I was getting grilled. Almost quite literally. The elder men were asking me if I had any intentions of marrying Angel, obviously unaware of the fact that she was already engaged to someone else. The women were telling me about their ailments and asking what sort of medicine or treatment they needed while the younger girls were staring at me like I was their favorite candy. Nonna kept trying to feed me tiramisu and some kid was under my chair, hiding from the other kids as he ate the box of donuts they were supposed to share.
Most of them were speaking in Italian and every now and then they'd spare me some English. We had just finished dinner and Angel was talking to Michael's father, Mikey, on the other side of the backyard while three little girls were braiding and putting flowers in her hair.
"Hey. We're going to the basement," Michael was saying, cocking his head towards his male cousins. Those guys have been giving me the evil eye since I walked through the front door.
I glanced at Angel, but she was still talking to Mikey. They seemed to be in a deep discussion about something and I held back the urge to call for help.
"She's stuck with him all night," Michael said, getting to his feet. "Come on. They'll eat you alive if you stay longer."
I nodded before standing and Michael said something in Italian to them. The women grabbed my shirt, pulling me back down and shaking their heads, protesting in Italian. Michael rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm, shoving me towards the house.
"Sorry," he said, chuckling. "They're not used to being around men who aren't family."
I followed him towards the basement where his cousins were already playing at the pool table while some were playing cards.
Michael lit up a cigarette, offering the pack out to me but I shook my head. I might as well have been smoking though. Every person in the basement had a cigarette between their lips and I was the receiving end of their toxic fumes.
"Hey," he called to the teenagers playing at the pool table. "Fuck off."
They muttered something in Italian and Michael answered back, yelling. And then they glared at me. As if I was the one who told them to fuck off.
Michael handed me a cue stick while the younger men backed off. One of them glared at me, muttering something in Italian. I didn't know what it was but he spat it out like a curse.
"Fuck off, Lulu," Michael bit out.
"It's Lucas, asshole," he spat back with a thick accent.
Michael merely laughed but then suddenly, his demeanor changed.
"Who the fuck you think you're talkin' to, boy?" he snarled, grabbing Lucas by the collar. "Go wash the dishes before I kick your ass." He tossed him aside as if he weighed nothing. "Go, bitch."
The boy straightened himself, looking like he was about to cry. He seemed to want to say something but instead, headed out the door with the other boys following him.
Michael let out a sigh, flashing me an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I gotta scare them every time they start acting like they're the shit, else they'll keep acting like it. Kids do all sorts of nonsense when they think they're a badass. Tough love, you know?"
"Yeah, I have two younger siblings, so I get it," I said with a laugh. "But did I do something to offend them? They don't seem to like me for some reason."
He snorted, racking the balls at the table. "You didn't, Red did. They kinda have a crush on her. Seeing Red wrapped around you all night shattered their dreams of getting into her pants."
I cringed. "That's a little... incestuous, isn't it? I mean, you're practically family."
He gave me a flat look. "You know what Red looks like, right? She's a goddamn wet dream brought to life," he stated matter-of-factly. "Plus, we're only allowed to bring someone home if they're 'the one'. Red may not be a de Rossi by blood, but the house rules applies to her and she knows it."
I stood there for a moment, mulling that over in my head.
"So you and Red." He glanced at me as he bent over the pool table. "You guys are getting pretty serious, huh?"
I did not know how to answer that so I just shrugged.
He chuckled, calling out a number and a pocket. He sank the ball easily.
"Give her time. She'll come around. She's a genius and all, but in the love department?" He snorted. "She's as dumb as a rock."
He called out another number and pocketed the ball with ease.
"Have you known her for long?" I asked, trying not to sound overly interested.
Michael shrugged. "About five years. She and Ma met at a cancer support group. Heard Jude made her choose between the support group or rehab. Ma started bringing her over for dinner and Pops got her working at the bar. They basically adopted her at some point."
"I'm sorry, by the way, about your mother."
