Arc 5 – Chapter 14, "The Sword Demon Under The Moon"
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The dinner party had been one where everyone had forgotten their hostilities.
After dinner, Subaru had retired to his room, where the staff had already made his bed. Looking at the two futons, placed side by side, Subaru felt his admiration for the hotel increase. It followed the Japanese custom where towels, blankets, futons, and the like were all arranged when the resident had vacated their room.
Although, he'd always thought that such a practice left people feeling rather defenseless.
Beatrice: "Subaru. It looks like while we weren't here, people succeeded in sneaking into our room, in fact—!"
Subaru: "Ah. It looks like the futons and towels you messed up were rearranged or replaced."
Beatrice: "That…! Yes, it's definitely a trap to tempt Betty, I suppose. They're hiding under a guise of thoughtfulness, in fact."
Subaru: "Sometimes people just have good intentions. Though, this service isn't free."
Beatrice carried herself with an unnecessary alertness and diligence even though she could barely keep her eyes open. Subaru quickly ushered her to bed.
Since officially forming their contract, Subaru and Beatrice had slept in the same room. Although Anastasia had offered Beatrice her own room, she would just have left for Subaru's room anyway, so they'd respectfully declined.
That wasn't to say that Beatrice was a child who couldn't sleep alone. Rather, Beatrice used their nighttime contact with Subaru to sap the excess mana from his defective gate.
Beatrice: "So, Betty isn't here because she wants to be near Subaru, in fact. Don't misunderstand, I suppose."
Beatrice, who'd originally devised the terms of the contract, had spoken thusly.
But where her intent was no longer mattered. Subaru had long since become accustomed to falling asleep to the sound of someone else's breathing.
Beatrice: "…that green stuff was toxic, in fact. It's unforgivable, I suppose…"
Happy and tired, Beatrice buried herself in the futon and promptly fell asleep thinking of the wasabi that had traumatized her at dinner.
Touching Beatrice's frowning forehead, Subaru took in her cute sleeping face until he was satisfied, then climbed to his feet.
Subaru: "Now then. I'm going to take a bath, too. Have a good rest."
Next to Subaru's futon lay an unused bathrobe. If he hadn't known how to wear it, he could easily just ask a staff member. Of course, Subaru has worn yukatas in his original world and had no issue figuring out the garment.
Subaru: "If Ferris and Anastasia aren't there, I could also go decorate one of the women's bathrobes."
He of course wanted to seek out Emilia's bathrobe. The other Royal Election candidates were all lovely maidens, but if Subaru could tailor Emilia's clothing and dress her up then he could ensure she'd never be inferior to them in the slightest.
Subaru: "Well, it can't be helped. I guess I'll be satisfied that I got to do Emilia's three braids after dinner."
Although she'd let her hair down before bed, they'd launched a "three braids wave!" as they came undone, just as Subaru had planned. Naturally long hair that fell in waves, like Anastasia's, was also beautiful, but Subaru considered Emilia's long silver hair the most eye-catching.
Subaru: "The three braids and three braid wave are lovely. Emilia is definitely a shrewd woman. I could never do such a thing with Beatrice."
Beatrice's hair inexplicably never left its twintailed drills.
It was probably because she was an artificial spirit. Changing her hairstyle was possible, but it always reverted to its original form as soon Subaru's hands left her hair. It was so fascinating that he'd played with it a number of times.
While looking forward to the next morning, Subaru collected his bathrobe and made for the baths, treading carefully in order to not wake Beatrice. Thinking of the people whom he shared the hotel with, Subaru didn't feel the need to be alert. He rather pitied anyone who would dare to launch any type of scheme.
Reinhardt: "Although I doubt that anything will happen, I will know if anything is amiss. I hope that everyone can spend the night peacefully."
Those were Reinhardt's reassuring words as they'd left the dining room. The sense of safety wasn't just limited to the hotel, it extended to the entire region. Knowing Reinhardt, even feeling safe in the entire city wouldn't be a stretch.
So, for now, Subaru could wander the hotel without taking any precautions. Although it was regrettable that the hotel lacked an open-air bath, Subaru was still excited because he found bathing the most enjoyable part of any hotel stay.
