Summary:
Previously. . . We explore Hermione's point of view and how she sees harry. She meets Luna and discovers that Harry enjoys exploring the castle without them.
Notes:
My exams are done. I have finally gotten a good 8 hours of sleep!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
CHAPTER 13:
Searching for ways on how to sneak out of Hogwarts without being noticed wasn't too hard for Harry. He had the advantage of the invisibility cloak, the marauder's map, and his parseltongue. Plus, there was the fact that he had explored Hogwarts numerous times in different lives. He just hadn't planned on telling Hermione about it…until he realized that her growing curiosity could be utilized.
Harry had attended his classes that day. Starting off on his usual, or his thirteenth life's usual pace. He would gradually progress and be a better student. He had to do it slowly. He couldn't play the role of prodigy, not when most of his teacher's had already witnessed his performance before waking up. Certain things in this life were different. His name. It was Hadrian , not Harrison or Harold . He wasn't really complaining. He liked Hadrian more than the other two.
Next was the journals he found in the chamber of secrets and some history books hidden away in the room of requirement. There were people that had not existed in his other lives, biographies, diaries, and mentions of people that shouldn't exist. Harry should have expected this when he realized that reincarnating to Variant of his original self would come with many complications. It wasn't like he was backing down from a challenge, he was just annoyed.
His memories prior to waking up were fuzzy. He had, unfortunately, sealed some by accident. Some were even damaged memories that he had to repair. From what tidbits of memories he recovered, this life, his thirteenth, was much more paranoid and had a difficult time trying to stay friends with Hermione and Ron. He was much more reserved compared to the naive and trusting original.
Regardless, he did his best to adapt and try to change his personality, little by little.
"Selfish."
" You told me to be selfish. Don't go back on your word."
He didn't stop as he returned to the room of requirements. Glaring at all the ghosts that had seen him, he knew very well that they felt his power. Being a necromancer, a Peverell necromancer, always meant a deeper connection to the dead.
The seventh floor was empty, aside from some first years exploring the castle, and older students rushing to the towers. He'd have preferred to be alone, alas…
Fate knew he lied to himself with those words.
"Hello again."
Harry halted on his footsteps as he heard that angelic voice. That voice that was so similar to her mothers, that voice that had guided him when he descended into insanity in his first life. He breathed in, breathed out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
His mind went blank, before he started counting. One, two, three, four, five… five, four, three, two, one …
He turned around, eyes meeting with silvery hues that were filled with foggy wisdom. He missed those eyes. Not a single word left his lips as he stepped towards her. The girl did not move away but she took a step forward. Harry found himself deep in a trance, gulping as he silently looked at her. They were inches away from each other.
"Hello my dear." His whisper was gentle and soft. Fingers running through her soft blonde hair, Harry found himself smiling at her.
His beloved seer.
"Had fun, Luna? I hope so." He chuckled.
Luna smiled at him, taking his hand into her own. Her hands were gentle, soft, and unscarred. Harry was thankful for that as she pressed her thumbs into his palm. "Welcome back. I do hope that this timeline has been kind to you."
"Ha! I've been in this timeline before. It hasn't been kind to me before, it won't be kind to me now. Your kindness, on the other hand, is the only one I will welcome." He smiled, cupping her cheek. He didn't hesitate to plant a gentle kiss on her forehead, it was Luna after all.
"My apologies for leading Hermione to you. She was rather distressed… and I do agree that you must eat your fill."
Harry sighed. Of course she was the reason why Hermione found him. Luna was kind. She was so kind and caring, an angel sent by whatever god there was in the universe. He was thankful, grateful, and did his best to treat her like the damn saint she was. Luna was one of the few reasons why he survived for so long after all. Her voice, her eyes, her mere presence that has calmed his complicated soul.
"Hm… Not to worry. I appreciate your concern. Now…" he trailed off, glancing towards the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. "Shall we find you a tiara?"
Luna giggled, "If you deem it suitable."
