As I approached Aoife's hospital room, a heavy sense of guilt weighed on my shoulders like a leaden cloak. The memory of what had transpired with Sean lingered in the back of my mind, tainting every thought and action with a sense of shame.
I feel like I'm so dirty that no matter how much I do to clean my body, the brutality of my sin will not go away.
Pushing open the door, I stepped inside, my heart sinking at the sight of Aoife lying in her hospital bed, her small form pale and fragile against the crisp white sheets. She looked up as I entered, her eyes lighting up with a flicker of recognition and joy.
"Mommy!" she exclaimed, her voice tinged with excitement.
My heart clenched at the sight of her, my love for her mingling with the overwhelming sense of guilt that threatened to consume me. I had done this for her, to ensure her wellbeing and happiness, but at what cost?
Setting down the box of cereal I had brought for her, I forced a smile onto my face, determined to shield her from the darkness that lurked within me. "Hey, sweetie," I said, my voice wavering slightly.
But as I looked past Aoife, my eyes fell upon a woman who had gotten out of the bathroom.
"Aoife," she called my daughter's name while fixing her clothes. She has a dark, golden brown complexion that complements her porcelain skin and an ocean-like blouse that flows gracefully around her.
Aoife's face lit up at the sight of her, and my heart clenched with a mix of relief and dread. My heart ached as I saw the woman's face. Her piercing gray eyes seemed to see right through me, making me feel exposed and vulnerable. The woman's presence brought back memories I had long tried to bury, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions within me.
It was my ex-best friend, Lilia, whom I had lost touch with after Sean and I broke our agreement before. Seeing her now, looking just as elegant and confident as ever, brought back a flood of bittersweet memories. I couldn't help but wonder what she thought of me now.
"Lilia," I whispered her name, unsure of how she would react to my sudden appearance after all these years. The tension in the air was palpable as we stood face-to-face, both of us unsure of what to say next.
"Mollie." She called my name, her voice soft and filled with a mix of surprise and curiosity.
We stare at each other, the weight of our past mistakes hanging heavy in the air between us.
"Do you know her, Mommy?" Aoife asked, her innocent question breaking the silence and bringing me back to reality.
"Yes, sweetie," I replied, my heart heavy with the memories of our complicated history.
I smiled at her. "She is your Auntie Lilia; she was my best friend when Mommy was young." Aoife's eyes widened in wonder as she looked back and forth between us, trying to make sense of the connection.
"Can she visit me again, Mommy?" she asked, her curiosity piqued. I hesitated for a moment. I looked at Lilia, who met my gaze with a mixture of hope and uncertainty. "
We'll see, sweetheart," I finally answered, knowing that the decision would be a difficult one to make.
"Can we talk outside?" Lilia spoke. I told Aoife to wait for me here so that her aunt and I could talk outside. I gave him the cereal. Lilia went outside first.
Once outside, Lilia wasted no time getting straight to the point. "Is she Sean's daughter?"
I took a deep breath, unsure of how to answer her question. Should I lie and hide it from her? Or should I be honest and risk causing more pain?
"No," I lied.
"She's not Sean's daughter." Lilia's expression softened, relief evident in her eyes.
"I know this is too late; I want to apologize for what I did before. I hope you can forgive me." I apologized for ruining her relationship when we were young. I made some mistakes that I can't take back.
She reached my hand and said, "I already forgave you. I understand we were both young and made mistakes."
"Let's move forward and focus on the present," she said, a small smile appearing on her face.
She hugged me and said, "We can be best friends again; I do miss you."
"I miss you too." I hugged her back.
We promised to leave the past behind and cherish our friendship moving forward. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
We sat down on one of the chairs in the hallway. I asked her what's brought her up in this hospital.
She explained that she had been feeling unwell lately and decided to get checked out. "I can't bear a child, Mollie." She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and I could see the pain she was carrying. I held her hand.
"When I saw Aoife earlier in the hallway, I felt pity and envy at the same time. I felt sorry that at that age she was sick, and I was jealous because her mother was lucky. After all, she raised her to be brave and cheerful." I listened to her silently.
She wiped her tears and looked at me. "You are blessed to have Aoife in your life." I nodded and smiled.
"I want to be a mother. Me and my husband want to have a family, but I can't give him that right now." I squeezed her hand gently. I could see the longing in her eyes as she spoke.
"I feel that my husband is cheating on me because I can't bear his children." I embrace her, trying to comfort her.
"I'm sure your husband loves you and understands your situation," I reassured her.
I gently held her shoulder to face me. "Having children doesn't define your worth as a woman or a wife." She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Can I ask who your husband is?" I hesitated for a moment. I have a strange feeling that something is not right.
"My husband?" she asked.
While waiting for her answer, my heart beat faster, unsure of what she was about to reveal.
"There he is!" she said enthusiastically.
As I turned around, I saw a man approaching us with a warm smile on his face. When he saw me, his smile faded, and he approached his wife. He kissed her cheeks and whispered something in her ear, causing her to smile brightly.
"We're married; Sean is my husband." The realization hit me like a ton of bricks: Sean was her husband.