A humored smile crossed the Matron's lips. "You may have heard of some of the unfortunate encounters between Victoria and her prospective suitors. While she is considered the most beautiful and eligible bachelorette in the City, those that overstepped her bounds in seeking her affections or hand in marriage have suffered greatly. She is notorious for inflicting vicious punishments to those that do not respect proper decorum within and without her shop when associating with her. Those that attack her in her shop, she kills without hesitation. While those that seek to touch her inappropriately tend to suffer from various afflictions dependent upon the severity of their infraction."
Looking deep into my surprised eyes, the Matron appeared to searching for something in specific. "I observed your interaction with the thugs that stood against you out front of my place of business, and found your sense-of-self, lacking. Your actions are a reflection upon her authority in this city."
I opened my mouth to deny such, but then I closed it as I considered what she had said with more thought. The actions of the thugs and my reaction to such replayed in my mind. I had been pretty passive and even the coach driver had been more stalwart than I was.
I had simply wanted to use my apprenticeship as a method to learn the skills of an apothecary for use in the real world. The political maneuvering that I was catching a glimpse of left me feeling very lost and out of my depth.
*Sigh* "Then what is she expecting of me?" I asked.
"It's actually quite simple to be honest." Matron Callestro then challenged. "Be firmer in yourself, and in your convictions."
My eyebrows quirked at that. "What do you mean by that?"
"Victoria is a clear example of living the way she deems right within her sphere of influence, and not taking flak from others who would seek to impose their will upon her. She has clear, yet controversial principles that she stands by unashamedly. In doing so, and this is the most important part, she does not diminish the integrity of others when they don't push her to conform to their own desires. Her stance terrifies the majority of the council, because they cannot do anything about it. She sources her own materials, remains committed to her important clients, is fair in her treatment of others while neither catering nor abasing herself to anyone."
*Snicker* "Admittedly, she'd likely happily become more deferential or submissive to Monroe, if she could just break through his stiff professional exterior. But that is beside the point."
Leaning back in her chair, she got to the point. "What I'm trying to say, is that you simply need to be surer of yourself and stand by your convictions. Be a reflection of the same conviction that Victoria presents in her own life. If you prove to be a pushover or too uncertain in your actions, then others seeking to take advantage of Victoria may use you as a point of manipulation to get what they want from her."
Looking earnestly and somewhat concernedly into my eyes, she added. "She is not expecting you to be perfect or not make mistakes. She allows others, including herself to falter so long as they admit to their honest mistakes and actively seek to do better. That's all that she wants from you outside of your duties as her apprentice."
This was a lot to take in as I learned more about my master and teacher.
I felt a surge of discomfort as I took in what was being asked of me. I was fairly introverted at home and preferred to stay out of the way of others. Sometimes, that would mean allowing others to have their way around me when such was a disruption to my way of life and sense of personal integrity. For the most part, I avoided such confrontations. Not from keeping quiet, but from not allowing myself to be in those situations to begin with. Here though, I was getting the impression that I was not going to be afforded such ability to avoid these clashes of conflicting intent.
I felt shivers come over me as I mentally battled with this aspect of myself. It helped to tell myself that all of this wasn't real anyways, but it still placed me outside of my comfort zone. I was reminded of when I looked into my avatar's eyes for the first time at the creation of my character and saw the conviction. Wasn't this what I wanted and admired about my new life in the first place?
It was far more different and easier to see and desire something for oneself, verses being called to task for it. I felt that I had acquitted myself with appropriate zeal when I had experienced my adventure, confrontation with Paladin Ekhart, and subsequent flight in the wilds. However, my social interactions since then had left me feeling lacking.
The amulet pulsed against my chest again, as if in affirmation while I pondered on this newly discovered aspect about myself. Most of this time, I had been determined primarily to learn from Victoria, to be an apothecary and made only token requests for myself. However, I . . . I paused in thought.
'I want to fight for myself as well. I want to Live! Not just for others, but for my own convictions and experience.'
"And there it is." Madam Callestro murmured, breaking me from my introspection. The satisfaction in her tone was evident as she smiled at me and nodded. "Your eyes have gained a luster that I've seen go out of far too many men and women in my line of work. I struggle to keep that alive within those that I oversee, but life itself is hard."
I was going to keep quiet, but then recalling my very recent determination, I spoke up. "Wait, isn't this a brothel of sorts where people come to have sex? Isn't that degrading to the women and men that work here?"
"Yes. . . .!" She replied, as if strangely proud of my challenge to her station. "You may consider it as such, for those activities do occur under this roof. However, that is only if both parties involved are interested in indulging in those activities. Otherwise, this is a place of solace, music, bathing, and refreshing oneself. None of my many ladies and few men are touched when they do not seek to be.
