[Kamphan TankLampOwner]
Such a mess!
The most chaotic moment in my university life happened yesterday when that guy shamelessly shouted out that I was his type. And then someone had to go and record it. As if that wasn't enough, Dew had to post about it on social media, showing it to the whole world. Well, it wasn't exactly about me but about that God Yoo, which somehow involved me. Now, it seemed like more than just the architecture students knew about it, and because of that, people were staring at me from head to toe everywhere I went.
"What the hell am I supposed to do now?" I blurted out, feeling utterly lost and overwhelmed.
"You're asking what you're supposed to do? I told you to head back to your faculty," Mark said.
"It was your junior who took me there. He said he needed to pick something up," I replied, recalling yesterday's events.
"You could've just gone to your faculty, Kamphan. Why did you go with him?" Mark continued. Maybe he was worried about me, or perhaps he was just as clueless as I was.
"Come on, don't nag him. What's so bad about being your crush's type? Like me, I like Ana, and guess what? I'm Ana's type," Fuse chimed in.
"It's different because that's God Yoo, and this is your clueless friend, Kamphan," Mark pointed out.
"W-wait a minute..."
"It's not that bad, is it?" Fuse continued, ignoring my attempt to interject.
"Are you really okay with him being with Yoo?" Mark pressed on.
"Not really."
"See?"
"Guys... I'm right here. Ask me first if I even want to be with him."
"You definitely will!" they both exclaimed in unison.
"You'll just fall into his trap."
"Yeah, if he hits on you, you'll like him," they both said.
"What makes you so sure about that?" I asked.
"Because that's God Yoo," Mark said, and I was confused, so I turned to Fuse.
"God Yoo, who's even greater than Daddy Vee[1], you see?"
"What's he better than Vee?" I asked. I'd heard quite a few people saying this, but what did God Yoo, who was even greater than Daddy Vee, mean? What was that all about? From what I'd seen, other than being more handsome, more self-absorbed, and more arrogant, I didn't see what was so great about him compared to Vee.
"Everything," Mark said, then turned to look at me.
"Everything like what?"
"Like everything, both the good and the bad aspects," Mark explained.
"But mostly, people see him in a bad light," Fuse added.
"Don't mess with him, trust me," Mark said.
"I wasn't planning on messing with him anyway," I replied. I had to admit I liked him from the first time I saw him. But once I got to know his personality, it didn't seem like something I could continue to like. Besides, he was just as everyone said; he was even worse than Vee.
And more dangerous than Vee.
Should I really risk getting involved with someone like that? Even if I'm naive—no, even if my friends think I'm naive—I still have some sense. Someone who looks down on others with such disdain, so full of himself that he expects everyone to bow down and crawl to him like some kind of god, is definitely not a good person. And Mom told me not to mess with bad people. This God Yoo, who's worse than Vee, I'm going to stay far away from him.
Just because I like him at first doesn't mean I have to like him forever, right?
"It's better if you don't tangle with Yoo," Mark continued.
"It's like you're protecting your friend from liking him," Fuse said.
"Yeah, I am protecting him, damn it. If he comes crying to me, I'm not going to comfort him," Mark retorted.
"You'd comfort him anyway," Fuse shot back.
"Hey! No way I'm going after him," I said, getting ready to stand up.
"Where are you going?" Fuse asked.
"Away from you guys," I replied.
"Don't go too far, like to the architecture building, okay?" he said teasingly, making me scowl at him. My scowl, which they interpreted as my dumbfounded face.
As if I'd go to that place. I bet even if I were to walk into the building, he'd probably not be there anyway. Since that so-called god had already graduated, the only reason he was still hanging around was probably to attend the graduation ceremony, or maybe he was just jobless and had nowhere to go—spending his days just wandering around, flirting with strangers. Do they think I'm that senseless to want to date such a guy?