Subaru: "——"
Subaru came to a stop, his relaxed expression shifting as he looked through a corridor into the courtyard, where Reinhardt and Garfiel's battle had taken place. In the evening, its atmosphere was different, and rather pleasing.
A round moon floated in the dark sky, blanketed by thick clouds which gave the scene a glamorous charm. A cool wind blew through the garden, where a lone figure stood.
Subaru: "—Wilhelm-san?"
A sturdy back, and long white hair.
At a glance, Subaru could tell that the yukata-clad figure was elderly, and there was only one man he knew who fit the profile.
Wilhelm: "Subaru-dono, did I surprise you?"
Probably having been long aware of the movement behind him, Wilhelm turned to greet Subaru, a soft look in his eyes.
He stood with his hands tucked in the sleeves of the bathrobe. His posture, combined with the Japanese style garden. Why was the image so perfectly natural?
Wilhelm: "Are you going to the baths next?"
Subaru: "Yes, that's what I was planning on doing. By the way, I came here to see the garden in the evening, not because I got lost since I'm unfamiliar with the hotel."
Wilhelm: "That wouldn't happen to Subaru-dono. I also came to indulge in the beauty of the garden, so I believe that I can understand Subaru-dono's mood."
Subaru: "…it's still embarrassing to be spoken of so highly."
Subaru turned away, embarrassed, as Wilhelm, without any trace of exaggeration, spoke of him with unflinching trust.
Wilhelm was the person who Subaru had grown to respect the most since coming to this world. There were people who he wanted to stand alongside, and people who he wanted to compete with, but the only person who Subaru looked at with nothing but respect was Wilhelm.
Both as a person and as a man, Wilhelm was Subaru's ideal.
Wilhelm: "Subaru-dono probably came here searching for the peace and solemnity of the garden at night. My presence here must be very frustrating."
Subaru: "Not at all. Rather, seeing the Sword Demon in this windy garden is so perfect that I want to forever engrave this image in my heart. I like seeing people who shine in the moonlight."
As far as Subaru was concerned, Emilia's beauty was undoubtedly the most commensurate with that of the moonlit night.
Her long silver hair was different from the glow of the sun. Emilia's beauty was like the illusory of the moonlight, and Subaru wanted to be the stars hovering around the moon.
So, seeing the Sword Demon standing under a moonlit night was a sight that Subaru had been longing to see.
Wilhelm: "…Subaru-dono shouldn't waste such heartfelt words on an old man like me. If you whispered them to the woman you love, you would surely capture her attention."
Subaru: "Putting on those airs would just be an insecticide to all the lovely butterflies I've attracted. And anyway, the one I want to say those words to wouldn't understand them."
Wilhelm: "Trying to bring out her flawless smile, searching for the perfect words… that anxious feeling is one of the pleasures of love, Subaru-dono."
Hearing Wilhelm's light tone, Subaru gave a relaxed shrug of his shoulders.
Subaru: "Oh? You seem to be referencing your faraway love story. Did you ever go through that, Wilhelm-san?"
Wilhelm: "Would you like to hear it?"
Subaru: "Be sure to tell me every detail."
Subaru gave a ceremonious, respectful bow, and Wilhelm's "it can't be helped" attitude was tinged with a look of joy.
Wilhelm: "When I was a young man, I was just as terrible with words as I am now. I never wanted to discuss anything other than swords, since I had no interests aside from swordplay. I must have bored my wife to no end when we first met."
Subaru: "But, your wife didn't dislike talking to that Wilhelm-san, right?"
Wilhelm: "She was an open-minded woman. Whether it be the loss of a heavy responsibility which burdened a heart, or escaping a duty, neglecting the thoughts of others, we never discussed any of those in our chats. She was born a gentle, warm person."
Wilhelm closed his eyes with a wistful smile.
Subaru bent silently over the corridor, listening to the old man's memories.
Wilhelm: "Because I was such an unsociable person, my wife always supplied the topics during our conversations. On top of that, I initially failed to notice how drawn I was to her. Whenever I spoke with her, I avoided facing the agitation in my heart."
Subaru: "Wilhelm-san was really bad at talking to women, huh."
Wilhelm: "Really, I gave everything to the sword. When I gripped my sword, I forgot about everything else, as if merely swinging my sword would give me a way of survival. —The one who reminded me of the reason I took it up was my wife."
