Pandemonium welcomed us upon arrival at the hotel where the ball was being held.
The guards that had been deployed for the event struggled to keep the mob of frenzied reporters and photographers behind the line while Jude kept a secure arm around Stella as they walked up the steps. I had gone ahead of them, accompanied by my so-called fiancee, and just sped through the carpet to avoid vomiting all over it from anxiety. Jude, however, was taking his sweet fucking time. The freak was even smiling at the cameras.
"Guess you're not the only rebel with a cause," Andre muttered as we watched my brother's grand performance.
I didn't respond, listening intently to the reports coming to me through the earpiece I wore. The additional security I had arranged were in position inside, disguised as guests and servers. Vehicles for diversion in case of an emergent situation were rounding the block while the exit routes were secured.
Tonight's event, the annual Lastor Foundation Donor's Ball, attended by not only the progeny of the Main and Second branches in the Lastor family tree, but also our closest associates that ranged from political leaders to industry tycoons. It was also the one day in the year that all sitting members of the family council held an obligatory meeting where possible elections and general overview of the family was the agenda.
Naturally, it was the worst fucking time to be instigating a rebellion, but I either let my dumbass brother have this or stand on the frontline of a war I had no desire to fight in.
"All members of the council are accounted for," Katrina, the one I charged with command of this operation, reported through my earpiece. "Head is engaged with collaterals. Assets are attempting to close in. Madame is coming your way."
I feigned to adjust the tiara pinned to my head, glancing back just as Mother walked out to the lobby. Despite her evident fury, she carried herself with grace and poise fit for a lady of her standing.
When she came to stand next to Andre and I, I could clearly see she was ashen faced and trembling as she took in the sight of her precious baby boy growing into a proper man whose balls had finally descended.
"How could you allow this to happen?" she hissed lowly from beside Andre. "Did I not make myself clear? I want that wench gone."
"It would be both arrogant and foolish, to presume there is anyone who can impose their will upon my brother," I said calmly, earning a glare from Mother. "Father couldn't bend him. Neither you nor I won't."
"Anthony is furious. He will not let this slide."
"I am not just a sword, Mother," I said with a smile, adjusting my elbow length gloves. "Nothing can touch my brother for as long as I stand with him."
"There better not be."
She let out a huff before turning on her heel and heading back inside the ball room. Andre followed her through his longing gaze, fidgeting on his feet as he remained standing next to me. Mother glanced back to him, and for a brief moment, they shared a look.
There was nothing that could be read through that single look. They were both too well-mannered to allow any genuine sincerity to be seen in anything they did. But for such a look to exist between them, I could not help but empathize. I knew that look. I saw it in Rick's eyes, reflected back to me whenever I looked at him. That unreasonable desire to be so close to him, there could be nowhere left for anything else.
Nevertheless, opportunity came before sympathy.
"We should fuck," I murmured in Andre's ear.
He flinched, quickly drawing his gaze away from Mother's retreating figure and looking at me in bewilderment.
"I beg your pardon?"
I shuffled closer to him, slipping my arm through his. "A lifetime is quite long to not fuck one's spouse. Consummation aside, wouldn't it be convenient if we were sexually compatible?"
"I was under the impression things were quite serious between you and… what was his name? Richard?"
"No more serious than things between you and my mother." I pressed his arm against my chest, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. "I know my mother well. When she takes an interest in something, she will have her fill of it and then move onto the next thrill without a backwards glance." I lowered the side of my head to rest on his shoulder, smiling faintly. "I don't need to know what kind of fucking you two have been doing, but it simply can't be that interesting for her to keep you for much longer."
He tilted his head to look at me, his eyes consciously dull. "I'm touched, dear wife. I didn't think you'd ever spare me an ounce of concern."
I shrugged, trailing my fingers down his forearm and taking his hand. "So, what say you? Care to fuck your bride?"
I pulled at our twined hands abruptly, bringing his arm around my back and closing the distance between us. I slid my leg through the slit of my gown, pressing myself against him as I cocked my head back. I consciously let a small smile curl on my lips, swallowing blatantly while roaming my gaze over his face.
"I've been rather curious..." I murmured, lowering my lids halfway and looking up at him from under my lashes. "Just what was it about you that made Mother claim you the moment she laid her eyes upon you? You were supposed to be mine, and yet she made you hers before I could take a glance at you. It's quite a shame."
