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Chapter 18 - Chapter 18

A deafening silence fell upon the otherwise lively Hohengoldlinden estate ever since they had returned a few weeks ago.

According to what Archduchess Ann-Sophie told them upon their hastily arrival it was a rather sudden turn of events. 

During the early morning hours the Archduke had felt a sense of uneasiness which then turned into him collapsing soon after during a leisurely walk around the garden.

He has been bedridden ever since, fighting against a high fever and sudden shivering fits. He had been more or less amenable in the beginning, however for the last few days the reigning Archduke of the north had been in and out of consciousness. 

No one was prepared for such a sudden collapse and it had caught everyone by surprise. It was devastating and the doctors weren't able to tell if he would recover from it.

It was the doctors of the Kirishima family that had observed the Archduke that made the diagnosis of a possible case of roman fever or also known as mal aria. Though, it wasn't clear how he got infected by it. A few cases had been reported across the duchy, but so far they were spared from a widespread outbreak. Immediately after the diagnosis the doctors prepared for the remedy in order to fight with the recurring cycles of fever and cold shivering. 

His wife barely left his bedside, diligently caring for him, while their sons took it upon them to take over the state affairs. Linda and Yumiko were occupied with handling their mother-in-law's duties so that she could completely focus on taking care of her dear husband.

The days were grim, the laughter and chatter that once filled the milky white estate were silenced and replaced by worried murmurs.

Benedikt and Yumiko decided to stay on the main island in Benedikt's former bedroom in order to be present at any given time.

The news of Archduke Richard being sick had spread quickly across the duchy and many people came over the bridge to lay down flowers, trinkets and well wishes on scraps of paper in front of the estate, hoping that their prayers would help his recovery.

Hagen tried his best to fulfil his duties while also observing the well-being of his friend.

Somehow he had anticipated that Benedikt would have shown his genuine reaction to the news upon their arrival at the estate, however the Prince hadn't revealed any emotions ever since declaring the devastating news brought by the messenger. 

Instead he had diligently buried himself in the work that he had to catch up on as well as the workload that he divided with his brother to keep the duchy running. All the while training the soldiers to the new strategies and supervising other administrative duties. The Kirishimas had decided to stay until the Archduke recovered, despite having planned to leave much earlier. Their state affairs were more or less on hold back in Yashima and it must have burdened Koshaku Saigo by now. However, Hagen was glad about that since Koshaku Ichinobe was able to assist Benedikt in the practical training of their soldiers.

But it still occurred more and more often that he was forced to skip on the shared meals with Yumiko.

Surely, it was to his regret but he knew that Yumiko wouldn't be completely alone as she had Linda with her. At the same time he had started to work even late into the evening hours, sometimes even staying in the office entirely when the workload was too much.

Nevertheless, seeing his friend being so indifferently and obsessively working worried him. 

Hagen understood that this was Benedikt's manner of dealing with the current situation and the emotions that it caused. Despite that, he wasn't able to find the right time to talk to him about it either. Or rather, Benedikt didn't let a chance for a heart-to-heart talk arise.

Since he followed and supported Benedikt throughout the entire day, he couldn't catch a proper glimpse of Yumiko either. He wasn't sure how the sensitive Princess felt about the current situation. Hagen couldn't even find a moment to just briefly exchange information with Takane, since that was the extent of their occupancy.

In a way Hagen felt apologetic towards the Princess, however he knew about the grave consequences if Archduke Richard would remain bedridden for even longer.

Archduke Leopold and Benedikt along with their mother the Archduchess Ann-Sophie had already begun the preparations for the worst possible outcome. Although they were all optimistic, it would have been more devastating if anything happened without having planned for it beforehand.

That must have been, without a doubt, the most difficult aspect to organise for the two brothers.

It was another late evening in the office and Hagen just returned from bringing more documents from another room to Benedikt's desk.

His blonde head was hovering over the documents regarding the reports about the current inventory on crops and other things for the upcoming winter season. It looked like the blonde curls were reflecting the inner chaotic state of Benedikt.

