yerself with every problem out there. I know you're worried 'bout Julius, but that ain't somethin' we can fix right now]
[Subaru: Ah, yeah, you're right. Well, I'm sure that guy'll do just fine on his own without anyone worrying about him. Compared to that, we got our own things to deal with. Anastasia-san. The broadcaster on the top floor is still in working condition, right? It's not like it's broken, or we lost the manual or something…]
Brought back by Garfiel's reminder, Subaru asked this question. On the receiving end, Anastasia blinked her round eyes a few times before answering,
[Anastasia: It's not broken, and I've worked with similar devices before so that's fine... but what do you plan to do with it?]
Seeing the surprise in Anastasia's eyes, Subaru scratched his cheek.
Even though he'd expect her to oppose it, it was the only plan he could think of. In terms of minimizing casualties, it would also be the most effective measure.
[Subaru: As I said in the communication mirror, the area is currently under the influence of Wrath's Authority. The shelter we visited.... became washed in blood because some small irritation was allowed to fester. The slightest negative emotion could spiral into the extremest disaster. It's scary]
[Anastasia: Yes. My thoughts exactly. The more people there are, the harder it is to control and the more rapidly panic spreads. That said, with the refuge shelters... or even without the shelters, people will tend to huddle together. Right?]
Subaru quietly nodded to Anastasia's question.
What's so frightening about Sirius' Authority is that the more people are together, the more powerful its influence becomes. And when people heard the Witch Cult's threats over the broadcasts, that started an inescapable trend of panic: A truly sickening way of exploiting people's helplessness.
It was unclear whether the Witch Cult was hoping for their cooperation, but the fact is that it created a vicious cycle that was threatening those people's lives this very moment.
[Anastasia: Do you mean to say… you've thought of a way to counter it?]
[Subaru: It's only a "Maybe this could work" kinda thing. I do think it's worth trying. It's just...]
Subaru's words abruptly trailed off in front of Anastasia's expectant gaze.
Seeing this, Anastasia narrowed her eyes as if to peer into Subaru's innermost thoughts, while Subaru exhaled a deep breath,
[Subaru: Once we start doing it, everything will be heard by the Witch Cult, word for word. So there's the possibility that we could run into other dangers if we provoke those guys]
[Anastasia: And in exchange, there's a good chance that we can reduce the existing threat]
[Subaru: Yeah, that's right. Now that we've retaken the City Hall, and with Sirius' Authority being the only one affecting the shelters… even though it's hard to balance the risks, I still think...]
It's impossible to imagine how the Witch Cult will react if they did something big here. The dangers were equivalent to bringing a burning match into a gunpowder arsenal, as is always the case when dealing with the Witch Cult. What makes it so difficult to assess is that the gunpowder could also blow on its own at any moment whether they bring in the match or not.
[Anastasia: ――I think I know more or less what you're planning to do now, Natsuki-kun]
[Subaru: Really?]
After briefly sinking into thought, Anastasia let out a long sigh and said. Hearing this, Subaru raised his brows, surprised at her reaction,
[Anastasia: Going by the flow of the conversation, and since you asked about the broadcasting device at the start, I'd be more worried if I still can't figure it out after that]
[Subaru: W-well, yeah, I guess. So what do you think? You're against it, aren't you?]
She'll probably oppose it, just as he thought beforehand.
And so, Subaru would have no other choice than to clear the giant hurdle of convincing Anastasia――
[Anastasia: Haa, what am I gonna do with you…]
[Subaru: ...Egh, you're ok with it?]
[Anastasia: Logically speaking, it would be the best course of action. Regardless of how much I like winning, if it means leaving a mountain of corpses behind by the time we eradicate the Witch Cult, there'd be too bad of an aftertaste]
Getting that unexpected answer, for a moment, Subaru stood there stunned.
Meanwhile, Anastasia chewed her lips as if trying to deal with some indigestible emotion inside her, but it was Garfiel who broke the silence.
[Garfiel: Yo, Capt'n and Big'Sis-chan. What're you guys talkin' 'bout doin' again?]
[Anastasia: Such an unperceptive child… Even my Ricardo could've figured it out]
To Garfiel, who was left out of the loop, Anastasia tossed that unsparing remark. Garfiel gritted his fangs as he heard this, but Al patted his shoulder from behind, laughing at Garfiel as he turned around,
[Al: Basically, what bro's thinkin' is this: Rather than tryin' to stop the Authority of Wrath from spreadin' throughout the city, it'd be quicker 'n easier to try to turn it to our advantage instead]
[Garfiel: Turn it, like what...]
