Horirem, Hake, and I strode into town. Horirem, of the House Ashtu, is a talkative man. He keeps telling tales about the time he lived in his noble house.
"When I was living in House Ashtu, I didn't ever need to go to the market. Servants brought me whatever I wanted back then. Ah, how I miss those times!"
We gave him a side eye. Why did he keep saying things like this?
Hake has been snickering every time Horirem opens his mouth.
"Horirem, don't be a big baby. Shopping is fun."
Horirem smiled,
"I guess being kicked out of a noble clan has its upsides."
He has been standing upright and puffing his chest, like he is trying to be seen as noble and dignified. We were feeling a bit hungry, so we went to an eatery. The food was low in content because the population of the capital has increased sharply since the priest rectruitment edict. Nevertheless, we paid and ate. Hake was not amused.
"Man, this stinks. How am I supposed to satiate my hunger with this? What is this? A plate for rats?"
Horirem's noble mask slipped.
"Shut your mouth, fatass. It's enough for anyone who isn't built like a hippo."
Hake smiled.
"Sorry, your highness, I didn't grow up in poverty like your noble self. My parents fed me well."
Horirem was offended beyond belief.
"How dare you, sir?"
Hake's smirk in response to Horirem's offended face seems to make Horirem go into even more intense emotional distress. The atmosphere had suddenly become so aggressive.
"Hey you two, cut it out. You are souring my soup."
The two begrudgingly softened their gazes.
We arrived at a store that sells garments. I wanted to buy some clothes for my ladies as a pleasant surprise. I didn't realize that Horirem was staring at me with a face of seething envy.
"Nazhotep, my friend, who are those clothes for? You look like you know their sizes well."
I smiled.
"I have good women waiting for me at home. I wanted to do something nice for them."
His eyes started shaking. That statement seemed to have put my friend Horirem in emotional distress again. However, this time, the target of his aggression was me.
"Why do you have so many women? Are they your slaves? Did you buy them?"
He is trying to give me a way out of his spite. That doesn't sit well with me, though. If he is going to have a conniption fit because women like me, let him have it. I can deal with his pathetic rage.
"I have a lot of women too. I have ten women under my command who do whatever I say."
I looked at him. I have a feeling that this guy was lying. Not just about this, but about everything. I now understand why Hake kept snickering. In fact, as of right now, Hake is red in the face, trying to hold back his laughter.
"That's nice. I have my hands full with three women. I can't imagine what you are going through."
Horirem looked like he was going to cry.
"I own this marketplace! I own everything. Aren't you jealous of how I'm way above you?"
The store owner didn't want to miss out on the juicy drama. She leaned on the counter and yelled out.
"When did you buy my shop, you nincompoop? We have had this shop since the time of my grandfather."
Horirem crouched where he stood, avoiding people's gazes.
"I'm the son of Thoth. I'm holy and great. You all are nothing but pebbles on the side of the road for me."
He is too annoying.
"Hey, son of god, noble among nobles, I'm done buying clothes. Do you need anything else from the market?" I said it softly. Horirem is like a big toddler. He is crouching and looking away. You have to talk to him softly so he will listen.
"I need to buy some strings and fabrics for my father."
That confused me.
"What is that? What is your noble father going to do with some fabric and string?"
Purple from wheezing, Hake interjected.
"He is the son of a tailor. He is a noble only in his dreams. Horirem lies with every breath. Otherwise, he is harmless. His father was overjoyed when Pharaoh recruited him with his edict. He was scaring the customers away with his rhetoric. The tailor has plenty of sons that could take his place."
Horirem's face went from angry to sad and hopeless. A pathological liar. I don't know what he was trying to do by lying like this, but predictably, the lies came to light.
Hake's face went soft.
"Don't begrudge him. He is harmless. You just have to know that he lies all the time."
I understood. I decided to change the subject.
"Did you guys buy your weapons? I already have a spear. I can tag along while you guys buy yours. Did you know you can enchant your weapons with glyphs?"
Hake scratched his chin. "I want to buy a staff."
Horirem stood up and dusted himself off.
"I need a battle axe."
Just like that, he was back to his normal emotional state. The speed at which he changed his mood was abnormal. I couldn't help but look at him with a confused expression. He caught me looking at him.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that? I was kidding." He leaned in and reiterated. "I was kidding. Are you stupid? Did you believe me when I said I was the son of God? You are so silly and naive."
He is getting on my nerves. I, however, decided to let that slide. While we were walking toward the blacksmith, Horirem kept trying to get back into my good graces.
"Hey, it was funny, right? Come on, lighten up a little."
You don't apologize to somebody while insulting them in the same sentence. He is calling me stupid and naive in my face. His first lies were believable. A person could be a wayward scion of a noble clan. That is fairly normal. His later lies, I didn't believe anyway. He is trying to play a little trick where he comes out on top regardless. I won't let him play the situation, so he can make me look stupid and naive when he looks smart and wise.
"All these tricks and jokes aren't a proper way to communicate with someone you've just met. Are you a moron? Who the hell acts like that? Look, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and believed you were the wayward son of a noble clan. I never believed you were the son of Thoth or anything like that. You are the one who was acting like a clown. You can't just turn it around at me; make me look stupid. I don't need this."
I pinched the bridge of my nose in annoyance.
"Look, I can just walk away from you and befriend someone else. Why do I have to suffer your bullshit? I don't know what you are trying to do, but I don't appreciate it."
I brought my palms together and leaned in, begging.
"Now, can we just visit the blacksmith and be done with it?"
He hung his head in shame and stayed silent for five minutes. Then he said,
"I had talked with the blacksmith, and he said he was going to give me a legendary weapon." I rolled my eyes, and Hake started laughing again. Looking at Hake, I started laughing too. Horirem was upset.
"Hey guys, what's so funny? I'm telling the truth! I swear!"
No. He is lying through his teeth.
"Even if that's the truth, why would I care? What good does it do to me to know you have a legendary weapon?"
He paused for a second and smirked.
"Oh, come on, I'm just kidding. Did you think I was telling the truth?"
I felt like smacking him, but I held myself back.
***
After they bought their weapons, we returned to our sand lots to meditate. We needed to reabsorb the golden sands after they had been energized by the sun all day. That took about an hour.
When we were returning, I picked Asenath and Naika up from their sand lot. They both jumped into my arms and kissed me, independent of each other. I can feel Horirem malding and seething behind me. He understood that, unlike him, I didn't lie. He told me in a shaky voice.
"I remembered I needed to do something."
He ran away as if escaping. That guy is a handful. He isn't that bad, though. He is magnitudes better than that guy who tried to act like I'm his bitch by invading my sand domain with his sands.
When I showed them the clothes I bought for them, they were overjoyed. It's two gifts in one. The first gift is the clothes themselves. The second gift is the proof of the statement:
"I'm thinking about you."