They say the pen is mightier than the sword. It is, but the tongue
is even mightier than the pen. Our tongues can bring crowds to
laughter, to tears, and often to their feet in shouting appreciation.
Orators have moved nations to war or brought lost souls to God.
And what is their equipment? The same eyes, ears, hands, legs,
arms, and vocal chords you and I have.
Perhaps a professional athlete has a stronger body or a professional singer is blessed with a more beautiful singing voice than
the one we were doled out. But the professional speaker starts out
with the same equipment we all have. The difference is, these jawsmiths use it all. They use their hands, they use their bodies, and
they use specific gestures with heavy impact. They think about the
space they're talking in. They employ many different tones of
voice, they invoke various expressions, they vary the speed with
which they speak . . . and they make effective use of silence.
You may not have to make a formal speech anytime soon, but
chances are sometime (probably very soon) you're going to want
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people to see things your way. Whether it's persuading your family to spend their next vacation at Grandma's, or convincing the
stockholders in your multimillion-dollar corporation that it's time
to do a takeover, do it like a pro. Get a book or two on public
speaking and learn some of the tricks of the trade. Then put some
of that drama into your everyday conversation.
A Gem for Every Occasion
If stirring words help make your point, ponder the impact of powerful phrases. They've helped politicians get elected ("Read my
lips: no new taxes.") and defendants get acquitted ("If it doesn't
fit, you must acquit.").
If George H. W. Bush had said, "I promise not to raise taxes,"
or Johnny Cochran, during O. J. Simpson's criminal trial, had said,
"If the glove doesn't fit, he must be innocent," their bulky sentences would have slipped in and out of the voter's or juror's consciousness. As every politician and trial lawyer knows, neat phrases
make powerful weapons. (If you're not careful, your enemies will
later use them against you—read my lips!)
One of my favorite speakers is a radio broadcaster named
Barry Farber who brightens up late-night radio with sparkling similes. Barry would never use a cliché like "nervous as a cat on a hot
tin roof." He'd describe being nervous about losing his job as "I
felt like an elephant dangling over a cliff with his tail tied to a
daisy." Instead of saying he looked at a pretty woman, he'd say,
"My eyeballs popped out and dangled by the optic nerve."
When I first met him, I asked, "Mr. Farber, how do you come
up with these phrases?"
"My daddy's Mr. Farber. I'm Barry," he chided (his way of saying, "Call me Barry"). He then candidly admitted, although some
of his phrases are original, many are borrowed. (Elvis Presley used
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to say, "My daddy's Mr. Presley. Call me Elvis.") Like all professional speakers, Barry spends several hours a week gleaning
through books of quotations and humor. All professional speakers
do. They collect bon mots they can use in a variety of situations—
most especially to scrape egg off their faces when something unexpected happens.
Many speakers use author's and speaker's agent Lilly Walters's
face-saver lines from her book, What to Say When You're Dying on
the Platform.
16 If you tell a joke and no one laughs, try "That joke
was designed to get a silent laugh—and it worked." If the microphone lets out an agonizing howl, look at it and say, "I don't understand. I brushed my teeth this morning." If someone asks you a
question you don't want to answer, "Could you save that question
until I'm finished—and well on my way home?" All pros think of
holes they might fall into and then memorize great escape lines.
You can do the same.
Look through books of similes to enrich your day-to-day conversations. Instead of "happy as a lark" try "happy as a lottery winner" or "happy as a baby with its first ice cream cone." Instead of
"bald as an eagle," try "bald as a new marine" or "bald as a bullfrog's belly." Instead of "quiet as a mouse," try "quiet as an eel
swimming in oil" or "quiet as a fly lighting on a feather duster."
Find phrases that have visual impact. Instead of a cliché like
"sure as death and taxes," try "as certain as beach traffic in July"
or "as sure as your shadow will follow you." Your listeners can't see
death or taxes. But they sure can see beach traffic in July or their
shadow following them down the street.
Try to make your similes relate to the situation. If you're riding in a taxi with someone, "as sure as that taxi meter will rise" has
immediate impact. If you're talking with a man walking his dog,
"as sure as your dog is thinking about that tree" adds a touch of
humor.
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Make 'Em Laugh, Make 'Em Laugh,
Make 'Em Laugh
Humor enriches any conversation. But not jokes starting with,
"Hey didja hear the one about . . . ?" Plan your humor and make
it relevant. For example, if you're going to a meeting on the budget, look up money in a quotation book. In an uptight business
situation, a little levity shows you're at ease.
Once, during an oppressive financial meeting, I heard a top
executive say, "Don't worry, this company has enough money to
stay in business for years—unless we pay our creditors." He broke
the tension and won the appreciation of all. Later I saw a similar
quote in a humor book attributed to Jackie Mason, the comedian.
So what? The exec still came across as a cool communicator with
his clever comment.
Big players who want to be quoted in the media lie awake at
night gnawing the pillow trying to come up with phrases the press
will pick up. A Michigan veterinarian named Timothy, a heavy
hitter in his own field but completely unknown outside it, made
national headlines when he planned to attach a pair of feet to a
rooster who lost his to frostbite. Why? Because he called it a
"drumstick transplant."
I don't know if a French woman, Jeanne Calment, then officially the world's oldest person, was looking for publicity on her
122nd birthday. But she made international headlines when she told
the media, "I've only ever had one wrinkle, and I'm sitting on it."
Mark Victor Hansen, a big player in his own field but once relatively unknown outside of it, was propelled into national prominence when he came up with a catchy name for his book
coauthored with Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Soul. He told
me his original title was 101 Pretty Stories. How far would that have
gone? Soon the world was lapping up, among others, his Chicken
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Soup for the Woman's Soul, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul,
Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul, Chicken Soup for the Christian
Soul, plus second, third, and fourth servings of chicken soup in
hardcover, paperback, audiocassette, videocassette, and calendars.
A Word of Warning
No matter how good your material is, it bombs if it doesn't fit the
situation. I learned this the hard way during my cruise ship days.
On a cruise to England I decided to give my passengers a reading
of the English love poems of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning. You know, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." It
was a BIG hit. The passengers loved it and raved for days. I
couldn't walk out on deck without some passenger turning to me
and affectionately echoing, "How do I love thee?"