I trace the lines along the concrete and inhale the scent of the antiseptics. Sniff sniff. Dripping water from my hair I put in a bun with a long metal hairpin.Each step makes me feel like I'm walking on top of a ground of ants. The generator vibrates silently and it flows into the building.It's like getting off the plane and out of an elevator. Up down, up down. Like water.I go up and I'm flying.Down and it drowns me to Theo. Gurgle gurgle."Let's play hide and seek" A boy runs up."I'll hide, you seek" He smiles brightly at me. Like the sun. Not like Fiona. Just like Theo."No, I'm not feeling good" I ruffle around in my bed sheets. I clutch my stomach tight and quick."C'monnn," He knees the n. "Just for 20 minutes" He jumps onto my bed."No, I can't" I hide my face in shame. I cover with my hair. I'm more mature now, I don't do kid's play."Why, not?" He lies down beside me on his side, then tucks the fallen hair behind my ear."I-i can't" I shy away."Nobody plays Hide and seek as good as you" He states.Up. The sun hits my face. Shiny.Down. The sun hits the window and shines on his face."Come on, I know you want to." He smiles."I...-" I want to reject. But it feels wrong. Red."I'll show you limited pictures of me as a baby..." He sits up and the sun shines into his hair, like a net. A sieve. Like an orb."They have froggies on 'em""I'm in"Up. We meet with everyone; that is Lucas, the annoying brat, Hugo the quiet nerd, Eron; Veronica's Archie aka playboy, Grace, the 80's model and a grown version of Betty. The lady also has her hair in pigtails. It's comical because her face looks innocent but she has a loaded gun in her hip. No Baton.We all head to the cafeteria with Betty talking with her mom. I seek, but I don't find Theo.There is a super long line to get food and we have to stay outside the cafeteria. Veronica suddenly runs to hug a tall man and she silently sobs into his vest. I hear her strangled sobs and the man hugs her but pushes her away to go back to his post. Veronica stalks back to us with red tear-filled eyes. I look to Eron to see him with a big smile. He looks happy to see Veronica happy."Have you found your family?" I ask Eron but I immediately regret it, what if he hasn't found him yet? That would ruin the mood."Yeah, my mom works the cafeteria and my dad works the laundry" He puts his arms around Veronica and pulls her to his side. He visibly relaxes and this makes me realize that regardless of if I had asked him this, he would still be happy because all that mattered to him was seeing Veronica happy. I feel a gaze on me, I seek, I don't find Theo.We move to get our plates and the food they give us looks appetizing. The menu has so many options and choices and I happily select some for my plate. I am mindful to take what I need and leave the rest for people who want more. Taupe."Take more of it," A lady says to me. She's one of the servers."But, I'm alright," I say and I smile at her kindly,"You don't know when your last meal in a safe space might be, take more," She says again with a stern face so I diligently take a couple more scoops."Mom, don't stress her like this" Eron chuckles from behind me."I couldn't help it, do you see how cute she is? I want to stuff her with so much food like a squirrel" The lady breaks character and smiles softly at Eron and only then do I notice the similarity in their lips, eye shape, and hair texture. Little things, little things. Pretty things, pretty baby."Mom, this is Xan, Xan this is Mrs.-""Mrs. Jookie" She smiles and winks at Veronica.I walk with Veronica and Eron to a table with the others. The others had moved on. They are currently invested in a conversation with three new faces. One of the men introduced himself as Luca's dad while the other two couples introduced themselves as Grace's. I nod. I too am invested in my game."So how did you survive everything?" Betty asks Lucas's dad and I zone out at this point, I eat my strawberry sandwich. Red. Like jam. Green. Like frog. Blue like Blueberr-Silent chatter fills the big white room with people shuffling their feet around and about. Everyone has found their family in some way or the other. Apparently, Hugo's mom had gone into the city to rescue other people. But Hugo's face looks twisted like you just told him to eat shit and he can't vomit it out or something.Lucas's dad is a single parent and Grace is catching up with her mom and dad while stealing secret glances at Lucas but Lucas acts oblivious to this."We found her in the vents crawling her way out of the school, Mom! Crazy things could have happened to her in there" They are having a conversation but I'm lost in thinking. How do I find Fiona's mom?"Yeah, She sure is crazy, crawling in the vents with hundreds of zombies under you" I barely hear Lucas's voice"Very lucky" Hugo grunts."So what about you Xan?" I'm startled out of my reverie to see everyone staring at me, but I'm so lost."Huh? Oh..." I drag my plastic knife in an orange porridge. Orange. Like Orange. "When did you encounter them?" They ask again but I seriously don't want to relieve the story."It-.." My throat closes up. Like a Frog's."I...It was lunch break, I'm in a running team" I scratch my neck. My hair is still in a bun. Water runs down my neck. Gurgle. I pause my game. Up."We ran 4 kilometers and we were headed back" I furrow my brows."There was an old lady in the middle of the street and one of my teammates went to help