The Prince didn't look up and just mumbled a distracted "Thank you."

Hagen stood by his desk, watching him and he quickly glanced around the office.

Leopold had gone to his bedchamber already. It was only the two of them.

"Your Royal Highness," Hagen initiated a conversation carefully while looking at Benedikt.

"Yes?" He still didn't look up.

"Your Royal Highness." Hagen now spoke with more emphasis on wanting him to stop working on the documents for a moment. Almost scoldingly.

Benedikt relaxed his shoulders, put the pen in his hand down and slowly looked up.

Signs of exhaustion, worry and stress marked his otherwise handsome, youthfully playful face.

It was a horrid sight that he was able to conceal during most of the day. Only at night, in the dim lit office after his brother had left, would he finally let go of the facade.

"You should go and rest now too."

Benedikt returned Hagen's gaze with his clear blue eyes that, despite the obvious signs of exhaustion on his face, were fully focused and awake.

"I want to finish this first." A dry response. "You can finish up for today. I don't have any more tasks for you." He gave him a half-hearted smile.

"Your Royal Highness, I insist. In order to manage all the tasks at hand you must also rest your body and mind. Now is not the time to exhaust yourself." Hagen remained unyielding to Benedikt's indifference.

He leaned back into his chair, not breaking the gaze. "Worry not my friend. I'm fine. Perfectly fine. I know myself the best."

Hagen didn't reply to that but it was obvious that he didn't buy into that and he knew that Benedikt saw it too.

He then sighed and got up from the chair to walk around the office. He stopped by the window that revealed a cloudy sky that would occasionally show the bright moonlight.

"What do you want me to say, Hagen?" His voice bared faint traces of his pain.

Finally, he had accepted his approach as his friend and not as his aide.

"Whatever weighs on your heart or mind," Hagen's tone softened up.

"You know me too well, what is there left to say?"

"What about Princess Yumiko?" Hagen approached him by the window, wanting to take a good look at him. "When was the last time you properly talked to her?"

His expression was painful.

"Whenever I'm with her I have the feeling that all of my attempts to manage these feelings about the current situation just melt away. It is vexing. I can't let my feelings take over now. It is not the right time."

"When is the right time then?"

Benedikt looked at him with a faint smile. "I'm not sure."

"You should talk with her, take the lunch meals together again and spend time with her," Hagen returned an encouraging smile. "It is not a crime to feel comforted by the presence of one's wife."

Benedikt turned his head towards the glass again. "I don't even know how to talk with her about it. She is just too understanding and accommodating."

"Well, that is her way of dealing with it, let her understand and accommodate you. Your well-being is in her greatest interest. However, you shouldn't avoid her much longer. It makes it just more difficult for the both of you."

Benedikt ruffled through his hair with his hand and took a deep breath. "I shall return to my bedchamber."

Hagen smiled. "Very well, Your Royal Highness."

Benedikt turned around and patted Hagen's shoulder as he passed him. 

"Thank you, Hagen."

It has been a long while since Benedikt last felt so nervous before entering the bedroom.

He had already completed his nightly routine and stood hesitantly in front the wooden door of his former room.

Compared to prior to their return to Hohengoldlinden they had spent everyday together for as much as possible. He would have made sure of it, without a doubt.

However, it was now him who avoided his wife during the difficult time that they both now faced. He knew that it was her courtesy and politeness that refrained her from approaching him as well. She knew very well what he was obligated to do ever since.

Benedikt mustered up his courage, grabbed the golden door handle and pressed it down gently.

The room was dark, only the dimmed moonlight from outside the large windows illuminated the room. His eyes quickly adjusted to the difference from the hallway and he carefully closed the door behind him. 

On the bed he could make out her familiar figure underneath the thin blanket.

He wasn't sure if she was asleep already. Considering the time it was highly possible, although her hearing was genuinely heightened that every faintest sound would catch her attention.