Subaru: "Is that when you realized you loved her?"
Wilhelm: "…you seem to have seen through me, Subaru-dono."
Wilhelm fell silent, and Subaru followed suit.
Wilhelm was surely unaware of the expression he currently wore. Subaru, however, felt a strong wave of pride wash over him as he saw it.
The look in Wilhelm's eyes, the wrinkles on his face, the tone of his voice, were all legendary. The wife he loved just as strongly now as he had then, Thearesia van Astrea.
The old man's expression, attitude, and very existence all generously sang of the love he held for his wife.
No matter who, anyone who saw him would, without doubt, instantly see that he was in love.
Even if everything in the world were to wither and fade, not a single person would fail to understand the depth of that emotion.
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This was the depth of Wilhelm's love, clearly something that should be worn with pride. Subaru: "———"
As Subaru gazed upon Wilhelm's face, his eyes unconsciously welled with tears.
Unbearable feelings arose spontaneously, and gathered as heat in his eyes. He didn't know it had touched him so much. Why did his heart feel so warm upon seeing someone in love?
Crying in such a situation would only serve to bother Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: "Like Subaru-dono said, that was when I realized my feelings for my wife."
Subaru lowered his face, pretending to scratch his head as he hid his tears. Although he should have noticed that Subaru had started crying, Wilhelm continued talking.
Was he just immersed in the past, or was he pretending not to notice Subaru's reaction? Subaru had no way of knowing, so he kept silent and continued to listen.
Wilhelm: "The sword was everything to me, but it was only one part of who I was. It was my wife who made me realize this obvious truth, and so every time I swing my sword, I'm reminded of her."
Subaru: "Is that, true even now?"
Wilhelm: "—That is truer now than it ever was."
Wilhelm took a moment to formulate a response.
Finally, turning his back to the moonlight, Wilhelm turned to face Subaru. The feelings flashing across the old man's face were so complex that Subaru couldn't quite read them all.
Pride. Remorse. Hesitation. Enthusiasm. Shame. Courage.
—But those all stemmed from his love.
Wilhelm: "I try my best to keep holding my sword, so that I will continue to be reminded of my wife. Even death could not take her from my memory, and, when my time comes, I want to die with a sword in hand. I would be with her forever."
Subaru: "——"
This was Wilhelm's awkward, straightforward way of expressing the love that he couldn't otherwise.
Subaru swallowed, repeatedly taking deep breaths to loosen the pressure in his heart and the numbness in his tongue, until he finally judged himself as being able to speak again.
Subaru: "When I die and whatnot, please don't talk about such things that have no sign whatsoever of happening. Wilhelm-san is definitely surely completely absolutely totally entirely even younger than super young, and so even thinking about your retirement is certainly going to trouble people."
Wilhelm: "Subaru-dono?"
Subaru: "Crusch and Ferris both are very dependent on Wilhelm-san. Crusch's memory loss is a very serious issue, and Ferris who is supporting her hasn't expressed this, but I'm sure he's completely spent himself. So they'll be a mess if Wilhelm-san doesn't help! And, I too!"
Wilhelm: "——"
Subaru: "I also have many, many things I'd like to consult with Wilhelm-san. We're obviously in hostile factions, so maybe that's just naivete, but, I…"
Subaru truly liked Wilhelm.
Wilhelm, who had buried in his heart of hearts his love for his wife, and sought vengeance for her, was someone who Subaru truly respected. Even if that hadn't happened, even if their relationship had remained just a ten-day mentorship, then Subaru would still have deeply respected Wilhelm's strength and fortitude.
Hearing the Wilhelm that he respected so much speak of "death" was terrifying to Subaru.
Subaru was far more sensitive to the notion of the people he cared about dying. This was due both to his contract with Roswaal and to Subaru's own views on Return by Death shifting.
There was also a part of him who was always secretly worried about Emilia and Beatrice.
Wilhelm: "…I am the just same as before, truly terrible with words."
Upon hearing Subaru's stubborn, desperate words, Wilhelm smiled.
The old man direct a warm look at Subaru, whose breaths were still shallow, and spoke.
Wilhelm: "It was terrible of me to have you worry so much. Despite my earlier words, I'm not always thinking of death. Although it's an inevitable truth, I've struggled through the hardest challenge already."
