Azazel stayed silent through dinner. The conversation was pleasant enough. The women talked mostly about cooking recipes and special family stories—even the demons.
The food was delicious, as always.
He wished he had a glass of blood, though.
Lucifer suddenly walked in. He took a seat next to Emilia as he huffed and puffed, clutching Egor tightly against his chest.
Azazel wouldn't say it, but the scene was a bit hilarious. Lucifer was holding a small imp that was still wiggling around.
I'm getting some sort of sexual fetish for men in suits holding wiggling demons. I think that's weird.
Lucifer looked up when he noticed all of their eyes on him.
"You tried to murder my dearest Egor," Lucifer scoffed.
"I didn't," Azazel corrected the demon lord. "The zombie wolf did."
Granny seemed rather disgusted as she glared at the imp that was dripping fluids across her fine dining table as it walked to the chicken carcass laid out over a platter.
She would later try to roast the imp over her kitchen fire. Perhaps it would taste similar to small game.
Granny licked her lips.
"I ain't afraid of no demon," she stated, glaring at the imp.
It's been awhile since I heard that line.
Lucifer quickly scooped Egor back up.
"F*cker," the imp squacked.
Azazel chugged some red wine as he let out a quiet groan. He thought he had escaped the antics when he left hell.
He'd been getting many visions of Granny in his head. Interesting ones.
It wasn't inappropriate.
In the demon's mind, it was way more intimate than any sexual fantasy a mortal could produce. It involved her slowly slicing layers of flesh off the small imp's body.
That would make Lucifer cry, I'm sure.
Azazel's red eyes rolled at the mere image of Lucifer balling like a baby in Emilia's lap.
"Azazel," Lucifer growled. "What do you have to say in your defense?"
Azazel looked back toward Lucifer. He had already forgotten.
"About?"
"Trying to harm Egor."
"Ah," Azazel rubbed his right horn. "Send him back to hell."
The imp climbed up onto Lucifer's shoulder and hid in his jacket.
They're pretty harmless, I think. I suppose it's cute.
All of them, except Azazel, looked at Emma, who was walking to the bathroom. There was a noticeable waddle in her gait.
Emma had apparently run out of toilet paper and came out to get some.
Lucifer grinned as he pushed the empty chair away, shoving the plate off the edge, where it loudly shattered on the floor. He had broke one of Granny's finest plates.
They're not cute at all.
"We can use his dirty napkin."
Granny agreed and placed the torn-up napkin on top of Azazel's clean plate.
"He needs to apologize," Lucifer stated with a glare toward Azazel.
"He's pissed," Egor revealed himself from within Lucifer's coat pocket.
"Didn't notice..." Azazel mumbled.
"F*ck off."
They all sat in silence.
The only sounds to be heard were Azazel slurping soup loudly and Emma in the distance, clogging up the toilet and leaving her evidence behind in the commode.
I hope she has a plunger.
Azazel clanged the spoon against the side of the bowl as he broke the silence with the annoying rhythm.
"Are you going to tell Egor you're sorry?" Lucifer leaned against the table, staring at Azazel.
No.
"Nope."
Lucifer shrugged, trying to not show how offended he really was.
Emilia let out a sigh. She stood up and sat down on Lucifer's lap. She stroked her fingers through his blonde hair.
"Darling, let it go," she purred against his neck.
Lucifer visibly relaxed and wrapped an arm around her hip as he leaned against the chair. He ignored the soupy mush on Azazel's plate. All the food was melded together in a giant mess.
Azazel didn't have much to add, so instead he gave Egor some mashed potatoes. The small imp's tongue stuck out as he munched at the mashed up food.
It was a bit disgusting how Edgor's tiny, forked tongue slithered out of his mouth to lick the potato off Azazel's finger.
It caused him to shiver in disgust.
"Disgusting..."
It was too bad for the imp that Granny was plotting her own version of a feast. It was the best of Azazel to fatten him up now. He could deal with his disgust for awhile longer.
Lucifer tapped the side of the glass of wine. He gulped the red drink.
Egor ran his finger over the glass, collecting some wine on his fingertip.
