Xie Lian briefly paused in his step at Mu Qing's words, but in the end he didn't turn back. He waved, then continued on.
When he returned to the capital of Xianle, Xie Lian headed straight for the imperial palace.
He didn't know why he was going there, since it wasn't exactly to seehis parents. And that wasn't because he was a heavenly official and forbidden to show himself before mortals. After he first left home and in all the years that had passed, he didn't really know how to start conversations with his parents anymore—a common sentiment for every child in the world. Thus, he concealed himself and ran haphazardly about the palace he was so familiar with. But His Majesty the King was nowhere to be found. It was only when he went to Qifeng Palace that he came across his father and mother.
The two had just dismissed the palace attendants and were chatting between themselves. The queen sat on the side of the bed. The mask that she was fiddling with was the very one that Xie Lian had worn three years ago at the Heavenly Ceremonial Procession. The shape of the golden mask had been carefully molded to Xie Lian's features, which was why it had fit him so perfectly and comfortably when he had worn it. When others saw the mask, the degree of similarity with his real face was almost frightening.
"Stop playing around with that and come massage my temples," the king chided.
Even though the king and the queen kept up an act of perfection in front of the people, Xie Lian had seen clearly from a young age that behind the scenes, his parents bickered and nagged each other like any other normal married couple. The queen put down the mask as expected and moved to the king's side to help rub his temples.
She combed through his hair and suddenly remarked, "You've got more white in your hair again."
Xie Lian took a closer look. True to his mother's words, his father's hair was graying on the sides, and it aged him a few years.
Didn't father visit the Royal Holy Temple to pray just a little while ago? he wondered. His hair was still black then. How did it go gray so suddenly?
The queen handed the king a copper mirror, but he pushed it away. "No need to see. Just dye it black again before we next visit Mount Taicang."
It was then that Xie Lian realized, His hair didn't go gray recently! It grayed a long time ago, it's just that he's been dyeing it black every time he comes to see me. I've been too occupied listening to the prayers of my devotees and running around; I rarely made time to come back and visit. That's why I didn't suspect anything.
This conclusion filled Xie Lian with guilt. For once, he was glad his parents couldn't see him.
As the queen massaged the king's head, she scolded, "I told you to rest early every evening, yet you never listen to me, and you even accuse me of nagging you day and night. Now look at how unsightly you've become. If our son saw, he definitely wouldn't want anything to do with you."
The king huffed. "Ever since your son grew up and spread his wings,he stopped caring about me anyway." Despite his words, he still couldn't help but take a peek at the copper mirror by the bedside, and he grumbled, "I don't look that bad. Isn't it still the same face?"
Xie Lian was stunned in spite of himself. He'd never seen this side of his father before, complaining about him behind his back with such petulance. He couldn't help but smile.
The queen obviously felt the same, and she held back her laughter. "Okay, okay, it's not that awful. Your health is more important than the heavens, so rest early today."
The king shook his head. "I cannot. A number of people from Yong'an have settled in the capital lately. If they want to come, that's fine, but they just have to make a nuisance of themselves and make the people uneasy. It's a tricky situation."
As it turned out, his father's hair was going gray because of the drought in Yong'an. An indescribable misery seized Xie Lian. The queen nodded.
"Rong-er told me he met someone from Yong'an today, as well. Apparently, the man tried to steal money from the temple. How frightening."
The king was solemn. "Indeed, it's shocking. If there were only tens or hundreds of them, that would be fine, but if all hundred thousand of them came here to scurry about the capital, the impact would be unimaginable."
The queen debated for a moment before she said, "That might not happen. If they follow the law and keep to themselves, then let them come."
"As the king of a nation, how can I take a risk on something that 'might not happen'?" he replied. "They absolutely cannot come. Looking after a few more people is not as simple as placing a few more sets of chopsticks down at the table. There are many complications involved that you don't understand. This conversation is over."