He made another half-hearted shrug. "Life does that. It spits you out and eats you alive. Ma had a good fight in her. It sucks sometimes, but I know she wouldn't want us to feel that way about her."
"Angel mentioned her once. She seemed like a kind woman."
He snorted. "Ma was a force to be reckoned with, but when it came to Red, she was all soft." He smiled sadly. "Red did everything she could to keep her going. Got her the best medical treatment in the world. Gave her another year. Made her comfortable. She even went to church with Ma and prayed the rosary with her every day."
"She did?"
"Yeah. We all knew she was gonna die. We had time to accept it. Red wouldn't. She kept fighting. Telling Ma not to give up but she was tired. She wouldn't do chemo anymore. She wouldn't accept any transplants. She told us she didn't want to spend her last days in a hospital bed. She knew it was her time and when she passed, we knew, she would be okay. Red and Pops took it hard. They both refused to attend the funeral and just got pissed drunk at the bar all day. She denies it, but if Ma didn't make her promise to take care of us, she probably wouldn't be around anymore."
I pondered on his words, remembering the few things Angel had told me about her connection with their family. I had no clue it ran this deeply. When she talked about it, she made it sound like an obligation and nothing more.
"She never told you any of this, did she?" Michael observed and I shook my head. He sighed, looking weary. "When we met her, her grandfather just died. She was a complete mess, worse than now even. Ma helped Red heal. That girl was filled with so much pain and grief, and Ma took it all away. At least for a while. When she died, Red just went off the rails. She even went to prison for wrecking Ma's church and trying to set it on fire. She never talks about it and gets pissed every time I bring up Ma, but I know she never got over it. The pain Ma took away came back ten folds and Red takes pain worse than anybody I know. She lets it grow and never recovers. It just sucks seeing her the way she is. Ma would have hated it."
I knew how true that was. The way Angel dealt with pain and everything in her life. She felt more and hurt more than the average person. The death of someone precious to her would have been devastating and knowing her, she probably just tried to escape the pain instead of dealing with it.
"She kept us together, you know?" Michael went on as he pocketed another ball. "When Ma died, everything just fell apart. Pops lost his legs. The bar was going bankrupt. The house was getting foreclosed. Mindy was running around with some wanna be gangsters and I don't know what the fuck I was doing, but I sure as hell wasn't doing any help."
He chuckled, running a hand through his hair and even though I've only known Michael for a short amount of time, I knew he was making light of the severity of his feelings towards the subject. He just seemed like that type of person.
"After Red got out of prison, she decided it was time to get our shit together. She got everyone on a plane straight from Italy and bought them fucking houses here. Do you believe that girl? Every one of them. We're all neighbors cuz of her," he said in disbelief and for a moment, I was taken aback at that fact. "She just sat us down and asked what would make shit easier for us with Ma gone and Pops a cripple. Mindy said she missed the family. Red asked if we wanted to move to Italy. We didn't. Jersey was our home. So Red got the entire fucking family on a plane the next week. Got them all jobs. Scholarships. Houses. Green cards. She even let them bring their dogs. It was fucking insane!"
It was insane and Michael probably saw the look on my face because he started laughing.
"She's rich as fuck, you probably know that already," he muttered dryly. "I only found out how rich she was when she did all that shit. Everyone was all too eager to come to America. What more with an all expense paid trip, right?" He scoffed, shaking his head. "But before you get all judgmental and shit, everyone tried to pay her back when we eventually got good footing. She just wouldn't have it and told us to donate the money to charity. Bitch is crazy, man."
My head was absorbing all this information that Angel hadn't bothered to tell me. Knowing her, she probably thought nothing of it. Just shrugged it off. Claiming she was just keeping a promise. She was such a load of bull.
"So yeah, you can understand why everyone's protective of her. Especially my Uncles. They're all about protecting our women. They even made me stop sleeping with her unless I was gonna marry her. Well, guess what?" He grinned at me. "I fuckin' told the girl I loved her and I got cum spat at my face as a response. How about that, huh?"