Before this life, the last Harry had seen Luna was when he was drowning in his own insanity. Orpheus had been the most unstable of his lives. In terms of mentality and magic. He was a wild card that even Harry acknowledged that he wasn't in his right mind. He knew very well that he was borderline worse than Voldemort because of it.
Luna, dear beloved Luna, had approached him. She was scared, flinched whenever he reached out to her. Orpheus had been devastated and drowned in the malediction of his own madness. But he had kept his distance, rather, he urged the Harry Potter of that timeline to be friends with Luna. He taught his other self to cherish the girl like she was a diamond.
Harry wasn't completely sure if what he had done was good. Orpheus was obsessive, his paranoia was worse than Damian's. All he could— wanted to remember was how family was something to be treasured deeply. He made sure his mother was safe, he made sure Harry learned how to defend himself and survive, he made sure his father, Sirius, never fell through the veil. All of this because Orpheus was a man who valued familial ties.
Luna was family. Luna was his angel and hail Mary.
He couldn't forget how he took one look at Luna's injured self and the next thing he knew, blood was mixing with the air. That day was the one time he realized how much of a monster he'd become. It only took one look, one look for him to see the look of pure horror in Luna's eyes for him to falter. Monster. Worse than Voldemort. He had thought when he looked into a mirror.
He had done unspeakable things as Orpheus. All in the name of his greed and selfishness. Such things made Luna fear him. His angel.
He held her hand firmly yet gently. Luna was precious. Harry would never forget such a thing even when he couldn't meet her in other lives. Orpheus was the last time he saw her and he cursed his insanity for it. Without Luna, he had felt… confused, at best. Sometimes he would cry himself to sleep, blaming his selfishness that had Fate deprive him of her.
She doesn't flinch anymore… I'm not Orpheus anymore. I will never be him… not again. He thought as he quietly thanked the Fates for letting him hold her hand without fear of scaring her. This was all he needed.
The doors to the room of requirement slowly formed before them. Luna squeezed his hand lightly, smiling at him. That damn smile that should have been a gift to humanity itself.
"I missed you."
"I missed you too."
He pushed open the door, gritting his teeth when he forced himself to let go of her hand. The room of requirement was still a mess. He scowled at it. The clutter was horrific but if it were to be cleaned, Harry was sure he'd find some valuables that would cost him a few dozen or even hundreds of galleons. The thought made him grin as he happily discarded his annoyance to searching for anything expensive.
"Hadrian… we're here for the diadem." Luna reminded him, her eyes narrowing in a chastising manner. It made him grin at her. Of course. Luna was the angel who reminded him not to be greedy, the light that brought him back from the depths of darkness.
"Of course darling. My apologies…" he trailed off, "I simply took into consideration how my fortune will grow so I can spoil you."
Luna hit him gently. He may have sounded teasing but he hadn't lied. He was going to spoil Luna until he could bring the moon for her. The moon for Luna, he liked the sound of it.
"Don't be too greedy now. I fear that some of the goblins may be overwhelmed with the numerous artifacts you may start selling…" she hummed, but grinned. "Under a pseudonym, I presume."
They started looking through the piles of objects that neither wanted to know was from where. All they needed was the bloody diadem.
"Obviously. I'll trust you in giving me an alias."
Harry inspected a crystal ball, narrowing his eyes before tossing it away. It was a fake. The magic within it was for the misty effect. Another reason why he did not like seers—except for Luna and Gellert of course. They were part of the few exceptions.
"Arius? Mortem?" Luna suggested, picking up a wooden box before she opened it. In a matter of seconds she set it aside and grimaced.
"Immortal? Death?" Harry mockingly said.
"Well, I can't say you're immortal but—" she tossed away ruined artifacts that were surely of no use. Maybe money, but they were useless to them. "—in a sense, you are immortal. Has Lord Death not said anything?"
Harry grimaced at the mention of death. "The bastard keeps calling me a greedy brat… I mean I am one, but that's his fault! Had he and the Fates left me alone in my original life, I'd have passed on as the humbled and pathetic puppet of a hero Dumbledore wanted." He didn't like how it sounded but it was the truth. Due to the interface of Death and the Fates, Harry had been led from the path of a martyr.