[Subaru: Sirius' ability causes the sharing of emotions. When people are anxious and afraid, that emotion swells as more people bunch together, until eventually, it gets set off by something small and explodes. So…]
[Anastasia: If you can replace fear and anxiety with another emotion... paint it over with something like hope, then that'll be what's shared instead]
Garfiel's question was answered by Al, and Subaru, then lastly by Anastasia.
While listening, Garfiel's eyes grew wider as he leaked a groan of understanding,
[Garfiel: Aaah so that's it! Then they won't be killin' each other. And if things go well, even the ones whose spirits're broken'll return to the fight]
[Subaru: When they're engulfed by the surrounding atmosphere, even seasoned fighters would be unable to stand. If we can release them from that anxiety, I think we won't have any problem bolstering our forces anymore]
[Garfiel: Ain't that awesome!? Do it, Capt'n! We got th'arcane device. So th'sooner we start...]
[Anastasia: Wait wait! It's not all that simple. It's not like I hadn't considered it myself…]
Anastasia clapped her hands to stop the over-excited Garfiel.
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Seeing this, Garfiel bared his fangs,
[Garfiel: Hah? Why're we holdin' off? Y'just said you agreed, didn't ya? Don't tell me you're backin' out at th'last minute]
[Anastasia: I never said I'm backin' out. I told you, I've thought about this. There's another problem to this other than just weighin' the pros and cons]
[Subaru: The pros and cons… the ones we talked about earlier?]
[Anastasia: The pro is the goal of this strategy itself: Eliminating anxiety and despair from the citizens so we don't have that constant threat at our backs. The con is that whatever we broadcast into the city would naturally also get into the ears of Witch Cult. We have absolutely no idea how they'll react]
Anastasia raised her hands to both Garfiel and Subaru, and with [However], she continued,
[Anastasia: In terms of disadvantages, I believe they're almost negligible. The Witch Cult never forbade resistance when they made their demands in the first place. It's as if they don't even mind if they're thwarted or opposed]
[Subaru ...Now that you mention it, even though we attacked the City Hall, they didn't use that as an excuse to exact any retribution. It's like what they did to the people in the City Hall was just for their own amusement]
[Anastasia: Amusement? I like that word. It's a pretty accurate way of describing those guys' sick inclinations]
Anastasia sighed, while Subaru wanted to gag just at the thought of those Sin Archishops' faces.
However, they both agreed that there was no extra risk in making the broadcast itself. So then, Anastasia's concern was――
[Anastasia: While I've no objections about the broadcast itself, the problem is... what'll it contain, and who'll be saying it]
[Subaru: What and who...?]
Not understanding what Anastasia was saying, Subaru furrowed his brows.
If she was asking about who should make the broadcast over the city to rouse up the people's hopes and chase away their anxiety, then――
[Subaru: Well, that's where Anastasia-san comes in. People recognize you as a Royal Selection Candidate. If something inspiring comes from Anastasia-san's mouth...]
[Anastasia: This might sound strange coming from me, but I think it's difficult to expect that kind of effect from my words. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not up to that task]
[Subaru: ――――]
Anastasia shook her head at Subaru's intuitive suggestion.
Subaru didn't understand her meaning. Since, naturally, the whole of Priestella would know about Anastasia's position as a Royal Selection Candidate.
Her fame certainly far exceeded anyone else present.
[Subaru: Not up to it… why? I mean, Anastasia-san, you're…]
[Anastasia: If renown is all that matters, then I would indeed be the most suitable. If that's all it took to change things for the better, then I'd be happy to do it. But that's not how things are. My renown and beatin' the Witch Cult are not related at all. Just knowing that "Someone famous is fighting the Witch Cult"―― might do something, or it might not]
[Subaru: But...]
[Anastasia: In that case, it'd be pointless. What's needed is hope. Hope that could replace all the anxiety in people's hearts with a single stroke]
Subaru had no words to reply to Anastasia's statement.
Honestly, he wanted to chide her for her faintheartedness and refute what she was saying. However, it wasn't anyone else, but Anastasia herself who seemed to rue the pitifulness of that statement the most.
Anastasia could not have said those words without thinking. Quite the opposite.
It was precisely because she had thought it over thoroughly that she had judged herself unworthy of that role.
[Anastasia: I may be able to trick and beguile people with magnificent words. And I'm sure that out of every ten, five would be deceived. But it'd be only a frail, desperate straw that would give way at the slightest whiff of wind, and all it would accomplish is create a momentary change in feeling]
[Subaru: Th-then... what about Crusch-san? She has the military experience and belongs to a noble family of Lugnica]
[Anastasia: Right, the words would certainly carry weight if it came from Crusch-san, but that would be the former Crusch-san. The current Crusch-san doesn't have that kind of influence over people. Not to mention that Crusch-san is currently fighting for her life. That's a problem that'll have to be settled before askin' her to inspire anyone else]
[Subaru: Fighting for her life? It's that bad!?]
