Chereads / Remnants of her memory / Chapter 5 - the girl from before

Chapter 5 - the girl from before

My sleep kept being interrupted throughout the night. There weren't any sounds like the prior night, it was just my own mind suddenly waking up. By the time the morning came, I felt like a truck had ran me over.

After a full breakfast, the food forced the fatigue leave my body, warming up quickly under the spring sun as soon as I left my home. That brief moment of uplift was ruined as soon as I saw my unwanted visitor.

Hanging out on the wall that surrounded the house, near the gate, the same cat from yesterday and the day before was staring at me with an unique glance.

"What's the problem?" I couldn't believe myself that I tried to talk with the cat. "Are you hungry? Hurt? Maybe you're pregnant?"

The cat didn't shift at all as I interrogated it. I lifted my hand and moved it closer to its face, but after a curious sniff, the animal didn't move or even stir. I shook my head and continued my way, feeling the cat's eyes piercing my back.

After that, the first few classes flew past me and before I realised it, I was already eating lunch with Kanekawa and the missing Yusue, who had gone to the cafeteria.

"So? Do you see it?" I had lent Kanekawa my phone with the strange picture so he could finally dissipate my doubts.

"I see a cat."

"Besides that."

"I see you and someone else. Isn't that Sasaki?"

"No. I mean, yes. Look, you have to close and open the picture and then focus on the reflection."

His fingers quickly reacted to my words and he spent the next few seconds repeating the same actions.

"Yeah, I see it." I sighed relieved as it signified the well-being of my sanity. "It looks like a dog."

"What? No it doesn't. It's like… a face, right? Dogs don't have those kind of eyes and nose."

"Those russian dogs do. I can't remember the name, the borzoi? My auntie's at least."

I didn't know what a borzoi was but if Kanekawa could see the same effect, yet see something different, it meant that it is probably just a perception problem, like I had guessed last night. And even though that eased my mind, I couldn't get rid off the disappointment I felt.

"What's up friends, I am back with a vengeance." Yusue sat in front of me as he brought some cafeteria food. "What? It's what I call cafeteria food, it's not exactly the best food. It's the karmic revenge for having so much good luck." He bragged as he quickly bit down on his newly bought sandwich.

I held back my thoughts as I kept eating my own lunch.

"Yusue, what do you see here? Kyon says it's a human face and I think it's a dog… ghost." Kanekawa gave my phone to Yusue and inspected it for less than a second.

"That's a cat, guys. Oh, and some nice legs of whoever took the picture. We can focus on that, since it's… Wait, that's you besides the girl." Yusue sent me a confused and envious glare before we explained what he had to do.

"I would say" He chewed and swallowed his food before continuing. "That it looks like a nightmare. Just 'cause there are some human features, it doesn't mean it's a person. Could be like, you know, a freaking gnome or something. Or aliens. Or both things. Or neither, it's just some weird phenomenon I guess."

He took a peek to my direction with a worryingly wide smirk.

"So, what were you doing with Sasaki?" He handed back my phone, as there was a different photo on the screen. He wasn't supposed to see more pictures.

I snatched it back and hastily assembled an answer. "We just had a joint studying session, not whatever is crossing your mind at this instant."

"Sure, sure. I won't pry into your private life. I'm just saying, you two complement each other perfectly. Am I right, Kanekawa?" He nudged his elbow into Kanekawa, who just laughed awkwardly and nodded.

"Anyways, tomorrow's saturday. I know Kanekawa doesn't have any plans, but what about you?" Yusue asked me as Kanekawa tried to say something.

"I should be free. What do you want to do?" I finished my lunch and covered the container with its lid. I was unexpectedly hungry today.

"Just hanging out, I know of a nice place. I'm asking since maybe you had something to do with your totally not-girlfriend."

"We're not anything like that, you know it." I replied as if I was battered by his words.

"All in good faith. You can ask her to come if you want, the more the merrier. Although her weird comments throw me off everytime, I'll handle it for a friend." His words were drowned on the water he suddenly drank, trying to appear inconspicuous.

I looked around and saw Sasaki sitting on her chair, apparently having returned from the cafeteria as well. She seemed lonely as she looked through the windows, trying to look at something interesting before the bell rang.

"She's always been somewhat distant to everyone else, I guess it could do her some good if she went out with Kyon and us." Kanekawa was probably reminiscing from our middle school year.

