There are many people to envy in this world. The ones that are rich, the ones that are pretty, the ones that are happy…but the ones that Hana Kim always envied the most were the ones that have the ability to see a meaning in life. The ones that go for their regular job and act as if all their lives legacy would still be considered important and meaningful after their death. Because she was never like that. When Hana was 13 years old she realized there was no meaning in living. Life could be a simulation. It could also be the only experience we will ever have before dying and never existing again. She also thought of the possibility of her being the only real person existing while everyone else was a manifestation of her imagination. Or it could be the opposite and someone else being existent while she is just a little side character with no deeper meaning. But since we don't know what this life is, it has the meaning it is given by the person experiencing it. Which hana interpreted as 'life is pointless and nothing is important'.
This kind thinking got her into a deep state of depression where she didn't want to participate in any activies, or make friendships at school since all those interactions seemed pointless aswell.
One day at 15 she walked home from school at 6pm. The path she walked was a dark, narrow alley but she was not a girl that was easily scared. Nothing ever happened so why would she mind. But on this specific day she whitnessed a girl about her age lying on the floor bleeding from her leg. Her bone was breaking through and she saw her face crying in pain. She ran towards the girl in shock and contacted the ambulance immediately. There was not much she could do but she hugged her tightly and signed her that everything would be fine soon. She didn't believe so herself since both her parents died in a carcrash, but maybe someone else could be luckier than them.
Soon after this girl got professional treatment at the hospital. After some months she could finally walk again, and all that thanks to the doctors. Her and Hana became close friends and they started spending everyday together. To any other person an incident like that might not be particularly life changing, but to the both of them it was. When hanas parents had their car accident the doctors told her family that they couldn't be saved as once the ambulance arrived to the spot they were already in a very bad condition. Which means that if there was a medical professional ON SPOT, they would have been saved. Seeing this girl in such a bad condition and not being able to act in a helpful way gave hana a meaning in life. From this day on she wanted to put all her soul into becoming a doctor and being able to help others, because even if this life was meaningless, the emotions and feelings of the people in it felt meaningful to her. For her friend who almost lost her ability to walk, Lee Yuna, it was similar. Although she was not deeply philosophical she wanted to help and take care of people the same way she was taken care of.
So from that day on both of them spend all their school years and university years becoming high perceived doctors. Yuna became one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the entire country and Hana was a renowned professor in the field of medicine at just 28 after developing a new technology to see the estamined time of death of a person with a chronical disease. The two of them got very busy as a result of their success so they haven't seen each other in 2 years. Until September 18. Hana was not a person that would text others first. She liked talking to people and loves her friends but she doesn't need to talk to them often and doesn't really miss anyone that fast either. Her aunt and uncle who both adopted her after her parents death figured out that they would have to text her every two days, if they want to stay in contact with her. It is not because she doesn't love them, she just got a lot of things to do she always answers. But when Yuna texted her she got really excited, because she did miss her indeed after such a long time. The two of them would spend everyday together for almost 10 years and then stop talking completely for 2. Even Hana would not feel fully comfortable with that kind of change. They both agreed to meet in a Cafe but suddenly yuna asks "By the way, have you met your person yet?".
'Your Person' she was thinking. This could mean two things. Either Yuna was already happily married with her soulmate or she hasn't met this person yet and wanted both of them to go to one of those 'meet the one' events where you would walk around and see if one of those people would enable your magical fifth sense. one might think this is some sort of metaphor to describe the feeling of being in love but it is actually just a regular description of the state of the world hana and yuna were born in. The entire worlds population is born without the ability to hear. It has been like that since the beginning of time. But some people start hearing later in the life. They all describe hearing a beautiful sound, song, noise first and then hearing everything around them from cars, to steps to birds. They are all in different places, different ages with different lives but their similarity is that in this exact time they have met 'the one'. The only person on this planet whose sound they can hear, and this sound said sound is what enables their hearing. People describe it as their brain being blocked and then finally being able to use a part of them that they never knew was possible to use. But this is a very rare occasion, due to the fact that around 80% of the population is still deaf. Thinking about this special person made hana feel uncomfortable, especially when it comes to yuna. The both of them have never been romantically involved but they have never been in a relationship with anyone else either.
They both just worked alot in their jobs and at the same time to yuna it was a waste of time to date someone who was not her soulmate. While for hana it was a waste of time to date someone who was not yuna.
To yunas question hana just replied "did you?" and put away her phone quick. There were so many thoughts on her mind 'are you asking because you like me?', 'have you met someone and I was the only one feeling like that', 'how could you get this close to me for so many years and not fall in love'. But all those questions were to private to ask per text, so when yuna replied "I wish, haha" hana just asked coldly "so, today berillz cafe, 3pm?"
So here they were, September 18 in the Berrilz Cafe at 3pm. The red autumn leaves were all over the floor and the smell of earth and dust kept getting into their noses. "Kinda ugly" hana signed sitting opposite of yuna at the cafe table. They chose one in the corner far from the entrance so they would have some privacy and not feel 'watched'. Yuna looked at her with a shocked expression "what is ugly? Me?" she took out a mirror and examinates her face. Hana laughs "No,no you look pretty as always" she keeps staring at her and smiles. She almost forgot to answer the question "I meant the leaves are ugly, they cover the pretty floor". Yuna smiles and takes a sip of her coffee. She puts down her drink. "You are the only person I know that calls a floor pretty" she signs with a sheepish expression. "Well, I see beauty in everything" Hana answers proudly. The last time both of them saw each other Hana just cut her hair short, since yuna told her it would suit her. She kept it this way for all those years. Back then Yunas hair was dyed in a dark red, she dyed it back to her natural black hair color to appear more professional.
