He took a deep breath and walked towards the house. He knew he was not going to enjoy this visit. Sarah had confessed that she didn't call things off with Vasquez. She said she tried, but every time she did, she lost her nerves. She had put it off for so long that it came to the point that she knew she couldn't. So, he didn't show up for Easter. He knew that Eric was going to be there. His family was in Florida; as his mother would say, he needed to be with family.
Just like when he was here for Thanksgiving, Sarah didn't meet him in the driveway. His heart sank.
She must be on the couch with Vasquez. Fucking Vasquez.
Dean came through the front door. His mom greeted him, and his dad gave him a handshake.
"Where is Sarah?"
She is not feeling particularly good. I think she is sleeping in her room.
"Oh." At least she's not on the couch with him.
He walked down the hall to his room. Without any warning, the door to his right flew open.
She pulled him into the bedroom by the wrist.
"What the hell, Tink? I need my hands for the rest of my life. Do you want to tell me what's going on?"
"We have a… situation."
"Well, it's nice to see you too. Do you not remember how we ended our last conversation? Wait. A situation? What's wrong, Tink? You look like you're going to vomit. Are you ok?" He was in a panic.
"Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot lately. This is going to be nothing like the last conversation."
"Oh my God. Are you sick? Is it something serious? I'm so sorry for what I said to you in California. I mean this-"
Sarah cut him off. "DEAN! I would say it's pretty serious."
She called him Dean. She never calls me Dean. Well, there were those couple of times.
She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
"Oh my God. Does Eric know? Did you tell Mom and Dad? Mom's been chomping at the bit for grandchildren. Thank God; maybe now she will leave me alone."
"No. I wanted to tell the father first."
"Eric."
"No, jackass! You. It's yours."
"ME! What! How? This is not funny, Sarah. "
"Well, when two people love each other very much ---"
"How can you be joking at a time like this?"
"Well, it's either I joke about it or cry about it. I am all out of tears, Bean."
"How do you know it's not Eric's?"
"Well, the fact that we have used a condom has a lot to do with my conclusion. I made him wear one till he got tested."
"But you're on birth control," he said.
"I had strep throat and was on antibiotics, and I guess certain antibiotics can cause issues with the reliability of the pill. I was having some cramping and was spotting. It just didn't feel normal, so I went to the gynecologist. Wait. Please tell me you didn't bring Alicia."
"No, I called things off with her. I've thrown myself into my work. Now, please continue."
"They did a routine pregnancy test, and it came back positive. Then I went home and took ten more; they all came up positive."
"And you are sure it can't be his."
"The gestational age doesn't line up with how far I am. It's off by two weeks."
"When's your appointment? I will get off work and take you. Whatever you need."
"Appointment? For what?" She looked confused.
"You aren't keeping it. Right?"
His face had a look of bewilderment. He couldn't imagine she would even consider it. "Sarah. You're not keeping it, right?"
"I can't kill it. That goes against what we have been taught and my personal beliefs."
"Yeah, we are also taught not to sleep with our siblings. We can't tell people that I am the baby's father."
"I'm going to tell Eric it's his."
"What happens when it pops out and isn't the slightest bit Latino?"
"There aren't any other differences besides being Latino. You have the same body type and hair color, and it wouldn't be strange if my genetics favored my looks."
"If you are going to keep it, which seems like you have already decided, what about me?"
"What about you? I don't understand. What do you mean?"
"Obviously, you can never tell the child they are a product of an incestuous relationship."
"A step-incestuous relationship."
"Really? I'll be halfway across the country and have no say in raising their children. I'll miss out on their entire life, even before their birth. I won't be there to watch your tummy grow. I won't be there to get you pickles and ice cream at 3 am. I won't be able to rub your sore shoulders and your swollen feet. I won't be there to hear the heartbeat whenever I want to. I'll find out the sex right along with everyone else not sitting by your side when you find out. I will miss every milestone, no matter how insignificant it may be. It's first kick, first steps, first time calling me Dada. The first time they eat solid foods or blow their first raspberry. So what? I only really see them on major holidays. Forever being Uncle Dean and hearing MY child calling Eric Dada."
His heart began to hurt literally. It felt like it was breaking. He wondered if maybe he was having a heart attack. He wished he was. Perhaps he would drop dead right then and there. But alas, he didn't.
She said nothing at first. She hadn't considered that kind of stuff. She understood where he was coming from. She wouldn't want to be Auntie Tink to her child.
"I understand what you are saying, and you can visit as often as you want."
"I can visit as often as I want! Wow, thank you for permitting me to see my kid. I don't think I can handle this."
"You won't have to. Eric will have to do all the dirty work. There will be no diapers or 2 a.m. feedings, no inconsolable crying at all hours, and you get to be the funcle."
"Funcle?"
"Yeah, the fun uncle."