Subaru: "…Ah."
Subaru relaxed slightly as he came to a realization. Wilhelm was speaking of the White Whale.
Wilhelm had faced no small sacrifice in the battle against his fated enemy. At that time, he was surely aware of the possibility of his death. But, in the end, he had prevailed, and—
Wilhelm: "I think I'm in good condition. I fulfilled my dearest wish and survived, and now I can live free of shame."
Subaru: "Wilhelm-san…"
Wilhelm: "I did what I needed to do, and I think there is nothing more honorable than that. Then and now, aside from merely swinging my sword, my chest is shaking with the pursuit of a happiness. I have people who I've pledged my support to, and I've visited my wife's grave. I've received so many blessings."
Yes, that was it.
That was right. Wilhelm would not do anything unreasonable.
The old man's steady, calm smile. Subaru, as someone who was young and superficial, had no way of seeing through it. But that smile was by no means a fake or ironic one.
Wilhelm was not unreasonable. And even in the unlikely event that this was the case, he wouldn't have spilled a long-held burden to Subaru.
However, from the beginning, weren't Subaru's attempts to have Wilhelm reveal his thoughts just arrogance?
Wilhelm: "Subaru-dono. —This is a virtue, but also a weakness."
Subaru: "...…"
Looking at the troubled Subaru, Wilhelm spoke quietly.
There was no smile in the voice, but there was no criticism either. Rather, the way he spoke was reminiscent of how an older person would caution a younger one.
Speaking more frankly, it was the tone a grandfather would take with his grandson.
Wilhelm: "My wife did this too, the bad habit of neglecting and shoving aside your own feelings as you focusing on those of the people around you."
Subaru: "Bad habit, is it… No, I'm hardly such a good person. I don't want anything like everyone's happiness. I just want the people I'm close to to be happy."
Wilhelm: "The range of the people who you consider close to you is also a problem. While it wasn't what my wife desired, for a woman, she held a great amount of power, and could affect far more people than she ever wanted to."
Wilhelm's wife, Thereasia, was the previous Sword Saint.
Despite lacking common knowledge, Subaru had heard plenty about her in the past year. The civil unrest that took place in the kingdom of Lugunica, which came to be known as the Demi-Human War, had been single handedly ended by the Sword Saint.
What she had accomplished with her undue strength was the salvation of the country's stability. Natsuki Subaru would never be able to compare with such a hero.
Subaru: "I understand, about your wife, but I can't match up to her in any way."
Wilhelm: "My wife was just an ordinary woman who admired flowers. Even if she's a hero of legend, she didn't always act as such. And Subaru-dono, your reputation is good, and your influence is wide. In the future, your range will surely increase, and you will be able to do more and more."
Subaru: "This kind of thing…"
Wilhelm: "I am convinced that anything Subaru-dono cannot achieve alone, he will work together with others to do, and will become a great, accomplished person."
Subaru: "——"
Speechless.
Wilhelm had overestimated him by so much, and that had struck Subaru speechless. That he was someone who could do great things, could Subaru really believe this?
He was fragile and weak, his intellect was lacking, and his ideas were often poor and baseless. Because he was a person who could not do anything by himself, all he could ever do was rely on others to solve his problems.
That method was surely flawed. For now, he was barely struggling along, but eventually he could certainly face failure.
When that time inevitably arrived, Subaru had so many people to disappoint.
Wilhelm: "I apologize for bringing up the same things. It must trouble you to hear them over and over relentlessly."
Subaru: "Wilhelm-san, I…"
Wilhelm: "There may not be many people conscious of it, but it's something that everyone will come to understand one day."
Subaru: "I'm just an immature little child who is clumsy at everything I do."
Wilhelm: "Well, this immature little child who is clumsy at everything he does is one who I'm very fond of."
After a moment, Wilhelm nodded in satisfaction.
Wilhelm: "And the people who think like this will surely increase from now on."
As if deeply touched by Wilhelm's words, Subaru again fell silent.
Part of him was overwhelmed, and wanted to cast the notion from his mind. However, because the idea had come from none other than Wilhelm, Subaru could not give it up so easily.