He had grown stiff, forcefully breathing in as he stared down at me unblinkingly. I could feel him, hardening and straining against his slacks. People nearby had taken notice of us, staring and whispering, and cameras were flashing around us. When I shifted, purposely pressing against him, he placed a hand on my hip to still me.
"Angel," he said in a rasp, lowering his face slightly until the tip of his nose touched mine. "Don't cause trouble now."
I smirked. "You didn't take me for a saint, did you?"
He chuckled, shaking his head at me. "I don't know what you're scheming, but do leave me out of it."
"Is that a no then?" I asked, reaching up to rest my free arm on his shoulder. "Or a can't?" He frowned and I smiled in return. "You can stand to call another your wife, but you can't bear the thought of being with anyone else but her, no?"
"That's enough," he bit out, trying to pull away, but I kept my hold on him firm.
"Isn't it too much of a tragedy?" I grasped his jaw, brushing my thumb along his bottom lip. "The woman you love is trapped in a marriage with a cruel husband who has never once spared her an ounce of concern. And here you are, willing yourself to the same fate."
He turned his head slightly, removing my touch from his lips. "Love is fleeting. What I gain from our marriage far outweighs any affection I have for Jackie."
"It is our families that stand to gain from our marriage, not us. But I can offer you greater things than any of them would ever bother to." I pulled him down, bringing my lips to his ear. "I can lay the world at your feet and satisfy any desire you have so completely, you will want for nothing."
"Is that right?" he said wryly.
"That it is." I glanced to the side, seeing Jude and Stella approach us as they finally entered the lobby. "All you need to do..." I went on, brushing my lips against his earlobe "… is abandon me."
I pulled away completely from Andre, giving him a parting smile before turning and meeting Jude halfway. I took Stella's side, effectively caging her between us to keep others away.
"What did you do?" Jude asked as we passed Andre who remained standing still.
I shrugged, linking arms with Stella. "Offered us both salvation from each other."
"Did he accept?"
I smiled to myself. "If he doesn't, then I suppose I'll be a widow soon."
"Mattias won't turn a blind eye to the loss of his eldest son," Jude replied, nodding at a group of people who offered smiles in passing.
"Wasn't it just this morning you said being passive is against my nature?"
He sighed. "Just be thorough. Don't allow them a moment of composure."
"But of course, it would just be unnecessarily cruel to hesitate when slitting a hog's throat." Stella faltered in her step and we caught her by both arms. "You good, baby face?"
"Did you hurt yourself, chérie?" Jude chimed in.
"I'm- I'm okay, thank you," she mumbled, tripping on herself again. "S-Sorry!"
"Is it the gown or the shoes that's bothering you?" I asked, frowning. "The stylist sends spares in case of accidents. Would you like to change?"
"Luis reserved a room beforehand. I'll go fetch the key," Jude offered.
"No, no, I'm okay!" Stella insisted, holding Jude still. "I- I was just… off balance."
We looked at her intently, raking our gaze over her in doubt. She cringed from the attention and pulled her arms free from our hold, clutching the thick skirt of her gown.
"I'd like to sit down. Please."
Jude nodded, placing a hand on her back. "Let's go find our table."
"We'll be late for the meeting," I noted, nodding at the room across the hall where guards stood in attention. "I'll have Kat stay with her."
He sighed, pulling Stella closer and kissing her for all the world to see. I was tempted to disown myself right then and there.
"We'll be back soon," Jude murmured softly once they parted. "Wait for me."
Stella nodded, smiling despite her evident nerves. I spotted Katrina approaching and purposely stepped inbetween the two fools who were intent on making my life an even worse hell with their nonsense.
"Keep your vicinity clear and don't leave her side," I ordered to Katrina once she reached us. "Use my name if anyone bothers you, and remember theirs. I'll deal with them myself."
"Use mine as well," Jude added. "And force, if necessary. I'll deal with the consequences."
Katrina nodded once, wordlessly offering her hand to Stella. I had to physically pull the two fools apart and drag my brother away while inching closer to resignation from my burdensome duties.
I had been groomed to destroy and conquer, yet here I was, playing fairy godmother and cupid. Fuck this shit.
We entered the room across the hall, finding the lone table in the middle of the vast space filled by the seated members of the family council while their respective Hagen aides stood several steps behind them.
They regarded us with pointed stares, a heavy silence filling the room as we approached. Luis and Arthur, who stood behind our vacant seats, stepped forward and pulled out our chairs. Jude and I untangled our arms and went to our places, sitting across each other andpurposely disregarding everyone beneath us as we only held each other's gaze. When a sudden clearing of throat broke the silence, we spared the lowly thing a glance and she stilled, clenching her jaw tightly shut and lowering her gaze in submission.
