Ugh. I've been here for four days, naked in a room with this demon girl. Is she ever going to finish this statue?
Per Natasha's request, Lucifer had been lying on his stomach on the floor. He was flipping through a dirty magazine from a stack Emilia had brought him. She was sitting against the wall in front of Lucifer, reading an article from one of them as Natasha worked on the backside of the statue.
"101 ways to spice up your bedroom activities," she purred in Lucifer's direction as she scanned the headline.
He waved a hand in the air. "There is nothing new it could teach us." Lucifer scowled as he looked down at the pictures in the magazine she was holding.
What is this pose even called? You can see the entire vaginal vestibule. Is this supposed to be sexy? Do Earthmen enjoy looking deep into the depths of the unknown, beyond meaty flesh?
Lucifer scoffed at the risqué photo. He then turned the page.
I need to stop scoffing.
Natasha furrowed her brow as she hammered at the statue. The two of them were distracting her from her work. She attempted to drown out the noise by humming lowly to herself.
"Handcuffs?" Emilia questioned Lucifer as she showed him the image.
The woman wants to be tied up. She will be tied up next time.
"Ah, yes, those." His expression softened. "We already have plenty of chains and whips at our disposal."
"What about the use of these so-called toys?" Emilia asked with a giggle.
"Toy? Plush bears? Wooden blocks?" Lucifer questioned. "I don't see how toys are supposed to spice up activities."
Emilia started flipping through pages, attempting to find an example of the so-called toys used during intimacy.
"I need to understand." She frowned as she furiously looked through the magazine.
"If you find it, let me know." Lucifer laughed as he, too, wondered how to use toys.
He assumed there would be no real use for wooden blocks and plushies.
Perhaps these magazines could teach me something new.
Emilia's eyes widened when she finally settled on a page. She saw two women with a mysterious white object. One woman had the long object positioned between the other's legs. She began to squirm in her position as she showed Lucifer the picture.
He raised an eyebrow as he looked at the scene displayed in the magazine. A tiny box of text was in the corner.
"Two women use the vibrating Mitachi Magic Stick to enhance pleasure." Lucifer read the text out loud.
"What is this magic stick?" Emilia pondered. "Is it infused with magical essence?"
Lucifer thought for a moment. "No, dear. It has some sort of double meaning. There is no magic on Earth."
Magic? Vibrating? I wonder.
"It seems even the Lord of Hell has discovered something new," he mused as Emilia brought the magazine close to her face.
Her eyes glowed a fiery red as she examined it. "Could we get Blumbledore to summon this from the rift?"
"I'm sure he could," Lucifer stated.
"Then let's ask him to get this," Emilia laughed softly.
"Should we really be asking the old man for this type of thing?" Lucifer questioned her, but the excitement could be heard in his voice.
Natasha sighed. "Could you two keep it down?"
Both Lucifer and Emilia looked at the girl. She looked defeated as she stood there with tools in each hand.
"Are you almost finished?" Lucifer asked.
"Yes," Natasha sighed. "I'm just finishing up the crack. You don't want me to mess that up."
"No," Lucifer admitted. "You must do my magnificent crack justice."
The married couple sat in silence as they continued to look through the magazines. They began to notice the magic stick in more photos within the stack of magazines. Each time they saw it, they would point out the picture to each other. Even Lucifer was starting to become curious about the so-called magic stick.
After about an hour, Natasha set down the tools and wiped her arm over her brow. She finally finished the statue after endless hours of hard work.
"It is complete." She smiled happily in Lucifer's direction.
He stood up. His naked form was on full display as he examined the statue. Everything, from his chiseled biceps to his toned abdominal muscles, was perfect. She had even done his crack justice.
It wasn't until he looked at the face that something seemed amiss.
It didn't even look like a real face.
"This is not my face," Lucifer stated in a flat tone.
Emilia stood up. She brushed her fingers against the face of the statue. She noticed something about the face that was warped. It even had bugged-out eyes with the pupils facing opposite directions.