"So how is your family?" Yuna asked smiling. Hana looked at her blandly and replied "dead"
she starts drinking her black coffee. Yuna rolls her eyes "I mean your aunt and uncle silly"
Hana puts down her cup "Ah, I guess they are alright actually. They visited me yesterday and looked happy."
"You didn't ask them?" Yuna looks confused. Hana answers"I did, but I can't look inside their brains. Maybe they lied" both of them sit on silence. "so you haven't met someone special yet?" Yuna asks knowing the answer. "Well, as you can see I still can't hear…"
yuna cuts her off "but you could also meet someone you like who is not 'the one'. Maybe you fall in love with someone who might not be your ideal match but close enough for you to be happy with this person" she signed energetically.
Was she talking about hana? Or was this her wishful thinking.
"are you talking about someone specific?" her leg started fidgeting, hitting the table.
"actually yes." yuna turns red and continues drinking her coffee.
Hana chokes out of surprise and starts caughing.
Once she was able to comprehend the situation she asks "who, do you like if I can ask?"
yuna looks at her cup. She replies "Do you remember henry? The american boy from school? We randomly met 2 years ago and look" She waves her hand at hanas face with a small engagement ring flashing in the light.
Hanas heart drops. They never had this kind of relationship, so why would she be sad about her friend being happy and getting married? They never even talked about hose kind of things so why would she even care? "This is amazing! I'm so happy! When is the wedding?" She tries to appear excited but she can feel her mind shifting into autopilate. "I don't know…he proposed yesterday" yuna signs. She doesn't look particularly happy…maybe confused if her mimic can be analyzed.
"Are you really happy with that?" she asks looking a bit disappointed. What if Hana told her that she might be in love with her? What if she told her she is sad about those news? She knows it would change things but would it be for good? Yuna is happy right now and hana doesn't know aboht her feelings for her. So if she starts this conversation she would have to spend days if not months to think about her ten years old feelings for yuna that she tried to ignore for so long. If everything is staying the same, the effort she would have to put in would be much less.
So she chose to stay quiet and just replied "Yes, I am so happy you found someone who makes you happy" and smiles. she looks at the clock and stands up "it was nice to see you, let's meet again soon" she signs with a smile and walks off. They only saw each other for about half an hour, but hana couldn't just sit there and keep lying into the face of her best aand ONLY friend she ever had. she wanted to look back before leaving the place but A tear falls down her face as she leaves the door, which means she has to keep looking forward to not embarrass herself.
Hana has always been very practical and logical. One might think that this means she was not emotional but it is actually the opposite. She is highly sensitive and highly emotional and because of that she always to shut down her feelings and approach situations with a logical way of thinking. When her parents died she was 8 years old. Other children her age might have cried and had to learn to understand and comprehend the meaning of death. Although she felt the same pain and wanted to cry everyday she thought to herself 'my parents are not here anymore and if I cry, my aunt and uncle will have a hard time too. So I should not make life complicated for them and live a comfortable life'. This was the most logical way to act. Mourning her parents death would have made her be more sad and if her aunt and uncle would be to overwhelmed they would have given her into an orphanage where she would live a miserable life compared to the one she lived back then. Noone ever threatened her and told her something like that, but thoughts like that were the reason why she started to hide her feelings from others. Even if someone truly wanted to know about how she felt, she couldn't even properly tell since she lost the ability to analyze her own feelings after years of hiding them. So she always chose the easiest and least complicated answer that would make people maybe not feel happy but at least content.
It's just what works the best for her.
Suddenly her pocket starts vibrating. Hana looks at her phone screen. It's the hospital she works in asking for her to check on a patient last minute. If she stayed with Yuna for longer she would have prioritized their meeting, but since now she would have just gone home anyways, she drives to the hospital. On her way she starts thinking about yuna getting married. She understands that she lkkes this guy but what is she meets her soulmate and regrets marrying him? She probably has thought about this scenario many times before or she just gave up on this idea already. But she would love to know what yuna would do if this case took place. Would she leave her husband? For someone she barely knows?
knock knock. hana looks to her right and sees her coworker junsu knocking on her car window. "Thank you for coming here, I know it's your day off…" he signed while talking. Junsu was a. 35 years old, handsome, bubbly man, married to the love of his life. They met when they were in elementary school and since then both of them could hear ad the only people in their family. But although both of them knew they were practically ''made for each other', they dated other people during schooltime and even moved away from each other to go to college. After junsu graduated with his bachelors degree he drove to his wives house and asked her to marry him. Back then she was single and didn't know what she wants to do after college, but he just told her they would figure it out together and that she would not have to worry. From that day on the both of them have been happily together, at least that's what junsu tells others when they ask. Now they have been married for almost 10 years and got 4 children. A fairytale like lovestory.
Hana opens the cardoor "it's fine, I didn't have proper plans today' she signs while smiling. The two of them walk into the hospital building, greeting everyone. Unlike other hospitals, the sunrise clinic, has a very happy and lightweight appeal to it. The first Impression of People walking in is always how welcoming and familiar the environment looks. More like someones home and not like a cold medical clinic.
On their way to the patient one of the older nurses joins them. Sooyoung is 56, almost in the age of retirement, but very fit for her age. "Doctor Kim, Thank you for coming"
"What can you tell me about the patient?" Hana asks while pressing the elevator button.
"She arrived today because of an emergency. Apparently she has never been submitted into a clinic in her life, but when we did checkups we noticed that her organs are in a very bad condition..." Sooyoung continues thinking. "…it's probably because of her heart, but I wonder why she has no medical record if that's the case…"
Hana starts reading the patients medical record which says…nothing about her condition. All she knows is that the patient is a 23 years old girl, called Seo Rin. An unusual name. Hana closed the papers and answers
"Well, I will figure out the issue." she signs walking towards the patients room.