I didn't recognize her face, and the thing that once sat in the irrelevant space she was occupying was now seated elsewhere. Beneath her and far beneath us.
"How dull," I mumbled to myself, raising two fingers.
Arthur approached my side, lighting a cigarette before placing it between my fingers. I brought it to my lips, taking several drags and exhaling as I raised my gaze to the chandelier hanging above us. How hilarious would it be if the damned thing crushed us all.
The doors were creaking open and the uncomfortable silence was instantly replaced by an oppressive weight in the air. I closed my eyes, listening to the heavy footsteps drawing closer.
As our master took his solitary seat at the head of the table, everyone lowered their heads in acknowledgement of his rightful authority over us.
"Pardon my delay, I had to welcome all the guests," Father said, his lighthearted tone juxtaposing his imposing presence. "Let us begin, shall we?"
Submissive silence conceded to him.
"Well then..." he went on. "I see my daughter has found her way back."
I keep my head lowered, staring at the table. "Do you oppose, sir?"
He hummed briefly, reaching for me and taking my wrist. He brought the cigarette I was holding to his lips, the silence lingering once more as he took one puff after another, the feel of his piercing gaze on me bringing forth an innate urge to prostrate myself before him.
"The last time you sat properly at this table, I had yet to take my seat where it is now," he began quietly, gently rubbing the inside of my wrist with his thumb. "If you wish to reclaim your place, then you must know, I am not my father. I will not tolerate your whims at our family's expense."
"Yes, sir."
"Look at me, child," he murmured softly, pulling me closer.
Holding my breath, I raised my head and met his gaze. A seemingly everlasting perfect smile was spread across his lips, clashing against the sinister malevolence in his eyes.
"Welcome back, my precious girl," he said adoringly, cupping my face and tracing the cut on my cheek. "Stray no longer, hm?"
"Yes, Father," I replied, my voice hush.
He widened his smile, narrowing his gaze as he looked over the rest of the table.
"But, of course, I shall hear any opposition."
He slid his hand from my cheek, grasping my chin and turning my head to face them before extracting his hold. I eyed the lowly things with conscious intent, holding the gazes of those who dared to meet mine until no one could face me any longer. One by one, I silently laid claim of my rightful place and I let myself smile at their quiet submission.
"It really has become quite dull," I mumbled in dismay, looking back to my father. "I shall conduct myself as such from henceforth."
He smiled. "I know you will, darling."
He leaned back with a casual air about him that felt too foreign that it was such an unsettling sight. Then he looked over to Jude, who met his gaze with blatant disregard.
"Though the same cannot be said of your brother," he said in apparent amusement. "What shall I do with you, my boy?"
Jude tilted his head slightly, looking at our father as he would the rest of them. Like he was nothing but filth dirtying his sight. Father did not falter, his perfect smile remaining etched on his face. I wanted to throw up.
"You will do nothing," Jude commaned, his indifferent tone heavy. "If you wish to cling to your vain peace."
Father's smile widened into a grin. "Is that a declaration?"
"It can be."
"I may be a man of peace, but lest you forget, that was only achieved through unbiased savagery." He sighed, shaking his head. "I perish the thought of you staining yourself with the blood of your own kin."
Jude chuckled lightly, leaning forward. "I am your heir, so rest easy, Father, I shall conduct myself as you have shown me to."
They stared at each other, neither carrying their carefully cultivated facades any longer. The King and his Heir, on the verge of crushing us all with their imposing existence.
Jude slowly rose to his feet, keeping his eyes solely on our father. When he glanced my way, so did Father, and the rest of them soon followed suit. I feigned nonchalance, finishing the rest of my cigarette and flicking it aside carelessly.
"My woman is waiting, so I must excuse us from the rest of the precedings. Our aides shall sit in our place," Jude said, looking down at Father with unabashed condescension. "You may dismiss us now."
A light chuckle that gradually rose to a boisterous laugh erupted from Father, clapping his hands as if in appreciation of my brother's performance. And then he slammed his palms on the table with enough force to make it tremble.
"Go," he uttered, the single syllable laced with calm fury. "Enjoy yourself now, so I may later."
"Angel," Jude called tersely, holding his hand out to his side.
Father's ferocious glare focused on me, cutting me to the bone and riddling me with panic. I stood, consciously keeping my body loose and barely breathing in fear of choking on air. I approached Father's side, bowing low as I reached for his hand and kissed the ring that reflected his dominion over our blood.