He wasn't lying either way. Sasaki had never tried to outright socialize with people of our same year, just enough to not appear awkward. It could even be said that she acted like an adult hanging out with children. She could have normal conversations, but only to make the other party comfortable with her presence like in group projects. Was she acting weird? Sure. Was she actually weird? That would be harder to answer. To me, she seemed like the sanest person I had ever met.

"Alright then." Yusue got up from his seat and clapped his hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked, not hiding my surprise.

"The friend of a friend is my friend. I have to make up for all the silly things I've done." He answered and headed towards Sasaki.

I could only see Sasaki's expression throughout the whole affair. I caught a glimpse of her eyes looking at me for explanation, but whatever confusion she had quickly deflated and started nodding and smiling as Yusue explained his plans.

I wasn't even sure what had gotten to him, but it truly looked like he was doing it out of good will. Which was surprising, because it was Yusue. I wouldn't say he's a bad person, but he's also not the type to act around instantly.

"I'm guessing having a girlfriend is having a positive effect on him?" Kanekawa mentioned, trying to explain the situation.

I simply shrugged as a triumphant Yusue returned and sat down with a grin.

"Well, that's taken cared of. Tomorrow the four of us will meet up."

"I'm going to need some explanation about what just happened because I'm very confused." I said as the bell rang behind me.

"You and Kanekawa know her enough. I feel like I should as well. We've been in the same class for a year and the only time we interacted I kind of stepped over the line."

"I didn't know you two even talked before." Kanekawa inquired after finishing his own lunch.

"It was just a brief exchange. It was like, what, first day of the first year? Whatever ideas I had were quickly shot down by Kyon and whatever she told me. So you know, this is a way to ask for forgiveness."

"Shouldn't you have done that like a year ago when it happened and not right now?"

"Better late than never! I'm a new Yusue, with 30% more manners. Also because my girlfriend doesn't like it when I lack them."

Kanekawa threw me a 'I told you so' glance and I asked once again.

"You're not saying that because you saw her legs on a photo, right?"

"What do you take me for? Of course not. I mean, sure, it was a factor, I'll admit that. But mostly the friendship and manners stuff. I'm not going to steal her or anything like that, I'm already taken!"

I didn't answer as I just went back to my seat and plummeted into it.

"I've never had someone apologise so much to me before." Sasaki's words barely reached my ears with all the clatter of people sitting down and dragging their chairs back to their place. "Where are we going tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'll tell you once I know."

"By the way, I have to go the school library to check if there's a certain book, so wait for me at the entrance."

I didn't think much about it and agreed. "What book is it? Something life changing?"

"I hope it isn't. It's called Zenarchy."

"Wow, that sounds…"

"Very boring. Probably because it is. I'm not even completely sure if it's supposed to be serious or not."

I stopped at the gate and stood there, arms crossed, as students headed home or towards their club activities. It could take a while for Sasaki to come here, since whatever books our highschool has aren't exactly the best. I couldn't do much more except wait.

My eyes drifted upwards as clouds covered the evening sun, the first few scouts that warned us of an upcoming storm. The last thing I needed was getting wet, but there was no reason to believe I wouldn't get home before that.

"Waiting for someone as well?" A girl near me said.

It was another student of North High. A tired student. Those were the first words that crossed my mind as I noticed her. Her features were young and fragile, with her hair combed into twintails, with a weary smile that tried to hide her weighted down condition. Whatever that was, it seemed to not stop her joyful voice.

"I am, yeah." I hastily said, since I didn't want my eyes to stay too long on her face.

"Sorry for interrupting your thoughts, I've never seen you waiting around before so I was a bit curious!" She pointed with her head towards a group of people who were doing the same as us, chatting and waiting. "I already know those guys. Nothing odd about them."

"Ah, I see. So does that mean I'm odd? Because I'm as common as doves."

"I don't know that yet." A giggle escaped her lips. "But you know, people who look very unnoteworthy make themselves more noteworthy. Like spies who know so much about their cover that they appear suspicious. Maybe you're like that." I turned slightly as she kept talking with me.

"That's way too interesting to be me. So…" I considered ending the conversation right there, but my boredom decided against it. "Who are you waiting for?"

"Just my partner in crime." She pulled out a paper tissue and wiped her nose. I wasn't focusing on it, but I saw from the corner of my eye some red stains on the tissue before she crumpled it. "This spring is killing me, I'm not even allergic."

"I guess so." I would say spring hadn't even arrived yet, the trees and flowers were barely blooming but I wasn't in the mood to point it out.