"I don't want to be the funcle. I want to be Dada. I want to do diapers and feedings and crying. I'll respect your decision if you want to have this baby. It's your body; it's ultimately your choice, Tink. I have no right to tell you what to do with it.
She hugged him. "Thank you. Don't worry; we can work something out. You will be a consistent person in their life."
He hugged her hard. He bent down and kissed her on the nose. He pulled her off his waist. He looked her square in the eyes.
"Don't worry about working something out. I will not be in their life. I don't want to be the funcle. I don't want to be the uncle at all. I'll send a card with some cash on their birthdays, say hi, and give a sideways hug when I see them at family events."
"What? No. You don't mean that, do you? I know your emotions are everywhere, but don't say that. You're breaking my heart, Bean. If you won't be in their life, you won't be in mine."
Her face turned beet red and felt like it was on fire. Tears started to run down her cheeks, but she made no sound. She just stood there looking at him. She spoke, and her voice broke the uncomfortable silence.
"So, if I keep the baby, I lose my brother, my best friend, my soulmate? And if I abort the baby, I lose something that I already have a bond with. I lose the ultimate product of our love. How can you, with good conscience, ask me to choose?"
"I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm just telling you how it's going to be."
"So, you wouldn't be at the hospital when the baby is born?"
"And where exactly am I going to be in the hospital? You can't have your brother in the delivery room and its "father" in the waiting room."
"So that's it? Poof, you've gone. Don't you think Mom and Dad will notice that you have become entirely void of the family? We are such a tight-knit family; your absence won't go unnoticed.
"Unfortunately, being a tight-knit family is precisely what got us into this fucked up situation."
"How can you disappear from our lives, from my life? You said you loved me, and you said you were in love with me."
"Are you in love with me, Tink?"
"I know I love you more than is socially acceptable."
"I know that, but are you in love with me? I don't want anyone else in my life but you. I feel a loyalty to you. I know it's wrong. I know it's useless because nothing can become of it."
"We can still move to Utah. Or somewhere where people don't know us."
"Tink, we are Driscolls. We can move to the moon, and people will still know who we are. At this rate, though, I'm sure we have rooms reserved in hell. So, with that being said, what happens next?"
"I don't know. If I had to choose between having you in my life or having Eric, I would definitely pick you, but if you ask me to choose between my and our baby, I will have to choose the baby. And that's what you're asking me to do."
"I already asked you to leave Vasquez, and you didn't. Remember the situation with Alicia? That was your end of the bargain, which you failed to follow up on."
She looked at the floor. "I know. I'm sorry."
"Why didn't you?"
"Like I said before, I like him, and he's good to me. He reminds me of you, and we can be together."
"I can't do this right now. It's just too much for me to deal with. When are you going to tell Eric, Mom, and Dad?"
"I was planning this weekend, but you didn't take the news quite as expected."
"Exactly how did you expect Sarah? What, I was going to hug you, congratulate you, and tell me what they want for Christmas, and all would be right with the world?"
She sat down on the bed. She started playing with a loose string on the comforter.
"Honestly, I don't know. I thought you would be happy, which makes no sense now that I think about it. I guess I think of us more as a couple than a pair of siblings. I mean, it was conceived in love."
"It was conceived because of a careless mistake. That's all it is. One huge life-altering mistake."
She put her hand on her tummy. "I think mistake is a harsh word."
"Why are we still having this conversation? I need a drink or six. Just do me one thing. Don't say anything yet to anyone. I'm not sure I am a good enough actor to feign excitement for you and Vasquez. Do it after I leave for home. You can tell everyone you called and told me."
He turned and was halfway to the door.
"Bean."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What Tink?"
"Are you the least bit happy or excited about the baby?
"I can smell dinner. Mom will be calling us anyway, and you left poor Eric sitting in the den with Dad. He's probably asking him for permission to marry you as we speak."
"Oh God. Do you think?"
"After this conversation, I am up to believing anything."
Dinner was highly uncomfortable for him. He had already swallowed three scotches by the time the main course was served.
"Son. Is something bothering you? You seem to be throwing back a lot of scotch," Jake asked.
"Yeah. I am highly bothered. I want to drink until I am no longer bothered."
"You know, talking about it does help. Let us bear some of the burden for you."
"Thanks, Mom, but I can't."
He looked at Sarah and said, "It's about work, and you know there's a lot about work I can't talk about. Some of what I deal with would curl your hair."
"Okay. I understand."
Dean got up to get himself another drink. "Does anyone want anything?"
"I'll take another beer if you're going that way. Thank you!" Eric called after them.
"Sure thing. How about you, Tink? Want anything? Maybe vodka and cranberry?"
She shot him a look that could have turned someone into stone. "No. I'll get some juice for myself. Thank you for asking."
"Wow, Tink is drinking straight juice, especially when Dad has the good stuff you like so much."
"I said no."