"Okay, let's not talk about this anymore," the queen soothed. "I didn't understand the things you spoke of to begin with. If only our son were still here—then he could at least help take some of the burden off of you."
The king humphed. "Him? What could he do? As long as he doesn't cause me any more worries, that's good enough."
At the mention of Xie Lian, the king seemed to liven up again. "That son of yours, he's already in his teens, but he was raised like a princess. Even if he learned about everything that's happening, it won't do any good. It would just add to his worries for no reason. Let him keep flying in the sky —it's best if he doesn't know anything. He should do his own thing. He's not the crown prince anymore, so there's no need for him to care about matters in the Mortal Realm. He loves to fly, so let him fly to his heart's content."
Xie Lian listened silently as his father grew increasingly excited in recounting his faults. With a knowing smile on her face, the queen nudged the king.
"Now you call him a princess. Aren't you the one who spoiled our princess since he was young? And now you want to blame it all on me?" She sighed. "That child is good at everything except missing home. He was already like this back when he was studying at the Royal Holy Temple; he'd only visit once every few months. It's worse now that he's ascended. We haven't seen him once in three years. Who knows if we'll ever see him again?"
Her complaint had the king turn around and start defending Xie Lian. "What would a woman know? The state preceptor said those were the laws of heaven. How can we still treat him like a common mortal? If you call your son back, you'll be weighing him down."
"I'm only saying," the queen quickly explained herself. "I won't make any demands in front of him." Then she muttered, "It's not so bad when I can look at the statues; they resemble him closely enough, and they're everywhere."
As he watched them for such a long time, an ache grew in Xie Lian's heart. It felt like there was a hard lump lodged in his throat, making it painful to swallow. He couldn't bear to stay hidden any longer, yet he couldn't reveal himself. It wasn't because he was afraid of breaking heaven's laws, but rather because, even now, he still didn't know what to say. He didn't have any solutions for the situation in Yong'an. If he were to suddenly appear, it would only cause his parents more agitation and stress.
He quickly retreated from the imperial palace. The moment he was outside, Xie Lian drew in several deep breaths, and it was only then that he was finally able to calm down. He steadied himself and pulled himself together. Then, deciding that action was better than standing around sighing, he cast a spell and transformed himself into a plainly dressed young cultivator. He ran around the capital, digging for information and recording his findings. After a full day of work and traveling all over, he finally got the answers he wanted.
Indeed, the water level of every lake and river within the Xianle capital was lower than in previous years. Back when he was still at the Royal Holy Temple, there were a few times when he snuck down the mountain to play. As he had rowed his boat happily along the largest river that crossed through the Kingdom of Xianle, the water level was just a bit short of the levee, but now it was several meters below. And the residents of the city said it had been like that for a while; this wasn't something that had happened overnight. Before this, Xie Lian hadn't paid much attention, but now that he knew to look, he was shocked to see all the warning signs so clearly. He had originally hoped there'd been some mistake in Mu Qing's report and thus decided to come and see for himself. But now he couldn't deny that Mu Qing had never let him down before.
Once the situation was confirmed, Xie Lian stood there in a trance by the riverside, deep in contemplation. Pedestrians passed behind from time to time; some nodded and smiled, others looked on curiously, but most went about happily minding their own business. He'd lost track of how long he'd been standing there when quietly, clouds gathered from the edge of the skies, and a pitter-patter sounded from all around. It had started to rain.
Numerous pedestrians on the street looked up to the sky.
"What bad luck! It's raining, let's hurry back!"
"Yeah! How annoying!"
Plip plop plip plop. Raindrops beat down on Xie Lian's face and clothes, and he finally came to his senses.
"It's raining?" he muttered to himself.
When the people in the capital saw rain, they dropped everything to find shelter. Heavens knew how many on the other side of Xianle would die for a rainstorm like this. A group of people with umbrellas ran past, and when they saw Xie Lian standing there alone getting soaked by the rain, they beckoned him along.
"Young cultivator, why aren't you getting out of the rain? It's really coming down!"