"I see… Though, I suppose Arius sounds better. Arius Nachtnebel. " Luna hummed as she smiled at the glittering gems of a necklace.
Going stiff, Harry slowly turned towards her with an unsure look. Luna was a seer. He had to remind himself that over and over. She was a seer, not just the angel he considered her to be. She wasn't all knowing but she knew things he'd prefer to stay hidden or be forgotten.
"Lord Grindelwald seems to be amused with his own alias. Felix … Lucky. "
"It's ironic."
"It's cute. Tell him I said hi."
Harry scoffed. He was very much sure that Gellert was aware of Luna. They were both seers. They must have already bet, albeit, unofficially. He knew very well that they've met through dreams, visions of their gift.
"Whatever you say." He hummed softly. Fingers grazing cold silver, he paused for a second before a malicious grin spread across his face.
The sensation filled with darkness spread from his fingers through his veins. Darkness, Magic—it was addictive. Harry had done his best to resist, he had done it in his first life, but he was greedy. How could he resist the feeling of power? He had been foolish then. Foolish enough to listen to Dumbledore, to listen to the man who encouraged him to weaken himself. It made him want to spit on Dumbledore and himself.
He gently lifted the diadem from the clutter of magical artifacts, feeling the power Rowena Ravenclaw bestowed upon it and the darkness that he knew as Tom Riddle's soul. He wanted to devour the magic, the darkness, the power. He wanted it so badly that he might have just abandoned his own plans for it.
But there it was. The angel sent from heaven just for him.
"Hadrian?"
"Yes darling?"
Luna looked at him with worry, gently pressed her hand to his arm. She looked hesitant, careful, and even more worried. He didn't like that on her. His Luna shouldn't be scared of him. He didn't like that.
"Look! We've found the Diadem!" He rejoiced, diverting her attention from the expression he had—he suspected he had zoned out, and looked at the Diadem as if it were food. "Once that bastard's soul is out of this, I'll give it to you… okay?"
"Hadrian… why me?" She asked.
Harry was offended by the question. Why her? Who would even think that Harry would choose someone else? It was Luna!
"Who else but you?" He asked, seeing her surprise. He smiled, slowly descending the diadem to her head. It rested on her blonde hair and it was perfect. Right where it should be. "Befitting."
"Ah… Harry… the horcrux." Luna faintly whispered, quickly removing the diadem from her head. Harry had almost forgotten about it in his admiration. He scowled, taking the Diadem from her and resisting the urge to just torch it.
"I'm sorry darling." He quickly apologized. "I forgot about it. I'll have the horcrux removed as soon as possible."
Luna grabbed his arm, "Hadrian. Don't forget what we must do. You alone cannot change the world. You alone cannot save magic."
And there it was. That god forsaken reminder that he couldn't do any of it all alone. What was the point when fate kept having him killed before he could make an impact? What were the previous twelve lives for? For this moment where he could be the savior? Again?
Harry hated Fate but he knew very well that she was absolute.
"Why him?"
"He's your equal."
"But why him? Why is he my equal? Is Gellert not enough?"
Luna faltered, struggling what to say next. Of course it was hard. Tom Riddle had been a thorn in his plans for decades. The bastard always seems to pop up no matter what. The last time he had actually seen Riddle was back in his ninth life, but even then, Harry wanted nothing to do with him until he had to.
During his ninth life, Harry had been stupid enough to take pity on the man who had essentially ruined his life. Tom Riddle was but a boy, three years younger than him, and one that he couldn't find to hate. Tom Riddle reminded Harry of himself, or was it the other way around? Regardless, Harry had practically taken the boy under his wing and made sure he wouldn't go down the path of a dark lord.
He was stupid in that life. He had done nothing to praise, he was lazy in that life. It was like the illness he was born with in the ninth sucked out his motivation and greed and replaced it with sloth. Riddle was the only achievement he could praise. After all, how many people could say they stopped Tom bloody Riddle from becoming a dark lord?