With his utmost effort he tried to slip under the blanket as delicately as possible. He scooted closer to her and kissed her forehead.

As his eyes were able to recognise her face in the darkness he felt the part of him that had missed her. A wave of warmth filled his blunted heart and his mind was put at ease.

"Please forgive me," he whispered and kissed her again. "I am a fool."

She turned her head towards him and gave him a soft smile. "Why are you a fool?"

Yumiko raised her hand under the blanket and held his cheek. 

Upon hearing her tender voice filled with affection for him, Benedikt scolded himself deeply within his mind. Regret enraged his heart.

"I am a fool for letting you out of my sight for so long." He buried his face onto her hand. "I broke my vow and I deeply regret that. Can you find it in your heart to forgive your foolish husband?"

"What brought you to this epiphany?" Her voice changed to a more colder tone. It pained him, but he knew that he deserved it. The feeling of his heart sinking was suffocating.

"Hagen scolded me."

"So, you didn't come to this conclusion on your own accord?"

"Not without his contribution."

Benedikt bit himself on the lip, since nothing good came out of his mouth right now. He felt so incredibly ashamed and foolish for having behaved this way towards Yumiko.

He hesitantly glanced through her fingers to observe her expression, fearing to see something that his heart wouldn't be able to handle. To his surprise she was grinning brightly.

"You don't need my forgiveness as you haven't done anything worthy of an apology," She pinched his cheek. "However, this much shall be justified."

Benedikt stretched himself back up, sitting on the bed and holding his cheek.

It took him a moment of perplexing to understand what his wife just told him. All the while she was laying on the pillow, grinning at him.

He cleared his throat. "So, this was all part of your punishment?"

Yumiko got up and sat opposite of him. Beautiful as always.

He shook his head. "No, don't answer. I deserve much worse and I still insist on apologising to you."

She looked at him, worriedly yet with so much tenderness that he cursed at himself again.

"Dearest, you've done nothing wrong. If anything, you just fulfilled your duties rightfully."

Benedikt took her hands into his and massaged her slender fingers.

"It must be difficult for you too, I've been selfish."

"Enough, Benedikt." She scolded him now and frowned her eyebrows. "I am telling you that everything is alright."

He sighed, his heart slightly less burdened. "I understand."

Her expression softened up again. "How have you been?"

"I haven't had the time to think about that yet. There are so many things that I have to handle right now." 

"When was the last time you visited your father?"

"Two days ago. I believe that not much has changed." The picture of his father, who was a tall, proud and lively figure, now being too weak to even speak tied on the bed flashed before his eyes. It was an agonising sight to see his usually strong father being pale, unconscious and in pain.

Equally worse was seeing his mother, exhausted and worried. It seemed like she had aged rapidly and there was nothing he could do to relieve any of her sorrow.

The only thing he was capable of doing now was handling the state affairs along with Leopold, so that when their father would recover, he didn't have to worry about the duchy.

Yumiko squeezed his hands. 

"That also means that it hasn't gotten any worse too." She spoke with an encouraging tone.

"Indeed." He didn't think of it that way. 

"Don't worry, he is a strong man with an even stronger heart and stubborn will."

He chuckled and nodded. "Yes, that's true. He really is."

The memories of his father flooded his consciousness. 

Archduke Richard was a man of strong principles and conviction. As traditionally handled he didn't interfere with his wife's way of their son's upbringing and education.

However, he didn't miss out on enforcing his values and their family's morals with them. Such as the way the Hohengoldlinden men have always been in high military positions, disciplined and empathic towards their subjects. It was necessary to maintain their social standing in Allemania amongst the other royalties and as the second strongest family in the Empire, while also being fair and understanding to the needs and demands of the people living in their duchy. Only then the northernmost duchy was capable of sustaining their dominance as the economic and military powerhouse of Allemania. Although he had fought in several battles, he never lost his optimism and returned to the duchy each time without any great injuries.