She didn't reply and I didn't want to force the conversation, so I thought that she had fulfilled her curiosity. I wasn't someone especially interesting, or that's what I always though.

"Have we met?" She suddenly said after giving me a full head to toe scan with her eyes. "I feel like we've met before." She pushed on as she walked in front of me with a solemn expression.

As I could see her better now, there was no doubt I had seen this girl before. Yusue mentioned her when he was talking about cute girls like months ago. I could see where he was coming from. Although right now I felt like I was cornered by a rabid animal.

"Maybe? I can't say we've ever talked though."

Her heavy aura suddenly lost heart and turned into her previous tired stance.

"Oh, yeah. I'm guessing you're from 2-5? 2-9's dreaded enemy. Last year we beat you on that football match. I didn't really pay attention but I saw you playing. You're the one who went flying after a sliding tackle, am I right?" She maintained a soft smile that I couldn't figure out if it was threatening or innocent.

"That was Yusue. Although I was tackled as well… But if you knew that we had already met, why did you ask me?"

"Oh. Well, it's better than waiting around without doing much. Besides, it's a conversation starter and I just remembered it. You're a pretty defensive person. Or maybe I'm being awkward?" As much as it looked like she was trying to save face, a girl feeling guilty was my Achilles heel.

"Don't worry, I just had trouble sleeping so I'm a bit on edge." I excused myself as I kindly as I could.

"You and me both. Although I guess I've already grown accustomed to it. You would think less sleep meant less dreams, but somehow it's backwards." She held the handle of her school bag closer to herself. "Everybody likes having dreams but mine are just awful."

"I've had some weird dreams lately and I sleep a normal amount. It might be just bad luck." I tried to steer the conversation to a lighter theme, but she cut me off.

"Bad luck, yeah, I would say bad luck. It's better to think that than blaming oneself." She slightly furrowed her brow before sighing. "Sorry. Like I said, I'm also nervous because of the lack of sleep. Why were we talking about this again?"

"Probably because you're bored enough to strike up a conversation with a random stranger."

"Well, not stranger. Like I said, I've seen you once before and…" Her face dawned on confusion as she sized me up again. "Anyways, thanks for not running away, you seem the kind of person who listens to everybody's problems."

"I've been told something similar to that, I'm not sure if I think the same. I guess I've learnt to listen to so many complex stories about philosophy that nothing sounds too strange anymore."

"Funny you say that, I used to love those types of conversations." She brushed away some hair locks while giving me a once-over. "I thought they helped understanding this world."

I wasn't sure why she was looking at me so much, but I tried to not think about it.

"Really? You would love talking with one of my friends then. She's a bit of a cynic, but with your last comment I guess you're one as well." The girl pushed her chest forward while keeping her arms behind her back, hiding her bag. I made sure to not stare.

"And you? Do you like those conversations?" The shift on the conversation was palpable, as her expression acquired a detached stare.

"I think they're interesting. Even though I don't always agree with her complex explanations on people or the world, a down to earth look on life isn't so bad. But… I'll admit that it lacks the excitement that I'm not sure if I even want." She raised her brow, as if urging me to continue, but I didn't feel like telling someone else my life story.

"That's a commendable view. You wouldn't want to open Pandora's box. You have the opportunity to not do it." She closed her eyes as she continued. "Sometimes knowledge is a horrible thing, so you should stay put like you're doing."

My body tensed up as my gut was telling me that I shouldn't continue talking with this girl. She irradiated a soft caustic aura that wasn't normal. I could feel that my mind was already sending signals to all my muscles with the only command of getting ready to fight or flee. But my eyes were glued to this girl, and so was my stupid, daft search for the unknown.

"Right… So why do you not like those types of conversation anymore?" I continued with the topic, even if I could tell there was something off with this girl.

"Oh, it's easy to explain but hard to say." She licked her lips before continuing. "But if I start I won't stop, are you sure about it?"

Of course I wasn't sure about it. I still nodded against my better judgement

"Picture an ocean. The bottom of the ocean. You got it?"

"Sure."

"Good. It's pitch-black down there, and you're walking through it, blindly, arms outstretched." She did as she said and continued. "But you're not alone. There are many, many things down there with you. And mostly you, we, go unnoticed. And then you made a wave. A disruption in that ocean. You may not realize when it happened, it doesn't matter when. But suddenly, they see. And they come pouring out of the walls you thought were so solid a second ago and there's not a thing you can do. And then, just before they get you, you remember it all. You're reduced to nothingness in your own mind and this terrible euphoria overcomes you." Her calmed words contrasted with her tired face and warped smile, like the complete opposite of Sasaki's own philosophical ramblings. "The sublime."

