This is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me, and it put me down a path I have never once considered in the past. It's not one of those things you tend to tell anyone, but hell, I need to tell someone.
I had just moved into this house, a rental in a smaller town. I had been re-assigned to a new position in this company, and that had required moving out of state. No big deal. I wasn't attached to any one place or person. I was as free as they come.
Got settled in easily enough. The place had a nice big backyard, and I planned on picking up some patio furniture. Early one of those first mornings, I was drinking my coffee and staring out the back door when I saw it. I was shocked by the size of it, plus that the damn thing had the audacity to strut right into my yard. I had no idea where it came from, but the hell if it was going to stay.
I tightened up my robe and walked outside.
"Go! Git outta here!"
The stupid chicken just sort of looked my way before going back to looking for bugs, or whatever it was eating. I went back inside and grabbed the broom. I was going to chase that damn bird off my place. The last thing I wanted was to be stepping in chicken shit when I was trying to relax.
As I approached it, I heard a female voice chide me.
"Leave her alone!"
I looked over to see an older lady standing on her back porch.
"This thing yours?"
"Yes. That's Chi-Chi."
"Then can you keep this thing in you own yard please?"
"No. She's doing a service by eating the bugs."
"Yeah, well can she eat them elsewhere?"
"No. She was eating in that yard before you moved in."
I sighed. There was no point in getting the old neighbors riled up.
"Fine. Just try to keep her from making a mess on the lawn."
I turned around to go back inside. I paused and looked back over to the lady. The bird was rather out-sized for the genre.
"That bird is enormous! What kind of chicken is that.?"
"She's my pet and she's a Jersey Giant!"
"That she is lady, that she is."
I knew that wasn't going to be the end of the matter, but I had no desire to make a big deal out if right now. I went inside and had my breakfast, while I watched the damn thing strut around like it owned the place. That might have been the end of the matter except that all at once, it stopped, clucked a little, and then laid the biggest damn egg I think I've ever seen. Well, chicken egg of course.
I chuckled. I was eating eggs for breakfast. And sausage. Eggs and sausage.
Sausage…
I wondered.
I probably shouldn't have, but I did.
On my time off over the next few weeks, I sat and I observed the bird as it wandered around not only my yard, but the others in the neighborhood. It seemed no one got their balls in an uproar over it's presence, and it could be gone from its owner's place for hours at a time.
Hmmmm.
The next time I was out and about made a few purchases.
That bird could come into my yard any time it liked, but there was going to be a price to pay.
It was a lovely Saturday morning, and sure enough Chi-Chi was out looking for food. I ripped open a bag of bird seed, slid open the door and tossed some out in its direction. It dived for it like a feather lion pouncing on a gazelle.
I tossed some a little closer to the house and waited. It took a good fifteen minutes to coax the bird to the porch. After that, I made the motion of tossing some of the seed onto the floor on the kitchen. It stuck it's head in and looking for a brief few seconds before hopping through.
I slowly closed the door.
It was now just me and this stupid bird.
And man was she big. Good thing that. I wasn't sure a smaller bird would survive what I had in mind.
"Hey Chi-Chi, you ever been stuffed?"
The bird pretty much ignored me, going for the food on the floor.
I had a cloth bag, the type your bed sheet sets come in, and I had cut the bottom corner out of it. My plan involved not getting scratched, and this was the best idea I had come up with. I got it in hand, and when the bird was looking the other way, I dropped it over its head, pulling it down tightly. The silly thing squawked and struggled, until I finally got it's head out the hole. After that it was a matter of working the rest of it in position around its body. It took a bit, but I eventually had it's legs and wings secured, with just it's tail end sticking out.
And that was the end I wanted.
If that bird could lay an egg the size I had seen exit it, then it could take a sausage my size into it.
And by sausage, I meant my cock.
After all, hens lived for cocks, right?
She was making enough noise I opted to take her down to the basement. No one had seen her come into my house, but I doubted anyone around the area was deaf. I flipped on the light switch, undid my robe and pulled the lube of the pocket.
"There's a fee for using my yard Chi-Chi. I hope you understand."
I stuck the tip of the tube of lube into her cloaca and squeezed until it oozed out around the sides. I then pulled it out and rubbed the excess on my cock. She was struggling against her captivity, but I had her locked down tight.
I grabbed the bag, finding her wings and getting a good grip on them. I then tilted her until I could see that pink slippery hole. I pressed the head of my cock against it and pushed. She let out an enraged squawk as my mammalian cock sank into her avian depths. I think my eyes rolled back in my head.
I was surprised to find her a lot hotter inside than I expected. At that time I didn't know a thing about birds. Imagine my surprise to learn that not only are they warm-blooded, they have a higher body temp than humans. I mean, that girl was one hot mama. Seven herbs and spices hot.
I pulled her back along the shaft on my cock until there was no longer anywhere for her to go. My hairs were nestled right against her feathers. She was still struggling, but my grip on her was ironclad. Shit, to he honest, her struggling was kind of a turn-on
I went to work, pulling her forward and driving her back. I had used fleshlights in the past, and if they had ever been this good, I'd still be using them. Her tract was smooth, hot and hella slippery from all the lube I had shot into her. In and out, in and out, in and out; until I felt that rise in my balls. Then I let loose on her. My grip on her tighened even as did my balls. You know what they say; you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
Luckily for both of us, I wasn't in that portion of her anatomy, or I would have.
I fucked that chicken until I came. Her whole body was shaking, and I could feel her body convulsing around me. Did chickens have orgasms? The hell if I knew, but this one seemed to be. As it was, she had gone silent, her eyes closed. I thought maybe I had killed her, and I almost felt bad. Almost.
I carried her, still pressed against my body, back upstairs and went to the bedroom. I had gone this far, so anything else was hardly going to matter. I climbed up on the bed, pulled out and pulled the bag off of her.
She was still breathing, but she was out like a light.
Time to wake her up.
I spread her wings and put a hand on each, and then played around until I got my cock back in her. Sure enough, she gave a startled cry as I drove myself back in. I pressed my advantage home until I was literally crushing her with my weight. Her hole was convulsing spasmodically, and damn did I like it.
I spent the next ten or fifteen minutes plowing out that hole like a horny rooster. When I blew my second load, I knew I was hooked. I lay there on top of her, panting away, thinking of doing her even a few more times. But my discretion got the better of me. I pulled out and sat up, just in time for her to let out a weak braaaawk.
And then she laid an egg. That thing literally shot out. It lay there glistening like a jewel.
I just sort of laughed.
I got up and washed myself off, slipping the robe back on. I was going to let her out, but for the moment, she could barely move. I went ahead and cleaned her up, to leave no evidence of our little love tryst. After an hour, she seemed to have recovered enough for me to let her out, so I looked around outside to see if anyone was around.
There was no one.
I shooed her out the door and went back inside and got dressed.
I then left for the day. If anyone noticed that bird was walking funny, I didn't want to be around to be blamed for it. Let them wonder what had happened.
So you see, I learned something that day.
I like chickens.
I have my own place now. I live in the country, and I have a flock of my own. Jersey Giants, because big girls are the best for my kind of loving.
I like spit roasting the birds, but not eating them, if you get my meaning. Stuffing them is fun too, and besides, I found I like the feel of feathers against my skin.
Chickens are eggs-actly what the doctor ordered.