In the depths of his heart, he couldn't believe in himself to that extent. But he also couldn't discard Wilhelm's belief in him.
Subaru decided to keep the feelings he'd felt with him, until he'd worked through them.
He was very conscious of his own deficits. So any feelings, encouragement, or words, he'd decided to carry with him.
And that was how he decided to treat Wilhelm's words.
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Subaru, who was desperately sorting his feelings out, failed to notice Wilhelm's tender gaze.
Wilhelm: "I spoke too much and kept you here for a long time, my apologies."
Estimating that Subaru was done grappling with himself, Wilhelm spoke up. Accepting it, Subaru judged that tonight's scene would end soon.
Subaru: "Me too, I'm sorry for asking so much, but I really wanted to hear your love story with your wife."
Wilhelm: "No, it's been a long time since I've had the pleasure of talking about my wife. Lately, both Crusch-sama and Felix have been busy."
Subaru: "In addition to hearing a love story, I've also gotten insight into how another faction operates!"
Wilhelm: "It's a little bit excessively sentimental. Hearing an old man's long ramble is incredibly boring."
Wilhelm's blue eyes lit with affection as he smiled lightly. Subaru didn't notice the fleeting emotion and instead focused on what was just happening.
Initially, Wilhelm had stood alone in the garden.
He'd told Subaru that he'd come to appreciate the garden at night.
The best location for enjoying the view of the garden was the corridor where Subaru was currently standing.
In fact, standing where Wilhelm was meant that much of the garden's moonlit landscape would be hidden.
Of course, Subaru may very well have been overthinking. But, if there were something else that would bring Wilhelm to the garden, then it would be,
Subaru: "…there, that's where Reinhardt stood." Wilhelm: "——"
Wilhelm's location, where he'd been standing all along, was the area that Reinhardt and Garfiel had fought in.
That patch of gravel was where the handsome red-haired swordsman had stood, the very picture of unflinching immobility.
That Wilhelm had felt that sense of disturbance and had gone to confirm it would have been perfectly natural. However, only Wilhelm knew the reason that he had yet to leave that spot.
Subaru: "Wilhelm-san. I don't want to nose into another family's affairs, and I've graduated from being the lively character who insists on hearing everything that's happened just to satisfy my own curiosity, but…"
Wilhelm: "Ah, feel free to ask."
Subaru: "Do you not get along with Reinhardt? Even though you're obviously family?"
The grandfather and grandson, and the complex relationships in the Astrea family.
Even understanding that he may have been undermining the trust that had built up between him and Wilhelm, Subaru still breached the subject.
He might have chosen not to do so had he not just spoken with Wilhelm in the garden. He watched Wilhelm's profile, which overlooked his grandson's footsteps.
After their exchange, how could he refrain from asking?
Wilhelm: "While speaking with Subaru-dono, I thought of it."
Subaru: "...…"
Wilhelm: "Why am I unable to speak these words to my own grandson?"
Those distressed words came straight from Wilhelm's heart.
Wilhelm's face fell flat. He was expressionless, certainly not emotionless. He was suppressing his feelings to hide his lament behind a hard shell.
What Wilhelm now possessed was pure regret.
Wilhelm: "I am a man with a lot of remorse, but there are three in particular that I can do nothing about. One of them is the distance between me and my grandson."
Subaru: "But, doesn't Wilhelm-san regret it?"
Wilhelm: "Even regretting shouldn't be allowed. The criticisms I spoke to my grandson… to Reinhardt, were so harsh. It's something unforgivable, and stupid, that can't be fixed anymore."
Wilhelm, who was still hiding his feelings under a guise of expressionlessness, seemed to be burning with an emotion, a flame, that had consumed Wilhelm for years. It was one of both anger and regret, one that he had always clung to.
Wilhelm: "I used my crusade against my wife's murderer as an excuse to avoid facing that remorse, and, after successfully crushing the enemy, I recognize that I should begin to search for a way to reconcile."
Subaru: "But you lack the courage?"
Wilhelm: "I'm honestly so shameful. My grandson certainly resents me now. Thinking of this, I cannot take a step forward."
Wilhelm issued a deep sigh of disappointment, seeming to shrink in on himself. Subaru was dumbstruck, and, finally inadvertently managed a laugh.