I felt bad for laughing. It didn't even bother me that I was being friendly with one of Angel's past lovers. Michael was great company.
"You're laughing now, but wait till she rips your fuckin' heart to shreds. You're gonna be kissing a bottle of whiskey and thinking about dying. I know I did."
That sobered me up. I knew full well that Angel Lastor had the ability to rip my heart to shreds. That's why I refused to fall in love with her, even though I knew by now it would just be plain inevitable. But I knew her, didn't I? She cared. She even admitted she wanted to love me. But still, she won't. Can't. She was too broken to love.
"Hey." Michael clasped a hand on my shoulder. "I'm just fucking with you. What Red and I had, it was just fucking. We were both trying to get through Ma's passing and it was either fuck each other or destroy ourselves. I mean yeah, I loved her, but not in a bat shit 'I can't live without you' way. We weren't crazy about each other and all the shit that you two have. I see it, you know? The way you two look at each other. It's what Nonna calls the real goddamn thing. You just gotta let Red see it herself. God knows how blind that girl is."
I frowned, not following what he might think was profound philosophy.
"She's fuckin' crazy about you. She's just too stubborn to admit it," he said, smirking.
I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. By the end of the year, she'll be a married woman and I'll just be another guy who was stupid enough to fall for her."
He scoffed. "It's a scam that her old man forced her into. It means jack shit."
"Doesn't mean she won't marry the guy though."
"Yo, listen to me, Doc." He looked at me in the eye. "She brought you here. That means you still got a shot. Stop being a pussy and figure your shit out. When a girl like that comes into your life, she'll stick with you. Even when she's not there anymore. Red does that. She gets under your skin and you won't be able to shake her off. She'll just be there and you've gotta make your fight worth it. Cuz if you don't, she'll do what she always does."
"And that is?"
He grinned. "Rip your fuckin' heart to shreds."
* * *
It was nearly two hours later till Angel came down to the basement. The score was 5-0. In favor of Michael. He claimed no one has ever beaten him in pool. I believed him.
When Angel walked in, she was wearing nothing but her underwear. A mismatched pair of an almost sheer lace bralette and a bright orange thong that bore the Princeton University's mascot, a tiger, on the front.
She was still wearing bandages on her hands and healing bruises riddled her body. Didn't stop Michael's cousins from ogling her though.
Michael let out a wolf whistle. "Damn, Red. Torture me, why don't you?"
I glared at him and he snickered, holding his palms up.
"Hey. I'm only looking."
I rolled my eyes, looking back at her. She was bent over the mini fridge and I caught the guys sitting at the poker table tilt their heads, shifting in their seats.
"Angel," I bit out, wanting to throw a blanket over her.
She straightened, turning and pushing her dripping hair off her face. That act alone earned her grunts and groans from the other guys as they eyed her lustfully.
"Yeah, babe?" she said after taking a swig from the beer bottle.
"Where the hell are your clothes?"
"In the dryer," she muttered with a roll of her eyes. "Mikey pushed me in the pool cuz I won't take him to the fucking cemetery."
"Can't you at least wear a towel?"
She smirked, glancing at the men who were obviously eye fucking her.
"You guys don't mind me like this, don't you?"
They answered with a chorus of no's and shakes of the head.
"See? They don't mind. We're all family here."
I yanked my shirt off and threw it at her face.
"Put it on."
She snickered, shrugging the shirt on. And then I became the receiving end of disdainful glares from the others. I had enough of their shit.
"Stop busting your nuts. She's with me," I spat at them.
They scoffed while Michael hollered next to me.
"He's right, boys," Angel said as she came to me.
That's right. Me.
"Leave him alone, yeah? Or I'm gonna have to kick your asses if you mess with him. Besides..." She paused, standing on the tip of her toes and putting her arms on my shoulders. "I only get to bring one guy in this house. Might as well be this prick."
I glared at her while she chuckled before pressing our lips together.
"Red!" a voice suddenly called from upstairs.
Angel groaned, dropping her head on my chest.
"What?!" she yelled back.