At the same time Archduke Richard taught both of his sons to respect the women in their lives, treat them with fairness and an open-mind. He would make sure that they treated their mother with the respect she deserved.

Since Benedikt was the mischievous one, he would have to listen to almost all of the scoldings their parents ever voiced. Nevertheless, his father had always been his role model. To him the lively and good-humoured head of their family was the epitome of a successful man. An authority that made it impossible to ignore his presence.

Now the very same person was tied to the bed, trying to overcome the cycle of high fevers and cold shivers. It was scary how much a disease could change a person.

"How have you been?" Benedikt let go of Yumiko's hands and instead embraced her, laying down gently on the bed. He placed her head on his arm and patted her back as if she was the one who needed comfort. In a way it might have been his means to comfort himself.

"I've been well, don't worry," she nuzzled her head onto him and he could feel the weight of his heart easen up. "I wish I could be of more help to Linda." Her voice became more quiet.

Benedikt bit himself on the lip again. It must've been difficult for her. Unlike all the documents that are being handled in Kleingoldlinden that always included a braille transcription, the work in Hohengoldlinden excluded her in that way. It wasn't intentional but rather deemed unnecessary as Yumiko wouldn't be responsible for the affairs surrounding the Hohengoldlinden main estate. 

He imagined that Linda would still try to delegate some workload to Yumiko, however given the circumstances it wasn't an easy task for his sister-in-law too.

"I'm certain that you are helpful enough," he patted her back now with the intention of comforting her.

Yumiko was a dutiful and responsible person, certainly it was distressing to her to not live up to her desired potential during such a difficult time.

All the while he himself was buried with work.

She shook her head. "Let's not dwell on that." Yumiko then wrapped her arm around his upper body. "We should sleep as the work will continue on in the morning."

Benedikt blinked in the darkness of the room and kissed the top of her head. 

"I shall try my best to have lunch with you again from now on." He whispered but his determination was clear. "I have missed you more than you could imagine."

She nodded. "If you are too occupied, I shall arrange for Takane-san to help me to come and find you instead."

Benedikt's heart was filled with so much warmth and affection for her. To his surprise it hadn't jumped out of his chest yet.

He squeezed her tight in his arms. "Good night my love."

The morning came faster than he anticipated and although he wished for nothing more than more time lazing around with Yumiko in their bed, he had gotten up way before her and even before Hagen could check up on him too.

Benedikt felt energised, the somewhat reconciliation with Yumiko gave him the motivation for the tasks awaiting him. His wife was correct. Archduke Richard's condition might have not changed, but it also hasn't gotten any worse as well. He wanted to support his brother with the management, organisation, planning and all the other things to his best abilities so that once their father had recovered, the state of their Hohengoldlinden duchy wouldn't be something to be worried about. 

At the same time he got so much more responsibility from Leopold, that he felt proud of his trust towards him. His brother, who would inevitably be the next Archduke von Hohengoldlinden, didn't alienate him from his own duties and obligations of the duchy that they both grew up in.

Instead, even way before when Benedikt graduated from the naval academy, Leopold and his father delegated some responsibilities to him for the administration of their duchy.

Certainly, it was more than unusual, almost scandalous, since a second-born son would usually take the position of an eagerly jealous and ambitious rival for the title instead of being involved and working as a right-hand man to his older sibling.

However, Benedikt never had such desires to overthrow the rightful order of inheritance, nor did he felt the need to plot any conspiracies. Leopold had expressed it several times already, that he was thankful towards him for being much more passionate about the military and strategic aspects of his obligations. They both benefited from keeping each other close instead of fighting the other in a senseless battle of dominance and prestige. 

Benedikt and Leopold had considered that their father, even after recovering, wouldn't necessarily return to his position. The chances were high that he would resign from his position as the reigning Archduke and appoint his eldest son, Leopold, to be his successor.

There was no need to await the usual succession, if Leopold was capable already.

That too wouldn't change anything for Benedikt, he was more than happy for his reliable brother.