The boy had been attached to him. Disgustingly attached, that Harry had wanted to kill the boy in his sleep sometimes. Even so, Harry still died in the end. His illness had won. He went to bed that night, cradling his pet cat, and never woke up.
"There are… There are big differences between you and Lord Grindelwald. Tom Riddle is the most similar to you." Luna explained as she took his hand. "What this world needs is another like you."
Another like you. It was the most absurd claim Harry had ever heard. What would the world benefit from another bastard like him? The master of death who kept on reincarnating to either heal the destruction of the magical world or to feed off his unending greed. What would the world need of another monster?
But what he hated more was how Luna claims that other monster to be Tom Riddle. Harry was a monster, a demon, the devil, the bloody master of death. He had been the one to succeed where Tom Riddle failed. Why of all people did that man have to be his equal? His shadow , as Death has pestered him time and time again.
Harry didn't need a shadow. He prefered to drown in the dark than step into the light to cast him a shadow. What was the point of Tom Riddle? Was Harry not enough? Was the fact he failed to succeed Damian as a Dark Lord while Riddle built his empire not enough to harm his ego?
Harry despised it. Especially when the one who tells him such things was Luna.
"This world doesn't need another insane demon like me." Harry snapped. He didn't know what Luna was thinking, but he understood this was the Fates doing. Whatever vision she may have seen would not stop him from resenting Riddle.
He took in a deep breath, before sighing. His hands slowly reached to her and for a moment he imagined the way she flinched when Orpheus would reach for her. He faltered, shaking his head and taking a step back. "The only reason why I'm bringing back Riddle is so I can get Amarantha back. Once that is done, I'll kill him when the time is right."
"Hadrian… Give him a chance."
Harry chose to hold his tongue. Judging from the pleasing look on Luna's face, he suspected she wouldn't let go of this subject in the coming future. If there were a time Luna could convince him that Riddle deserved to live, then it was his ninth life. You were kind. Unintentionally kind to the man who was fooled into starting the prophecy. He didn't want to think too much about it.
But he was right about one thing. He hated that he had been corrected by Luna's actions.
Seers were complicated and annoying.
"I love you my dear moon. But sometimes… sometimes people cannot be redeemed." He whispered as he caressed her cheek. "I am one of those people."
When the sun had set, Harry found himself drowning again. This time, it was a dream. He didn't like dreams. Usually, he always slept and woke up without dreaming. This time, it was different. Was it because of Luna or the Diadem? He wasn't too sure.
He opened his eyes, sensing he wasn't truly awake. This was one of the dreams he often dreaded. He learned most of his mind magics just to stop these dreams—these memories from resurfacing.
" Orpheus. "
He froze at the name. No. No, not again! Not again. He thought to himself and stumbled out of the bed. The door to the bathroom was open, the room was familiar. He rushed to the bathroom and grabbed the edges of the sink. Not again. He thought once more as he stared back at dull yet dangerous purple eyes.
" Orpheus are you okay? "
He took in deep breaths. One, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten… He repeated over and over again. Continuing to stare at the mirror, he couldn't help but reach a hand to his face. The sharp features he knew too well—features that belonged to the Black Family. His hair was the same as his own surname— Black . He took in deep breaths, quietly turning away from the mirror and approaching his door.
His hand was shaky, but he opened it regardless. What greeted him were piercing blue eyes that seemed to look into his very soul. His filthy, tainted soul. He felt ashamed as she looked at him but he gave her a smile.
" Hello Mother. " The Language wasn't unfamiliar to him. Russian had always rolled off his tongue so easily no matter how aggressive the language seemed.
Nadia reached out to him, cupping his cheek with the gentleness she never showed in public. " Are you okay? You seemed distressed. " The worry lacing her voice was wonderful. But Harry never believed he was worthy of it.
