"No," I huffed and folded my arms across my chest, refusing to get out of the car.
Rick just laughed and took off my seatbelt, carrying me out of the car with ease and putting me down on the ground.
"It fucking smells like piss!"
He rolled his eyes and took my hand, twining our fingers together as he took long strides towards the entrance. I tried to pull my hand back, but he just squeezed it, looking back at me with a huge smile that I returned with a glare.
"Come on, I'll win you stuff," he said, tugging me beside him.
He paid for our fee and bought an fastpass ticket that included unlimited rides at the park, not that I would even dare step foot on any of those things. I've seen Final Destination. Shit was not fucking fun.
The place was packed tight by crowds of families and couples who held the idiotic belief that an amusement park was a romantic destination, like my dumbass date. I felt my anxiety reach erratic heights at being surrounded by so many people.
Rick pulled me to his front, wrapping a secure arm around me and using the other to push through the crowds while keeping anyone from touching a single inch of skin on my body.
"I'm here," he whispered in my ear. "Don't be scared."
"I'm not scared."
I was terrified. I've never been around so many people while sober. The stimuli was fast becoming overwhelming and the lack of alcohol or drugs in my system made it horribly unbearable. I couldn't focus and my senses were so out of whack that I was starting to feel nauseous. Why, in God's name, Rick thought this was a good idea was beyond me, but he looked so excited and I didn't want to ruin the day more than I already had.
Rick was talking to me and I forced my senses to focus solely on him, shutting out everything around me.
He cocked his head towards a booth filled with different colors of cotton candies. I hummed in affirmation. He grinned, handing a bill to the guy behind the booth who gave him two sticks of massive rolls of cotton candy twice the size of his head.
He handed one to me and I looked at it for a moment, before taking a large bite, the sweet confection melting almost immediately on my tongue. I snickered to myself as I thought about how Jude would both be appalled and jealous at my having this garbage. I was so going to brag about it later.
Rich pinched my cheek and I sent him a glare as I took another bite of the cotton. He kept grinning, basically dragging me along as we surveyed the booths before stopping at one.
There were colorful balloons lined up in rows on a board at the back of the booth. Stuffed toys of all sorts and sizes hung at the corners of the booth while candies and trinkets were upfront. A few teenagers were gathered around, cheering on their friend whose aim was far too out of practice. His darts won't even make it to the board.
"Jude told a story once," Rick was saying as we watched the kid play. "How, when you were little, you could only sleep at night after tucking all your dolls to bed and he had to be there to kiss them goodnight. Each one of them. Every night. It got to a point that he couldn't sleep either unless he did it."
I cringed. "What is wrong with him? Why would he tell people that shit?"
He snickered, taking a bite of his cotton candy. "It was during the time we were pledging to our fraternity. We had to share cherished memories from our childhood and the seniors voted on which one we had to act out. Jude's story won the vote."
"My God, does he have no regard for both our reputation?"
"I thought it was a very adorable story," he said, pulling me closer as a group of people passed us. "I was quite disappointed when I didn't see any dolls in your room. I thought I could tease big bad Angel Lastor about sleeping with dolls."
I snorted at that. "Mother had them all burned as punishment after I choked on a piece of bread during a dinner party," I muttered as I tossed another ball of cotton candy in my mouth. "I wasn't allowed to keep toys after that. Apparently, a lady ought to carry poise instead of dolls."
I felt Rick tense beside me and I glanced over at him, seeing him staring at me with a stiff expression. I flicked his forehead.
"It taught me if you can't protect something precious to you, you have no right to keep it," I said, offering a smile. "That lesson is worth more than a hundred dolls and I'm grateful I learned it young."
"A child shouldn't be learning such a thing," he said grimly. "And no child should be punished for something an adult is responsible for."
"A normal child, of course, but not a Lastor child."
He sighed, pressing his lips to my ear. "Can you protect things that are precious to you now then?"
I tilted my head slightly, locking eyes with him. "I wouldn't be in your arms if I couldn't do something so simple."
He cracked a smile, kissing the tip of my nose. "Pick one," he said, gesturing at the rows of stuffed toys. "I'll win it for you."
I wrinkled my nose. "No, thank you."
"Hm. I think I need to go to the men's room," he mumbled, tilting his head to look around. "You'll have to wait here for a bit. Around all these people. Alone."
I gripped his shirt, glaring at him. "I'll ditch you."
"Can you make it to the parking lot?" He slipped his arm off my shoulder and took a step back. "Alone?"
I felt an arm bump into my shoulder and stiffened. "You're such an ass."
"Uh-huh." He brought his arms around me again, holding me flush against him. "Pick one."
I huffed, glancing at the stupid things and pointing at the largest one. A stuffed panda bear.
"Good girl," he murmured, nipping at my ear lightly.
