I sat still as my mind went blank. I couldn't even figure out the words I wanted to say. I was completely speechless and stunned as tears started falling from my eyes. Uncle looked at me with empathy which isn't surprising. It's like he already knew how someone would react when given that fact. I bet he went through this as well or was it even worse for him considering he's her uncle. My cigarette was just there burning shorter and shorter at the tip of my fingers. Uncle inhaled the cigarette and started talking.
"I wouldn't be surprised by your reaction. To be honest, I expected this to happen sooner rather than later. I'm sorry that I asked you to get closer to her. I shouldn't have let this happened as an adult." Uncle bowed her head to me as he said those words.
"Doing everything for your niece's happiness is something you should be proud of uncle."
Uncle smiled as he blew the smoke. "You calling me uncle seems so natural to me now. But I owe you an explanation."
"Yukino's mother, my sister, had a disease that caused her death when Yukino was around 4 years old. My niece had always been fragile ever since she was a kid. She was in and out of the hospital through elementary school. It subsided a bit when she entered middle school so the doctors and I had hope. But as soon as she entered High school, it got worse. She was more in rather than out in the hospital. After the doctors ran tests on her, what I feared most came. She indeed had the disease her mother suffered from. My whole world seemed to have crumbled hearing the news. I refused to accept that fact so her father and I went to every doctor we could find. But all of them said the same thing."
Uncle's eyes were all teared up but he never let a single tear fall from his face. He acted strong in front of me as an adult. That made me stop crying and gave me the drive I needed to be strong as I listened to his story.
"When her father and I lost all hope, Yukino was the one who picked us up. Being the one in that position and having accepted the fact that she doesn't have much time left made us question what we were doing as adults. What Yukino needed wasn't a cure for her disease. What she needed was someone who could stay by her side and give her the most that life could offer in her remaining time. Other than us adults, what she needed was someone to offer her the things she would enjoy at her age. That's when you came. But I guess that isn't my story to tell. So for the time being, let Yukino rest and she'll tell you about that."
Uncle and I finished drinking the tea and I decided that I needed to go home as well. I glanced one last time at the second floor trying to see if Yukino came out of her room but I guess she didn't. Uncle accompanied me out and offered to take me home.
"Let me take you home kid. Don't refuse my offer this time. This would be the least I can do."
I hopped on the pickup truck beside the driver's seat and put on my seatbelt. Uncle grabbed a cap before hopping in and driving.
The snow's starting to pile up for a bit over the whole neighborhood where Yukino and I would walk through every night. All of those moments seemed so vividly happy that I wouldn't even think that someone that cheerful around me is dying. I cried as uncle never looked at me. I guess that's his way of giving me my space considering the devastating truth that was unfolded to me earlier.
What went through my mind were different variations of "How did I not notice?". I bet it was hard for Yukino to act so tough despite her body being so frail. I kept on crying the whole ride until we reached my apartment.
"Take care on your way home uncle. And uh- Thank you for telling me."
"I'll get going now kid."
I went through the elevator and to my room. I went straight to my bed without even changing my clothes. All I could think about is why do I need to lose someone so precious and dear to me. I want her to stay by my side and see through the end of the path that I'm taking. I've just begun writing again because of her. I want her to see my journey, the ups and downs. I want her there.
I felt a sense of rush that I should finish everything as soon as possible. I can't, I don't even want to accept it. I tried writing to ease myself of the thoughts I have in mind. But everything I wrote was not even satisfactory.
Days continued to pass until the night before new year. During the days leading up to the present. I wasn't able to write anything. Even my editor told me to get some rest until new year just to clear my mind of things. I tried submitting new chapters but all of them got rejected which I expected considering the quality of work.
All that went through my mind was Yukino. But little by little, I got to accept the fact that she's dying. My thoughts started settling down sooner than I expected. Inside my head is still a mess but it got better compared to the day I learned the truth.
I haven't heard from Yukino ever since that night. I tried texting Yukino for the past several days but I couldn't gather up the courage and words to do so. I decided not to until I got a full grasp of my mind and emotions. I want to be able to talk to her rationally. I don't want my emotions getting the better of me when we get to talk. I guess this much time and space is needed for the both of us.
What I'm worried about now is how I will meet the group tomorrow for the new year's meetup. We were to visit a temple. I wonder if Yukino will come. Would I be able to face her tomorrow?