He could only smile as he took Nadia's hand in his own. This is a dream. He reminded himself as he kissed the back of her hand. This is a memory. All he wanted was to hold his mother and cry. Cry to her as he told her his sins. Cry as she held him and ran her fingers through her hair. What he wanted was his mother.
" Nightmare. " He murmured as he sat on his bed. Nadia shook her head, worried as she sat beside him. He instinctively leaned his head against her shoulder as she began to run her fingers through silky black hair. " Dreamt of a monster. " He sounded like a child.
" Oh? Where did you see it? " Nadia did her best to soothe him. She began to hum, wrapping her magic around. It was warm.
" In the glass. "
I saw it in a mirror.
" What did it look like ?"
Her magic was so warm. It was like staying around the fireplace during Yule while drinking hot cocoa. " I don't know… but it had dark hair and terrifying eyes. "
Black hair. Purple eyes. Sometimes they turn green.
" Hm… what else can you tell me? What did it remind you of? " He didn't really want to tell her.
" A shadow. " But he did. He was weak for his mother. It reminds me of a shadow. My shadow. Orpheus was someone Harry regretted becoming. The shame he felt when he remembered Orpheus yet there was pride when the memory of how proud Nadia was of him appeared.
That ugly feeling resting in the pit of his stomach had woken up. He didn't like remembering any of it. He didn't like to remember the insanity he went through as Orpheus. His soul was damaged from his fifth life, the blood of Black and Markov running through his veins—it gave birth to a psychopath, a monster that went by the name of Orpheus Vladimir Black.
He was ashamed of being a monster but had been proud to be Nadia's son. Unfortunately, Nadia's son was the monster.
" You have nothing to fear, dorogaya zvezda ." Harry often forgot about that. Dearest Star . That was what Nadia usually called him when he felt distressed or nervous. His dearest mother who has done everything to raise him into a proud man, yet he turned out to be a disgrace to her.
" Look at me, son. " He did exactly that. The smile on her face made him feel undeserving, gulping as Nadia planted a kiss to his forehead. Any kind of affection she offered me made me smile. It was a treasure he must keep safe, but now he could never have it. Nadia was no longer his mother and Lily had long passed from this world.
" You have the most exquisite red eyes. "
At that moment, Harry stared at Nadia with confusion. Then he felt the color drain from his face and frantically pushed his mother away. He returned to the bathroom, holding on to the edges of the marble sink as he stared at the mirror. The purple eyes he had seen in Nikolai and his own reflection were gone.
All he saw was red. The red that he had caused when tampering with black magic.
He felt arms wrap around him, staring at his reflection as he watched Nadia hug him gently. As if he were the most important thing in the world.
" Such a beautiful red. Would you discard the green for the color of blood once more? " She asked and then he realized…
Nadia's voice didn't sound like that. It was warm, kind, gentle, sometimes it was cold but he had always felt the loving tone underneath it all. This voice he heard was eerie and shrill. Devoid of the emotion he usually loved to listen. This wasn't Nadia.
Wake up.
It was a simple command. A command to himself as he shot up from his bed and sat up straighter than a plank. Sweat trickled down his face as his hair stuck to his skin. Everything was blurry, he couldn't see at all. The only thing he could do was pathetically search for his glasses as he recovered from the horrid nightmare that had plagued him.
He pressed a hand to his chest, feeling how his heart pounded against his ribcage. His breathing was erratic. This wasn't the state he preferred but it was the state he ended up with when night terrors came to haunt him. He quietly walked towards the bathroom, staring at himself and he couldn't help the sigh of relief. His eyes were green and his hair was a mess. He was Hadrian Potter.
Mind magic was a fickle thing. Harry had done all he could to master it so that he could confidently say that his control over the mind arts was as good as his necromancy. Yet, he had experienced a nightmare.
The mind magics he practiced made sure that his memories would be organized and safely stashed away in the imaginary library he built for all his memories. Nightmares should have been nonexistent for him, especially when he forcefully flushed them out of his mind. Still, a nightmare had formed. Perhaps he has accidentally allowed a memory to go loose due to Luna's appearance.
