Sometimes I wonder, what's the purpose of my life,
I get up everyday, just to disappoint in the way I survive,
I wish I had a goal to chase, something to keep me fresh and safe,
But here I am questioning my whole existence, why I'm even alive.
When everything gets in your way, and nothing goes your way,
You'll just have to find a way, to carve your own pathway,
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade they say,
But what can I do? I'm allergic to citrus anyway.
You see my scars, but do you see the purpose?
I doubt that you even bother, to see beyond the surface,
Oh wait! Does my life even has a purpose?
Or am I just a lost wreck, unseen below the ocean surface?
Is it too hard, to not judge someone?
Is it more than I can ask for, not to use someone?
Isn't it too obnoxious, to always complain about someone?
Don't you think it's a bit too exhausting, to always be that someone?
Isn't it funny no one realizes, that you're hurt,
When your heart is shattered into pieces, with no guarantee of rebuilt,
Due to actions that no one seems, to be responsible for,
It feels like your feelings, are completely unaccounted for.
Happiness, sadness or guilt,
Anger, joy or regret,
You name it, I don't feel it,
That's just how it's always been.
Just like a crusty book with empty pages, is my heart,
As a thousand electric shocks would be failures, to revive it,
I'm so desperate to feel anything, but nothingness,
I highly doubt it though, life is filled with unfortunate punishments.
When ending all this misery, is just a few pills away,
I've been patiently waiting, for my perfect day,
Not because I fear, what's beyond my way,
Just because I wanted to be, twice the girl I am today.
But I think I'm done now, done tackling down my feelings,
Done putting up with your toxic attitudes,
Done shaping up into your perfect values,
Done being a human, among all the other humans.
~ Au ❤️