"The Enrichment of the Soul. 

Doesn't begin until you've... 

Fulfilled your life's... 

Purpose. 

Love is a lie. 

Truth is not truthful. 

Secrets are inevitable. 

Friends are an illusion. 

Reality isn't real. 

ENRICH ME."

- 4 YEARS AGO. MAY 8TH, 2022 -

"So how did this happen son." My Father said, "I don't know what you're talking about dad" I replied to him. "YOU KNOW. EXACTLY. WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT." Father yells. Father looks awfully intimidating right now. He's standing over me holding an extension cord threatening to whip me with it if I don't comply with his questions and demands. My mother, In the corner of the room standing there almost as if she wants to cry. "I knew it." Father Says, "I knew you we're nothing but a little faggot. That's what you want to be son? Somebodies gay BITCH." I stutter as I reply to him... "N- no no sir..." I replied. Father hits me 4 times with the extension cord. Once across my Legs, Another across my chest and two more times across my back. The whips are so hard they sting and leave marks and scars and bleed a little. My mother comes from in the corner of the room and tells me to get up. I stand for her, Trembling, She looks me dead in my eyes and she says... "You know what they do to little boys like you?" I answer her "No mam" "You wanna find out?" She asks, I reply, "No mam" She pauses... She looks at me. She shakes her head in disapproval and then says, "I'll tell you what they do. Some people out there. They'll find you. and Kill you because they can't stand Homosexuals. I mean't what were you even thinking watching that stuff huh?" Mother says, She's in my face yelling and screaming at me... I don't know what to say to her, "I ASKED YOU A QUESTION BOY" She says, but before I can get a word out she hits me. She punches me to the ground and says. "Why god. Why me, Why couldn't I have a normal child. Why does my son have to be a timid little feminine faggot?! WHY GOD." Mother looks at me again and says "I can't with this. I can't with you. Why would you be this way... Everytime I ask you that question all I get is a "I don't know" "I don't know" from you. I WANT ANSWERS!" She yells as she grabs the nearest thing close to her and throws it at my head. Thankfully she misses. I run to my room out of fear. This isn't a big house at all. In fact it's a trailer. I don't have a room. So I ran to my parents room and the room didn't have a handle so I stood against it holding it shut. If only they knew what had happened to me when I was just 7 Years old. What he did to me. I heard my parents approaching the room. "YOU WILL OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW BOY OR GOD SO HELP ME WE CAN ALL GO TO JAIL IN THIS BITCH" Mother says, Father thrusts the door open pushing me to the ground. I can't tell them what happened to me, You see how crazy they are what if they try to hurt my cousin for what he did not to mention I said I wouldn't tell anyone and I've stood by that for as long as I could. My Father enters the room and stands to the side as my mother comes in. She picks me up by the throat and holds me up against the door. "I- I- I cant breathe." I try to voice to her with the little air in me I have left. You can look in their eyes and see. They don't want to talk. They want answers. That I just can't possibly give them. So I have no choice but to endure this harsh, cruel, punishment.

DAYS LATER...

Someday's I'd go to school and that whole experience would just flash through my mind. I'd be in class one moment paying attention to the teacher when all of a sudden I'd just start crying and balling out in tears. Even I would even wonder. "Why couldnt I be normal like my mother wanted" I would say to myself. But then I'd remember what my 18 Year old Cousin did to me when I was a child and I blame him for this. I blame him. Maybe if he hadn't of done what he had done to me i'd be okay. Maybe i'd be straight. Maybe none of this would've happened. but I would talk to my school Counselor and she throw big words around like "Child Protective Services" and "Domestic Abuse" and How she could fix all of that for me with just one phone call and we could tell them everything. But... I wasn't ready for that. I had a 9 Year old sister... Where would I end up if I did any of that!? What if my mother came back for me to finish the job because I called the police on her. This was too much for me to think about. So I said to her "No. I don't want to do that... at least not yet" I would cry in my counselors office maybe 3 to 4 times a week until the crying stopped. This kept on until I got to high school.

Once I got to high school I started participating in therapy my mother had given me a therapist to help me with "Social Interactions" because I apparently come off too strong to my friends and that's why I don't have any... Eventually I would just break down and cry in the therapists office and I eventually told her what had been happening at home. But just like my counselor I didn't want her to do anything about it.

- PRESENT DAY -

"Dang My Dawg, I'm sorry all that happened to you..." Said Malcolm, Malcolm was one of my best friends, While he wasn't gay himself he was a sophomore who I recently got the chance and opportunity to meet and grow with this year. Malcolm was a little slow... He didn't always say the right things or react the right ways. But he supported me to the utmost fullest. I didn't always tell him everything because...Well... its not ever so often a straight guy wants to hear the gossip but believe it or not. Malcolm was either in denial and was gay or he was a Ally in training because he'd get really interested when I'd start talking about my love life.

Speaking of "Love Life" aka the one thing i'd never have... My "Love Life" was more devastating than 9/11. Don't get me wrong I had dated people. I had loads of Ex's but now as my high school years are here I'm trying to find a relationship that'll stick you know. Someone I can be happy with and someone who will love me for me y'know... That goes without mentioning I've been zoning out Malcolm this Entire time...

