Did you ever wonder why business lunches between big bosses go
on interminably long, sometimes well into the afternoon? Did you
ever suspect it's just because they like to sit, drink, and massage
each other on the company expense account? Perhaps there's an
element of that. But the main reason is because the dining table
is an even more sacred safe haven than a party. Big boys and big
girls realize, whether it's a business dinner, lunch, or breakfast,
breaking bread together is a time when they must discuss no
unpleasant aspects of the business. After all, tough negotiating can
kill your appetite.
Let's listen in on an average business lunch between big players. We hear the clanking of glasses as they consume drinks over
convivial conversation. They are discussing golf, the weather, and
making general observations about the state of the business. During the main course, the discourse turns to food, the arts, current
affairs, and other nonthreatening subjects.
"Wasted time?" one might ask. Not at all! The big players are
watching each other's moves very carefully, calculating each other's
skills, knowledge, prowess. Like NFL scouts observing college
football practice, they're determining who's got the right stuff. Big
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How to Know What
Not to Say at Dinner
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players know how people handle themselves at a social occasion is
an accurate barometer of their big-business muscle. As they are
smiling and laughing at each other's jokes, they are all making
silent critical judgments.
Finally, coffee arrives. At this point one or more of the biggies
gently broaches the business at hand. Naturally, he or she does it
with supposed reluctance, trying to repress the obvious relief that
at last they can get down to significant stuff. He exudes, "What a
shame such genial company should have to concern itself with
mundane matters like making money."
Only after they have played out this crucial charade can they
discuss business. But no dirty business. The biggies can brainstorm
over coffee. They can discuss proposals over dessert. They can toss
around new ideas over cordials. They can explore the positive side
of the merger, the acquisition, or the partnership while waiting for
the check.
However, should any disagreement, misunderstanding, or
controversial aspect arise, they must immediately relegate it to
another table, the conference table.
How to Know What Not to Say at Dinner 315
Technique #84
Dinner's for Dining
The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners
is the dining table. Breaking bread together is a time
when they bring up no unpleasant matters. While
eating, they know it's OK to brainstorm and discuss the
positive side of the business: their dreams, their desires,
their designs. They can free associate and come up with
new ideas. But no tough business.
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This convention probably arose out of a prudent agreement
not to inflict indigestion on each other. Tough negotiating is
unpalatable and can ruin an otherwise perfectly mouthwatering
veal chop.
Incidentally, the same rule applies in the social jungle. If one
partner in a friendship or a love relationship has some heavy relationship issues to discuss, save them for after dessert. Even if you
don't solve the problem, you want to enjoy the delicious chocolate
soufflé.
Let's crawl into our third and final safe haven to explore it.