Fun fact I learned recently about Zombies.
They aren't very smart...
"Stop running into the bullets!" I yelled at my coworkers, my flag waving above my head as I cheered on the march of the undead.
Immorticia sat beside me on a lawn chair, eating a hotdog as a swarm of bats flew above her.
My Coworkers all worked together to achieve our goal, Consume the brains of the last human alive.
Like an unstoppable machine, we already got rid of most of the human population, with only two people left.
"Don't just walk in a straight line! Dodge! Zig Zag maneuvers!" How did we win? How could the governments of the world fall to us?
"Stop! They don't even have that far of a range! Just stay two meters away!"
"Puff!" I fell to my knees as all my coworkers lay dead on the lawn, their bodies disappearing via some sort of Zombie power to be reanimated once more.
Who knew we had Teleportation technology?
"HA! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!" I grit my teeth as the blonde, tanned tomboy, yelled at me, her metal baseball bat swinging above her head as the pair of goggles on her head reflected the light from the single light bulb above her door.
I would have cried if I had working tear ducts, but alas I couldn't.
"DAMN YOU!" I yelled dramatically, holding my arm to the sky as I tried to hold the moon, "How could you just kill your neighbors like this?! Have you no empathy?"
"EMPATHY?!" The girl screamed as the plants she planted collapsed into mulch, leaving her lawn clean and empty, "YOU'RE THE ONES WHO'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" She pointed her metal bat at me.
"Kill you?! We just want to eat your brain! How is that in any way killing you?"
"OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S THE FACT THAT I'LL DIE IF THAT HAPPENS! HOW DUMB ARE YOU?!"
I scoffed at the girl, already tired of her always shouting at me, I just needed to keep supporting my coworkers in their attack on her lawn.
"Hey, Who's that?" I felt my super sweet fiance of several hours ask as she poked me on the shoulder with a stick, pointing to a woman wearing a white button-up shirt, a pair of jeans that barely fit, brown sneakers, and a metal pot on her head, walking into the girl's lawn and passing her a bag of what seems to look like seeds, before turning back and walking away as if nothing just happened.
"Thanks Dave!" The girl said without screaming her lung out, waving goodbye to the older woman as she walked back to her home.
"I thought Dave was a guy," I whispered and looked over to Immorticia, seeing her non-reaction to what just happened, "I guess Zomboss misspoke or something, Now what the hell did she- WAIT A MOMENT!" I pointed at the girl.
"DON'T YELL AT ME!"
"YOU CAN'T JUST START PLANTING YOUR DEFENSES! MY COWORKERS ARE STILL ON THEIR WAY!" I yell at her, pointing an accusatory grey finger at her before I run into the van and yell over the comms for my Zombie brethren to hurry up and continue their assault.
"Minion! Terrible News!" Zomboss's noise suddenly came over the van, causing me to jump in fright.
"Don't scare me like that!" I yell at the microphone before I take a deep breath and calm down, "What is it?" I ask once I manage to get my heart to stop thumping.
"My fears were correct! The second human left alive is none other than my old college rival! Dave Blazing!" A picture of the woman who passed by appeared on the small television screen that Zomboss was talking to me from.
"I thought Dave was a dude," I said as I leaned back in the chair I was sitting in.
"Why would you think that?" Zomboss asked in confusion.
"Well, You said 'He' when addressing her back in the mansion, and you said, and I quote, 'there's only one man I can think of who would be crazy enough to make something like that, And I don't know what I'd do if he's still alive'"
"I never said that," Zomboss frowned at me across the screen.
"I'm pretty sure you did, Like if this was a written work of literature, I could just turn back the pages to see how I'm right and you're wrong," I told him, assured in my correctness.
"You won't find anything because I'm never wrong!" Zomboss yelled before he slammed a tiny green hand on his table, "No wait no no no!" He yelled as the cup of coffee he had nearby toppled over and landed on the computer, turning the screen off.
"..." I waited for him to respond, but nothing came through, so I walked back outside and saw that my new coworkers arrived.
"We need a plan of attack," I told them in as serious of a voice as I could.
"Brainz?" One zombie asked and I shook my head.
"No Jerry, Rushing ahead in a straight line isn't going to work this time," I told him.
"Graaahhh," I shook my head at another idea.
"No Samantha, I don't want to see you all sacrifice each other for just another step," She nodded in understanding.
"Why not just block their pellets?" Immorticia brought up an Idea and I paused to think it over.
After I thought it over I turned to look at her, seeing her still sitting in her chair, I walk over and towered over her.
"Did I say something wro-" She cut off as lowered myself and Picked her up in a large hug, twirling her around in my arms.
"Watwatwatwatwat?!" Her mind shut off as she repeated those words.
"Babe you're a genius!" I said as I hugged her tighter before letting her go, leaving her red-faced with steam coming out of her head.
"Why didn't I think of that? Just block their bullets!" I yelled aloud and my coworkers nodded their heads in approval.
"Braaaiinnzzz." "Graah." "Ahuh Ahuh,"
They all agreed with this fool-proof plan.
And so armed with makeshift shields made from thin plastic doors and wooden coffins, The Next Wave of Zombies approached.