I never thought this would happen. Honestly, I didn't even see it coming. One minute, I was stuck in my usual routine, doing everything to keep myself invisible, and the next—Haruka.
I can't really say when it started, but I guess it all changed the day she insisted I go with her to that group study session. I wanted to say no, like I always do, but somehow, I ended up agreeing. Maybe it was the way she looked at me. Like I wasn't just a nobody to her. I wasn't sure what it was, but something shifted. Something in me responded.
So here I am, walking with her after school, side by side. I don't really have any plans after school, so it feels like an automatic thing. Haruka's always full of energy, always acting like the world revolves around her, and sometimes, I find myself watching her without thinking. It's strange. I don't think I'm in love with her. But… I think I might be falling for her.
"Clyde, you're zoning out again!" Haruka's voice snaps me back to reality.
I blink and look at her, suddenly aware of how close we are. "Sorry."
She grins. "It's fine. You're just a little too quiet today." She bumps my shoulder playfully, the action light, but something about it makes my heart skip.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the way she treats me differently than everyone else. Maybe it's because she's been consistent. She's always been there. It's not that I have deep feelings for her yet—I don't even know how that works—but it feels… nice. To have someone care, even if it's just a little.
"You know, Clyde," Haruka continues, "I like being with you. You don't talk much, but I don't mind. It's kind of nice to have someone around who doesn't always have to say something."
Her words make my chest tighten again.
I can't even explain it. It's like something is opening up inside me, and I can't push it back down. I've spent so much of my life convincing myself that nothing matters, that I don't matter, but here I am, questioning that. Haruka's not asking for anything from me. She's not asking me to change. She just… accepts me, I guess.
And for the first time in a long time, I'm not sure if that feels bad.
The next few days are a blur of fleeting moments, stolen glances, and light conversations with Haruka. Nothing particularly special happens, but somehow, everything feels different. It's not like I'm becoming someone else, but being around her feels comfortable, natural. Like this was how it was always supposed to be.
One afternoon, Haruka invites me over to hang out at her place. I try to refuse, of course. I don't do things like this. But she's so insistent, and honestly, I can't find the strength to say no. So, I end up going. We spend the day watching movies, doing homework, and just… being there.
Haruka laughs at something I said, and for a split second, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I'm in love with her. No—I think I am.
I wish I could explain it better, but I can't. It's just this feeling I can't shake. Every time she smiles at me, every time she touches my arm or teases me, I feel like I'm falling deeper into something I didn't even want to be in. But I'm not sure how to stop it.
Before I know it, I'm leaning in, kissing her.
It's slow, unsure, but it's real. Haruka doesn't pull away. Instead, she presses in closer, and everything in me melts. My heart is beating so loudly, I can barely hear my thoughts. For a moment, I forget everything. All the self-doubt, all the reasons I shouldn't be doing this—it all fades away.
And then, just as quickly, I pull away.
"Sorry," I mumble, panic rising in my chest. "I didn't mean—"
But Haruka doesn't say anything. She just smiles at me. "You're fine, Clyde. It's okay."
We sit there in silence for a while, the weight of everything settling in. But then she breaks it, as always.
"You know," Haruka starts, "I've been waiting for you to figure it out." She looks at me with that familiar, teasing glint in her eye. "But I guess I'll have to keep waiting a little longer."
The next morning, I wake up with the faintest smile on my face. Everything feels right. Haruka and I—well, we're something now. We've crossed a line, and I don't know if it's good or bad, but I know that it feels real.
I walk to school, thoughts of Haruka swirling in my head, and I can't wait to see her again. I don't know what's going to happen next, but for once, I'm looking forward to it.
And then… everything shifts. The warmth, the hope—everything I was feeling just moments ago fades away.
I wake up.
I sit up in my bed, groggy and confused. My room is exactly how it was before, nothing's changed. The light is dull through the curtains, and the clock reads the same time it did yesterday.
I run my hand over my face, trying to shake off the remnants of the dream. That wasn't real. Haruka and I—we—weren't real. It was just a dream.
A stupid, stupid dream.
I try to ignore the gnawing disappointment in my chest as I get ready for school, trying to brush the feeling away. But it's there, no matter how much I try to deny it.
I didn't know I wanted it until I dreamed it. Now, all I feel is empty.
That kiss, that feeling… it wasn't real. But somehow, I can't help but wish it was.