Hello again. This week is going to be a sad story. Rather, I believe the correct word would be traumatizing. I ask you not to read this if it hurts or if you experienced losing a loved one before your eyes. I know material like this can trigger unwanted memories and emotions, so please take care of yourselves.
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"I don't want to lose you." Her voice rang over the phone, "All I want is to feel your arms around me. On a couch, on a cool 2009 summer night. But that can't really happen."
Confused, he asked, "There's a story there, isn't there?"
She breaks down, "It's all I ever wanted, Troy. For someone to hold me. To have someone wrap themselves around me. I don't know what that feels like. That's all I want."
Troy, feeling a new hole open in his chest, reached out, "I want that too, I'll be over soon, Mira."
"No, this is goodbye, Troy. Don't concern yourself with me anymore."
Mirabella hung up, leaving the young man in a state of shock. This is the first time someone he cared about opened up to him and he felt like he ruined it. Troy called again, she wouldn't answer. Grabbing his keys, the hole is filled with emptiness and his mind begins to race as fast as he drives.
Still worried, he goes over the conversation over and over again. Did he say something wrong? Why would she leave after admitting to him what she desired? Anxiety obscured his vision as he merged onto the interstate. Hopefully, she wouldn't hurt herself. '
Zipping by cars, the flashes of his past start to reemerge. Everyone he lost: Mason, John, Clairance, Natalie. All people who took their lives for one reason or another. He was in a daze but still driving. It was a long trip from his place to hers, especially with his thoughts drowning out the loud music. He didn't want to lose her.
He was suddenly reminded of his grandfather, who was to him his second dad. From a young age, Grandpa would teach him how to act and think correctly. The man taught his grandson how to weld, how to treat a lady, and how to talk right, but in the end, Troy felt like he failed his grandfather. He was two minutes too late to say goodbye. It would haunt him forever.
After being forced to slow down, Troy's mind became buzzed. He could barely walk or stand. His hands were shaking badly, and his heart was full of adrenaline. Making his way to her apartment, a chill ran down his spine as he saw her door cracked open.
Naturally he knocked and called her name, to which Mira did not audibly respond. He opened the door fully and announced his entry. Horror overtook his senses as he witnessed the blood spread all over the floor. Everything inside was broken in one way or another. Immediately, he searched for her and ended up in her bedroom, where he found her covered in bloody cuts.
Troy didn't know what else to do except to apply pressure. Her gaze fell upon him softly, trying to comfort him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing as he applied the bandages. The smell of blood was so thick it made him sick. She would reach for him and rest her hand on his face as he tended to her wounds. After panicking, he called EMTs for assistance.
"Could you take me to the couch?" She asks, wincing from the pain.
Stunned, he does exactly that. His heart begins to shatter; in Troy's mind, there is nothing he can do. Her voice made it sound like she didn't want to be saved. Even with his fading willpower, Troy did his best while crying.
Mirabella asked him another question, "Am I still beautiful?"
Unable to say what he wanted from the stress of watching her die, Troy responded with one word. "Yes"
"I want to be held by you, Troy. Just lay down and hold me, please."
He obliged, laying underneath her and wrapping his arms around her as she always desired to be. She played with his hair and held him in return, despite how painful it was for her to move. The walls around Troy's heart began to crumble. With every brick that came off, a tear swelled in his eyes as he tried to prevent the inevitable.
She smiled at him, "Thank you, Troy. You've given me everything I've ever wanted. Even if you can't save me, thank you."
He began to panic as her pulse couldn't be felt from her wrist anymore. "No, Mira, please don't…" It pained him to say it, but all the physical affection she showed him awakened something inside he hadn't felt in a while, "I love you."
Reassuring him, "I love you too, Troy. I always did."
Mirabella mustered her strength to stay with Troy only for a little longer, still staring into his eyes and playing with his hair. When she slipped into shock, the waterworks broke, and he wailed louder than any animal could ever. He was covered in her blood, and all that raced through his head was it was all my fault.
EMTs came in while he screamed, begging God to let him keep her. They took her away and had one attending to him, but he was too much of a wreck to console. In the end, they were unable to save her life as she bled out en route to the hospital.
Troy was held for questioning, missing the start of his shift, only to arrive three hours late covered in blood and sent home. Months of self-abuse went by. He punched himself relentlessly, he skipped afternoon classes as the trauma was too much to bear. A drinking habit became a problem. Worst of all, looking for a way out, he turned to drug usage. It helped him for a little while, as he lost all his memories related to the past few years and much of his childhood.
He began to believe himself as a worthless failure as he began to remember. Unable to have relationships, to protect people he cared about, and unable to attend school without his past haunting him. He withdrew from society entirely. All the blame he pushed onto himself became inept. Slowly, his psyche broke even further, unable to bear a moment without another voice. When there was no one to talk to, he developed voices in his head that were not his own. It was not schizophrenia but the bits and pieces of his friends and love he could muster.
After all that, his dreams would visit his friends, including Mira. Most of these dreams would just be him holding Mira, on a couch, on a cool 2009 summer night. In the end, all he ever wanted was to hold her again and never wake up.
Unfortunately, he had to continue his life, knowing he'd only put others in pain if he were to suddenly fall. After attending years' worth of therapy, some time in inpatient, he began to recover. He found someone who held him just like she did that day. He swore he would give everything to keep that, but it didn't last as 2 weeks out of the country, she fell for another.
For him, his story continues. He would attempt to find another, hopefully. First and foremost, he needs to heal and learn to trust again in order to love properly.
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I apologize for the heavy material. With everything going through my head right now, I felt it appropriate to do something. Please assume that this was a work of fiction. Once again, thank you for reading, and I apologize. God bless your souls and be well.