Tiwa feels anxious as his eyes constantly shift toward Jaran, who appears lost in his own thoughts, pacing around the room with blood-stained fists from repeatedly slamming them against the walls. He can sense the tension rising in the air, his heart pounding in his chest as he struggles to find the right words to calm him down. He knows that one wrong move could set Jaran off even more, and the fierce fire burning within him raises the stakes even higher.
He feels everything! He feels the years wearing on their bones and muscles every day; their bodies have been through hell and back in the last ten years. Their hearts and souls have probably been through more. Most importantly, his!
He is haunted by Pravat relentlessly, even when they are apart. In some way or another, Pravat has always been present in his life, like a voice echoing in the depths of his mind, sometimes distracting him and other times forcing him to confront uncomfortable truths about himself. Tiwa has never really been alone, after all. It's as if they are forever intertwined, destined to be a part of each other's lives no matter how hard they try to move on.
Tiwa opens his mouth to say something, but Jaran shakes his head and steps up, wrapping his massive arms wordlessly around him and pressing him to his chest. They don't have time to talk after leaving the diner, so Tiwa feels it is a reaction of apology for letting him alone with Decha.
"I'm stupid, Tiwa. I should have been by your side, but I wasn't. It's my mistake!" Jaran murmurs, stomping his foot heavily on the floor.
Shaking his head in disagreement, Tiwa refuses to release Jaran from the bear hug. He clings desperately to him, realizing that forgiveness and understanding are more important than blame and regret. "It's not your mistake. It's my fate!" he declares solemnly.
Jaran's heart aches at Tiwa's words, overwhelmed by a mixture of guilt and sadness that washes over him. He shakes his head and allows Tiwa to slip a little out of his arms so that he can look him in the eyes. They both have brown eyes, but his are slightly darker than Tiwa's caramel-brown ones. "It's not your fate. It's his fate to get into my hands again. I'm damn sure I will kill him if he tries to reach you again," he growls.
"Oh, my.." Tiwa shakes his head in disbelief, unsure of how to process the information. He doesn't know how he needs to feel about it. "Just try to forget about it," he says, gently releasing Jaran and giving him a reassuring pat on the chest.
He doesn't want Jaran to see the mixed emotions he's feeling; luckily, his brother remains oblivious. Only Tiwa knows the truth locked away deep in his soul, and perhaps it is the reason he always feels more distressed than he can admit.
***
While Tiwa goes for a hot shower, Jaran blasts the music on high volume and starts hitting the wall again, this time with a shout of frustration, and he almost doesn't hear the door open and close. He looks back, his eyes flaring, ready to scare off whoever is stupid enough to disturb him. He sees Kiat leaning against the door jamb and clasping his hands together.
"Are you feeling better? Have you let it all out?" Kiat asks in a droning voice, causing Jaran's sore fists to clench again at his sides. "Well, I know who he is!"
"Fuck off, Kiat," Jaran bites out, but Kiat saunters into the room toward him.
"Why are you getting disturbed this much?" Kiat asks, looking around the room to gather up the mess and noticing Jaran's wounded fists. He shakes his head, inching closer with deliberate slowness, each step laden with caution, a sense of impending confrontation thick in the air.
"You know well," Jaran growls, unwilling to discuss it further.
"Why do we have to worry about it? Our Tiwa is beta, not an omega to care about it." Kiat tries to make some sense, not knowing the reality. As he notices the silence in Jaran, his mind starts to work out something, which makes him think. "Or are you hiding...?"
Jaran cuts off Kiat's rambling by yelling, "Hit me." Just destroying everything doesn't work out, so he hopes it will calm his nerves a little and make him think about something he wants to do next.
"What? Are you mad?" Kiat yells. He walks over to Jaran and pushes him hard in the chest. "Just calm down, Jaran." In his hands, he can feel Jaran pumping, fighting to get air into the lungs.
Kiat takes a step back, trying to think of another way to defuse the situation. "Well, I'm going," he says, throwing his hands in the air. He knows that getting Jaran to calm down is crucial in this moment of high tension, so letting him alone is best. "I'll see you later," he says, making his way to the door.
Jaran has no idea how or when he grabs the vase and hurls it at the door, as Kiat is about to step out. The vase shatters against the door with a loud crack, falling apart into pieces. "Please," Jaran pleads, his desperation evident in his voice. "Hit me."
Kiat abruptly stops his movement as he witnesses the vase shattering in front of him by the door. The shock is evident on his face as he turns to face Jaran. His hands tremble, and he tightly clenches his fists to suppress the shaking. He knows he has to do this. "I'm sorry, Jaran," he says, lowering his voice as he raises his fist and forcefully strikes him in the face. The impact is strong, and he can almost sense the pain radiating through his own fingers.
Jaran stumbles, holding his face, and luckily, he doesn't trip over something or fly through the window. "Come on," he encourages Kiat, wanting to get beaten hard some more.
Rather than feeling intimidated, Kiat is now surprised by Jaran's actions. However, he quickly decides not to hesitate and retaliates by pushing Jaran away and delivering a powerful blow to his stomach. Kiat continues to unleash a series of punches, striking Jaran in the face and causing his nose to bleed.
Disoriented, Jaran loses his balance and falls flat on the floor. Filled with concern, Kiat immediately rushes over to check on him and asks, "Are you okay?"
Instead of replying, Jaran's brows furrow as he looks up at Kiat's boots before locking eyes with Tiwa, whose light brown eyes widen in horror. The tears begin to stream down Jaran's face, catching him by surprise as he notices them running down his cheeks while Tiwa kneels beside him with tears of his own. Jaran winces in pain as his little brother gently brushes away the blood from his nose and sobs heavily alongside him.
"I can't lose you!" Tiwa bends down and presses his face against Jaran's chest with dry sobs. He can't imagine a world without Jaran by his side. Holding onto him tightly, he fights with his breath and wails in despair.
Jaran hates it for unknowingly being the reason for Tiwa's crying, but instead, that deep burning flares back up again, getting on his nerves. It's not to hurt his little brother. It's not his little brother's punishment. It's punishment for him to let that stupid moment happen in Tiwa's life again.