Have you ever seen those low-budget, mail-order fashion catalogues that use the same model throughout? Whether she is
engulfed in a wedding gown or partially clad in a bikini, her face
sports the same plastic smile. Looking at her, you get the feeling
if you rapped on her forehead, a tiny voice would come back saying "Nobody's in here."
Whereas models in more sophisticated magazines have mastered a myriad of different expressions: a flirtatious "I've got a
secret" smile on one page; a quizzical "I think I'd like to get to
know you but I'm not sure" smile on the next; and a mysterious
Mona Lisa smile on the third. You feel there's a brain running the
operation somewhere inside that beautiful head.
I once stood in the receiving line of the ship I worked on,
along with the captain, his wife, and several other officers. One
passenger with a radiant smile started shaking hands down our
line. When he got to me, he flashed a shimmering smile, revealing teeth as even and white as keys on a new piano. I was transfixed. It was as though a brilliant light had illuminated the dim
ballroom. I wished him a happy cruise and resolved to find this
charming gentleman later.
115
How to Make Them Feel
You "Don't Smile at
Just Anybody"
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Then he was introduced to the next person. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his identical glistening grin. A third person,
the same grin. My interest began to dwindle.
When he gave his fourth indistinguishable smile to the next
person, he started to resemble a Cheshire cat. By the time he was
introduced to the fifth person, his consistent smile felt like a strobe
light disturbing the ambience of the ballroom. Strobe Man went
on flashing everybody the same smile down the line. I had no further interest in talking with him.
Why did this man's stock shoot high in my ticker one minute
and plummet the next? Because his smile, although charming,
reflected no special reaction to me. Obviously, he gave the same
smile to everybody and, by that, it lost all its specialness. If Strobe
Man had given each of us a slightly different smile, he would have
appeared sensitive and insightful. (Of course, if his smile had been
just a tad bigger for me than for the others, I couldn't have waited
for the formalities to be over to seek him out in the crowded
ballroom.)
Review Your Repertoire of Smiles
If your job required you to carry a gun, you would, of course, learn
all about the moving parts before firing it. And before taking aim,
you would carefully consider whether it would murder, maim, or
merely wound your target. Since your smile is one of your biggest
communications weapons, learn all about the moving parts and the
effect on your target. Set aside five minutes. Lock your bedroom or
bathroom door so your family doesn't think you've gone off the
deep end. Now stand in front of the mirror and flash a few smiles.
Discover the subtle differences in your repertoire.
Just as you would alternate saying "Hello," "How do you do,"
and "I am pleased to meet you" when being introduced to a group
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of people, vary your smile. Don't use the same on each. Let each
of your smiles reflect the nuances of your sentiment about the
recipient.