"What happened to my bed?!"
She rolled her eyes. "I changed the fucking sheets!"
"Stop touching my shit!"
"If you'd just stop spraying jizz all over your fucking bed, I wouldn't have to!"
He shut up while the house blew up in united laughter. I could hear Mindy screaming in disgust upstairs. I chuckled in wry amusement while Angel was muttering about hiring an escort for Mikey's sexual frustration.
I kissed her forehead, smiling down at her while she was scowling.
"I like you."
Her brows creased while she blinked for a moment, as if she was trying to understand what I meant. I often forgot there was an innocent side to the big bad Angel Lastor.
She snorted. "What's this? Middle school?"
I rolled my eyes. "You act like you're in middle school sometimes."
"What'd you say?"
I pursed my lips. "Nothing."
She glared at me but I just returned it with a smile, lowering my lips to hers. She cussed at me before kissing me back. I sighed, leaning against the pool table as I embraced her. She suddenly lept up, wrapping her legs around my waist. I muttered a curse, quickly holding her thighs.
"Let's go to my room," she whispered against my lips.
"Your room?"
She nodded. "Attic."
She pecked my lips before jumping back down. I heard her wince and I was only reminded of the deep cut on the sole of her right foot.
"Keep it down," Michael said as we headed for the door.
"Shut up, jackass," Angel fired back.
She led me up the stairs to the second floor of the house. She turned a corner, opening a door and climbing up another flight of stairs before entering a room at the top. It was dark. One lone window serving light in the room.
"Hold on a sec."
I could faintly see her moving along the room and then she flicked the lights on. Christmas lights. They hung on one side of the small room while a large printed scarf was pinned on the slanted ceiling. A mattress was on the floor by the window and a wooden dresser stood beside it. There was an old bean bag chair at the center of the room with a faded red carpet underneath it. And then the wall above the mattress was turned into a shelf, filled with vinyl records.
She walked over to the mattress, standing over it as she picked out a record.
"Do you like Jacques Brel?" she asked.
"Uh... yeah."
I did not know who Jacques Brel was.
She glanced at me, a smirk on her lips. "Bullshit."
I chuckled uneasily, rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm more of a 60s rock kind of guy."
She snorted. "Of course you are."
She placed the vinyl on the record player and a sharp sorrowful instrumental filled the room, a deep voice following it. She opened the top drawer of the dresser, taking out a pack of cigarettes along with a match. She lit one up, closing her eyes as she took a long drag from the cigarette and tilting her head back. She blew out a long stream of smoke, her lips moving as she lip synced along the lyrics.
Oublier le temps
Des malentendus
Et le temps perdu
À savoir comment.
Oublier ces heures
Qui tuaient parfois
À coups de pourquoi
Le cœur du bonheur.
I walked up to her, watching her get lost in the music as she swayed along in the middle of the room. She didn't notice me until I had my hands on her hips.
She opened her eyes, the unguarded look in those silver pair burying me deeper into the pit of darkness they possessed, but I didn't care anymore. She could make the darkest corners of the world brighter.
"Ne me quitte pas. Ne me quitte pas. Ne me quitte pas. Ne me quitte pas," she mumbled, singing along in a hush voice.
I sighed, pressing my forehead on hers and closing my eyes.
"What does that mean?" I asked as we danced in slow circles.
She slid her arms around my neck and I felt her lips brush against mine as she said, "Don't leave me."
I opened my eyes, liquid silver burning me from the inside out. She smiled, trailing a hand down my face, her fingers gently brushing my jaw.
"Ne me quitte pas..." she murmured, closing her eyes and brushing her nose to mine. "Ne me quitte pas…"
"Ne me quitte pas, Angel Lastor," I whispered and she smiled.
She was a beautiful thing. The scars, cuts, and cracks didn't matter. She was beautiful. It was almost as if she was a walking contradiction to herself, how much she denied her beauty and yet the mere sight of her often had men tripping over their tongues and feet. It wasn't even just about her physical attributes. Her soul was so pure, her mind was beguiling, and her heart, as corrupted as it was, was the most stunning thing about her.
