Lambert was shocked upon hearing the news I just brought him. I think he's surprised seeing me like this on a very important day. We'll be meeting up with the higher ups today after all for some signing.
"Dude I know this is a hard time for you but we still have a lot on our plate. This might sound insensitive but I need you to be there. I'm really sorry to push this up on you on a day like this. I probably wouldn't be able to forgive myself for not giving you the space you need but this is for you, for Yukino. We need to publish this to the world and that's what Yukino would have wanted. You can hate me after this but please Aoi."
I know where he's coming from, this is the most important day after all. But I just can't find any energy to move. If I did I would have got up already and sign the papers.
"I can't Lambert. I just can't."
I wonder if Lambert would hate me after all this. He probably will.
"Let me think of something Aoi. But don't get your hopes up."
He probably wouldn't be able to think of something considering that today is the deadline and if I don't sign the papers today, the book might not be published and won't be able to participate in the contest.
If that happens, I would feel bad and I probably wouldn't be able to face Lambert.
After a few minutes of calling everyone he can, he tossed his phone on my bed and stood up aggressively.
I wondered what he's up to but he started walking towards me as I sat there on the corner of the bed.
"I'm sorry for this Aoi but there's just nothing we can do. I'm dragging you there. You can hate me later after this but I have to do this now."
Lambert carried me to his car and whilst it was against my will, I never really had the energy to resist. He continued to apologize to me on our way to the publishing company but I'm not really mad at him. I felt numb. It's like all the emotions I could feel already left my mind and body.
A few minutes later, he then carried me to his office. Despite working with Lambert for quite some time now, I have never been to his office ever since. To my surprise, it was a neat looking office. A simple desk in front of a huge window, shelves on the far end corner as well as two couches just right in front of the desk with a small glass table in the middle.
He carried me to the couch and put me down.
"I'll give you some time to settle down but you probably wouldn't. I'm really sorry about this Aoi. But I can't just let your novel go to waste. I'll be back in a minute."
A few minutes later, Lambert came back with two men dressed formally with a suit and tie who sat on the other couch adjacent to the one I'm sitting on.
"Here's Aoi sir. He's not feeling well right now so I thank you for coming to my office instead for the meeting." Said Lambert. "Aoi. These two are the Chairman and the vice chairman of our company."
The chairman looked like a kind old man whilst the vice chairman is a handsome looking guy probably in his late 30s or early 40s.
"Good afternoon sir." Those were the first words I've said today aside from telling Lambert that Yukino died. Their presence kind of woke me up in a way that felt like I am bound to greet them.
"I think Lambert already told you this but we have to interview you first before publishing and entering this book to the contest. I know you're not feeling well but this is the only time that we have so I apologize."
"No sir, it's my fault for not feeling well. Thank you for your kind understanding."
"What's your vision with this book Aoi?"
"I just wanted people to ready everything that I thought of."
"Your real vision Aoi. Why should we publish this book?"
"I'm dedicating it to someone special. Someone I hold dearly. I wanted to bring home that award for her. I want to make her proud. By achieving my dream I'll be able to do that. That way both of us will be happy and fulfilled."
"My condolences Aoi. I've already heard it from Lambert. And I'm sorry for pushing this interview today. I would have published the book anyway. But that answer made me want to work with you more in the near future."
The chairman then reached out to me for a hug so I simply accepted. I never thought that the chairman is this kind. It made me want to work for him for the rest of my life.
After the signing and meeting, Lambert took me back to my apartment and brought me some food on the way. I was hungry but wasn't able to finish what he bought me.
"I'll leave you here Aoi. Again I'm sorry. I'm one call away so call me if you need me."
My mind was flooded with thoughts of Yukino. Every sign that I see that would remind me of her would make me cry. Even with the smallest details such as a piano. Everything started to hurt. And there's just no medicine. How long am I supposed to deal with this feeling?
Days and weeks passed as my book got published and became a hot topic in France, I heard from Lambert that sales are going up and that it's being sent to other countries as well. The book was a success but I was still numb. The situation of Yukino dying already sunk in but it changed me drastically.
I heard from Shin and Haruto that her funeral went well and that everyone was present aside from me. I was here sitting in my apartment being accompanied by Hajime.
"Do you not want to go back to Japan for a while? You do have time after all." Said Hajime.
"I can't. I'll be reminded of her. I still can't right now."
"You know you have to at some point right?"
"Yeah. I just can't right now. I might lose myself if I go there now. I don't know how long it'll take but. I just don't want to think about it right now."