Perhaps Fate has done it again and decided to make him miserable.
"H… Harry?" Ron yawned and Harry turned away from the mirror. He offered the sleepy boy a smile, silently guiding him back to his bed. Ron didn't need to know about his nightmare. All he needed to know was…
"Getting cold ain't it? Want me to cast a warming charm on you too?"
All Ron needed to know was that he was cold.
Ron mumbled something about hot cocoa under his breath before sleepily smiling at Harry. The boy went back to bed as Harry quietly casted a warming charm on him and returned to bed. Tempus , he thought as the time was shown to him.
September 3rd, 1994, 4:23 am.
He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep after that. The most likely outcome was of Harry delving into the library of his memories to check whether one book , as he called his memories, had been flying around. Harry's assorted memories were in the form of books within a library. Every shelf was designated for an incarnation and every book was a detailed text of all of his memories.
He wandered around the library, glancing around. The walls were black, the shelves were black, and there were even some couches. He didn't really know why he chose his Mind Palace to be a library. It was supposed to represent a person, but then again, Harry was the present of previously twelve lives.
When he wandered towards the shelf he labeled for Orpheus Black, he found a book hovering out of its shelf. It was vibrating violently and Harry understood it was the culprit of his nightmares. He didn't hesitate to grab the book and shut it with a loud snap. A growl left him as he glared at the book that had caused him to wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and almost reduced him to tears.
"If I was allowed to, I'd destroy this damn shelf." He declared as he glared at the shelf. Most of the books were either black or dark purple. But the thing about some of the books was that their pages seemed to bleed red. He hated it.
"Don't." Death quietly whispered.
"I won't! Damn it! I can't destroy it since you won't allow me to forget my mistake." He yelled as he shoved the book back into the shelf. He was never allowed to intentionally harm anything in his library, his memories. Fate wouldn't have liked it and he would have to deal with the consequences.
"Why won't you let me forget?"
"Because regardless of how many mistakes you make, Orpheus Black is still a part of you." Death said in that annoyingly knowing tone. "Dark and malicious he may be, Orpheus was a necessary factor to saving that worldline."
That was what Harry never understood. What was the point of a psychotic bastard? The point of his incarnations was to save magic, so what the hell was Orpheus for? To train the Harry Potter of that world? To show his variant how ugly black magic can be?
"I'm just the necessary evil you needed."
"You were not. You were the reason why the Harry Potter of that world saved magic."
How ironic.
"Ha… Orpheus Black, the reason why the Harry Potter of that world chose to save the world… It's ridiculous. I trained him to be a dark lord!" He laughed cruelly. It truly was ridiculous.
"How the hell did someone who gave him so much trauma become the reason why he became a fucking hero?"
"Because all heroes have someone to live for. That was you."
"Then I wasn't wrong. That version of me is a fool, so much more foolish than the original."
Notes:
Luna has finally met Harry again. As you can see, Hadrian has an unhealthy fascination towards her. It's not romantic or anything, more like his endless abandonment issues that make him either cling on to a person for a period of time or he pushes them away. (In Luna's case, it's the former.)
Harry… well he hates himself. Different incarnations of himself really.
His feelings and opinions regarding his incarnations are complicated. He doesn't simply like them, nor is he proud of the actions of some of his incarnations. Harry knows that the actions of his precious lives are not always good. He's selfish and well… greedy. He's not kind nor is he the type to simply do what is good. He does things for his own benefit, which often times mean doing things for others. (Example is Harry not doing exactly as Luna says and acting rashly, he doesn't particularly like Tom… yet.)
Also, Harry has little to no dreams. His control over his mind forces him to have dreamless sleeps and he likes it that way. He hates dreaming to be honest.
Anyways, Tom hasn't appeared yet. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm still questioning whether or not Harry should be in a relationship, but if he is, it's not exactly going to be the main focus of the story. (My favorite kinds of books are Fantasy with Romance as a sub-genre so here we are.)