In his haze of confusion, Xie Lian somehow started running along too and found himself seeking shelter under a long roof. Soon after, the group tucked away their umbrellas and broke out in laughter.
"Thank goodness I brought an umbrella with me when I saw it was cloudy, or else I would've been a drowned rat!"
"It hasn't rained for a long time, right? The storm is way overdue, so it's going to be a big one."
"Oh my goodness, look! It really is pouring harder! It's going to turn into a deluge at this rate!"
The raindrops beat down on the ground, shattering and splattering outwards. These people spoke in such a familiar, endearing accent, and Xie Lian felt in his heart that this was his home—this was the place where he was born and grew up, and these were the citizens he knew.
As the chitchat continued, the rain gradually lightened. A few urged, "We should hurry and go while it's eased up!"
The men opened their umbrellas and stepped out from under the roof one after another. Xie Lian still stood where he was, however. A couple of them glanced back, and after a brief discussion among themselves, one came over and handed him a worn umbrella.
"Young cultivator, can't you go back?" he asked politely. "It's still pouring, so why don't you take this umbrella?"
Xie Lian snapped out of his daydream. "Thank you very much, but what about you?"
A few people from the group in the rain called out, "We've got more umbrellas that we can all squeeze under. Let's go, let's go!"
Urged by his companions, the man stuffed the umbrella in Xie Lian's hand and ran back. The pattering sounds of their footsteps slowly faded away in the distance as Xie Lian stood there for a while longer, holding on to the umbrella. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of an inconspicuous shrine not too far away. He opened his umbrella and walked toward it in the rain. Upon a closer look, the two sides of the small shrine doors were written with the verses, "Body in the abyss, heart in paradise." As it turned out, this was a Shrine of the Crown Prince.
Since eight thousand temples had been raised in only three years, it was natural that not every one of them was as extravagant and awe-inspiring as the one on Mount Taicang. Among them there were quite a few that were built by people's grassroots efforts to help achieve that lofty number and join in on the excitement. Not only were there no donation boxes here, there were also no temple attendants. The only things that this shrine had were a clay statue and a couple of offering plates filled with assorted fruit and refreshments. His more conscientious believers would come by once in a while to freshen the place up a little, and that alone sufficed for a shrine.
To think he'd find a Shrine of the Crown Prince in such a well-hidden, inconspicuous nook! Without stepping in, Xie Lian could already make out what could be described as a charmingly tacky crown prince statue, wearing gaudy clothing, and with a broad, silly smile on its big, round, powdery-white face. The statue was practically a big doll. If his mind weren't so weighed down by his own thoughts, Xie Lian definitely would've laughed out loud.
In the past three years, Xie Lian had seen at least three thousand, if not five thousand, crown prince statues. However, not a single one of them looked exactly like him—even the ones closest to the mark were only about two thirds of the way there. As for the rest, they were all either too ugly or too beautiful. Most of the divine statues of other heavenly officials were too ugly, yet Xie Lian had the exact opposite problem. There were some that were beautiful beyond recognition, to the point that it embarrassed him.
He didn't really take a close look at that clay statue at first, his eyes merely sweeping across the area, but a snow-white blur unexpectedly caught his eye and grabbed his attention.
Grasped in the left hand of that crude, clay crown prince statue was a flower that was white as snow.
Crystal dew clung to the delicate, pure-white petals. A wisp of its fresh fragrance wafted in the air, the scent lovely and endearing. The signature pose of crown prince statues was "Sword in One Hand, Flower in the Other," but the flower held in the left hand would, of course, be a finely crafted flower of gold, gems, or jade. This was the first time Xie Lian had seen a real flower clasped in his statue's hand, and he couldn't help but lean in for a better look.
After examining it, he realized that this crown prince statue had probably held a clay flower once upon a time. Whether it fell due to the sculptor's poor skills or if someone had intentionally plucked it as a prank, only a small hole remained in the left fist—and that little white flower had been placed in this hole. If there was a believer who had picked a flower
specially to fill the vacancy, they were a most conscientious believer indeed.