She was so unlike any person I had ever met and I was certain I would never know anyone else that could rival the exquisite perfection of all the little things about her that made her existence in my life so damning that if I ever lost her, I would be incapable of going back to who I was before I knew her. And that was absolutely terrifying to me and I suddenly realized Michael was right. I was never going to shake her off.
"I used to live here," she said suddenly.
"Really?"
She nodded, resting her head on my shoulder. "About a year. After I got out of prison, Jude and I were always fighting and I stayed here so much that I figured I might as well live here. But then Mikey and I would fight all the time, and Nonna would have to hold me back from punching his fucking face every time he made Mindy cry just cuz she reminded him of Ma."
"Tell me something about her. Maria," I murmured, burying my nose in her hair and taking in the scent of strawberries. She always smelled like strawberries.
I felt her smile. "She was a teacher, in more ways than one. After Gramps died, I lost everything. I couldn't function anymore. Back then, Jude and I hardly spoke. I still hated him for leaving me all those years ago but Ma, she made me see sense. Told me that family was everything and I had to stop holding onto hate. She taught me forgiveness wasn't a sign of weakness and there was nothing wrong about needing someone. She was uncompromising, bright, wonderful, annoying, and ridiculous. God, there aren't enough words to justify the person that she was. I owe her and Mikey so much. A lifetime wouldn't be enough to pay off my debt to them."
She lifted her head, looking up at me with glistening eyes. I didn't wipe away her tears this time, because this time, they weren't borne out of pain.
"They gave me something I never had. Something the child in me have always longed for," she whispered, her voice quivering. "They gave me a family. It's the most precious thing anyone has ever given me. I will forever be indebted to them for that."
I smiled, cupping her cheeks. "They love you."
She nodded. "I know. I wish they didn't."
I sighed, feeling dejected that she genuinely believed she wasn't worthy to be loved.
"Don't you love them too?"
Tears trickled from the edges of her eyes but still, she smiled. And for once, it wasn't forced.
"There's too many of them. I don't think I'm capable of loving so many," she said, laughing lightly.
"You have the kindest and most generous heart I've ever seen, Angel," I whispered, letting her lean her head on my chest. "Love yourself for that. They do."
"If I could, would you let me love you?"
I closed my eyes as I held her tighter in my arms. "It would be an honor to be loved by you."
"Don't hurt me, sweetheart."
"I would never."
"You are now." She lifted her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You make me want to love. To be good. The way Ma did. Don't make me want that again."
"Angel-"
"I wanted to love her. I wanted to be good for her. I tried so hard. I was so close, but then I lost her and I fell apart," she said, her voice breaking. "I can't do that again. Please, don't make me want that again."
I breathed out harshly, tightening my arms around her as I screwed my eyes shut, trying to pretend that I wasn't falling fast and hard. But I wasn't going to fight it. I've already accepted it. Falling in love with this girl was just inevitable and I was doing it head first.
* * *
Angel and Michael were whispering about something. Arguing in hushed voices. Everyone had already gone home. But home for them was just next door.
I was in the living room with Mindy and Nonna while Angel and Michael were in the kitchen. I could faintly hear their hushed voices, but I couldn't make out the words.
I nudged Mindy who was sitting beside me, chewing on popcorn while her eyes were glued to the TV.
"Hey."
"Hm?"
"What's Angel and Michael talking about?"
She shrugged. "Beats me. Probably about the bar or something."
"What about the bar?"
She shrugged again. "Dunno. I think they're planning on telling Pops tonight."
"Tell him about what?"
"Medical school."
"What about medical school?"
"Red's going away."
"When?"
"At the end of summer."
"Where?"
She groaned irritably. "Red's going to England for medical school at the end of summer. Now sshh."
She didn't have to shush me twice. I was frozen, her words ringing in my ears and making my head burst.
Red's going to England for medical school at the end of summer.
Red.
England.
Medical School.
Summer.
What the fuck?