parallel world was it?

Ahhh!!! how I wish it was true, I just can't get this heavy feeling lingering in my chest out, I really wish he was here or he was real which I wanted to make come true even in dream and reality, just like I wanted to show everyone, the truth to all, with evidence I really had, but as if everyone forget about him, I literally got up from my dream just to talk to him or message him, I really wish he was there or wanted to meet him and have one whatever, he came only for a few days as my big brother, then again the age isn't right here being one year younger than me, or was it as mom did have an abortion right after me it's him in alternative world, I kept on thinking of him really bad, or talk about him but I somehow always got struck, I got a video of him saying I'm your brother, chasing me in weird white clothes, and hair feeling black n eyes honey golden okay his dress up is getting weirder, he was chasing me like a ghost saying he is my brother while I was having fun being chased n Num (my sis) I think took video of it or did I, uh I can't remember it, it's like after he said I'm your brother the perspective changed from my hand, in my father's blackberry or blueberry phone which is already not working, saw him in Hasilpur (small city or town) and wanted to meet him, talk to him, anyway he was a wild sexy beauty type with healthy complexion, honey colored eyes, in dream my father had a marriage before my mother, and they got out of marriage right after it within a year so I was thinking it was really similar to mine, his name was Suji or Sumi, anyway whatever nickname saved on my phone, I am just saying, that's why I forgot how to contact him and number, I wanted to tell dad of him, saying do u remember my brother, my sweetest brother who always promised to shelter me, in my young age and I was just happy meeting him and playing at young age, as it was like a dream come true of many times seeing 5 siblings of two brothers and three sisters, but brothers were mostly small, here it is the difference, I even remember touching his head and ear, ruffling it, n cheeks too while he pouted his cute mouth, although his face was mostly sharper but because of young age it still felt good, he went to Quetta to study, I felt regret of not taking steps and serious one to go see humor change my destiny, he messaged me right after the night I tried to tell dad but awfully couldn't by various reasons as if a force just wouldn't let me tell, when asked sisters they just couldn't hear or say I don't remember, anyway he said hi and in second I thought you forgot about me again, this again hits me now, but I despite not being able to see properly still messaged him, I said half with good eyesight half blind of screen somehow only a bit of outline was available for me, I just sent him my heartfelt n tinging with pain n longing, I was just thinking of you yesterday( and wanted to ask others of you which wasn't written because I couldn't see like light went out but is this possible for mobile screen to be not visible to be honest this bizarre thing about it, the signs continued now that I remember even if it's a dream I could feel the creepiness n chill now which was beautified by my need, loneliness n longing), I miss u soOO much, it was written link this blindly by feel, intuition n muscle memory, just like how it's soOO is, and it was seen on my phone later on when light after my sending messages in about a minute or so needed to take at that time because of network backwardness or issue and reading the moment the screen showed blue light came, I could see my message n everything, hahahaha another sign of his black screen profile photo being a black cover with written in childishly in orange color U " mY", damn it another sign, which I felt relieved after seeing, as if he really existed. creepiness increases haha, the more I write, remembering these tiny details, I'm glad I decided to write my longing in phone immediately of this instead of thinking of writing later on which would of led to forgetting many details and I didn't even go for my diary, haha, so anxious and fast I guess, then a picture of me imagining meeting him in Quetta or calling him when parents n kaka papa (my grandparents who were already left us from the world at that time) went there with me on a previous trip, but it was all my thinking even hugging of air on road, somehow I was afraid of calling him of being denied of his existence although I somehow remember it was them or in their presence I heard of second marriage thingy so I felt comforted that dad had same experience as me, so why was he making a fuss later on, now that thinking about it, their mouths were shut n there expression weren't of telling this news, like I was told in my brain or heard someone speak in their voice n tell me this information to rationalize everything, everything aside there was also a time when I thought of now sadly applying for MPhil here but I will to Quetta for PhD applying on scholarship if possible, to meet him openly and damn even having a love affair if possible who cares about step brother, although what I really wanted