Xie Lian's thoughts came to a halt when he heard hurried footsteps. He didn't look back immediately. Instead, he hid his physical form and lightly leapt onto the altar with umbrella in hand, then turned around to look down.
A young boy, no older than twelve or thirteen, barged in from the gray, foggy rain outside. He was soaked from head to toe, dressed in filthy old clothes, and his face was covered in equally filthy bandages. His right fist was clutched tightly over his left, like he was protecting something important, and he only opened his hands when he entered the shrine.
A single tiny flower, as white as snow, bloomed quietly in his palms.
Xie Lian hmm-ed softly as if he had just remembered something.
A face wrapped in layers of bandages inevitably reminded him of the child he had met three years ago, though he couldn't be sure of this boy's identity. Pessimistically, could that child really still be alive three years after fleeing Mount Taicang?
Just then, the boy came forward. He lifted himself up on tiptoe and swapped the flower on the clay statue with the one in his hands. From atop the altar, Xie Lian could see it as clear as day; the petals of this new flower were fuller and even more delicate, the flower more radiant. From the strong fragrance, it was clear that this flower was freshly picked. Could this boy be visiting this lonely shrine every day to provide a fresh flower for this clay statue?
Moreover, after offering the flower, the boy stood in front of the clay crown prince statue. Unlike everyone else, who stubbornly insisted on kneeling, he pressed his hands together and silently prayed while standing. He actually followed Xie Lian's wishes.
It had been three years. Among all of Xie Lian's followers who had prayed, he could count government officials, nobles, names that were known across the land and talents who would impress the heavens. And yet Xie Lian felt the sincerest of them all was this child who looked barely over thirteen, and who had probably been barred entry to those fancier golden temples simply because of his humble clothing and had no choice but to pay his respects at this simple shrine.
Truly, an indescribable feeling.
Just then, more splashing footsteps came from outside the shrine. A rowdy group of children with umbrellas dashed past. At first, Xie Lian thought that they were only passing by, but they unexpectedly circled back. They clapped and acted like they had discovered something extraordinary.
"Wow, wow. The ugly freak got kicked out again!"
Although these kids were all around the same age as the boy in the shrine, every one of them was taller than him and looked like their parents fed them well. There was probably a holiday coming up, since they were all dressed in new clothes and shoes. As they splashed playfully in the puddles by the shrine entrance, their innocent smiles were full of life and void of any malicious intent. It was as if they didn't really understand that "ugly freak" was a bad term and didn't realize that their words would be hurtful. They probably thought it was funny. The boy clenched his fist, but that fist was so small that it wasn't threatening at all.
The kids by the door teased and teased. "Hey, ugly freak, are you sleeping at this shrine again tonight? Watch out, your mom is gonna beat the crap outta you when you get home!"
Xie Lian frowned. The boy's one eye flashed with anger under the bandages. He raised his fists and yelled furiously.
"I don't have a home! I don't have a mom! She's not my mom! Get out! Get out! Keep talking and I'm gonna beat the crap outta you!"
None of the kids were scared, and they stuck out their tongues. "You wanna bet? Careful, we might tell your dad again and have him teach you a lesson!"
A few children even gave a knowing wink. "Oh, right, you don't have a mom because your mom didn't want you. You don't have a home because your family doesn't want anything to do with you. That's why you have to sleep in this crappy shrine…"
Before they could finish, the boy let out a cry and lunged at them.
For such a scrawny kid, he sure could pack a punch. That loud war cry sent a couple of the kids running scared, but the one who was now tangled up in a fight with him yelled at those who fled, "What's there to be
scared of?! There're more of us!"
With that, the ones who wanted to run away returned and joined the fight, pulling at the boy's hands and feet. Xie Lian really couldn't just sit and watch anymore. With a wave of his hand, an invisible force shot out of nowhere and separated the boys. Then a powerful wave of puddle water surged up from the ground and knocked the pack of bullying kids off their feet.
