Many times I couldn't help thinking how stable I would probably feel had it not been for this one creature, an 'obnoxious' human being that has been plaguing my mind for the past year.
"Yuv."
Yes, lost some more ear particles.
"Ceres, some distance would be appreciated."
The girl giggled as she leaned back to take in the sight of my helpless posture. The two of us, one staring at the other and the other staring at the trees, seemingly lost in thought.
"I don't know what you like about him…." Ceres mumbled.
"Don't worry its diminishing anyway." I smiled, albeit sadly. I wish I knew why it started; if I did then i would...
"....." Well, what would I do?
The crowd was at its peak and then, it happened.
I felt a small flick on the back of my head. With feigned patience that I've cultivated since the pandemic, I turned back and greeted, "Asshole."
Those cold orbs gazed at me and although he runs from his emotions frequently, he offered me a slight smile; maybe a perfunctory one. I observed his long lashes and the over grown hair that was often mocked by the teachers. All this happened in mere seconds and then I replied, "That's a great way to say hello. I'll return the gesture next time." Just way harder, with a smack.
"Why are you two sitting here? Time is almost over." Yuv cracked his neck after speaking. I felt like he was asking just for the sake of it. This is one of the things that are helping me from him.
"Enjoying the last moments of happiness before struggle begins." I reply as Ceres and I brush dust off our skirts and the three of us proceed to the classroom.
Once we settle ourselves we begin talking about random things, mostly me. I have developed the habit of acting as a mediator. I speak even though I don't need to, don't want to; as if I am compelled by myself and it hurts me from within. How do I stop this?
As I finally take a break from the conversation with another's help, I steal a glance at Yuv and then notice the details in the stolen image. His courteous gestures and his 'tired so I spread my limbs' posture; it leads me to notice his sweat covered forehead which I think is because of a lunch time football getaway. I close my eyes and reopen them. This has always helped me regain my composure. It isn't easy to move on. Move on from someone you will never and can't be with.
I smile because everyone around me is smiling. I reckon I missed a funny conversation. After the smile, I lose myself in my thoughts again.
'Confession.'
That's the thing that people do when they like someone but I never thought about doing so.
Why? It's because I know he doesn't like me. He genuinely doesn't like me in the "like me" sense and I'm okay with that. Not every liking is something that bears fruit, I just need time to let go of it.
"Rue?"
I snap out of the mind maze and then focus my eyes on Ceres. She knows I didn't hear 'some' of the words or the question asked so she repeated, "Did you start studying for the finals?"
"Yes, of course." Sarcasm laced my words. I've always stated that I have never studied for exams unless it's a day prior but currently, our generation in particular, lacks trust or they just pretend not to believe me because they know it irks me most of the time when I have to repeat the "no".
No one replies or adds anything to my answer, they laugh and move on.
Like I wish I could-
Smacking myself out of habit like I always do when my thoughts start becoming a little toxic for the image I portray; I continue pretending to listen and thankfully do not drift to Alice's homeland again.
Then, the savior arrives.
The bell.