Hearing that Crusch was in even worse state he had been told, Subaru took a step towards Anastasia.
With the height difference between them, Anastasia looked up at Subaru and tightened her lips. Subaru quickly turned to Garfiel, only to see him weakly shaking his head,
[Garfiel: Th'cat-eared Sis' won't let her die, I'm sure'of it. She's injected so much life-force into her... but I'm against lettin' her talk in front of the broadcastin' device as well. Hell, she can barely make a sound...]
[Subaru: Damn it! Then what about Julius? If it's Julius, he'd...]
[Anastasia: It's true that Julius is a Knight of the Royal Guard, one of the greatest Knights in the Kingdom, and my pride. But how much would Julius' name mean in this city? At best, his chances're about the same as mine. And I'm more eloquent]
Crusch was out of the question, and Julius was also shot down.
Of the faces in the City Hall who could possibly inspire hope in others, only Wilhelm and Ricardo were left. But Ricardo has neither the influence nor the popularity.
And how could anyone ask this of Wilhelm now? Even if he agreed, what advantage would Wilhelm's title as former head of the Royal Guard even bring to the table?
[Subaru: Then, what do we do? Who else is there...?]
[Al: Well…]
Just when Subaru thought he had found an effective countermeasure against Wrath, he was stuck without anyone to execute it.
While Subaru sank into these thoughts, Al casually raised his hand,
[Al: If anyone's gonna do the broadcast, shouldn't it be you, bro?]
[Subaru: ――Hah?]
Hearing him say this as if it were a matter of course, it took Subaru a moment to react.
Leaving his mouth gaping open, there was nearly no need to think twice about what Al had just said.
Making such an unfunny joke at a time like this, what was he thinking?
[Subaru: Say, Al. We're in the middle of a serious conversation here. The kind where every second counts. I can't deal with your jokes right now]
[Al: Oyoy, wait a minute. I'm aware that I'm a guy Princess-san hired because more than half of my remarks are irrelevant, but I wasn't joking just now]
[Subaru: If you weren't joking then what made you think I could do it? Either you're trying to be funny or you're mad, and I don't know which's worse here]
[Al: What's so crazy 'bout that? Why don't you have a look around?]
Although Al was someone who has "Not Serious" written all over him, at that, he suddenly lowered his voice and nudged with his chin. Following his movement, Subaru shifted his gaze to the two others beside him――Anastasia and Garfiel. Though Subaru had imagined that they must be just as baffled by what they had heard,
[Subaru: ...Oy, you guys too?]
[――――]
Their gazes were serious, certainly not surprised or annoyed at all.
They were staring at Subaru with sincere affirmation in their eyes.
It was almost as if they were saying they agree with Al.
[Subaru: You're kidding, right? Why do you look like you're all agreeing here? If Anastasia and Julius can't do it, what makes you think I can!?]
[Al: Well, like I said on the street, we all got this far because of you, bro. Garfiel agrees with me. The way he keeps callin' you "Captain, Captain" and all]
[Subaru: How're those two things connected!?]
[Al: Same thing! You must've done somethin' right to make Garfiel call you that. That just shows how much he trusts ya, right? You seem to think what you did wasn't that big of a deal for some reason. But aside from you, who else in this city or this world can say that they've defeated "Sloth" of the Witch Cult?]
[Subaru: ――――]
Al brought his face right up to Subaru's.
His cold helmet bumped into Subaru's forehead, and a small warmth could be felt through the icy hard metal, coming from Al's forehead on the other side. For a moment, feeling himself pierced through by his invisible eyes, Subaru held his breath.
[Al: In a city occupied by the Witch Cult, who better to inspire hope in people than a man who's killed a Witch Cult Sin Archbishop? The only ones around who meet the criteria are you and Reinhardt. And you're the only one here]
[Subaru: ――gh]
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Getting hit with another bump to the forehead, Subaru stumbled backwards.
Watching Subaru back away holding his head, and Al gave his single shoulder a shrug.
[Anastasia: I'm of the same opinion. If anyone should do it, it'd be you, Natsuki-kun]
[Subaru: Anastasia...]
Saying this, Anastasia looked down.
It was an expression that seemed to be lamenting her own powerlessness, all the while entrusting that hope to someone else.
At this point, seeing that expression, Subaru finally noticed the great expectation resting on his back.
[Subaru: Garfiel… you think so too?]
