Adonai:
My mind, still hazy after the most recent alienating dream, can't seem to let go of the words my mother said to me in the dream 'Happiness is magic, and happiness is in your heart, but try to remember, happiness means nothing if you're not yourself, so make sure your soul stays just as magical.'
The words sound like an adage at face value, and I can't honestly bear to think about them right now, I think it's better to get out and get some fresh air.
And with that thought in my mind I headed to the door, deciding it is better today to walk and try to avoid any type of concourse. But even then the road is strangely empty, suspiciously empty if I have to say, so as to confirm my suspicion I took a look around me.
Tall buildings, in them rooms for people to live, and at least one pair of eyes peeking out of the windows, out of almost every one of them. Thinking twice I realize that it's still a day after the announcement from the council came. So perhaps most people are still afraid to go out, or they are thinking of what to do... Business at a surface level keeps operating like usual, at least the necessary stores are still running, some of them, with a few employees. Despite the governmental order to prioritize magic over everything else some stuff still needs a human touch.
"The center of the city sure is pretty nice without a lot of people around" I said aloud while looking for any familiar face, but there was none.
It is a strange feeling, almost like everyone on the planet died and I got to live and stroll the earth alone. Moving from place to place, I stumbled upon a poster "May the Angels bless us, do not fall for the temptations of the EVIL!!!".
"Signed: The continental church ... I guess it's only natural for them to try and shift people to what they consider divinity, after all, for all these years religion's been a big part of the earth's culture. On second thought, isn't this a bit unbalanced?" I said aloud without expecting a response in return.
"It sure is, who's gonna make the final decision anyway?" To my surprise a voice responded to my question, and so I shifted my eyes to see who it was.
It was a man of the same height as me, his body built to be the textbook definition of a gym rat, if I'm not mistaken his name is...
"Excuse my rudeness, but your name is Damian right?" I asked without much thought put into it, but after a few seconds I realized that I forgot something very important "Oh sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Adonai, I've seen you around the campus a few times, I should've introduced myself before asking for your name."
"It's all good G, I've just seen you around here and thought of inviting you to join my group, we're gonna go partying now that we don't have to study anymore, you know living the best life."
G? Ahah and my suspicion was confirmed, much muscle, not too much brain, in a situation like this is partying really the best thing to do? I thought to myself as I looked at his group of around 20 people, people like him, all well built, and screaming testosterone with a few women as well. If I would go with them I would stick like a sore thumb.
"I'm thankful for your invitation but I have stuff I need to handle so..." I excused myself.
"That's unfortunate, you looked like a nice guy, maybe some of the girls wanted to take you for a spin, ei?" He humorously asked the girls in the group.
"Don't joke around with something like that, grossssss!" They said in a way that imitates a choir and then they started laughing. That's when I had the second revelation of today, that being the correct choice I just made. If I would've tagged along I would be no more than a joke material to them.
"I'm sorry for their harsh words G, but if you change your mind .. actually you won't change your mind, so." And they left.
"Douchebag." I said aloud, this time no one responded.
As I continued my stroll, the sun started setting down, and with it I decided to head home. On my way back I noticed a few people gathered around, in the space between two buildings, an alley that was mostly dark, only one light still standing. As I made eye contact with what seemed to be the leader of the group he started shouting at me "Young man, don't stay there, we found it, WE FOUND IT!"
Right there and then I had my third revelation of today ... They are drunk, utterly drunk. Trying to ignore them and get away I started running, but as I did I felt the wind pushing me back ... forcefully?
"Why did ya try to run away young man, I just told you we found it, WE FOUND HOW TO USE MAGIC!" He screamed for everybody to hear, but the only people around are me and his group of alcoholics.
"Certainly what I felt right now was not natural, the wind was really pushing me towards you in a weird manner, so care to demonstrate again?"
"Ohoo, from running away to asking for demonstrations hmmm, should I?" He said in a confused voice.
"Don't ya wanna help out a young man like me on his career to success? Maybe when I strike it big I'll remember your help and pay you back." I said trying to mimic a drunk tone, truth to be told I was never drunk before so it is kinda embarrassing even trying.
"Pfoa Hahahaha, okay okay young man." He said as he stood still and seemingly did nothing ... but I saw the gusts of wind around me moving towards his side.
"Controlling the wind?" I asked.
"More like redirecting it, I'm a meteorologist so understanding how the wind moves it's an easy feat for me." He said proudly, ignoring the state he was in.
"But how did you get to this point?" I asked
As he seemed to ponder whether to tell me or not I just waited trying to figure out how on my own.
"Stay down boy, I'll teach you just like I taught these other fuckers...
So the "we found it" it's "I found it" I thought.
I did as he said and I assumed a sitting position waiting for his next command.
"Now close your eyes and focus on trying to feel how your blood circulates through your veins. After you do that, open your senses to every particle around you, try to block the people and feel nature itself. Keep your sensation of the blood as well"
Easier said than done, I thought, the level of concentration needed only to feel the blood circulating through your veins was already horrendous when you tried to do it consciously. After that I had to keep it and at the same time add to it, meditating with more steps is how my head categorized this process.
"Hmmm, good, very good, now boy while you can't feel our presence you can still hear us, keep focused and try to drawn in from your surroundings, don't ask, don't hesitate, just draw in everything around combining it with what you feel it has a movement that counters your bloodstream."
I had to draw in what? The air, the what? ... But as he said, questions were pointless. I just had to try and feel it, drawing it in ... drawing it in ... storing it in my heart... As I stayed in that stance I realized that this process is nothing more than making us aware of what we're drawing in, we're drawing in something already existing in our bodies, something that already circulates in us, we started this natural process already.
It was after we felt the changes in our bodies, after the dragon left, but becoming aware of it on more than a surface level, and in my surroundings as well, means I can voluntarily increase the volume, accelerating the process. Drawing in the essence of everything itself, drawing in mana ... But to achieve my goal I have to purify it if what the book says is true.
After I got up I said "Thank you ... I understand it now ... no, I'm aware of it now, I'll head home and practice." I said as an excuse to leave the drunk people. It's true that they helped me with the process. Understanding the mana you draw in your body as it is the everything around you, makes you able to increase the volume your body receives ... as for the purification ... I had to find out on my own.
"Just leave young man, no need to stay with us drunks, now I can't stop you even if I want to hahahahaha."
...
And then I reached home where I restarted the process the drunk man taught me in the shabby alley ... Thinking about it I could've got killed, not to self to never do that again.
While entering the meditation state I gradually tried to increase the volume of mana my body receives. Until I reached what I understood as the limit of my 'mana pool', which was namely my own heart. Trying to increase it over the limit gives me a constraint on my own body so better not to do it.
"But how do I purify it?" I asked myself again, and again, and again, until I wanted to bang my head against the floor.
As I calmed down I thought of my mother's words once again, if mana is happiness means I only need to make my soul magical as well ... to be happy ... my soul ... As if possessed by something I started focusing on reaching beyond my mortal comprehension of the body, reaching for my soul, reaching for a glimmer of hope that the dragon didn't tell us everything. All to just try and see if this fictional theory my father left me is true or not, to try and accomplish my own goal of staying in the side lines.
....
As I opened my eyes I found myself standing in the white room yet again, this time no voice around but my perspective shifted. I can clearly see that this white room now has no limitation, infinite space, and as to achieve my previous goal I guided the mana from my heart into my soul, letting it occupy this vast white canvas. Looking at the mana changing from its mix of colors to pure white waves I couldn't help but smile thinking of one thing.
"It wasn't only real, but I also did it ..."
Pure Mana.