her" I find it easier to explain. I feel like I'm watching everything from another point of view, probably because it has been so long. I don't feel like throwing up. It's like I'm a nameless narrator. Emotionless. Void. Gray."She...I don't know what she did because it was so fast, Kale- the teammat- the person...that went to help her" I find it rude to address Kale as something as distant as a teammate.Down "He was on the ground and his body just died." I feel hot tears slide down my eyes. And I stood by. Like Pa."And then he was up" I chuckle at the irony. "So I ran all the way back to school with the lady just behind us, she followed us to the school" My eyes widened at the fact. I led her to my school. She's the reason Victoria died, the reason Fion- Wait...who?Fion- SNAP Who? I wanted to do something for someone. It was a promise."I'm sorry for your loss" A hand hovers over mine, and I look up to see Betty's mom. "You must be a good lucky runner to have to outrun her. Believe me, that lady wasn't human. None of them are; so don't feel bad" Her lips have a small smile. This place has been full of smiles. Everyone's so kind and understanding even when the world is going to shit. Guilty happiness. Like, I don't know...An intercom turns on and the person on the other side says something about an influx of new people that have arrived from the city. Betty's mom stands up and Grace's mom follows suit."It's time for our shifts, you kids should stay with Lucas, we just need to check out the next group of people, it might be the last in a few days" They sound yellow. Not Theo's yellow.I wipe my tears away and chin up, I don't look into the eyes of anyone as my mind is filled with only one thing. Theo, mom, dad, and Fio- SNAP.Who? Who is...I shake my head to clear away a buzz. What promise? What is a promise?I shove my plate away and follow behind them.I see all the fatigued people in the check-in room. They just look dirty, and tired, but relaxed. I scan around the faces. Once. Twice. Thrice.No Theo.No mom.No dad.No Fio- Who?"Okay, get these people's clothes" I feel lost. Where do I go? I stand uprooted to the spot. It's like when you're at checkout by yourself and your parents have told you they forgot one last item. You feel conflicted on whether to move forward knowing in a few seconds it would be your turn or to stay back but the queue behind you looks very long. Damn you, last item.I feel the breeze blow into my spine. It's cold. Was it always this cold I'm getting a feeling I'm forgetting something crucial. What's more important than Theo? Than Ma?I walked back to the cafeteria when a man not so nicely told me to get lost.I wished I had gone instead of Kale, I wish I had gotten lost and not gone to school, I wish I had given that person back in the locker room. What is wrong with me? Was this my true nature? To not be...pink?The last batch in a few days. The last batch is in a few days. Last batch in days. Last batch in a while. Last batch in a long while. Last batch. Last batch. Last batch.I was in a fucking bad mood. I know I'm forgetting something but no matter how hard I try I can't remember, what could be more important than Theo or Ma or Pa? Nothing should be more. Not pink. You know that feeling when you realize you might be someone different. You have been a hypocrite to yourself all this time. Like your whole life was a lie. I don't have a color for it. So my palette mixes.I feel a cold hand of death comes over my shoulder. I feel it before I even see it. Blue.The hand slips from my shoulder down to cup my breast. Bluer. Blueberries. Blueberries crushed black. Black like Theo's hair. Blueberries are like the color that comes from the zombie's mouth.Without thinking, I jut my hips into him, bend, and squat down. I firmly pull his arm forward while maintaining my center of balance. I flip him over and he lands on the floor but I'm not down. I pull the hairpin that holds my hair, letting my hair flow down to my shoulders. I pin it to his neck.Kill.What? Kill? Wh-why would...He did it on purpose, just one nick won't hur- No, no.I feel someone pull me off and I look around to see people have gathered"I'm so sorry" I bow to him as others come to help him up."No, my bad for coming at a young girl like that." He winces and holds his elbow. I think I sprained it. Now they'll have to waste medical supplies on it."Yeah, your fault" Veronica kisses her teeth beside me and I find the others behind me. I find myself looking at Hugo."I guess she isn't useless after all" Lucas whistles into the air and Eron elbows him in the stomach."Sorry," I bow once more and walk out of there feeling embarrassed.Veronica, Grace, Betty, and I find ourselves in a small 5 by 5 room with 4 bunk beds. I immediately take the top bunk and Grace settles for the bunk under me. Betty and Veronica do rock paper scissors to choose who gets the top bunk. Veronica wins."Today was..." Veronica starts with a satisfied smile. "Hectic" Betty decides for her.Lights go off. This is something they do to save power. I smoothen the scratchy feeling my mattress has."I'm sure we'll find your family, Xan. They must know how to hold their own just like you did"I hear creaking and Betty turning around to add her own bit. "Everything is finally over.""Yeah" Yeah, Theo game over. You won in your hide and seek. I can't find you anywhere. White.Not blank, not grey. Not blue, not black. Just White.