As looking at Yang Chen's sleeping face, Zhou Di cursed himself in his mind: I have been blinded by infatuation. How could I have been so easily deceived into saying that 'as long as we are together in our hearts.'? Why did I trust his words so easily? Now, everything I have is in his hands, from my body to my dignity. Moreover, from the implications of his words, it seems like I began to flirt with him. But I just thought he was handsome and secretly stole glances at him for a few days without any other motives. Or did I not have other intentions? 'If you have nothing to hide, you could have boldly opened the curtain.' This was what Yang Chen spoke to me when he kissed me for the first time. Yes, why didn't I dare to look at him anymore? I've never looked at anyone like that before, not even those pretty, lively and outgoing female classmates at university. I've never had any hidden emotion to those girls. But what was I thinking when I stole glances at Yang Chen? I thought it was the desire, the desire for his handsome and beautiful, the desire for his quiet in that moment and the desire for his unique charm. No, it's more than that I desire everything about him. The reason that I don't dare to look at him again is to suppress my own desire. But how did I react to Yang Chen's actions later? Yes, I don't dislike his teasing, his kisses, his forcefulness towards me. Even yesterday, when he made love with me, I willingly responded to him, enjoying the intimacy between us. So, what am I angry about? It's Adjutant Yang's words that hurt my dignity. But I easily believed Yang Chen's explanation and once again sex with him.
Zhou Di sighed and whispered to himself:
"Oh my, I've really fallen in love with him. I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse."
He continued pondering their relationship: Not to mention Yang Chen's family, I have to think about my grandparents. They would never accept this kind of relationship. They would be furious if they found out this. Apart from his grandparents, I also have a fiancée, arranged by my grandfather. If I entangle myself with Yang Chen, it would be unfair to that girl even though I have never met her.
He glanced at Yang Chen's sleeping face, his thoughts churning in his mind. His emotions swayed back and forth. When he thought of his grandparents, his mood was already low. He sighed quietly, got up stealthily, put on his clothes and tiptoed out of the bedroom. Unexpectedly, as soon as he stepped out, Adjutant Yang was standing outside the door. Zhou Di's face flushed red so he lowered his head immediately, intending to leave like an ostrich. But Adjutant Yang, lacking tact, spoke:
"Is Young Marshal inside?"
Zhou Di, still avoiding eye contact, whispered:
"Yes, he is asleep."
Zhou Di was about to leave but Adjutant Yang's voice was coming:
"I think it is best for you to take the money. I've added 500 silver yuan to it."
Zhou Di stopped and asked:
"Is that what the Young Marshal intended?"
"No, it's my suggestion. But the Young Marshal scolded me, saying you're different from others. But to me, you're all the same. You might feel your pride is hurt but for the Young Marshal, this is the simplest way to handle it. No matter what happens between the Young Marshal and you in the future, it won't cause any harm to him."
Zhou Di's voice remained low as he queried:
"Do you often arrange other boys for him?"
Adjutant Yang glanced at Zhou Di disdainfully and said:
"What do you think of the Young Marshal? He is self-disciplined a lot. He never actively says he wants to find someone. The reason that I arranged boys for him was to relieve his pressure. Once done, he just left. I couldn't cause any trouble for him so those boys didn't know who he was. But I think you're a different person with others. You're not the one I arranged so I don't know how you two ended up like this. Since the Young Marshal likes you, I have no comment on this. But I don't want you to make any trouble for the Young Marshal. Otherwise, I'll kill you."
Zhou Di forced a bitter smile and said:
"Really? So what will happen if the Young Marshal's family knows this?"
"The Grand Marshal is very tolerant of every family member. As long as their actions don't harm themselves and this family, he will turn a blind eye to what they have done. But once it tarnishes personal and family's reputation, there will be severe punishment. If it involves someone else, that person will be in miserable trouble. The Young Marshal is even more special as he is the hope of the whole family. Anyone who dares to harm him, the Grand Marshal will definitely pull the pistol out and kill this person. Of course I would draw my pistol even earlier than the Grant Marshal."
Zhou Di turned to face Adjutant Yang and asked:
"What about you? What if you betrays him?"
Adjutant Yang retorted sharply:
"Simple. I'll end my own life by myself!"
Zhou Di lowered his head again and asked in a subdued tone:
"What about your feelings to Young Marshal? You're always by his side every day, familiar with all his habit. And considering his sex orientation, he maybe...to you...."
Adjutant Yang exploded in anger:
"How fuck disgusting you are! What do you think of the Young Marshal? He would never engage with anyone close to him, including those soldiers. I truly want to kill you right now."
Zhou Di sighed with a touch of melancholy, saying:
"Yeah, what a noble and honorable person he is! Everyone becomes the accessory in his presence." Then he sighed. After a while, he muttered, "Adjutant Yang, could you please arrange a car for me? I want to go home."
Adjutant Yang sneered:
"Sorry, I only follow the Young Marshal's order. As for you..."
Zhou Di interrupted:
"Okay, I can wait for the Young Marshal's order. By the way, don't worry. I will never harm the Young Marshal, at least not at the risk of my own life." Adjutant Yang looked at him and nodded slightly. Zhou Di continued, "Please tell me how I can go back to my room from here through the servants' passage."