"I submit to you and only you," I said, keeping my forehead pressed against the back of his hand. "If they dare reach beyond their lowly places, I shall cut down every last one of them until no trace of their existence remains."
As I straightened, I dared not look upon him. As I walked towards Jude, I could feel my knees seeking the ground. As we headed to the door, I wanted nothing more than to beg and plead for forgiveness. But I could only hold Jude's hand and remain at his side.
The moment the doors shut behind us, I slipped my hand from Jude's grip and walked ahead.
"Little Angel," he called, following me.
"I've done my part," I said, my voice cracking. "Go do yours."
He grasped my arm, stilling me. "Thank you."
I sighed, offering a faint smile. "I told you, I will always choose you." I pulled my arm out of his hold, patting his shoulder. "I'll be parked at the bar if you need me."
He frowned. "I thought you were trying, Gel?"
I rolled my eyes, turning on my heel. "I just aided your rebellion, give me a break."
We entered the ballroom, and he went to find Stella while I hunted for the bar and quickly claimed a stool. I ordered a whiskey, slipping the bartender a hundred dollar bill to ensure he kept my glass filled. I was nursing my second glass when I caught several of my relatives approaching my direction in throngs. I downed my drink just as they reached me.
"Angel… you look–"
"You have till three counts to fuck off," I cut in as the bartender filled my glass. My insolent blood continued to plague me. "Un."
I glanced at them, taking my glass and emptying it in one breath. I slammed it on the counter and the bartender flustered to fill it again.
"Your predecessors were once shortlived rivals of mine," I remarked, tilting my head as I slid my gaze over each one of them. "They were quite disappointing. I wonder how the lot of you will fare." I emptied my drink and slammed the glass down again. "Deux."
The insignificant little things dispersed in haste. I let out a steadying breath, though the tightly laced bodice of my gown only worsened the suffocating feeling squeezing my chest.
I delivered an order to Katrina to have a team posted in my vicinity and usher away every person bearing any shade of auburn hair.
Ispent the next half hour distracing myself from the growing anxiety of being too sober, in spite of already being on my eighth glass of whiskey on top of the bottle of champagne I'd emptied during the drive over, around so many people by watching the video of Rick singing along to Simon & Garfunkel in the car on repeat.
He had gone in for his shift and we'd spent his breaks on the phone. His next break wouldn't be for another hour and I was finding it increasingly hard to remain satisfied with a glass of whiskey.
It was easy, letting him be enough to stay as just Angel, when I was with him. His presence consumed me so wholly that I could live with myself, but his absence left me drowning in an abyss of chaos with nothing to hold onto.
I need a fix.
"Angel?"
I tucked my phone away and turned to regard the person standing next to me, my brows raising recognition.
"I thought that was you," Tristan said with a crooked smile.
"What the hell, man?" I said, slapping him by the arm. "Since when did you become a socialite?"
He rolled his eyes, leaning against the bar. "Apparently, being a filial son means abandoning my principles." He spared the room a look of disdain. "What even is the purpose of a donor's ball?"
"What else, but to give us the pretense of significance by throwing money around?"
He snorted. "Man, I missed you. How's it going?"
I raised my glass, clicking my tongue against my teeth. "Quite miserably, thanks for asking."
"Yeah, I heard." He tilted his head, eyeing the obnoxious ring I was forced to wear. "Is that the acceptable standard for a Lastor engagement ring? I really hope my family goes bankrupt trying to keep up."
"Oh, have they finalized the arrangement?"
He nodded, pursing his lips. "They call the little devil Victoria," he muttered with a dry laugh. "They've got us following this ridiculous dating plan. That's why I'm here, instead of… well, anywhere else."
"Victoria," I mumbled, recalling the information I'd stowed away of the name. "Henry's eldest?"
"I guess? I'm doing my best to dissociate from the whole thing," he replied indifferently before taking a sip of his champagne.
I chuckled inwardly. "Well, if she is, then you got a pretty high one. She's from the main branch of the family and the heir to her father."
"Oh, she's fucking high alright. Stuck so high up her pedestal, I'm pretty sure she sees people as ants from the way she steps on them," he muttered bitterly. "I swear, she makes you look like an actual angel."
"I find that highly offensive," I said with vehemence.
"Tristan?" a sweet lilting voice called.
He flinched, snapping his head over to where it came from. "I have never resented my name come out of a hot chick's mouth until now."
"Want me to scare her away?"