"You know I haven't seen you drink in a while," Eric commented.
"I don't want to drink right now. Why am I getting hassled for it!"
She grabbed her glass and stormed to the kitchen.
"What got into her?"
"Maybe it's hormones," Dean said.
"Must be," Eric replied.
Dean went to the kitchen to grab Eric a beer.
"What the hell? Why did you do that?" Sarah asked. She was pacing back and forth.
"Do what? Be friendly and offer to get you a drink."
"Keep it up, and I'm going to have to tell them."
"I know. I'm sorry. Just staring across the table at you and Eric and knowing he's going to be raising my son or daughter makes me angry and sad. Are you sure you won't consider abortion?"
"Bean, I am ten weeks pregnant. I'm about to get out of the first trimester in two weeks. It already looks like a little person with feet and hands. Its internal organs are forming and working. It's the size of a cherry tomato. I've heard the heartbeat. It's a little person, Bean."
She put his hand low on her tummy. "It's our little person—our love in physical form."
He stood there for a few seconds, then yanked his hand away.
"I can't do this. Here." He handed her the beer. "Give this to your boyfriend. I'll be in my room."
"What am I supposed to tell Mom and Dad?"
"I wasn't feeling well and needed to lie down. Tell them the alcohol went to my head."
"They will never believe that. You can drink three times what you've had and be fine."
"Tell them I have morning sickness."
"Haha, very funny." She went back to the dining room.
"I thought you were getting juice," Eric said.
"Damn it! I don't know what's wrong with me. I seem to forget more than I can remember."
She handed Eric the beer. "Be right back. Have to visit the little girl's room."
"Maybe you have a UTI. You've been peeing a lot lately," Eric said.
"I know, right? I'll be back. Please don't wait for me."
"Okay, Tink."
He left the kitchen and headed back to his bedroom. His head was spinning, and it wasn't from the scotch.
"You have got yourself in a shit ton of trouble. How could this have happened? You fucked your sister, for starters. Why did I ever start this bullshit," he said to himself.
"You didn't start it. I did." Sarah was standing at his door.
"Don't you ever knock?"
"On occasion."
"You said twelve weeks. When did you find out? How long have you known?"
"Seven weeks." She tried to change the subject. "We never said hello to each other."
"You didn't give me a chance. You pulled me into a bedroom and gave me the worst news of my life."
"I know how you feel, but please stop saying things like the biggest mistake of your life."
"I said worse news, not the biggest mistake. But since we are on topic, it's that too."
"And it is not a life-altering mistake. This wouldn't have happened if God didn't want it to happen. What if our kid finds a cure for cancer?"
"What if they become a runaway and a drug addict because they find out the truth? Something might happen one day where they need to know the truth. And if this isn't life-altering, I would like your thoughts."
"Losing a limb? Look, I guess we cross that bridge when we come to it. I don't have to put a name if I put the father as unknown. And if they say they want to find him one day, I just say it was at a bar, and I had a moment of idiocy and fucked some guy in the back of my car. No names. No numbers. Never saw him again."
"So that's your story. Stupid drunk decision with some nameless guy? Have you heard of 23 and Me? She will find out there. I'm on it, Sarah."
"What other choices do we have?"
"There is no we, no us. It would be best if you got back to dinner." Dean said, scrubbing his face.
She climbed up and stood on his bed. "Please say hello. Let me give you one of Sarah Driscoll's best-ever hugs!"
He stood before her, and she wrapped her little arms around him. She squeezed as hard as she could.
"Don't hurt yourself, please."
"Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll hurt myself and lose the baby. There's always a chance I could miscarry. Perhaps we'll get lucky."
He pushed her hair behind her ear and looked at her. He spoke softly. "Don't say that. Don't say that. I can tell. I can feel how much you love the baby. I can feel how much you want this baby. Go ahead and tell the family. Tell Eric he's going to be a daddy. It would help if you had support. You have already done so much on your own. Go make the family happy."
"But what about you?"
"I told you, I just can't."
Would you at least try?" she asked.
"No."
"Then, I will tell them it was a one-night stand gone wrong."
"You can't do that. It will completely blow up your relationship with Eric. You have been in a committed relationship for months, and this will make it look like you were cheating on him."
"I was, though. I would rather lose him than lose you. If we break up, I'll need someone to support and care for me. Who would do a better job than my big brother?"
"I don't know Tink. It sounds good in theory, but..."
"But what?"
"After you have the baby, then what? You can't be single for the rest of your life. Sooner or later, you will have to move on with your life."
"I could say the same about you. You can't remain single forever, and people will start to notice."
"I see your point, but I don't want to be with anyone but you. Tell me something. When you make love to Eric, who do you think of?"
He couldn't help himself, so he ran the tip of his nose up her neck. He immediately felt her nipples harden.
She let out a soft moan. "Haven't we had this discussion before?"