was a shelter, a place of belonging, homely feeling of deserter, a place to confide and no I can't even imagine kissing him, haha just wanting his embrace, crying in his end while he patted and told me everything is( will be I thought it was appropriate but somehow I think even in in dream imagination he would say this more appropriately so here it is the details bro)alright I'm here, and like my grandparents obstruction of meeting him as hugging is considered wrong even in cousins n brothers opposite sexes, anyway I really felt like now when I remembered my dream and imagination there was this added thing of him looking at me 😏 smirking n striking okay, like he knew I'm seeing n remembering now with me in his harms, fresh tears like in imagination and right now, now he just made a shush gesture to let me get out back to reality, while he patted my back in dream, I can't see them again just his younger self as he sat on sofa in Hasilpur lounge, at dusk half in sunshine face but mostly in darkness only eye shining, but I could feel smile, care, happiness of meeting me I just took a break to wash up my face, snot and tears oh God this is getting weirder the more I right imagine and remember and siblings no, it want that much for others it was me, that resonance, I wouldn't say I was a bit jealous of playing with others too but I loved him dearly even if it's just a few days presence, everything I felt I really loved him, that feeling can't be wrong, oh my I'm just crying here the more I write with tears dripping down, snot again coming, thankfully in bathroom otherwise I don't know what to tell others n feel embarrassed and I don't want to stop these gushing feelings, why are you not letting me imagine other scenes of u just repeating those previous ones, it's like I can feel the connection of parallel world lines, you hugging her and seeing me somehow parallel crying in my bathroom, you are back huh, letting me see this way how I wash my face embarrassingly while furiously writing everything jotted down, as if influenced by me, she started to cry heavily even with a bit of snot and embarrassment of seen like this in front of him while you say let it all out, easy there, your eyes just came this way when my whimper came, and now you are back to parting I can feel her and a bit of safety and motivation to go forward and a bit emptiness of my mine after this backlog of emotions letting out, that snot bubble just came by chance just Phora, still saying augh, I am laughing in embarrassment and fun, and now all unnecessary emotions are gone, I can feel the connection, withdrawn, your anxiety and anxiousness to see me for a bit from that side, I knew you like me too and I'm soooo happy for, thank you for motivating me and everything, I don't know if she realized the secrets there or would rather live in oblivion but wish her good luck for me, and don't worry you don't have to put your fingers on your lips and silence me, because she can't see, and I will really post this for sure so everyone can see and know of you, my brother from another world, now don't give me that smirk and raised eyebrow I love u, hey the blush is cute, hahahaha yeah yeah the much I can tell, from your race, it's good we can talk through faces and kind of like I can hear your voice from that expression, hahahaha another sign, I guess I should stop, I'm sorry I wish I could stay longer but I, we both have lives of our own, I wish you best of the world, I know you can be possessive just like me, just cherish it okay, sweetie, ahh you might go for romantic relationship at least I saw you both in undies but for me I can't imagine, so bye bye brother, nice meeting you, don't cry, okay, never mind, cry if you want even if u want to make voices I am sure she will be alright with this hahah I just saw your head in her pussy okay I wouldn't say more, love you brother and good luck bye, if we could meet in the future which I know is almost impossible but just the possibility of this hope will make me happy, hahahaha I just myself in elite clothes with glasses on, a skirt brownish color n white shirt, black stocking type leggings, black high heels like one I have looking very capable and in better height then you, high Suha the future ones I hope these futures come true, no I'm going to make them come true, I vow of it, I mostly don't make promises I can't keep or don't know if I can but now for your smiles n heartfelt blessings yes I will, hahaha the seemingly connection cut off again and I can see him continuing and your smug, proud but embarrassed and euphoric look, Ahh good to be young and love, good luck and bye bye, hahahaha he got flustered by your wave hahahaha oh I wouldn't watch more of your bedtime and fun, I can feel his love and no longer that much care for me moving on to Quetta younger self whistle for your future self ,sexy n broad shoulder good figure guy, oh I love you being shy now and I can feel the shyness and teasing from her too even though I can't see her, now okay I saw her in hostel like Shaha(my friend) one, anyway congratulations make that future possible from both sides I hope it works, and see you again.