"You're talking… metaphorically, right?" My mouth was left dry as her words stitched to my clothes and mind. Her dry smile cracked as I answered and was replaced by disbelief.

"What I mean to say is that… What we know, where we think we're headed doesn't matter. Who cares who controls the world? Who cares who created it? Who cares about that? We won't be able to know why we're at the mercy of these beings. You should stay put and make as little movements as possible. Because you can't run afterwards."

I tried to say something. Anything. No sounds came up. I didn't know what to tell her. This girl talked like everything she believed in had shattered.

"Here." She gave me a piece of paper that I unconsciously grabbed without a question. "I would like to meet again. I feel like there's a lot we have to talk about and I wouldn't like this to be a ship passing in the night."

As I slowly came back to reality, I noticed a person walking towards us with a hardened expression.

"I've never seen you talk so much, Kyouko." That person said while wrapping his arm around the girl's shoulders and giving me a wry smile. "Who's this? Someone you knew from before?" The guy with the blond hair sneered as he got uncomfortably close to her.

"I don't think he's from before but he's different. This is… I don't think we ever exchanged names?" She said, her previous monotony disappearing in an instant.

I answered as I refused to look at the guy.

"Such an imposing name. I'm Tachibana Kyouko. A pleasure to meet you. And this jerk is Fujiwara."

"His name, while noble, doesn't ring a bell." His face lost interest on me as I had told him my family name, stopping the sneer with just an intense glare. "Does it remind you of something?" He almost whispered to Tachibana.

"No. Oh, well, a famous general had his same name. It might not be written the same way." She pressed her back against Fujiwara and looked at me again. "We can talk again if you want. It depends on you. But remember my words."

With that, the couple went out of the gate and the world suddenly started moving again. The students' chatting. The sounds of wind. The steps taken by every person. All those sounds had disappeared when I was talking to that girl, Tachibana. Something was wrong with her, that much was clear.

I looked at the paper she gave me. A phone number, hers presumably, written down with her own hand. Why did she have this already prepared? I didn't know the answer. I didn't know many things. I felt like I had been pulled down the ocean and as much as I tried to come back to the surface, I couldn't. And with that, I didn't realise I wanted to talk with Sasaki more than ever.

"Have you seen a ghost?" Sasaki waved her hand in my face to check if I was still inside my head. "You don't look okay."

"I just… had a very weird encounter right now." I grasped the bridge of my nose before continuing. "I'll tell you later, I wouldn't want you to be late to cram school because of me."

Sasaki's shoulders slumped and forced her hand towards my forehead. "You're a bit cold."

"Lack of sun." I said while forcing a smile. There was no point of talking about that girl with her right now. "I'm fine, no worries. You'll laugh about it tomorrow anyways." I started walking.

"I'll be angry if you don't, because it feels like you've seen your grades again." Her lips curved as she quickly adapted to my pace.

"Very funny. But remember I'm the one who has to give you a ride towards the station."

"Speaking of ghosts, I've heard the conversation you had with your friends." She ignored my words and pulled out her phone. "A ghost in a photo, eh?"

"I thought you weren't there when we talked about that." If Sasaki had heard that conversation, then she had heard the rest of it as well.

"I wonder how I know that?" She mentioned with a slick smile. "I'll tackle both of your questions in one go. Let's start with the second one. How did I know you've been talking about ghosts? It could be A; that I am actually God and I am omnipresent. Or it could be B; Kanekawa told me five minutes ago."

"It's probably the latter." She gave me a lopsided grin as she heard my words.

"That's right, being a god sounds like a hassle and it isn't possible for me to become one. The simpler answer is normally the right one; the law of simplicity. So let's move forward. Between a ghost in your room and a glitch in the image, what is more likely?"

"Well, the glitch. I mean, technically I came up with that conclusion yesterday." I simply said as her eyes widened.

"Oh. Then this is embarrassing. And here I thought I could be acting all cool. Why were you talking about it then?" She hastened her pace in response to my answer, as if she wanted to escape her words.

"Honestly… I just wanted to be proven wrong. Sure, I prefer having a cat snooping around rather than a ghost but there is something inside me that wanted it to be true." I looked at my phone's clock and checked the hour. "We should probably speed up, I don't want my chances with the traffic."

"Speaking of cats, how's your stalker?"

"Good grief, don't make me start because I'll never shut up. You see, yesterday…"