In the end, they were still kids. After being inexplicably sent tumbling and gulping mouthfuls of muddy water as they did, their new clothes were completely soaked and they were even filthier and uglier than the boy they had been mocking. Their boisterous laughter was replaced with loud wailing. They crawled to their feet and ran off sniffling with umbrellas in their hands.
Xie Lian shook his head. The duty of martial gods was to ward off evil ghosts and bring protection and peace, and here he was getting tangled up in a juvenile dispute. Even though he had chased away the wrongdoers, he didn't feel accomplished at all. His gaze returned to the young boy.
During that scuffle, the bandages on the boy's head had been partially yanked off, giving a peek at the other half of his face. It was quite swollen, covered in black and blue bruises. It was obvious that these injuries hadn't been caused by the brawl just now. Before Xie Lian could get a better look, the boy had already rewrapped his bandages without a word. He sat down by the clay statue's feet and hugged his knees close.
Xie Lian had originally come to this crown prince shrine due to its convenience, and he was planning to summon Feng Xin and Mu Qing for some important discussions. But who could've expected that he'd come upon this little one? He was drawn in despite himself. Once the summons was sent, he crouched down beside the boy and stared. Not long after, a grumbling sound came from the boy's stomach. The offering plate still held a few pieces of fruit and other refreshments—dried out and probably not particularly tasty, but better than nothing. Xie Lian picked one and gently tossed it toward the boy.
The moment he was hit by the fruit, the young boy wrapped his arms around his head and curled up defensively, as if he'd been hit by a rock and was bracing for more to follow. But after a while, he looked around and realized it was only a fruit, and that there wasn't anyone nearby. Hesitantly, he picked up the fruit, dusted it off a few times against his clothes, and returned it to the offering plate. Surprisingly, he would rather endure hunger than eat the offerings from the plate.
After that, he walked toward the door and peered at the heavy downpour outside of the shrine as if debating whether to venture out for food. However, the rain was coming down too hard. Since he didn't want to be drenched again, he walked back and curled up on the ground to sleep at the clay statue's feet.
Just then, Feng Xin and Mu Qing stepped out from the back of the shrine, drawn by the summons.
With weary disapproval, Feng Xin said, "Your Highness, how didyou find such a small crown prince shrine? Why did you send out a call from here?" He looked down and suddenly noticed that he'd almost stepped on the curled-up figure on the ground and blurted out, "The fuck is this kid doing here?!"
Mu Qing also looked down, inspecting the child closely. He immediately asked, "Your Highness, is this the child who ran from Mount Taicang three years ago?"
Xie Lian shook his head. "I can't be certain. I don't know what his name was, nor what he would look like now."
While the three chatted around the unsuspecting child, the boy turned. As he wiped his face, Xie Lian realized there was blood running down his nose and from the corner of his mouth. Xie Lian felt even more strongly that he couldn't just leave him like this.
"Why don't we have the child leave first," Xie Lian said. "It's getting dark. This shrine isn't a good place to spend the night."
"Do you think he has nowhere else to go?" Feng Xin wondered. "If that's the case, then I'm afraid this is the only place where he could spend the night."
"He has a home, though the situation there might not be great," Xie Lian said. "Even so, this shrine isn't any better. He has to leave so we can find him something to eat. He's also injured."
Mu Qing spoke up, "Your Highness, please excuse my frankness, but we don't have time to bother with these minor things right now. Did you call us here because you've made a decision?"
No heavenly official of the Upper Court would accept every prayer from every one of their devotees without exception. There were millions of followers in the world, and if heavenly officials had to attend to every single one, it would exhaust them all into early graves. This was why, every so often, they would turn a blind eye to minor or less impactful wishes and pretend they heard nothing to lessen the workload.