"Woo Hoo!! Oliver! Earth to Oliver! You there my dawg!?" Malcolm says, "Oh yeah I am here." I said, "So I gotta know... and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but, What happened between you and your cousin? What did he do to you" Malcolm said, "That's a story for another day" I replied, "Do your parent's still...Um.. Hurt you..." Malcolm said, I Looked down at the ground and sighed and then said... "Malcolm. I no longer see my Father. It's a long and wild story but to make things shorter for you... I came home from school one day to our house wide open. My grandmother had been there waiting for us. My Father attempted to kill my mother. Miraculously... She escaped but my Father stole her car and for months we had to live with our grandparents for our safety. When things calmed down, My Father returned the car and told us he loved and missed us but other than those rare occasions he'd run off to other states hiding out doing god knows what. A couple months ago. My Father returned and it would be one of the last times I saw him. When my mother went in the store I sat in the car with him and he said to me... "Son... I love you son. You are my only son and I always will love you. No matter what you decide to be. Gay, Straight, Pan, Microwave whatever. Even though I want you to date a girl and have kids with her. it's your life and I cant be mad at you for doing what makes you happy. you have my support." Maybe 2 months later my Father came to see us one more time and Broke the news that he had an Entire second family in Texas with a whole nother son who was just 4 months old and about 3 weeks after he went back to Texas we heard the news that he got arrested and put in jail for crimes he had committed there. I still hear from my dad... Maybe once a month from the prison phone. but. I'll never forgive my family for this. Hating me. Abusing Me. Lying to me. Because of my Father. We've had no home. We've lived with our grandparents for the past four and a half years. Now as far as the abuse goes... My mother has aggressive anger issues. She never knew how to communicate or talk things out so everytime she'd get mad she'd put her hands on me. It could be over the smallest things and she'd do the worst things imaginable. now... It happens on rare occasions... My therapist I was telling you about got preggo and she left. So I met a new therapist. And Me and my mom signed up together so we have the same therapist. but I don't think my mom talks to her that often because she still has her moments sometimes. I just pray for the day I can get out of here. Out of this Town, This City, This State, and settle down with a happy Life... Maybe with a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever and just relax you know. Nothing about life now is calm and relaxing... There are so many issues in the world. So many problems. So many hateful, Judgemental, Horrible People. Even right here in this school."

"Do you think you'll ever find love here?" Malcolm Says, I replied. "I don't know... Every person I've ever liked here is either straight or Inside The Closet." "Am I one of those people?" Malcolm Asks, I look at him with a squinted eye look of suspicion and say, "Um... no.... I mean you're a good friend and all-" He Interrupts, "Ah well, Okay mah dawg. y'know I was just wondering because you know if you would've said yeah I would've been like 'oh but I'm straight' y'know because yeah" Malcom says, we sat there for a moment. Let all the readers take into affect that if anybody has a "Gaydar" it should be spiralling out of control right now. I look at Malcolm and I said, "alright yeah sure." and then he says, "Alrighty my doggy dawg. Imma see you tomorrow. Dab me up brotha" and I "Dabbed him up" which was so ODD seeing that he has the "whitest" personality ever known for a black guy. but after "Dabbing him up" I waved bye and walked off into the distance... When I got back home I had Received a text from my instagram from a guy that went to my school. the text seemed off a little bit. The text read...

"Hey Oliver I know you'd been thinking about me lately, and I know we don't talk that much anymore but I really miss that head of yours. you were so good at what you do. I know it's been a while but don't you remember... how you used to do so much for me. how much you loved me. how I slept in your bed for 2 nights. Those were some fun nights wasn't it. anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime soon. if you love me you'll make the right choice."

By this time I had known who the message was from, and what could I say... I did love him. I did enjoy the times we had. But he cheated on me. Body shamed me. Told me I wasn't good enough. Took advantage of me. and called me names and racial slurs. but on the hand he was super freaking hot. He had a point. We always so drawn to each other. even when we weren't on speaking terms we were always so drawn to each other. One of us would end up crawling back eventually. My friends would tell me all the time. "You have to stop. This has to Stop." He doesn't love you he's using you and it took a massive breakup, and lies for me to open my eyes and see the bigger picture right in front of me. I remembered a poem I had read in my early days of theatre, One of its lines was... 

--------------------

"THEY LIE", The voices said. 

"THEY LIE TO YOU" 

"Did you truly believe... 

Someone would love you?" 

"Love is a mere illusion... 

A Distraction... 

A Game... 

And baby you were played like a Fool."

---------------------

I am no fool and I refuse to repeat this cycle once more. I figured it best if I just put my phone down and go to sleep. "Until Tomorrow" I said, As I Drifted off to sleep. 

That night I had a dream... A Dream about somebody I had not dreamed of before, I dreamed my friend Lance. Lance sounds like a really basic name like Bob or something but I assure you... Lance was certainly something. Quite the dream boy, Although I could never date Lance so I don't know why I'm dreaming of him. Lance is straight. plus he's not THAT hot come on brain what are you doing. Get- Your mind- Out of the Gutter! I must sleep... Some nights were restless for me because of everything I had been through in my life. I needed to get everything back on track which meant I had to have a plan moving forward. A Goal. and as far as I'm concerned my goal is to go to sleep now so. Stop staring at the ceiling talking to yourself Oliver. Close your eyes and drift of to sleep... drift off to sleep... I'm drifting... I'm drifting... I'm not a car but I'm drifting and... I'm Dreaming... Inside The Closet.

CHAPTER 2 EXPECTED RELEASE ON MAY 4TH, 2024 @ 12:00PM CDT - STAY TUNED!!!