I hate humanity, that's why I haven't left my apartment in months. I can't stand the false morals, the moral grandstanding… the façade of "humanity". I can't stand when people refer to humanity as if it was something inherently good or just; when I comment online about how some conflict or tragedy ultimately means nothing for most and no one that isn't involved should care about it, really. They say "if you're human, you'll care" or talk of the "lack of humanity".
I believe that true humanity is "greed", "murder", "hatred" and the like. There's nothing more satisfying or aspirational than seeing a murder or tragedy. I've even begun to idolize some serial killers— they embody the true essence of "humanity" , imagine throwing away your life just to take away another's. Be it for greed, pleasure or just for fun, I can't help but admire them. Imagining the ecstasy from taking something so finite from someone is just so—
A monitor screen displays "DEFEAT"
"FUCK!" I scream as I slam my fist on my desk then smack myself on the head.
"I can't concentrate on this game, I'm constantly stuck in my damn thoughts! I'm back down to diamond. shut up, don't talk to me you incompetent freak" I say lashing out into the microphone.
I sigh. I take my headset off and stand up in my dark room. As I stand up, around twenty tiny fruit flies scatter from some molding food on my desk. "That's another noise complaint" I mutter to myself before stepping into the foot-holes made in the trash on my floor which is covered in empty containers and plastic bottles from takeout deliveries, I step as if I was stepping on stones to cross a pond. It's easy to do in the dark as it's now muscle memory to me. I smell the pungent odor from moldy food as I step past my desk, although at this point, I'm used to it.
Once I step out of my bedroom I languidly walk to the bathroom, I head to the mirror that's right next to the sink. I look at myself in the mirror noticing my pale skin has been getting even paler than normal, my eyes seem to be more red and irritated than usual as well. My fragile white skin from such little sun exposure which sits upon my almost emaciated and frail body, the messy medium length unkempt brown hair which lies greasy on top of my head gets swiped away from my eyes.
I pull my lower eyelid down looking closer at my red, irritated looking sclera which surrounds my dull, hazel iris. "It's getting worse," I murmur.
I'm probably sick, it doesn't matter though. I'd rather die than have some pretentious bastard inspect me, imagine what they'd think "is he incapable of washing himself? And he's 19 years old, pathetic", "He's obviously a virgin, why else would you live like this?" despicable, these doctors deserve the death penalty, how dare they think they have the right to think of me like this! My teeth begin to grit as I continue staring into the mirror stuck in my thoughts. If I'm dying like this already, why not bring some others with me? After all you're dead for eternity and only alive for 80 years, what's wrong with me shuffling them along on a little trip to the eternal darkness?
My thoughts get interrupted by a dry cough that's been consistently getting worse, accompanied by an all too familiar stabbing pain into my chest, it feels as if someone is stabbing acupuncture needles straight through my lungs and heart. I double over and crouch down in a coughing fit covering my mouth with my hands. But… this time unlike the other times, I feel a hot liquid collect in my hands and I taste the all too familiar metallic taste permeating my tongue that can only be associated with blood. My heart skips a beat realizing I might actually be dying, in my shock I shoot up and look into the mirror and see my eyes even more irritated from the coughing, it's now like a bloodshot red, a deep pink has now taken over all the whites of my eyes. But even more to my dismay I see dark red blood around my lips like a child that has just finished eating their favorite cake. I hesitantly in run my finger through the blood collecting around my lips onto the tip of my finger "there's no way" I say to myself as my heart drops.
I— I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. I'm… scared. I begin to hyperventilate. "it's not real, there's no way, surely, right?" I say mentally trying to cope.
Apathy. After the immediate shock and fear the only thing I can feel is apathy. As I stand there in the cold tiled bathroom barefoot, staring at my fearful face in the mirror. At least I can think clearly. "Well , I can be alone now. Forever this time" I think to myself, my head begins to feel lighter and lighter before black. Only black.
As he loses consciousness his head slams off the sink then onto the hard tile floor.
BLACK…
I look down into an empty void of the blackest black I've ever seen, I can't help but scream and fall on my behind as I look down. But I don't fall, I stay stationary, it feels as if I'm floating yet sitting on solid ground at the same time. I look up and I see... it, no. him… I… I don't know what it is. I see a human face without proper details, it's head is the size of something you'd expect to see on mount Rushmore. It has no pores, no hair, it's skin is white but not like mine, it's like literal paper, it's eyes are black voids with no life behind them as if they were going to suck me in like a black hole, it's neck is like if you make the tower of Pisa horizontal, that's how thick it is, it goes on forever. It's only a head and neck, when I look to see where it's neck is connected to, it goes on forever. It's like my vision has no limit. I can see the neck go on for hundreds of millions of miles with no end. When I look back at it, it smiles at me but its eyes remain the same. The same dull and lifeless voids that replace human eyes never change.
"Hello James," it says, staring deep into my eyes...