Many hours after Lucius departed on his second mission, he still didn't return, and his master started to become worried for him. This was not the first time he feared for Lucius, and it certainly wasn't the last time. This wasn't surprising to him at all. He chose this burden for himself when he decided to train the boy. The fact that he acknowledged it didn't make it any easier for him. It was a constant struggle between the wish to keep him safe and the wish to make him advance in his skills and power. In the end, the later is what he himself chose, and in time, he shall be able to watch out for himself and the others. But right now, every mission is a dangerous risk. Lucius still has so much to learn, and every time his master sent him on another mission, he had doubts if the said mission wasn't too much for him. He didn't talk about this with Lucius so he wouldn't discourage him or make him afraid, but it was a constant battle he fought with in himself.
Despite this, he trusted the boy. Huh, boy. Lucius was a young man, of course, but to the master, he was like a boy who just made his first steps on his own in this dangerous world. Anyway, he trusted him. He learned everything he had to teach him, and he shows great promise, but there's only so much that lectures and simulated fights can teach somebody. Now came the time to gather experience, and it was a natural course for Lucius, but to him, it was a source of great fear. The fear of loss. He didn't feel something like that for years. Not since the…
A portal suddenly appeared, and from it emerged Lucius, all covered in blood. This was a shock for the master, and he rushed to his aid. He looked like he'd been seriously injured, and he barely walked. He was exhausted. The portal behind him closed on his own. The master helped to seat him, and then he started to open the portal to the Holy River.
"Thank you for your concern, master, but that won't be necessary. I am not wounded. This is just the blood of my enemy."
The master turned around and carefully examined him. He was telling the truth. There were no wounds on him. But if he wasn't wounded… Why was he so exhausted? It was one thing to be exhausted from fighting, but this was something else. This was not just a physical fatigue. The master could easily tell that. He was a wise and experienced man who saw a lot during his life. Now that he knew that Lucius wasn't wounded, it was clear as day that, along with his body, Lucius had exhausted his spirit too.
"Care to tell me what happened?" asked the master while taking a seat himself.
Lucius nodded and soon began to tell the story of his second mission. The master did his best to appear poised while listening to what Lucius had to say, but he had a hard time doing so. There were things that Lucius said that surprised even him. Yes, some things surprised him, some horrified him, and some even disappointed him. But the worst thing was learning of Lucius's tragic first loss. He completed his mission, but the cost was so great and unexpected that the master remained in silence for a few minutes after Lucius ended his story.
"Why didn't you go to sleep as I've told you? You say you couldn't fall asleep. You're aware that there are means to make one fall asleep? If you couldn't think of some yourself, you could have asked me, and I would have gladly helped you."
The master tried his best to remain calm while speaking, but Lucius knew him well enough to tell that he was holding back his anger. That almost somehow made it even worse than if he started yelling at him.
"To tell you the truth, I don't know. When I left, I went straight to bed and tried my best to calm down and fall asleep. But I guess I was too excited because of my first successful mission, so all I could think of was what my next mission would have in store for me. I laid in bed for hours, thinking about everything and anything, hoping that, in time, sleep would come to me. But it never did. Shutting my eyes, emptying my mind, and trying to relax, nothing worked. By the time I gave up, I realised that I was in bed longer than I thought I was, and the time I spent resembled the length of a reasonable rest, so I returned to you."
After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, the master spoke again.
"You do realize... If you slept like I told you to do… You now wouldn't be in such a sorry state, and almost nothing of what you told me, except that fight with the sleep demon, would transpire?" asked the master, now visibly holding back his anger.
Lucius nodded. He felt guilty and stupid. He expected the master to explode and start insulting him, but instead the master took a deep breath and rested his face on his palms. Lucius never saw him acting like this. It was clear that he's seriously distraught because of his story. After spending some time like this, he raised his head, and he was now calm again.
"Moving on, I hope you now realise how foolish it was of you to become Daniel's guardian angel, and not only because he didn't have much time left. You are a Hell Purger and not a guardian angel for a reason. Yes, it can be said that both Hell Purgers and guardian angels are guardians, but those are two separate duties that both demand a lot of time and effort. To be both at once would be very hard, if not impossible. Maybe now in the beginning it would have been doable, when not a lot is expected from you because of your limited power, but in time, your power and your duties would have grown, and you would have ended up torn apart between being a Hell Purger and being Daniel's guardian angel. I know what I'm about to say is extremely harsh, but you should be thankful for being relieved of your second duty so soon, not only because of yourself but because of Daniel too. If he was truly as sick as the sleep demon said he was, death came as a well-deserved relief to him."
"But what if he was lying? What if I could have saved Daniel if I had defeated him sooner? I know I messed up by not sleeping before the mission, but if I was powerful enough, the sleep demon could never trap me in a dream, and our battle would have started almost immediately, and maybe the boy could have lived that way."
"While it's good to analyse your past to try and learn from it, it is pointless to speak and to think about what could have been. Those thoughts often lead only to despair and feelings of guilt. Yes, maybe you could have saved him if you were more powerful, but you weren't. You cannot save everyone, Lucius. If you could, you would be a God. And you're not a God. You are his servant. You should always keep that in mind. Your job is to do the best you possibly can in any given moment. The rest is up to Him."
"You are right, master, but still… I feel so… Weak… Even more than when I was unable to find a way into the Imp King's castle. I feel like I was not ready to become a Hell Purger. Hell Purgers are strong, powerful, wise, and capable. I am anything but. My weakness holds me back. My weakness is my weakness! I need to get more powerful. There are much more horrible demons than the sleep demon I just faced, and I won't stand a chance against them if I don't improve my power."
"How can a soldier become a veteran soldier if he didn't become a soldier before that? Hell Purger is just a title. You will define what that means for you personally. I chose you for the training because I sensed a great potential for self-improvement in you. But self-improvement can only get you so far. This is why humility is so important for an angel. You have humility in you. You just have to nurture it, and then God will reward you. And that brings me to the last thing I would like to touch upon regarding your second mission. I hope you are aware of exactly how you escaped the trap that was the sleep demon's dream."
"By… Prayer?"
"Yes, but somebody had to answer that prayer, and who do you think did that?"
Lucius paused, confused.
"The Lord?" he asked.
"Who else? I see you still don't understand the importance of what happened to you. You see, our Lord doesn't answer every prayer. If it were so, we could literally pray away the demons, and there would be no need for this endless war. That's not how things work. But, for some reason, your prayer was answered. I don't know why. My guess is that the Lord thinks you have a lot of work to do just to perish because of some lowly sleep demon, but, as I said, that is just my guess. In other words, you were saved by a miracle. Don't expect this in the future. Most, if not all, of our brethren don't get any second chances. That's why you should go to the main temple as soon as possible to express your gratitude. Before you do that, I advise you to go to the Holy River, clean yourself, and change your clothes. After your visit to the temple, return here."
"Yes, master! Right away, master!" said Lucius, who was truly humbled now that he realised what happened to him. He sprang up to his feet and quickly opened the portal to the Holy River. Just before he stepped through, his master spoke again.
"And Lucius…"
"Yes, master?" asked Lucius, turning back to face him.
The master approached him and put an arm on his shoulder.
"I'm telling you this only because I know you very well and I know how you think. Don't blame yourself. You completed your mission, and you did the best you could have done. What's done is done. Focus on what lies ahead, and keep doing your best. Understood?"
"Yes, master. Thank you, master." said Lucius, touched by his master's care for him.
The master let go of his shoulder, and Lucius went through the portal to do as he was instructed.