I walked to the department office, leaving the other two to continue brooding over Yoo's matters. I gathered the documents and receipts needed for the project summary, looked around a bit, and then stood there, pondering something deeply. It wasn't about Yoo or Vee. It was about me—I'm forgetful and really good at forgetting things. Where did I put my pen just now? Oh... it's on the department head's desk.
"Kamphan."
"Hmm?" I turned at the sound that didn't call my name, but that was the name everyone called me.
"And you said your name isn't Kamphan, but you still turned around at the call of it."
"Well, how many years have you guys been calling me that?"
"Three years."
"That's why," I grunted back at the current department president and glared at him angrily, but in the eyes of these guys, my reaction was just seen as being slow-witted. No matter what I did, in my friend's eyes, I was just a kid. A kid they had to look after, even though I could take care of myself. I might even take care of them, too.
"When's Mark's next match?" he asked me after rummaging for something and finding it.
"Dude, I've told you several times, I'm in charge of welfare, not sports unit. Go ask the sports staff, not me," I replied.
"Oh... you don't know?"
"I do," I shot back. Why wouldn't I? I knew more about Make and Fuse than they knew about themselves.
"Then just tell me," Phee-Mai retorted, stretching his tall frame and raising an eyebrow at me.
"I won't," I said with a nerve-teasing smile.
"You won't? Really?" He stepped closer to me, and of course, I stepped back.
"Dude, don't do this to me," I said, raising my hands defensively.
"Will it kill you just to tell me?" He kept walking towards me.
"Phee-Maaaaai!"
"What's up, Kum-Phaaaaan?"
"Tomorrow! Tomorrow at two in the afternoon," I blurted out before he could get any closer.
"That's all," he said with a shrug.
"You damn..." I sighed deeply.
"So where are you off to next? What about the others?"
"I'm going to grab some food. And for Mark... his daddy[2]'s probably coming to pick him up. And Fuse is over there."
"At the Dentistry faculty building?"
"Uh-huh," I muttered, then looked up at Phee-Mai.
"You… okay, man?" he asked.
"What's there for me not to be okay about?" I replied.
"It's just that those jerks all got boyfriends and left you behind," he said.
It was what I'd secretly felt slighted by—the situation where every one of my close friends had a partner while I was just being alone. It wasn't that I was jealous of them, nor was I angry that they had significant others. How could I possibly stand in the way of their love? It was just that I felt lonely. Sometimes, I felt possessive of my friends, and other times... I just wished I could've tried having someone special, too.
The first year Mark got together with Vee, I didn't mind because Mark was always with me. I had no idea where Vee found the time to follow Mark around. It only became apparent to me that they loved each other when they were having intense arguments, and I couldn't help but support their relationship. Anyone in my shoes back then would've found it unbearable to witness such heartache. Initially, Mark wasn't as attached to Vee; it was Vee who was clingy to him and would take Mark out and about. And what could I do? He's Daddy Vee, the daddy of his faculty, you know?
After that, all I had left was Fuse. Even though I could easily mingle and have fun with others, my close friends were just these guys. When Fuse started pursuing Ana, I genuinely felt abandoned in the way that he became so focused on Ana that he seemed to forget I was ever his friend. I felt slighted by him, but not once did I wish for them to break up. I just tried to cope with the situation as best as I could. I couldn't cling to them too much; everyone had their own path and preferences, which I was still searching for.
"I'm okay, really," I said.
After spending some time alone, I feel better. It isn't a lie; I really am okay now, but also very lonely.
"Hey, come have lunch with me, okay?"
"No, thanks," I said, extricating myself from Phee-Mai's heavy arm on my shoulder, but he still kept a firm grip on me.
"I'm hungry, and you said you'd go eat, right?" he said, narrowing his eyes at me.
"Where?"
"Behind the campus."
The area behind the university was a gathering spot for students. It wasn't that large but was always crowded, and I was one of the crowd. The food place wasn't big and was packed with people, forcing my friends and me to order in a rush and then stand around awkwardly in front of the place, waiting for someone to leave their table so we could take their place.