Wilhelm: "Subaru-dono?"
Subaru: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, that was inappropriate."
Wilhelm cast a disbelieving look at Subaru. Really, this old man, how many times would he surprise Subaru in one night?
Subaru: "Wilhelm-san seems to be thinking that he's unqualified to be Reinhardt's grandfather…"
Wilhelm: "Well, yes. Compared to my grandson, I came to a standstill after realizing my mistakes. He's too kind to the cowardly person that I am…"
Subaru: "If you put it that way, then I can only see a grandfather who's afraid of being rejected by his grandson."
Wilhelm: "…huh?"
Wilhelm shook off his gloom and looked Subaru in the face. Subaru waved his hand, still fighting an impulse to laugh.
Subaru: "I don't fully understand the reasons for the poor relationship between Wilhelm-san and Reinhardt, so I might be misunderstanding. But in the eyes of an outsider, Wilhelm-san wants to reconcile with Reinhardt and looks like he really wants to apologize, so making an apology would be a good idea."
Wilhelm: "But Reinhardt will not forgive me."
Subaru: "If he doesn't forgive you at first, keep apologizing until he does. You're not apologizing to be forgiven, you're apologizing to apologize, right? The person making the apology has nothing to worry about, because they're not a bad person."
Wilhelm: "——"
This time, it was Wilhelm's turn to fall speechless at Subaru's extreme words.
Of course, Subaru knew that his were very headstrong. Even so, he believed it was necessary to keep insisting.
In order to motivate Wilhelm. In order to let him face Reinhardt.
Of course, after being alienated for so many years, a sudden apology would initially be thought of as "what's going on with this guy?". However, if many apologies were made, then "what's going on with this guy?" would give way to either "there's no helping it, then" or "ugh, this guy's too annoying".
Wilhelm: "I think things would deteriorate."
Subaru: "But at least they'll change. Don't you think that any change is better than being stuck in the worst-case scenario your situation seems to be in?"
It was universally acknowledged that Subaru had made an awful initial impression. Breaking through interpersonal barriers was nothing to Subaru.
Subaru: "After a few years, if you give him some pocket money, you could immediately soften his attitude toward you. Although the impression of you may be poor, if you do something nice for him, won't he come to think of you as a nice person? Reinhardt is incredible to deal with, and even I unexpectedly became his friend right away."
Wilhelm: "But… it won't be that simple with Reinhardt…"
Subaru: "—Reinhardt said he wanted to hear about the battle with the White Whale."
Subaru spoke in a humorous tone, and, bit by bit, Wilhelm seemed to relax.
Subaru told Wilhelm of what Reinhardt had said outside of the tea room. After listening to his story, Wilhelm suddenly opened his blue eyes.
Subaru: "I don't know if the White Whale is related to your poor relationship, but if it is, then Reinhardt's definitely concerned about it. Of course, he's certainly heard of how Wilhelm-san crushed the White Whale, and I'm sure he wants to know about how you avenged his grandmother after ten years."
Wilhelm: "——"
Subaru: "That guy is surely also looking forward to changing your stiff relationship right now."
Subaru had no way of knowing Reinhardt's intentions.
Subaru had always seen Reinhardt as a man who was ridiculously perfect beyond perfect, and had never associated him with powerlessness or ignorance before.
But those were flawed ideas. Reinhardt was also human. He had worries just like anyone else.
Even the man Subaru had regarded as superhuman, Wilhelm, was, beneath the surface, an ordinary man and ordinary grandfather, filled with ordinary troubles and shortcomings.
It would be no surprise if the same held true for Reinhardt.
Subaru's words just now had surprised Wilhelm, who closed his eyes as if he were meditating on them. Time seemed to be flowing by with the still wind.
Then, after a moment of silence between the two, Wilhelm reopened his eyes.
Wilhelm: "My grandson… Reinhardt would listen to me."
Subaru: "Annoy him with a hello first and bounce back if he rejects you. That's happened to me with every girl I've met aside from Emilia."
Wilhelm: "Really—"
After hearing Subaru's reply, Wilhelm shook his head.
Then, the old man looked up, leaning his head back and fixing his eyes on the moon hanging in the sky.
Wilhelm: "Subaru-dono is invincible."
The words were spoken with the hint of a smile.