She laughed. She couldn't catch her breath; she was laughing so hard.
Lucifer frowned in her direction. He then turned toward Natasha, the frown still tugging on his lips.
"I demand you fix the face," Lucifer sighed as he gathered his clothing off the ground.
"I'll try." Natasha grinned mischievously as the demon lord dressed.
Emilia helped Lucifer button up his shirt. He brushed off his chest with his hands and left the room, with his wife close behind.
"Are we to go see Blumbledore, dear?" She cooed in Lucifer's direction.
Lucifer covered his face with his hand to mask his excitement about the situation. "I suppose we could."
The two made their way to Blumbledore's mansion. Emilia had checked on Azazel's condition before she brought the stack of magazines to Lucifer. She had thought it was endearing that Emma had been staying by his side, waiting for him to wake up.
Lucifer knocked on the door. A muscular orc wife answered the door. Her smile was vibrant, and her muscles bulged under the fabric of the maid outfit.
"Is Blumbledore available?" He asked after cleaning his throat.
The wife led them inside the mansion. They walked down a long hallway, which led to the wizard's study. The orc opened the door and motioned for the two to enter the room.
When they entered the study, they saw Blumbledore reading a thick book. His eyes darted up when he sensed visitors. He fumbled around and dropped the book, a dirty magazine falling from between the pages.
"May I help you?" The wizard asked as he scooped up the book and magazine, laying the closed book neatly on his desk.
"Yes," Emilia responded.
She walked in front of Blumbledore's desk and set the magazine she had been reading in the castle down. She flipped through the pages until she found the picture with the magic stick.
"Do you know what this is?" Emilia asked the elderly man.
The wizard brought his hand to his chin and nodded. "Yes, the Mitachi Magic Stick. It is a legendary stick."
Lucifer took a seat on the sofa and leaned back. He crossed his arms in front of him.
"Do you know anything about it?" Lucifer asked.
"I do." Blumbledore leaned forward in his seat, placing his hands together on his desk. "I once summoned it from the rift. None of my wives enjoyed it, so I tossed it in a river."
Emilia perked up at the thought of Blumbledore summoning the stick.
"I do not think they were the intended audience for such a stick," he mused. "They do not possess the appropriate anatomy."
Emilia shook her head. "Could you summon another stick?"
Blumbledore nodded. He led the couple downstairs to his wrestling arena in the basement. He crawled to the center of the arena and closed his eyes. With a few waves, he summoned a portal to the rift.
"Give me a moment," he stated as he stuck an arm into the rift.
He felt an object in his hand and pulled it out. He threw the object when he saw it was just a normal stick.
"Allow me to try again."
Blumbledore placed his hand back into the rift. He closed his eyes to focus. A few minutes later, he pulled his hand out. He held a new package of the Mitachi Magic Stick.
"This is what you wanted. Correct?"
The wizard handed Emilia the object.
He actually got the damn stick. Color me impressed.
Lucifer inched closer to Emilia as she opened the box containing the item. She pulled it out. She noticed a button on the front. She hit the button, and nothing happened.
"It doesn't work," she said, hanging her head as she held the magic stick.
Blumbledore looked at the stick and noticed a battery compartment. "Oh, I forgot it needed those little things to work. It took me two years to figure it out."
The wizard chuckled.
"Little things?" Lucifer asked, confusion in his tone.
"Earth dwellers call them batteries," he replied as he stuck his hand in the rift.
Moments later, he pulled out a small package. He looked down at the package and read the text. "Premium hearing aid batteries."
Lucifer opened the package and tried to put them in the compartment. "Much too small."
"I see," Blumbledore mused. "There are different types of batteries. This asks for a different type."
Blumbledore continued to use the rift. Each time, he pulled out a different type of battery, each being the wrong size. It took the rest of the day, but the old wizard managed to finally acquire what they needed.
It would be a fun night for Lucifer and Emilia after they acquired the correct batteries. Lucifer would, indeed, learn about the use of toys in the bedroom.