Egor held the digit up against the light, observing it in an intellectual way. Though Azazel was sure he was as much of a deep thinker as Luke was, which wasn't saying much in the man's favor.
Then the imp attempted to drink the tiny amount off his finger. He ended up gagging a little from the bitter taste.
"Tastes like piss," Egor spat.
The imp didn't deserve a steak, but Granny provided it anyway. She handed a nicely cooked medium-rare steak to the imp, and the way she handled it made it seem like she was about to drop-kick football to score the winning goal.
Egor tried to grab it, but he failed miserably.
It plopped right on top of Egor, who squirmed to get free from the heavy confines of the steak.
Emma returned and took a seat next to Azazel. He wasn't sure what she had gotten up to in the bathroom, but he wasn't about to go in to assess the damage.
"Where is Luke?"
"The Hell Scholar Building," Lucifer began. "Why?"
"I need to find out who the stripper on the shirt is," she explained as she glared at Azazel.
He knew he wouldn't get out of that one so easily.
"I have her card," Azazel added as his sweat turned into a nervous sweat.
Lucifer let out a laugh.
Azazel sulked.
Emma looked like she was going to lay into him. "Her… card?"
I said the wrong thing.
"I mean, no." Azazel attempted to escape her fury.
The last thing he wanted was anyone going on any research quests about him or anything he might have done while he was with a succubus stripper.
"Where's the card, Azzy?" Emma frowned in his direction.
"My pocket," he sighed.
He couldn't believe he let it out that he had the strippers card. He didn't even know he had it until he was on his way back to Britannica.
"She seemed to have slipped it into my pocket."
"And how did her hand get into your pocket?"
"..."
There wasn't a way to talk himself out of that one.
The best course of action was a change in subject.
Escape!
Azazel promptly stood and kicked the chair backward, causing it to crash to the floor. His sudden movement caused Egor to lunged forward and bite his thumb.
Azazel saw stars as the tiny imp's fanged jaws locked into his flesh.
Lucifer roared with laughter. He wanted to see how everything would play out. He couldn't let Azazel suffer from such a traumatic injury, at least not without his laughter to go along with such an injury.
Granny brought forth the Mjolnir.
Why the hell does she have the Mjolnir now?
She smashed it in the direction of the small imp.
Azazel managed to remove Egor from his hand, flinging the imp against the far wall. Lucifer sighed. Granny smashed the hammer down hard onto the table.
Emma gasped as she scrambled off the chair and moved into her mother's arms.
So there sat Emma in Emilia's lap, who, in return, was seated in Lucifer's lap still. It was quite the scene.
Egor moved, completely ignoring that he had landed against the wall. He hissed and rubbed his small palm against his ass.
"Bitches."
Egor had survived the impact.
The table wasn't so lucky.
Granny walked over to Azazel and glared down. For a moment, it looked like she was going to pound him with the hammer.
"Fix my table," she said.
"Make that beast do it."
Egor clung to Lucifer's shoulder.
"With pleasure, Granny," Azazel replied through a heavy breath.
Damn.
It took him a good forty-five minutes, and most of the table pieces were missing. All the legs were gone, too.
It wasn't exactly a bad attempt, Azazel thought proudly to himself.
"Natasha can finish it," Azazel groaned as he stood on the floor.
He held his lower back.
Maybe the wound Greg gave me caused me to get arthritis or a slipped disc. I'm getting old.
Azazel was far from old in his current body.
Emma approached Azazel with a sly look spreading across her lips. She wrapped her arms around his waist.
He closed his eyes, enjoying the touch. The antics had made him forget she was on a mission to get the card.
She backed away when she had successfully fished the card out of his pocket.
"Damn," Azazel sighed. "I thought you were giving me an intimate touch in the front."
Emma examined the card.
"Did Blaire treat you well?" The half-demon folded her arms across her chest.
Azazel nervously stroked his right horn.
Lucifer began to laugh again.
"All he did was suck her blood," Lucifer chuckled as he stroked Emilia's back.
There went Azazel's chance to lose his v-card, at least for the night.
"Piss face!" Egor grinned from his perch on Lucifer's shoulder.
Yes, I am a piss face, Egor.