"Humor me, Tink," he whispered.
"I need to get back to dinner."
He cupped her pussy and began to rub with the palm of his hand. "Tell me."
She pulled his hand off of her crotch. "I'll make love to him tonight and tell you in the morning."
He moved his from her neck. "It's okay. That's more than enough of an answer."
He lifted her down off the bed. "Please leave me alone."
"If that's what you want."
"It's what I need."
"I love you, Bean. We both do. Please don't leave us."
"Please leave."
She went to the kitchen and picked up her glass of milk.
"Is that milk? You used never to drink milk," Jack said.
"Taste buds change. People change."
"Sorry. You've been so touchy lately," Carol said.
"I'm sorry. I've been a bitch, and I have been taking it out on you."
"Maybe we should go home. You look tired," Eric said, rubbing her shoulder.
"I think I will stay here tonight if it's okay."
"Sure, whatever you want, baby girl. I know you want to spend time with your brother.
"Thanks, babe. I knew you'd understand."
"So, Mom, is there dessert?" Dean had come back into the room.
"You didn't finish your dinner. I'm not sure you should get any."
He sat back down at the table. "I'm not a kid mom."
"Yeah, he's old enough to have his own kid," Eric interjected
"Well, he will always be my baby boy." She kissed him on the top of his head.
"Of course, we have dessert. When have we ever had a family dinner without dessert? Does anyone want coffee?"
"I would love some Mom," Dean said.
"I would have a cup, Mrs. S, if it's not too much trouble."
"Of course not, Eric."
"I'll give you a hand, Mom," Sarah said.
Sarah got up and followed her mom to the kitchen.
"I've always loved Eric. He is so in love with you. You have found yourself a good one with him. I always had a feeling you two would get together."
"I know, Mom. He's a great guy. It's going to be hard when I break up with him."
"What? Why would you break up with him?"
"I'm thinking of going to California with Bean. I am looking into a couple of job openings, and I could have my own athletic department to run."
Carol's face fell. "That means you would move away from me."
"Don't worry, Mom. I can come back whenever I want to. It's not like I don't have the ways or the means. Maybe I can drag Bean with me and have him visit more."
"Oh, Tink. She held her daughter close to her. "You feel warm. Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine, Mom. I'm a little nervous, I guess."
"Oh, you aren't breaking up with him tonight, are you? Shouldn't you wait till you get a job offer?"
"Mom, you tend to forget that we are an extremely wealthy family. Technically, I don't even need a job."
"I know. It's just first Dean moves halfway across the country, and now you're going to follow him. It just makes me sad."
She held her mom's hands. "I will be okay. You know Bean would die before he let anything happen to me."
"I know. I am so happy you two have such a close relationship. Ever since you were little, he would treat you like a little porcelain doll. He was always so gentle with you. He grew so big so fast, and you stayed so little."
"I know, Mom. He's my best friend. I love him more than any sister could love a brother. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost him for whatever reason."
"Well, as long as I know you are with your brother, I won't worry. Grab the tray with the coffee and the mugs. I'll get the crumble."
They came back to the table, and Carol looked at Eric empathetically. He was so happy, but she knew this would crush him. He was so in love with her, but she needed to start living her own life away from mommy and daddy.
They spent the rest of the night around the table laughing, telling stories, and discussing what might happen next.
Eric had alluded to the idea that he wanted to marry Sarah. Whenever it started, she would change the subject. Carol began helping her.
Sarah was looking exhausted.
"Tink, I think you should go to bed. I'll give you a ride to your room."
"Yeah. I am exhausted. I'll walk you out, Eric."
Sarah walked Eric outside. Dean was watching from the living room window.
"Eric, you know I love you."
"Of course I do."
"I've spent my entire life here."
"It's not such a bad place," Eric said, kicking rocks from the driveway.
"No. You're here."
"Sarah, where is this conversation going? Are you leaving Kentucky?"
She looked at his handsome face.
His chestnut brown eyes were starting to get heavy with uncried tears. "Are you leaving me?"
"I'm going to California. I've applied for a job running an athletic program at one of the schools where Dean lives."
"I'll go with you. Let me go with you."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?" he asked, trying not to let his voice wobble.
"I want to do this myself because I don't want you to go."
He was hurt. "Holy fuck. Did you just really say that? You don't want me to? Sarah, I love you so fucking much. I would do anything for you."
"I know that."
"Then why are you doing this to me? To us?"
"Eric, please don't make this more complicated than it already is."
"I want to marry you. I want to be a father to---"
"Please stop. I love you, I do, but I need to do this. On my own."
"On your own... with your brother hovering over you. You know what, Sarah? Fine. Spread your wings and fly. What the fuck do I care? If you crash and burn Sarah, don't come to me expecting me to lick your wounds. I wish you the best of luck. Lose my number, Angel."