And the first group to get up was...
"Is that God's fav over there? Right, God Yoo?"
It was the table of the ArchGod and his friends. The entire architecture faculty revered him as a deity, his aura of divinity evident to the whole university. He turned to look at me while standing up. His handsome face tilted slightly before a confident smile spread across it, making me scrunch up my face in response.
"Well... yes," he replied, looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite understand. It was too much to be considered arrogant, yet it didn't seem like he was looking down on me either.
"Wowww!"
"Ooooh!"
"He admits it!"
"Hey, little bro, you're his fav, so please have a seat here," one of his juniors swept the dust off a chair for me, the one right next to the ArchGod or whatever his name was. Then that God Yoo flashed me a challenging smile as if questioning whether I'd dare to sit there. If I did, it would prove his word that I fall for people easily, which would only inflate his ego. But if I didn't... that contemptuous look would probably haunt me.
"Hey..." Phee-Mai grabbed my arm as I was about to step forward, causing me to pause and turn back to him.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Mark told me not to let you meet with... God Yoo..." Phee-Mai didn't finish his sentence; instead, he glanced over at Yoo, who was watching me intently, waiting to see which move I'd make in his stupid game.
"If you're that scared, just wait a sec. I'm about to go," Yoo said.
And why should I be afraid of someone like him? I'd already blocked him on Facebook; what more could he do to me?
"But you just got here and haven't even eaten yet," said the guy I'd met before, which made me frown.
He hadn't eaten yet, so why would he want to leave?
"It's fine. I can eat at home."
"But you already ordered your food, right?"
"Well, anyway. Some people are so on edge they don't know how to handle themselves. If I sit here, they might be too scared to eat," said the ArchGod or whatever his name was. His gaze drifted from me for a moment, landing on that one junior from his faculty. But it was just a fleeting glance before he turned back to me.
He looked at me in a way I couldn't comprehend. I was only aware that they held a profound sense of danger. That was all.
"I'll just eat here. What am I supposed to be afraid of?" I said and walked up close to the table. The guys there looked at me with anticipation while my friend managed to grab my arm in time.
"Are you sure?" Yoo asked.
Instead of answering, I just sat down on an empty chair nearby, ignoring his gaze and question, leaving him to awkwardly face his juniors, subordinates, or whatever celestial minions he believed he had. Then, I turned and nodded at my tall friend, Phee-Mai, who still stood there dumbly, not knowing what to do.
And they always think I'm that innocent.
"Sit down, Phee-Mai," I said.
"But..."
"You said you wanted to eat here," I reminded him, and he sighed before slowly sliding into the opposite seat. He looked up at the ArchGod and gave him and his divine lackeys a wry smile.
"May I... sit with you?"
Why the heck was Phee-Mai suddenly displaying good manners toward him?
"Well... if that's the case, we'll leave now. Or should we stay and keep you company?" one of his juniors asked.
"Just go," he replied, then slowly sat down next to me.
"We'll just leave, then. And as for you, staying here won't get you any closer to him," another junior said to his friend.
And you guys said you wanted to talk about something with God Yoo?
"Yeah, I can be his junior; that's fine," the guy replied.
"No, nope. If you're staying, you'll have to stay as his lover," the friend teased.
"Hmm?"
"Really? Are you two actually going to be lovers?" his juniors teased between each other, making the whole restaurant turn to look at us.
"What the fuck are you guys saying?" I retorted. I knew it was rude. And if my juniors were to hear it, it wouldn't be a good example for them, but I still chose to be vulgar. Not that I was usually like this, but it was out of annoyance.
"Well, you guys can go now," God Yoo shooed his juniors out once more.
"If not God's lover, you must be a God's fav, right?"
"Enough, Pug," Yoo said.