"I'll give you my kidney if you make her cry."
I held back a laugh, gesturing at the circle of guests discreetly standing in her way. They stepped aside to let her pass and she strutted towards us, smiling so menacingly it would make my great-grandfather proud.
I remembered her to be the irrelevant seat filler from earlier. No wonder I wasn't familiar with her. She had been too insignificant for me to know outside the trivial facts I kept in mind regarding the other heirs.
According to the occasional reports I'd receive from Arthur,Victoria been elected into the family council a year ago, having gained her seat by orchestrating the downfall of several low-ranking members in some proxy war with their in-laws to get around Father's firm stance on keeping peace among the ranks. She's been steadily climbing her way up the hierarchy since, ruining reputations and brandishing our kin's filth all over town in her wake. Last I heard, Father had recently imposed a sanction on the clever little thing to halt her machinations from ruining us all.
"Tristan, my love, here you are," Victoria cooed adoringly, linking their arms together. She glanced over to me. "Hello, Angel. It's been too long. How have you been?"
"Better without you," I replied flatly, raking my gaze over her and purposely letting out a snort.
Her smile faltered just barely, but she quickly recovered her perfection. It was both impressive and sickening.
"Anyway, what are you two–"
I reached out a hand, flicking her forehead. She stumbled back as if I'd shoved her.
"On second thought–" I went on, flicking her again. "– I'm quite bored." Flick. "Shall we entertain each other, little one?" Flick. "You have to promise one thing though." Flick. "You won't seek mercy before I've had my fill." Flick. "But I must warn you." Flick. "Only blood can sate me."
She trembled with rage as I continued to flick her forehead ever so gently. It was such a titilating sight, I began to actually consider being sincere in my offer. It truly had been too long since I last drew the blood of a Lastor. I was beginning to forget what a rush it was, to witness these wretched monsters be reduced to pathetic humans like the rest of them.
"Ah, don't worry, babe." I turned to Tristan, smirking. "I'll get you a replacement if I break this one."
He stifled his laughter with a cough. "Enjoy yourself then."
"Hear that, pretty girl?" I turned back to Victoria, sliding my finger down her face and tucking it under her chin. "I get to break you."
She jolted her head back, pulling her arm away from Tristan's and stepping out of my reach.
"You think you can get away with this?" she hissed lowly. "I will–"
"Ugh. Boring," I cut in, swiveling my seat to turn away from her. "You made her sound such fun, babe. Were you just teasing?"
Tristand shrugged, taking a sip of his champagne. "Well, compared to you, she is quite a bore."
"Tristan," Victoria bit out.
"Child, don't be rude. I'm speaking to my friend," I murmured softly, looking over my shoulder to regard her. "Goodness. Just how fucking incompetent is Henry to have raised such a worthless little thing like you?" I tilted my head, pausing intentionally. "No wonder he's so desperate to have one of his bastards acknowledged. Both his heirs are turning out to be utter disappointments." I pursed my lips, feigning to hold back a laugh. "What a disgrace."
She opened her mouth to respond, wavering when a stuttering breath escaped her. Pursing her lips into a flawed smile, she turned around and quickly disappeared into the crowd. Tristan broke into a fit of hysterics.
"Shit, that just made coming to this fucking thing worth the suffering," he said, snickering.
"Angel Lastor. Serving at your pleasure," I quipped, raising my glas before taking a sip.
He grinned. "Yeah? Marry me then. I swear, I will never love you."
I clicked my tongue against my teeth. "Ironically enough, I'm trying to escape my own impending marriage at the moment. I can get you out too, if you want."
He shook his head, chuckling. "Nah. I gotta hold the side up."
"Piety truly does not become you, my friend," I said in feigned dismay.
"Don't tempt me," he replied, groaning. "I'm one bitch fit away from going on the run."
"Just remember, Lastors don't get divorced," I warned teasingly.
"My God, everyone keeps saying that shit. Is that your family motto or something?"
"More like a curse, actually," I retorted.
"Fuck, it really is, isn't it?"
I laughed at his despair. He emptied his champagne before taking my glass and doing the same.
"Wanna fuck?" he offered casually.
I snorted. "Pass. I have a boyfriend."
His brows raised, looking surprised. "Since when?"
I thought for a moment, considering it. "Since Mexico, I guess."
"Shit, I saw that in the news. It was for real? Like, deadass?" I shrugged. "That doctor from back then, right?"
"Rick."
"Rick. Huh." He stared at me for a moment. "This one's different, isn't it?"
