My name? Snake. HISS HISS.
English literature until the 18th century is my subject, an oral exam tomorrow at 11 am. I went to bed at 12 am and tried to sleep.
What is the result of that snooker match? I got up and watched the end of the match, then I went to bed.
Some idiots are laughing outside, drunk assholes. Finally, they're quiet.
A baby is screaming. A mental note to never have children. Then a dog barks and it's hot in my apartment. I open the windows, lay down, I can feel the breath, coming in- ah, the fresh air. Then a mosquito buzzes in my ear.
Goddamit.
I need to wake up at 4 am to study for the exam. It's 1:50 now, I can't lose any more sleep. I get up to close the windows and I saw my neighbour, only in her underwear.
Fuck, I'm turned on. Oh, shit. I look at pictures of naked women for 30 minutes, jerk off, let the cum come, change my underwear, went to bed, the sheets are cold, nice. I try to sleep. Now I feel hot. I turn up the fan. 10 minutes later I feel cold. I turn it off, try to sleep.
No luck.
Here's a trick I use: think of a story, drop yourself into a fantasy land and imagine a story.
I imagined a red-haired brat in a future where aliens took over the earth. Two aliens take the boy and he is their pet. But they mean no harm, they love him and wanna spoil him. But the boy wants his mother, so they go looking for his mother in the cold north. And the boy is 17, so a whiny 17-year-old brat because I think that's adorable. Also, why not make him a red-head? I always like the sound of redheads but everyone I've seen in real life isn't good-looking. Strange how that works. Maybe I shouldn't dye my hair pink next week.
It was 2:30.
I'll have to set the alarm up for 6. Then it becomes 3 am. Screw it, I'll set it up for 8... better make it 7 and I still can't sleep. Then I fall asleep at an unknown time.
I woke up 12 minutes before the alarm clock. I got up, drank a guarana, then started to study English literature. I have until 10:45, so I go one by one, and I know nothing.
I eat some bread because I'm a broke college student. I study some more, I study from 3 goddamn books. I drink some iced coffee. My heart is about to explode.
Damn, I feel bad, I'm sweating and on the verge of a heart attack.
I shat myself.
Twice.
I run around my small apartment, if I stop, my heart will burst. It beats so loudly I can hear it, like a concert drum.
I scan through my material, then shit in the bathroom. I drink lots of water, maybe it will ease all the caffeine crap I injected myself with. I drink the whole bottle and piss every 2 minutes.
10 am.
Dear god if I didn't wake up at 6:48 I wouldn't have had the time to go through the entire material.
I still know nothing by the way.
Well, time's up, 10:30. I brush my teeth and wonder what the hell am I gonna wear. It's absurdly hot for September, over 30 degrees. I'm gonna wear a red shirt and black pants, classic.
I go outside, take out the garbage. Walk, walk, so many people. I'll have to be a parkour god to get past them. I arrive at an unknown time, climb the stairs, third floor and I'm the first one there.
The English literature exam is an oral one, with an oral exam, you know you're about to get fucked.
I sit with a concept paper in hand and look at the other smaller paper with 3 questions.
I look at the first question and laugh.
I look at the second question and laugh.
I look at the third question and laugh.
I knew them all.
Two more people show up. Damn, just us 3 lonely souls that have yet to pass the exam.
So the professor waits for us to write a concept. I didn't write it, as it's a waste of time, I memorized everything. A colleague with a goat face told me he'll go first. I didn't mind if I came first or last, after all, I had nothing else after this, this was the highlight of my day.
He talked and passed. Then it was my turn. First question, fuck it. I started with the second one because I knew it best. Shakespeare plays and works. I spoke and spoke, it was non-linear and a bit disjointed, but everything I said was fact.
The teacher stopped me, even though I still had more to say, he told me to talk about the second question, I went with the third - Willem Defoe. I mean, Daniel Defoe. I didn't know as much as Shakespeare, but still knew enough. The final question: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. I knew, okay I didn't know the ending to the story, but I spoke about Middle English literature and said the plot, which was enough.
He gave me an 8/10, I was surprised. He said "You have little attendance points, but you put in a lot of work for the exam and I admire that."
Clearly he has no idea of the truth. I thanked him, said goodbye, and well... I do that only when I pass. I don't know if it's good or not, but I really was thankful. I didn't deserve even a 6, and with so few points, I couldn't get more than a 7, but he gave me an 8, even though I didn't put in the effort, even though I was insanely lucky to get the only 3 questions I knew, but beneath it all, I felt... happy. I still have a mountain of exams, but passing one made my day.