"Fuck you," I whispered back as a shiver ran down my nape.
"Hm. Later." He pulled me along as he went up to the attendant at the booth. "How do I win?"
"Just hit the balloons, there's a note inside that says which prize you get," the man answered flatly. "Ten bucks for five darts."
"How many balloons are there?"
"Uh… about sixty, I guess?"
Rick pondered for a moment before taking out a wad of bills from his wallet and slapping them on the table. The attendant looked at him like he was insane, but then shrugged and handed him the darts.
Keeping his left arm around me and holding me to his front, he extended his right arm to the back and flung the dart, hitting a yellow balloon. He looked at me, grinning. I humored him by clapping lightly. And then he went on and on. Hitting a different colored balloon every time.
I was becoming quickly overstimulated by the feel of his jeans rubbing against my bare thighs, his scent engulfing my senses, his sharp breaths after each throw, his muscles flexing whenever he stretched, and his heartbeat thumping in my ear as he kept me pressed to his chest. This man was as debilitating as being alone in the middle of a crowd.
Restless and agitated, I shifted to fully face him, biting onto his shoulder in an attempt to relieve myself of the stress for even just a fraction. It wasn't enough. I needed to hurt too.
I felt him tense and I glanced at him from my peripheral, locking eyes with him. I slid my hands up his shirt, digging my nails into his back. I caught a flicker of pain in his darkened eyes and I envied it, wishing he'd put his hand around my throat and take my breaths.
"Going crazy, baby?" he said in a rasp, smiling.
I nodded, biting harder and digging my nails deeper. He cupped the back of my head and returned his attention to the front, throwing another dart. He slid his hand down to my nape, gently and slowly squeezing as he massaged the stiffness in my neck. The pressure from his tight grip made it hard to breathe, but in a good way, and gradually, the burdening tension that had built up inside me loosened.
Sighing in relief, I pulled my teeth back and spread my fingers flat on his back. He carried on throwing darts while clenching my neck in his grasp as I stroked his back and kept my lips pressed on his shoulder.
When he was finally done, the attendant started presenting him with his winnings. The man placed three teddy bears and all sorts of little trinkets on the counter. Along with the huge panda bear.
"Here you go, baby," Rick said, holding the panda bear next to me.
I became aware that a group of teenage girls had been standing around us, giggling amongst themselves. I glanced at the toy, grudgingly accepting it and taking it in my arms. Rick grinned, kissing me before dragging me away with him.
"Oh, hey, there's a photo booth over there!"
"Absolutely not."
He laughed, dragging me towards it while I tried to get away. There were couples queuing outside the booth and I just told myself to stop being such a fucking freak and suck it up. When it was our turn, I was sweating bullets.
"Relax," Rick said as we settled in the booth. "You don't have to look."
I nodded, letting him pull me on his lap. He inserted a bill in the slot before wrapping his arms around me while I kept my face hidden behind the panda bear's head. A flash came and I flinched.
Rick cupped my cheek, smiling when I looked at him. He tilted his head, gently pressing his lips against mine. I let out a harsh breath, dropping the panda bear as I slid my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I felt the panic dissipate and when we pulled away, I smiled just as another flash came.
"You think you're so clever, don't you?" I murmured.
"Made you smile, didn't I?" he said, grinning.
I laughed, kissing him again, ignoring the burst of flashes that kept coming. For the last snap, I turned to face the camera, pressing my cheek against his as we grinned. When we got out of the booth, the queue had grown and the waiting couples looked pissed. Rick and I ran, grabbing the strips of pictures from the basket.
We passed rows of booths and Rick would stop at each one to play. And of course, he'd win me another stupid thing. Six booths later, I had my arms full and we had to go back to the car to put away all the prizes he won. When he was about to play another game, I threatened to shove the next stupid thing he won up his ass.
Unfortunately, I regretted that the second I said it because he suddenly remembered we could get on all the rides we wanted.
"Come on, just one ride!" he said while carrying me along towards the queue for the rollercoaster.
"You can play the games. You want more pictures? Let's go back, I'll smile and everything," I bargained, trying to get out of his arms but he wouldn't budge.
We bypassed the long queue after showing our wristbands to the attendant and went directly up to the front. I could hear the riders screaming bloody murder and the structure clamoring as it made twists and turns in the fucking sky. When the ride ended, I clung onto the railing and refused to move. People were staring, but I didn't give a damn.
"It's safe, okay?" Rick assured me, pulling at my hips. "Just trust me, hm? I wouldn't let you get hurt, you know that."
"As if you can do shit if I fly off the bloody thing!"
He grasped at my hands, trying to pull them off the railing. "Best case scenario, we die together. Worst case, you throw up all over me, which has already happened and I'm still here. So don't worry about it, hm?"
