My existence is half-complete.
My academics and athletic abilities are mediocre at best.
In a crowd, I don't stand out.
I don't have any friends.
It's not like I was bad at communicating, I was just shy.
The bland and unremarkable existence of Yuko Kagami, that's me.
Living in this house, you can't get by being ordinary.
A house that only cares about face and titles.
My siblings are always gaining titles.
Whether it be being a piano prodigy, an academics ace or a chess international master.
I could be good at things too, but it was no use.
They would always best me.
In this house, if you weren't the best at something, then you're nothing.
If you weren't a first place winner, you were a first place loser.
Although, something did happen.
I won an award of excellence for a speech I made during the school festival.
"Yes!!"
I was ecstatic, not just because I got an award, but because I thought that this meant I was the best at something.
Maybe, my father can see that I am worthy of his love.
I proudly passed the certificate to my father.
"Oh… you won that award.."
I finally had some hope.
Does this mean, he will finally love me?
"So?"
"Anybody could've done it"
"This doesn't make you special"
I was devastated.
Even though I kind of expected it, at this point.
Feeling disappointed, I laid on my bed.
My eyes started watering.
"Maybe, I'm just tired."
…
How many times has he done this? To me?
Uncountable.
I..I give up, truly.
I have nothing to be proud of.
-
After giving up, my life was meaningless.
I had no direction to follow and nothing to desire.
Is life really worth living anymore?
There's nothing waiting for me in this life.
So, I have nothing to lose.
-
That's when it happened, I saw him.
He had the same resigned eyes as I did.
He looked so bored with life and was
yearning for meaning, like me.
In this colorless world, "He" shook my heart.
-
That incident gave me reassurance.
Reassurance that maybe I'm not alone in this world.
Maybe somebody would understand me.
Maybe "He" could understand me.
I saw him again.
This time, I'm not letting him out of my sight.
He walks alone.
He eats and drinks by himself.
"Wait, why am I following him?"
Cos' I wanna know more about him, duh.
You can just talk to him, though?!
Yeah, but..
Oh, he goes to a University.
Bummer, I'm a college student.
What class does he take?
Uh- I mean, I don't need to know that.
If I don't go to his university there's no point in knowing his class.
Even still, I want to know.
Woah, he goes to same mall as me.
How did I not notice his beautiful face until now?!
So he takes this metro station.
Is this where he lives?
"Ohp-" I quickly hid behind the convenient pillar.
He almost saw me..!!
I need to stop, before he sees me.
Wait, but don't I want him to see me?
No!! I mean- Yes!!
Well, I want him to see me, but not as a creepy stalker.
No, I'm merely gaining information about him, like an FBI Agent!
If they can follow people secretly, why can't I?
It's just a coincidence we walk the same route, take the same metro and take the same class-
I don't go to his university.
I've never done this before, but you made me do this.
You're just so… interesting.
I want to talk to you, but I don't know how.
Should I write a letter to you, or should I make our paths cross?
I hope you don't hate me for that.
I'll try the latter.
The next day, I saw him.
It was at the metro.
I think he's going to class.
He was at the bottom of the stairs.
Ah, the next train is coming.
Pretending to be in a rush, I 'accidentally' bumped into him while carrying worksheets.
Like I expected, it scattered everywhere.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"
"I-It's okay"
Took my papers, and I was off.
"Thank you!!"
Got in the train and looked back.
He too looked back at me.
His eyes speak of curiosity.
This was something I didn't expect.
Maybe this can open up an opportunity for me.
Next time, when I see him, I can thank him for his help.
How do I do that?
"Hey, thanks for your help the other day!"
or
"Sorry for bumping into you, I was in a rush. Thank you, though."
Yeah! I'll do that.
Even though I'm not a stalker, I followed him the next day.
I wish I didn't.
"Rei-kun!!"
Is that his.. friend?
"Oh, hey Kyuoko."
"Have you eaten, Rei-kun?"
His name is "Rei-kun"?
"I haven't, you wanna eat together?"
No, I think that's just his nickname.
"Of course, why wouldn't I want to?"
Yea, she's just a friend…
"Let me serve you the appetiser, Rei-kun~"
…
She kissed him.
Turns out, me and Rei-kun have our differences.
For starters, he has someone who loves him back.
I don't.
He has someone that appreciates him.
I don't.
My eyes started watering again.
"I'm.. just tired.."
I lied on my bed.
My pillow seems to be missing a cold side.
Why am I crying?
We're not even close in the first place.
He's not even my friend.
He doesn't know my name.
Does he even remember me?
You look so happy with her.
Your lifeless eyes vanishes when she appears.
Your radiance by seeing her is obvious.
It seemed like everything else didn't matter for you except her.
You will hold her in your arms.
And lovingly caress her as you both laugh together.
I gripped my bolster tighter.
I can't manage if I can't even work up the courage to talk to him.
It's no wonder my siblings could best me.
I'm not even eligible for first place.
Bottom-tier is where I belong.
…
"Yunji…"
I heard something call my name.
"Yes, father?"
"Yunji…"
Huh? This voice, it doesn't sound like father's.
It kept calling my name.
I followed the voice, out of the house.
I climbed over the gate and walked through the park.
"Yunji…"
It was leading me to… a tree?
Wait, what am I doing here? I need to go back home.
I turned around.
"H-huh?"
The thing looked at me, with all eight of its eyes.
"Wh- what are you?"
"Get away from me!"
Running away was a failed attempt, it captured me with its silk.
"Someone, HELP ME!!"
Then it pierced my body with its sharp and hairy pinsir.
And that was the end to my life.
Disappointing, not that I died.
It's just that…
I wished I could have just told him my name.
As my vision blurred, my life was flashing before my eyes.
…
"Rei-kun?"
"Yes, Kyuoko?"
No..
"Do you want to have a baby?"
No..!
"Of course, my love."
NOOO!!!
"Hehe~, you're excited aren't you?"
It can't end like this, I won't allow it.
I at least have to try.
If I can't have him, no one can,
especially not her.
I woke up.
Starting from today, I vow to you, Rei-kun…
that we will live a happy life together.
And that there will be no other obstacles to our love.
What is this?
Aren't I supposed to be in pieces?
I got mauled by a… I don't remember.
My head hurts so much…
Doesn't matter,
I need to kill that bitch.
Inexplicably, it felt like somebody else was controlling my body.
I had no control over it, it started walking on its own.
'What..'
It walked and walked along the empty road.
Eventually, it started to jog.
From jogging, it turned into sprinting.
The night wind was so refreshing.
I've never been allowed to go out at night,
but..
'Where am I going?'
It feels like I'm just a spectator in my own body, this is so weird.
We stopped in front of an apartment.
Suddenly, my legs jumped.
'!!!'
I didn't know my legs could jump this high?!
We landed on a balcony, the door was open, so I went in.
'Is this his house?'
It's cleaner than I expected.
I turned to his direction and stared at him.
This urge... this feeling...
His lips look so dry, I should wet them for him.
Before I knew it, I was kissing the man I love.
The only man I love.
It was extraordinary, like a dream.
His tongue was so slippery... such a soft face and body.
This is wonderful, it felt natural somehow.
For some reason, I couldn't stop myself, even if I wanted to.
I didn't care though, he tastes amazing.
I was enthralled in his glory.
Crap, he woke up.
Even still, I kept going.
By choice and not by choice, at the same time.
He was unsurprisingly shocked by my arrival, but
I don't think he wants it to stop either.
He let me keep going.
Is this what love feels like?
I love it, I love this.
And I love him.