Maybe it was due to Xie Lian's youth—how he was bursting with energy and passion—that he had yet to properly learn how to adapt his priorities.
After some thought, he walked toward the entrance of the tiny shrine, carrying the umbrella that was gifted to him earlier by those pedestrians on the street.
Xie Lian slowly opened the umbrella. The falling raindrops pitter-pattered hard over its surface. The boy on the ground heard the noise and thought that someone had entered and shifted slightly—but he then seemed to realize he didn't care whether someone had come or not, and he lay back down again. Xie Lian placed the opened umbrella by the entrance. When the boy noticed that the sound persisted, he finally found it strange enough to rise to his feet and go take a look. There he found a red umbrella leaning on the ground under the rain, like a lonesome, blooming crimson flower. He froze in surprise.
Watching the boy rush forward to grab the umbrella, Mu Qing lectured, "Your Highness, you've done more than enough. It'll complicate things needlessly if you're too obvious and he finds out."
Before Xie Lian could reply, the young boy rushed back in and shouted from behind them, "Your Highness!"
The three gods almost jumped in surprise and turned their heads. Cradling the umbrella in his arms, the boy's eye was reddened and filled with emotion. He lifted his head and shouted to the clay statue.
"Your Highness! Is that you?!"
Feng Xin was amazed at his deduction, as he didn't know that Xie Lian had helped the boy chase away his bullies and had even chucked a fruit at him. "Li'l guy's kinda smart, he actually figured it out."
Mu Qing, on the other hand, clearly suspected that something must have happened. He eyed Xie Lian.
"If you're here, please, answer my one question!" the boy begged.
From his place high atop the altar, Xie Lian heard countless pleas of "please appear before me" every day. When a sound becomes repetitive, it numbs the ear. Even so, hearing a plea like this, he still couldn't help but drop the matter at hand and perk up his ears.
Beside him, Mu Qing cautioned, "Your Highness, leave it be."
Xie Lian didn't speak. The young boy squeezed the umbrella tightly with both hands, gritting his teeth.
"I'm suffering! Every day, I want to die. Every day, I want to kill everyone in this world, and then myself! I'm living in agony!"
From a boy who couldn't be older than thirteen, such furious words probably sounded both laughable and pitiful. But hidden inside that tiny body was something explosive; something that sustained that roaring rage.
Feng Xin frowned. "What's wrong with him? 'Kill everyone in this world'? Is that really something a kid would say?"
"He's still young," Mu Qing replied flatly. "When he gets older, he'll know that whatever he's going through now isn't anything." After a pause he looked at Xie Lian. "There are too many suffering in this world. Take Yong'an's drought, for example—name one Yong'an citizen who has it better than him. There's no need to bother with this, Your Highness. Let's focus on our priorities."
"Perhaps," Xie Lian said softly.
One person's suffering probably looked insignificant to another.
The boy was still looking up at the statue. His eye was awfully red, yet there were no tears. With the umbrella in one hand, he reached out with the other and tugged on the clay statue's robes and continued to plead for answers.
"What should I live for in this world? What does it mean to live?"
However, his questions were met by silence; there was not a soul to give him an answer. It seemed that the young boy had expected as much and slowly dropped his head.
To his surprise, a voice from above suddenly broke through the silence. "If you do not know how to live on anymore, then live for me."
Neither Feng Xin nor Mu Qing had actually expected him to answer —and such an answer too! Their eyes widened. "Your Highness…?!"
The young boy's head shot up, but there was no one there. There wasonly a soft, gentle voice coming from that clay statue.
"I have no answer to the question you asked. However, if you do not know the meaning of your life, then make me that meaning, and use me as your reason to live."
Feng Xin and Mu Qing's faces looked like they were about to explode, and both reached out to smother Xie Lian's mouth, sputtering, "No more, Your Highness! You're breaking the rules! The rules!"
But before they could fully cover his mouth, Xie Lian managed onelast shout: "Thank you for your flower! It's beautiful—I like it very much!"