Too often, a partner can be left wanting or yearning to be touched, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. They come here sometimes alone, other times with a partner or group, where they can unwind and receive stimulation for that which they are lacking. A man usually wants nothing more than to feel wanted, desired, and respected. A woman frequently wants to be heard, understood, and protected. We provide services here that encourage such."
Turning to look out the window of her office, I could see disgust covering her features. "Outside, you saw the many prostitutes who seek to ply their bodies in return for money, drugs, and a false sense of protection. They are not my staff nor do they reflect the values that I do strive to retain within this place of business."
*Sigh. . .* "They are however, an unfortunate necessity due to circumstance and surroundings. They feed off the destitution of the poor district and the unfulfilled desires of those few that leave here wanting more than we are willing to give."
"Wait. . ." I protested. "So earlier when your assistant Surie was um. . . showing great interest in me, that she wasn't offering sex?"
*Chuckle* "Oh, no she was. And if she had hooked you, I would have been proud of her accomplishment, while she would be happy to have made a deep connection with Victoria through you."
I felt more than a little disappointed at that development. I had been feeling uplifted at the thought that someone as beautiful and alluring as her, found me to be a suitable partner to take her virginity, as she had alluded to. Yet now, I just felt used and redundant as I wasn't what she was really interested in.
"In other words, she wasn't interested in me, just my connections." I replied a bit caustically.
"Young man!" Madam Collestro's voice whipped into me with sternness. "Such protections based off of power is better than what most would even dare to hope for! If she had landed you, her station in life would immediately improve. The value of even her simple presence would increase substantially in price, simply because she was desired by and had given of herself to the apprentice of a powerful force within the city. Do you still not understand the power and authority that you wield in your station?!"
Lounging further into her chair after that tirade, she continued. "A desirable reputation is quite frankly the most that many women of humble origins can hope for in any city. That and the influence granted by having the interest of someone in power is our currency to those unwed. It is admittedly optimal to retain our virginity for the sake of a marriage made for love rather than convenience. However, such a thing is that of fairy tales. Even political marriages are frequently preferred due to the protection which they can afford to the average woman.
Women such as Victoria, who have dug out a place for themselves despite an unforgiving society, are incredibly rare. Many may dream of such, yet when reality comes calling and the tides of adversity began crashing against their resolve, too often their meager protections are nothing but paper walls to a storm."
I became silent in the face of her vehement berating. How similar was real life to this? Women selling their reputation for gain, and dreaming of a great and powerful protector coming in to sweep them off their feet. Or some becoming self-reliant and independent, like Victoria in ways that society allowed or was unable to withstand.
Those having reached a certain age in their life, only after having experienced the ups and downs of failed relationships, violent encounters, and wearisome loneliness, frequently did they not care so much about the form that their protector or partner came in. That was so long as it granted them a sense of protection and security in their life. This was often demeaning to a man who sought to be wanted primarily for who he was and what he had worked hard to accomplish. It hurt to be a last resort, only after all other avenues had been exhausted, in their prideful search of their perfect dream companion. I'm sure that many women feel that about men as well, as too often we allow our eyes and hormones to guide us in our search of a perfect partner.
Despite this intense striving for finding and being found to have worth in the eyes of others, all that I had in this world, was not mine to give, nor adequately earned in my opinion. Yet still because of it, I was intensely desired.
I could honestly understand why rich men frequently acted poor in order to gain the affections of someone that wanted them for who they were, rather than what they had. It was likely a pleasant surprise to those rare few who landed such a man in their humble pursuits. I had never been in such a position before in real life, where my accomplishments had so overshadowed my identity that what I valued in myself became of no consequence to those seeking me out.
My eyes hardened in resolve as my thoughts solidified. Even if others couldn't appreciate me for who I was, I could create and find satisfaction in my own accomplishments. Although not expected or planned for, maybe one day I could become like those hidden rich men. Become like those that expend their resources discreetly to find true love by striving to become the best version of myself in order to attract that 1 in a million woman who wants me for me.
The amulet at my chest pulsed again, more strongly at that inner declaration. It appears that I needed to diversify my goals here to enrich myself.
"I thank you greatly for the wisdom that you have granted me." I said respectfully to Madam Callestro.
Focusing to keep my words as respectful yet not too soft, I added. "The time is growing late, and I must return to my master who waited for me. I request my leave along with the commission that you both had agreed upon."
The Madam appeared proud of my change in words as she responded. "Victoria and I have already settled our transaction for this trip. However, here is a token of my appreciation to you for your delivery." Pulling out 2 silvers, she extended it to me.
Then looking downward in bemusement toward my uncomfortable nether regions, she added. "Oh, and before you depart, I wanted to ask. I noticed that a certain member of yours has not relaxed this entire time that we had this discussion. Did you perchance aid Victoria in the processing of some of this delivery?"