"Crazy," I muttered, kicking at his shin. "You're crazy. Get away from me, you crazy man."
He laughed and managed to pull the railing free from my grip. He carried me up the platform leading to the ride while I pulled at his hair, telling him I was going to dump his crazy ass if he didn't let me go. He did, putting me down in the seat at the front and buckling me in.
I was on the verge of a panic attack while Rick was all giddy like he was in a Mary Poppins movie, telling me it was going to be okay. As if.
A loud boom erupted and the cart started to move. I cursed repeatedly, gripping the safety bar in front of me as we slid on a downwards spiral.
I screwed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth together, my ears getting pierced by the sound of screams while Rick was just wooing his stupid ass off.
The cart was circling around endlessly and I could feel gravity pushing me into my seat. The pressure was so harsh that I was sure my chest was going to break open. I started screaming and cussing.
I'm gonna die.
Some tiny fucking bolt was going to loosen up and everyone was gonna fly off the rails and I was going to die.
The cart slowed down and I opened my eyes, feeling the weight of my body being pulled back only to see we were ascending the highest peak. All the psychotic people around me continued to cheer and scream, my psychotic date being the loudest. And then the cart fell again.
"Rick! We're so fucking over!" I yelled out and was only answered by his cheerful laughter.
The cart was gaining more momentum and started ascending a shorter loop, but all of a sudden, it stopped in the middle of the loop.
I knew it. Something was wrong. We were going to die.
Slowly, it rocked back and forth, and started rolling backwards again. My body was getting pushed forward, I braced the steel bar for dear life, screaming curses into the air as the cart began a backwards ascent backwards.
I glanced at Rick who had his fucking hands up in the air, wooing his pants off. I inwardly wished he would fall and break his neck for dragging me along to this. But if he fell, I was pretty sure I was going to fall along with him.
I kept my eyes screwed shut on the second round of turns when I felt his hand on mine and I snapped my eyes open, glaring daggers in his direction. He just kept fucking wooing. I wanted to kill him.
He pried my fingers open as he put his through the spaces in between mine and squeezed my hand. And then he brought our arms up and I just about jumped out of my bones. When the ride was finally over and everyone was getting out of the cart, I slapped the shit out of him.
"You fucking asshole," I bit out, hitting him at each syllable.
I got out of the cart, staggering on my feet as my knees fucking wobbled. Rick ran after me, trying to be cute and charming. I refused to acknowledge him
"Baby, come on. It was fun, right?" he said as he followed me.
"If that was your idea of fun, you're more suicidal than I am."
He slipped an arm around my waist, pulling me to his side. I let him, just cuz I remembered there were too many fucking people breathing the same air as me and I might just actually pass out if any one of them touched me.
"Do you really hate it here?" Rick asked, frowning.
I pursed my lips, hating the disappointment in his face, like all he wanted was to make me smile. This damned fool.
"I like aquariums," I mumbled. "Don't they have one by the boardwalk?"
He grinned. "Yeah, I was going to take you there after dinner."
"Alright. We can ride one more and then we go to dinner. Yeah?" I offered.
"We can get on my favorite ride next," he said excitedly.
He dragged to the other side of the park and proudly pointed at his allegedly favorite ride. I stared in utter horror as it made 360 degree turns while the big bulk of metal that held it swung back and forth. And he wanted me to ride the damn thing?
"Sweetheart, I'll do anything for you, but this is a hard limit."
"It's not that scary," he said as the people riding the damn thing were literally screaming.
I looked at it again, feeling my stomach twist in knots. "Can't you choose something else? I saw a carousel back there. We can ride that instead."
He screwed up his face. "I wouldn't fit on the pony."
"Then I'll just wait here and you can ride it," I said as I searched for a bench I could sit on.
"Nah, we can look for something else."
I sighed. "I'm being a buzz kill, aren't I?"
He shook his head. "No, it's not for everybody. At least now I know there are still things that scare you," he said with a cheeky grin. "Wild animals and amusement parks. Noted."
"Shut up."
He chuckled, kissing my forehead. We started walking around again, stopping over at a milkshake booth. He bought us two obscenely large cups of strawberry milkshakes and I all but grinned as I sipped on the swirly straw. He pulled me along as we looked around, eyeing the various booths at either side of the pathway.
"Baby, what about that one?"
I turned to face him, raising my brows as I sipped on the milkshake. He grinned, cocking his head to the side. I followed the direction and saw a Ferris Wheel. I swallowed hard as I followed wheel moving in slow circles.
"Last one?"
I pursed my lips, grimacing.
"Please?"
I sighed. "Okay, but don't mess around or I'll really dump you."
We spent a few minutes waiting in line and the longer we stood there, the more I obsessed over every little thing about the damn ride. I just kept thinking about the bolts. The gears. The bars.