[Garfiel: I dunno any details 'bout you killin' some Sin-bishop "Sloth". But yeah, I'm thinkin' th'same thing]
At Subaru's quiet question, Garfiel scratched at his short head of hair,
[Garfiel: If there's a voice in this city that can become people's hopes... I say that voice'd be your's, Capt'n. If y'really give it your all, I've a feelin' y'can do it. That's what I think]
[Subaru: ――――]
That is a baseless, and tremendously heavy trust.
Surprised, and holding his breath, Subaru clearly understood the magnitude of the faith placed in him.
Looking back, he saw Anastasia. Who nodded.
Next, he saw Al. Who shrugged his shoulder.
As before, Garfiel was still watching Subaru. When Subaru turned to face him, he nodded as well.
[Subaru: ――――]
Taking in each of their reactions, Subaru turned up his head.
Narrowing his eyes to the light of the weak crystal lamp, he exhaled a long, deep sigh.
――They think way, way too highly of him.
He had felt it from Wilhelm, Julius, and Reinhardt as well.
They've got it all wrong about Subaru. All wrong.
They themselves were so much better, have worked so much harder, and were so much nobler than he was.
Yet, as if it were a matter of course, they praise Subaru, offer him their help, and greet him with such warmth. That fact had always tormented Subaru.
When the person you respect, the person you don't want to lose to, and the person you can never catch up to all give you their affirmation, it's not just a simple matter of being overjoyed.
It made him anxious. That someday, when his real self is exposed, he will surely disappoint them.
When they realize that the real Subaru is actually pathetic, weak, and hopeless, surely, they'll be saddened, and will regret the warmth they had shown him.
That was what he had always thought. And yet,
Even Al, Garfiel, and Anastasia, had such expectations of Subaru.
On the verge of being crushed by its weight, Subaru had pushed himself to his limit, and yet his limit was not nearly enough as he tried to live up to that expectation over and over.
This is the road Natsuki Subaru chose.
――The road he had once promised to a single girl that he would take. Her hero's road.
But, one way or another, he was no longer just her hero. What Subaru was carrying now, was――
[Al: If you do this, bro, from now on it'll be heroic reveries that you'll be carryin' on your back]
Al suddenly gave this warning to the silent Subaru.
Watching Subaru's eyes drop, Al continued in a listless voice,
[Al: You can never lose. You must only win. You'll take up their hopes, carry their expectations, and fight to show them the future. If you make this decision here, that's what you'll have to do]
[Subaru: ...I can never lose, huh. Sounds just like how it's always been, doesn't it?]
[Al: The weight of it's different. If bro loses here, the defeat won't just end with bro]
Subaru didn't understand what Al was saying.
Subaru's battles had always been this way. When Subaru loses, Subaru isn't the only one who's lost. Everything Subaru wanted to protect would be lost with Subaru's defeat.
It had always been this way. It had never been otherwise.
If defeat didn't cost him anything, he would have had no reason to fight.
The fact that Subaru was fighting was because there were things that could not be protected unless he fought.
And after today, their numbers would swell to unbelievable proportions.
[Subaru: Tch, isn't that still how it's always been?]
[Al: ――――]
Exhaling a sigh, he had made up his mind.
The pounding of his heart until now settled down as his vision cleared.
Though he couldn't see Al's face, he could sense that Al was holding his breath, watching him with an astounded expression.
[Subaru: Anastasia-san, I'll do it. If my voice can make a difference, then leave it to me]
[Anastasia: ...You're sure? Once you take on people's hopes…]
[Subaru: It'll be no different from what I always do. "Hero", doesn't sound too bad, does it. Though honestly, it's kinda embarrasing to be calling myself that...]
Seeing Anastasia's worried expression, Subaru softly rubbed the tip of his nose,
[Subaru: If it's just a matter of being a hero, I've already made my decision a year ago. Otherwise, I'll bring shame to the girl watching over me, and the girl whose back I'm watching]
[Anastasia: ――Is that so. Well, alright. Boys always like to show off, after all]
As if saying "There's no helping it", Anastasia smiled, and gave Subaru a light poke in the chest.
Subaru was a little taken aback by that reaction.
Since that might've been the first time he had seen Anastasia let down her guard and show her true emotions.
With that feeling rapidly melting into his chest where he had been poked, Subaru lifted his face.
[Subaru: Thank you, Garfiel. Al. For helping me make up my mind]
Saying this to the two at his back, Subaru followed behind Anastasia.
Just what would he say when he's standing in front of the bradcasting device, he wondered.
He's still not sure what or what not to say.
But, strangely, there was no confusion or anxiety accompanying it.
After all, it's just the same as usual, right?
――Because he knew that, just as usual, he has no choice but to show off again.
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