When you're not sitting across from each other resting your elbows
on the same desk, your forks on the same table, or your heads on
the same pillow, you need a substitute for intimacy. How can you
create closeness when the two of you are hundreds of miles apart?
How can you make the person you're talking to on the phone feel
special when you can't pat their back or give them a little hug?
The answer is simple. Just use your caller's name far more
often than you would in person. In fact, shower your conversations with his or her name. When your listener hears it, it's like
receiving a verbal caress:
"Thanks, Sam."
"Let's do it, Betty."
"Hey, Demetri, why not?"
"It's really been good talking to you, Kathi."
Saying a person's name too often in face-to-face conversation
sounds manipulative. However, on the phone the effect is dramatically different. If you heard someone say your name, even if
you were being jostled around in a big noisy crowd, you'd perk up
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How to Sound Close
(Even if You're Hundreds
of Miles Away)
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
and listen. Likewise, when your phone partner hears his or her own
name coming through the receiver, it commands attention and recreates the familiarity the phone robs from you.
If your listener is drifting, it brings him right back. If she's
opening mail, she stops. If he's picking his teeth, he pulls the pick
out. When you say someone's name on the phone, it's like yanking the person into the room with you.
How to Sound Close (Even if You're Hundreds of Miles Away) 235
Technique #61
Name Shower
People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it
more often on the phone than you would in person to
keep their attention. Your caller's name re-creates the
eye contact, the caress, you might give in person.
Saying someone's name repeatedly when face-to-face
sounds pandering. But because there is physical distance
between you on the phone—sometimes you're a continent apart—you can spray your conversation with it.