Zhou Di returned to his room with a vacant mind, slowly packing his belongings. As he looked at the porcelain items which had yet to be repaired, he hoped Yang Chen would allow him to take them with him. He intended to return them to him after completing the restoration work at the Cultural Relics Bureau. He finished packing in a daze and knew that Yang Chen would definitely come for him. He was waiting but even after dinner, Yang Zhen didn't show up. Instead, Zhou Di heard music and revelry, which indicated a party was underway. He didn't know if he could return home tomorrow. Just as he was preparing to sleep, a knock on the door interrupted him. Then he heard Yang Chen's voice:
"Dizi, it is me."
Zhou Di opened the door and gave him a disdainful look, saying:
"Flute? Where is the horn?"
(This is a wordplay. The pronunciation of Zhou Di's given name "Di" is the same as the Chinese for flute. The word "zi" doesn't hold any particular meaning. So Zhou Di playfully asked where the horn is.)
Yang Chen walked in with a smile, closed the door behind him and embraced Zhou Di. He lightly kissed him on the lips, saying:
"Why do you want to go home? Of course no problem. Tomorrow my officers will depart for their naval base. You can take my car home to meet your grandparents and come back for dinner with me in the evening."
Zhou Di pushed him away gently and said:
"No, I...I want to go home for good, not coming back."
Yang Chen inquired:
"Why? Did Zaihua say or do something against you?"
Zhou Di smiled:
"Don't speculate randomly. There is nothing to do with Adjutant Yang. I ... I feel guilty towards my grandparents and I am afraid this will hurt them and I ..."
Yang Chen interjected:
"So do you want to end our relationship?"
Zhou Di rested his head on Yang Chen's shoulder and murmured:
"I didn't want to break up but I also know that our relationship doesn't have any future. My grandparents won't accept us and I have been engaged to someone else. I have a fiancée. Apart from my own trouble, what about you? Your son, your wife, your parents, your subordinated, your future and your reputation, all of these are too important to me. I don't want to cause you any loss just because of me. That's why I can't stay with you. We can't be together every day."
Yang Chen suddenly hugged Zhou Di tightly, his voice filled with excitement:
"Dizi, I have never thought that I am so important in your mind. I thought the reason that you like me was simply because of my handsome so you wanted to be with me. I didn't expect you to think so much about me. My baby, do you know that this will be unfair to you if you aren't by my side and our relationship isn't seen in light? Once something were to go wrong, you would be the one most hurt seriously."
"Chen Ge, can I call you Chen Ge from now on?"
("ge" means elder brother. In China you can call every man "ge", who is older than you. And the girl also can call her lover "ge" for expressing her love.)
Yang Chen nodded and Zhou Di continued:
"I don't know how I've ended up like this. Maybe I am really losing my mind. I want to be with you for a long time so there can't be any mistakes to ruin our relationship. But also, please rest assured. If you don't want it, I won't hold onto you. Let's part ways amicably. I'll bury this feeling in my heart and remember you forever."
Yang Chen's eyes became a bit moist and his voice choked with emotion as he said:
"Dizi, trust me. I won't let you bear this alone. I'll always stand by your side."
After saying that, he let go of Zhou Di, unbuttoned his shirt, took off a jade pendant under his shirt and placed it around Zhou Di's neck. Then he said:
"This jade pendant belonged to my grandma who received it from her parents on her wedding day. When I was a child, she gave it to me and I've been wearing it ever since. Now it's yours and let it represent me to accompany you."
, who received it from her parents on her wedding day. She gave it to me when I was a child, and I've worn it ever since. Now, it's yours, to represent me and accompany you."
"No, no, it is too precious. I've seen it. Although it might not be as valuable as those dishes, it's at least one or two hundred years old. The material is the suet jade, the same jade as the bloodstone. The carving is so exquisite. Maybe it's a waste for me to wear it."
Yang Chen cupped Zhou Di's face and lightly kissed his lips again, saying:
"You're my treasure, my baby, worth more valuable to me than anything else. Besides, I have something from you too." He took out the carved ball and continued, "Mr. Guan said he lost during the competition with your master so he asked me to return this ball to you. I selfishly wanted to keep it. That's why I bring it here for your agreement."
Zhou Di was surprised and asked:
"Why?"
Yang Chen replied:
"Because it belongs to you."
"Hold on."
Zhou Di opened his luggage and took out a small box from underneath his clothes. Opening it, there were two carved items inside: a small walnut carving and a large ivory ball carving. He said:
"The smaller one is the first one I carved and the large one is an ivory ball I carved, the most successful one with an extra layer compared to my master's."
Yang Chen observed:
"It's a bit smaller than your master's."
"Yeah, I put a lot of effort into this carving ball. It's for you."
Yang Chen took Zhou Di's ball and returned the other one to him, saying:
"I want this one because it was carved by my baby."
"Also, this jar is already finished but others don't have been finished yet. I want to take them back to finish and give them back to you."
"Also, this jar is already finished, but the others haven't been completed yet. I want to take them back to finish and give them back to you," Zhou Di added.
"No need to return them to me. They're yours. And I'll arrange for us to go on dates. When the time comes, Zaihua will pick you up. You can't refuse every date I arrange," Yang Chen insisted.
"No need to return them to me. They are yours. And I'll arrange for us to gon on dates. When the time comes, Zaihua will pick you up. You can't refuse every date I arranged."
Zhou Di nestled in Yang Chen's arms and said:
"Of course, I also miss you. And I also have this."
He took out a piece of paper from the bottom of the small box. Yang Chen opened it and saw a small painting of him sleeping on a recliner.
"Did you draw it?"
"Yes, I often take it out to look at."
Yang Chen hugged Zhou Di tightly again, planting a kiss on his forehead.