"Roger that, God Yoo," Pug replied, leading the other two out. They looked like a mafia gang I thought no one would want to associate with. Just look at this ArchGod guy; he probably had no friends and ended up hanging out with juniors like this. With a bad attitude like that, who would want to be his friend? The juniors likely had to eat with him, maybe without much say in the matter.
"Kamphan, I think we should change..."
"Here's your crispy pork with holy basil... Oh! That makes three plates," the auntie selling the food said as she brought over a tray with three plates of crispy pork with holy basil on it. It was as if we were in sync, craving the same thing at the same time. Plus, being served immediately like this, we couldn't change to a new place now.
"Thank you," the person beside me said, reaching past me to take a plate.
"Sorry, dear, the place is just too crowded," the auntie said as she turned to us, receiving a charming smile from the ArchGod and a goofy one from Phee-Mai in return, respectively.
"It's no problem at all," I said, also offering her a smile.
And it really wasn't a problem. What could be wrong? We could sit and eat with anyone as this is a restaurant. We can't choose who we sit with unless it's our own meal at home. Even at home, I can't always choose where to sit; some days, I sit next to Mom, and on other days, next to Dad, depending on their mood. It's just like sitting in the faculty cafeteria, where you end up sharing a table with others because there aren't enough tables.
It was nothing if it weren't for the staring.
I tried to ignore the gazes directed at us. I understood that just having Yoo sitting here would draw attention because of his good looks and unique aura. And with yesterday's incident, my presence here only doubled the attention. We weren't celebrities under constant scrutiny. Given the situation and the news they'd heard, it was normal to be looked at and then become the subject of gossip. I wasn't angry, but I didn't like it either.
"If it's too much, I can go sit somewhere else," Yoo said as I was about to take my fourth spoonful of crispy pork. I paused with the spoon at my lips and turned to look at him.
"Just eat your food," I said.
Yeah, just keep eating. Why say anything to me now? Quickly eat, get full, and then leave. That's all you have to do.
"I'm eating, but I just want to know..."
"Know what?"
"Are you uncomfortable and not enjoying your food now because you are scared... or shy?" he said the last part softly, which made me look up at him immediately.
"Kamphan, chill out," Phee-Mai, who sat across from me, said. His usual presidential demeanor vanished the moment the aura of the ArchGod overshadowed it. Instead of being a leader I could depend on, he now seemed as scared of Yoo as I was.
Scared, huh?
What's there to be so scared of just because I cursed him out that time?
"I'm not!" I said, raising my voice slightly to make it clear.
"You're not, as in not shy?" Yoo still didn't get it, prompting another question right back at me.
"It's nothing at all. Not shy, not scared, just freaking nothing!"
"Then why is your face red?"
"..."
"..."
The question made my face heat up another ten degrees. I wasn't shy or embarrassed at all, but it felt like a slap in the face, as if I was caught out, and now I had to suffer the embarrassment in front of him.
"Hmm?" When both Phee-Mai and I fell silent, Yoo's voice echoed again as if he were pressing for an answer.
"Your face is really red, Kamphan," my annoying friend just had to emphasize that question again.
"Th... the food is spicy!" That was my response, a truthful one that nonetheless drew a smile from Yoo and a strange look from my friend.
"Really?" Yoo asked.
"Yeah," I replied, and then he fell silent, quietly eating the food which I guessed the auntie had made all three of our dishes in one go.
Yoo said nothing after that, not paying any attention to me at all. I was so angry, my face reddened by the embarrassment, that I couldn't get back at him. Phee-Mai didn't offer any help either, but I sensed he was somewhat aware of my situation, likely from Mark and Fuse. Glancing at his phone screen, I could tell it was Mark's chat room; he must be reporting about me. I'd probably get nagged by Mark like he was my mother all over again.
Even though I'm not as tall as most guys, I'm not that short, either. Everyone says I have a cute face, but I consider myself a handsome young guy. My friends love to treat me like a kid, but the truth is I'm already over twenty. And even though I might act a bit clueless and slow, I'm a reasonable one.