"He's different," I noted, taking my glass after the bartender filled it.
"Holy shit. You're really serious."
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."
"I didn't think you were into that," he said in disbelief. "Honestly, I didn't think you'd be capable of loving anything more than coke and whiskey."
I stilled for a moment, gripping my glass. "I don't love him."
He laughed. "You sure? Cuz I've known you for a pretty long time and watched the way you operate. I can tell you're–"
"I don't love him," I cut in with a glare.
He pursed his lips, staring back at me. I turned away from him and just tended to my drink. My anxiety refused to abate and only seemed to worsen.
"Well… I'm bored," Tristan said, snatching my glass away. "Friends with no benefits, huh? I can deal." He shrugged and paused to down the whiskey. "I heard there's a pool on the roof." He leaned closer, smiling. "Wanna keep me company while I decide whether to drown myself in it or jump off it?"
I tilted my head, glancing over to the table where Jude and Stella sat at. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, willfully ignoring the rest of the world. The reports from Katrina didn't relay any disruptions and every asset were firmly posted in place.
"I suggest doing the jump," I said, looking back to Tristan. "Easier access for the coroner."
"Noted."
He grinned, offering me his arm as I got off the stool. We bribed the bartender to give us a bottle of vodka and grabbed a tray of mini quiches from a passing waiter on our way out.
We spent the ride up the elevator passing a blunt that Tristan had stashed in his tuxedo. It was apparently a parting gift from Bo, who was currently interning at Lastor Pharmaceuticals in Switzerland for the summer.
"What strain is this?" I asked, already staggering after a few hits.
"Challenger," Tristan answered while holding his breath.
"Fuck no." I shoved him out the elevator as it opened to the roof. "That shit gives me nightmares."
"It's alright, I laced it with H to balance it out," he assured me, laughing. "Besides, isn't it… sentimental? The three of us bonded over the trauma of this strain, remember?"
"I remember us shitting ourselves at a frat party after doing a whole bag of it," I said while undoing the straps of my heels.
He laughed, stripping his jacket and kicking his shoes off. I gathered up the bottom of my gown before sitting down by the edge of the pool, letting my legs soak in the water. The wind was making me drowsy and I laid back, staring up at the starlit sky.
"Report," I ordered in a quiet voice.
"No movement," Katrina responded instantly through the earpiece. "Gold and Star are secure."
Tristan sat next to me, passing me the blunt. I took another deep drag, holding it till I felt like choking before exhaling.
"You good to him?" he suddenly asked. I glanced at him, my brows furrowed in confusion. "The guy you don't love." He smiled, tilting his head. "You're doing right by him and all that sappy shit, yeah?"
I looked away, staring at the sky. "I'm trying."
"But you don't love him."
"Drop it, man."
"Can't. I'm high and my brain won't drop the stupid thing," he said with a weak laugh. "I've wondered, you know, what it would be like to be loved by you. When I figured I'll never know, I decided maybe you just weren't capable of it." He took a drag from the blunt, holding it for a moment before letting it out in a sigh. "I guess it was just never my place to know, what being loved by you is like."
"I don't love him," I repeated once more.
He laughed. "I thought you don't lie, babe?"
"Enough. I mean it."
He leaned over me, placing the blunt between my lips. I bit down on it, taking a drag while he held it for me. When I exhaled the fumes, he sucked them in for himself and blew out whatever remained back to me.
"You should let yourself," he said, taking a drag from the blunt. "Love him, I mean. You deserve it."
"I won't, and I don't."
"That's a fucking shame," he said, placing the blunt back on my lips. "I bet the guy loves you though."
"He doesn't."
He smiled. "Trust me, he does." He sat back up, slapping his cheeks. "Ah, this shit's fucking with my head."
He reached into his back pocket, digging out a packet of white powder from his wallet. I stared at it, my nose suddenly itching.
"You got a mirror?" he asked.
"I… uh, need to make a call."
"Sure. Mirror?"
I took my clutch, handing him my compact before getting up. I walked off to the side, dialing Rick. I paced the length of the pool as it rang, but he wasn't answering.
I kept trying. I wanted to keep trying. I had to.
"Quick! The fucking wind's gonna blow the damn thing!" Tristan said in a rush, coming up next to me.
I gripped the phone tightly, listening to it continue to ring. He handed me a rolled up bill and held out the mirror striped by lines of white powder with one hand, covering it from the wind with the other.
"Hurry, hurry."
As I leaned down and sniffed a line, the call went on ringing. On and on. He never answered.