"Someone please kill me," Naruto begged mentally.
"R-Rossweisse?" Rias would recognize that shade of silver-white hair anywhere. "What did you do to her?!" she hollered, pointing an accusing finger at Naruto.
Naruto pulled one hand away from his back and placed it on his lips, doing a shush motion.
He'd be damned if he let cow-tits wake her up with her shrills.
.
.
Naruto slowly laid Rossweisse in her bed. With lightning-fast ninja reflexes, he quickly guided her back and held her head as he gently laid her down.
Rias and her peerage were holed up on the doorstep, eyes wide with disbelief as the ninja tucked their civics teacher in like a delicate rose.
Irina saw Naruto in a new light and Akeno was giggling to herself with an evil smirk on her face. Naruto would be hard to tease but Rossweisse on the other hand, Akeno couldn't help but rub her hands together.
Naruto sighed as he pulled the blankets to her neck and glanced at her sleeping face.
"Alright. That's it. Come on out, Naruto," Rias whispered.
The Ruin Princess wanted to stop Naruto from poisoning Rossweisse's mind or so she believed. The Uzumaki was never one to do something as dopey as this, the image itself was killing her brain cells but here she was witnessing it.
Naruto shut the door behind him with a soft clink and met the different gaze of his student. They all had his back pinned to the door, hands folded on their chest, in a circle formation.
"What?"
He didn't like the look on their faces.
"Ah. He said 'what?' " Rias sneered. "Stay away from Rossweisse, you player."
"You know, I was planning on going easy on you lot but it seems you need a wake-up call. Imma whop y'all asses. Especially you, Cow-tits."
Rias reeled in shock at the slutty name. She put her hands over her bust for the first time in a protective manner and was about to give a witty reply but The moment Naruto took a step forward, everyone cleared a path for him. He reached out and grabbed Issei by the scruff of the neck and pulled him along.
"Why me?" Issei cried anime tears as he made a grabbing motion towards Rias.
Rias's heart broke to see Issei go because it signified that tonight meant no cuddling because of the blonde.
"I don't trust anyone else enough to sleep with them." Naruto said.
He stooped for a moment and tilted his head when an idea hit him. Naruto pulled Issei up and placed a hand on Issei's shoulder. "We are going to have so much fun, Hyoudou," Naruto whispered the last part looking at Rias before he pulled Issei away.
Rias gritted her teeth in pure frustration and yearning before she tried to chase the duo. Her peerage held her down before she did something drastic and aggravated the blonde even further.
"Naruto Uzumaki!" Rias swore vengeance to the night sky, staring at the crescent moon out the window.
(Scene Change: Earth, Uzumaki Mansion)
Gaia could feel a headache coming.
The front door was wide open and Naruto wasn't anywhere to be seen. The moment the mother goddess stepped inside the house, she knew who came for Naruto. Her energy was still present in the air.
"That snake," she hissed.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Olympus?"
Martha and John jumped at the strange voice. It lacked emotion and radiated untold power.
"Where did you take him?" Gaia leveled a mean glare at the little child.
"Um, who's this little kid, and please, wear something modest for crying out loud." John looked between the two and covered Ophis with his jacket.
The jacket went up in purple flames and a purple snake hissed at both humans and launched itself at them.
A green bear pounced on the snake and both magic constructs disappeared with a spark.
"He has elapsed his usefulness but I await his return." Ophis turned her attention to Martha. "Interesting."
"Well, too bad because Naruto's not here, so leave," Gaia bristled.
"I await his return."
"Gaia, do you know her? She one of Naruto's acquaintances?" John asked, standing in front of his baby sister. He didn't like the look on the child's face one bit. She was eying Martha like a lab rat.
(Scene Change: The underworld.)
Naruto slammed his fist into the bed with his super strength. Issei, who was snoring loudly, bounced off the bed and fell in a heap of blankets.
"Damn it! What was I thinking?!" he groaned mentally. Her face kept visiting his mind.
"OK, Kurama, wipe my memory clean or something."
Receiving no reply, Naruto shoved the spare blankets off his body and did a Chinese- get-up.
"I have to go to the bathroom," he announced to Issei who looked drowsy on the floor.
"Wha—? You want to sleep in the bed?" he yawned. "Alright, I'll sleep on the floor." He laid his head on the pillow and covered his body with his blanket.
As the bathroom door slammed shut, the sound of running water followed.
(The next day: Morning.)
The entire household minus the Maous were present and a new person had joined them. Everyone garbed in new clothes except him. Rossweisse seemed lost in thought, a pink blush staining her cheeks. She was avoiding eye contact with him for some reason.
A child had joined them, a red-haired child, that looked like a cross between, cow-tits older brother and the ice-cold maid. The boy was seated beside Lady Gremory and was staring at him as if he was a roller coaster.
"Are you really a Human?" he asked all of a sudden. "Mom told me you are human and this is my first time meeting one. My name is Millicas, it's nice to meet you."
"Don't bother introducing yourself, Millicas-chan. This guy can't remember two-syllable names."
Naruto gritted his teeth and gave Rias a dry look. He turned back to the boy and waved at him, "Hey Millicas."
"I knew it, he could remember three-syllable names after all!" Issei yelled in victory. "Pay up everyone." The ORC members groaned and paid 1,000 yen each to Issei.
Issei counted the money with sick glee and passed two notes to Naruto. "Here's some for you, Sensei."
Naruto collected the note and stared at it like it was shit. "Wait, do I look poor?" he mulled before he zoned out.
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