The sound of a chair sliding broke the silence, and the person next to me stood up. I glanced over and saw that he'd finished his meal in just over ten minutes while I still had half a plate left, and my stomach was only half full. The ArchGod was ready to leave, but I'd barely eaten my food, and my eyes just happened to be following him.
"What's up?" he asked with that distinctive voice of his.
"N-Nothing,"
"I saw you looking at me."
I wanted to ask that same question. Why do you act like you're about to start something and then pretend like it's nothing? Is messing with my feelings fun for you? Because it isn't fun for me.
"Yoo..." Do you really have nothing to say to me?
"Hmm?"
And what was I doing? I knew he was just teasing and toying with me, but I still reacted to him. I was so curious and wanted to know why he wouldn't say anything about me blocking him.
"Never mind." But was he really not going to say anything? It was kind of a big deal, right? How could he be so indifferent and calm about it?
"?" The questioning gaze swept over to me, not from Yoo, but from my friend sitting across from me.
"Can you tell everyone that we're not anything? I don't want any trouble," I finally said.
"We really aren't, are we?" he replied coolly, with a suave demeanor that seemed to cast a spell on me. Whether it was his words or his attitude, it left me in a daze. Maybe it was because what he was saying was true, or perhaps it was because of his nonchalant manner.
Just a few minutes ago, he was stubbornly staying here to annoy me, wasn't he? He was challenging me with those confident eyes. And now…
"Just saying you're my type doesn't mean we're anything," he blurted out something crazy like that again.
"Yoo..."
"Just like when you said you didn't have any feelings for me, even though you're actually crazy about me," he said, a smile spreading wide. That smirk revealed itself in just a few seconds, and I felt a rush of heat. That ArchGod didn't hold the smile for long; after a brief moment, he turned to go pay the bill, but that smile lingered in my vision, just like the first time I saw him, the first time I stopped to look at him.
"Kamphan..."
"..."
"You okay?" Phee-Mai's question reached my ears, and I was shaking my head in response.
"What does he want?" I asked softly, a question to which I truly didn't know the answer, or maybe I did but just didn't want to admit it.
"Can I be honest with you?"
"Yeah," I turned back to look at Phee-Mai as Yoo's motorcycle pulled away.
"I get the feeling he's messing with you, you know..."
"Just for kicks?" I asked, and Phee-Mai nodded.
"Yeah, that's what I think."
"He thinks I'm just a stress reliever or what?" I said, glancing at Phee-Mai.
"You shouldn't get involved with him, just like your friends suggested."
"I'm not."
"You were just now,"
Hey! You bastard!
"I..."
"You're looking for trouble."
"I'm not," I replied. Even though I was sitting here and he was sitting there, I didn't think it meant looking for trouble. If we both kept quiet and just ate, it wouldn't be a problem. But he acted that way, and what's worse, I was acting like this.
Like right now, looking for him again, even though he'd gone far away.
"Kamphan..."
"What should I do, Phee-Mai?" I turned back to ask him again.
"Everyone says not to get involved with the guy."
"But my heart wants otherwise."
I'm not someone who does complicated things like Mark, but I'm also not as straightforward and simple as Fuse.
Yes... I'm still inexperienced about this, but my feelings are pretty clear.
"Do you like him?"
"You... don't think that way?" I responded to my friend's question with a question, and this not-so-close friend of mine let out a sigh.
"Shit, Mark," he muttered softly to his phone, a phone that displayed the chat between him and Mark.
Masa Mark: If he likes Yoo, that's gonna be bad.
Masa Mark: Even Vee said he can't get anything good out of Yoo.
Masa Mark: So what's Kamphan gonna get from Yoo?
Masa Mark: My friend would just be losing out.
Masa Mark: It would be a total disaster, Phee-Mai.
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[1] The younger students in Vee's faculty usually call him like this.
[2] The term 'daddy' here refers to Vee.