What if it got fucked up while we were at the top? How would we get down? Would I have to call Jude and get him to fly his helicopter over to pick us up?
"Relax," Rick said with a laugh, pulling me closer to him. "You're acting like you've never ridden a Ferris Wheel before."
I pursed my lips around the straw of my milkshake, carrying on sipping. He eyed me for a moment while I averted my eyes.
"Wait. You've never..." He trailed off when the realization dawned on him. "And the rollercoaster?" I shook my head grudgingly. His brows rose. "Really?"
"Really."
"You never came here when you were a kid at all?"
"My childhood was all about my studies and training. Up until I earned a seat in the family council, every hour of my day was scheduled right down to the last minute," I mumbled quietly. "And I'm not supposed to go to crowded places without a guard, unless it's been cleared by security personnel beforehand." I smiled as a thought came to me. "Ben would shit himself if he found out I'm here right now."
"Oh." He looked around us as if only becoming aware of our surroundings. "I didn't think about that."
"It's fine. Father's spies are still following us. They're scattered, but they're close."
He stiffened, scanning the crowd. "I don't see them."
"You're not supposed to." I tugged at his jacket, making him look at me. "Don't worry. We're okay."
"Maybe we shouldn't get on this ride," he said in apparent concern. "I probably shouldn't have brought you here in the first place." He sighed, shaking his head. "I keep forgetting about... everything. I should have thought about your security. If something happened to you–"
"Hey, stop." I reached for his face, pressing our foreheads together. "I don't want you to think about any of that shit. I just want you to think of me, here, with you. That's all that matters."
He nodded before kissing me. Sighing, I met him halfway, letting him lift me off my feet. We pulled away when the attendant tapped us and told us to either get on the ride or get out of the line. Snickering, we settled into one of the carts and I held onto Rick's arm as the wheel started turning.
"Do you take all your dates here?" I muttered, looking down below and cringing. "No wonder you hadn't had sex in two years when we met."
"For someone so fearless, you're being a huge pussy," he countered.
"People aren't supposed to hang around in mid-air, Rick! It makes no fucking sense! This shit is against human nature!"
He laughed. "Have you even gone on a date before?"
I made a face. "Of course I have."
"Let me guess, fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant," he muttered dryly. "I bet guys would rent out an entire restaurant for your date or fly you somewhere for a night and hire Seal to serenade you while having dinner."
"God, don't remind me," I said, gagging. "I don't get why they do shit like that. As if I'd be impressed by their show of wealth and most of the time, they just spent the entire date bragging their asses off. My father owns this. I'm going to inherit this. I'm so rich. Blah blah blah. Let's fuck, Miss Lastor," I mocked, rolling my eyes.
He frowned. "Why would you even go out with them if you have no interest in them?"
I shrugged. "Same way I used to fuck," I said dismissively. "I'm either bored or my parents told me to."
I must have said something he didn't like because he suddenly got quiet. It irked me how I never say the right things.
"What you said the other night," he mumbled after a while.
I drew my gaze away from the sight of the sun setting down the horizon and looked at him. He turned his head, his eyes meeting mine. Rage. I could feel it as his eyes became hard and cold.
"You were raped to seal a business deal for your father?"
I stilled, my hold on my large cup of strawberry milkshake tightening. I remembered telling him that. I hadn't been thinking. I was just so pissed off. Why wasn't I thinking? I never think. I'm so fucking stupid.
When I didn't answer him, he pulled away. He took his arm off my shoulder and rubbed his palms over his face. The Ferris Wheel had stopped and we were at the top now.
Great fucking timing.
I just sat there. Watching him. Waiting for him to tell me how much of a filthy whore I was. How disgusting I was. How he didn't want someone as fucked up as I was.
I waited, my hold on the styro cup so tight I nearly crushed it.
He still hadn't said anything when the Ferris Wheel started moving again and I was tempted to jump off.
"Say something," I whispered.
He blew out a sharp breath, tilting his head back. "I'm trying to understand how a father could be so heartless and cruel. I'm trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that something so horrible happened to you, but no one did anything about it. I've tried so hard to understand you ever since I met you and now..." He halted, clutching his head. "How could he even look at you after all the things he's done to you?"
"Rick..."
I reached for him, placing my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me and a breath escaped my lips as I was caught off guard at the sight of tears streaming down his face. And rage. The rage was so pure in his eyes.
"Don't cry for me," I whispered, taking his face in my hands and wiping away his tears. "It's not worth it."
He didn't listen. A broken sob escaped him as he wrapped his arms around me so tightly I struggled to breathe.
He was crying for me. Crying for this. And I realized I couldn't tell him everything. I couldn't give him everything. Not if it meant giving him all of my pain too.