For a long time, Adam didn't know anything aside from fear. Hours after the night void had passed, he remained rooted in that position, his thoughts a hurdle to sift through.
What is real?
He had no answer to that; only the steady beating of his heart in his chest made him feel alive. Aside from that… nothing else. His new arms didn't make him feel anything but unreal, and not in a good way. Many things had happened to him, but he was steadily leaning toward the trepidation phase.
But how could he live in fear when everything in his life was fear-made?
"It's not always bad here," Cincinnati said, and he wondered when she joined him. Even though it was day, the mornings would never feel the same again, not after everything.
"You could have fooled me," Adam replied, a bitter laugh coming from his throat. It was a sound he didn't recognize; it felt alien to him and his experiences.
This place is finally getting to me.
"When I first got here, I was despair-filled. I wanted to die, to not face this world even one more second. But I didn't. Know why?" Adam almost groaned out in frustration.
"Are you going to launch into a speech about not giving up and all that?" Adam gave her a quizzical look, which she returned without breaking eye contact.
"No. If you did that here, you'd be dead. I didn't die because I couldn't forgive myself. And I felt this was my punishment. So, find a punishment and latch onto it. You may suffer, but what's the world without a little suffering?"
Adam wondered if Cincinnati had gone mad, even momentarily. The sky was bright, and the sun illuminated her face, showing her irises ringed with the deepest blue.
And a sadness that felt like staring into the wells of perdition. Adam knew that if he kept staring, he'd lose himself, too.
"Turns out you're not that big of an asshole," Adam fiddled with his arm, looking downward. He did that whenever he was nervous.
"I'm not Gilgamesh. And that isn't how to do it," Cincinnati stretched her hand and placed it atop his, making Adam feel warmth. He didn't exactly hate the feeling, but he wasn't a fan of it either.
She had a spanner on her and machine oil, apparently.
"Do you go everywhere with that?" Adam shook his head, thinking about the bunch of nut jobs he'd somehow gotten affiliated with.
"Yes, why?" Cincinnati had an innocent look on her face, and he wondered if she was pulling his legs.
"Nothing, just curious." He replied as she tightened the bolts on his arms and oiled the hinges.
"Try to move them around," her voice came out like a command, but he didn't mind. That's how she'd always been to him.
"Woah, it feels so fluid," he turned his arms from side to side, feeling the ease of the motion.
"You're welcome," Cincinnati's hand lingered on him for a few seconds more than usual before he cleared his throat, and she looked at him and still didn't take her hand off.
"Are you self-conscious?" She hit the nail on the head.
He was beyond self-conscious on most days.
"Sef absorbed, maybe?" She said, her tone flat.
"I don't understand what you mean," he spoke, unsure of what he was meant to say or do. That was the issue he never had with Gilgamesh because Gilgamesh not only wore his heart on his sleeves, but he was a good sport, too.
Hell freezes over, the day I think of that boy.
"You never do. And, loosen up. Your body might have been oiled, but your heart is a caged bird struggling to take flight. I don't like you, but I don't hate you either. Stop assuming everyone pays attention to you and do what you need to. Nobody cares. Nobody ever will."
Adam felt his blood began to boil. What did she know about him?
"You act all high and mighty. I can't even reach most of you, and I've been here for months. I counted the days. And somehow, you think you should educate me on freedom? No, it's not. Darkus still hasn't talked to me, Esme is still terrified of me, Crystal still treats me like a child who needs care, and I can't decipher anything Gilgamesh is thinking. So, isn't this the first time you've initiated a conversation with me?"
Adam let the words pour out unchecked. He didn't care if it got him kicked out; he still didn't feel like he was a part of a family, just playing the part of an outsider looking in.
"See? Self-absorbed," Cincinnati was smiling, and Adam wasn't sure he'd ever seen her smile.
"You didn't need to praise me so hard," Gilgamesh materialized before him, and so did Esme, Crystal, and Darkus.
"What's going on?" Adam turned to Cincinnati, feeling betrayed for the first time.
"You always hold back; you never say the things you wish. I went to The Graveyard and asked Alan for tips to get you to loosen up. He suggested making you think you were all alone with a pretty girl. That worked, surprisingly. Are you a pervert?"
Adam would have taken Gilgamesh seriously if not for the smirk on his face.
Oh, I am the one who pushed them away.
"Darkus doesn't talk to you because he's painfully shy. He speaks only when spoken to, and you've never reached out to him, have you?" Crystal had a stern look in her eyes like she was lecturing him.
"Esme likes Adam. Esme thinks he's cool," Esme said from behind Crystal, still holding onto Crystal's hand. But she was stepping forward, inviting him to bridge the gap, too.
"You can't think everybody hates you; we're all we have here. This is a world that doesn't care where you're from and doesn't bother with what happens to you if you die. And I don't want you to die. Crystal always suggested I tell you my findings first instead of her. She wanted you to feel like a part of us, but you never did."
Gilgamesh ruffled Adam's hair, much like he would a friend.
"We waited for you to be comfortable, even while eating our abominable food. Whenever you wanted to bathe, you found a hidden alcove and did your business there. Nobody knows how you wear clothes, especially since Crystal makes it everybody's business to see her nakedness," Gilgamesh said with a straight face, and Crystal punched him so hard he went flying.
Again.
"Don't listen to him. Jokes aside, you need to loosen up. We had to use illusionary magic just for you. We keep trying, why can't you see that? I know you've had a hard life, and trusting people doesn't come easily. But still, why can't you give us the benefit of the doubt? We told you about the secrets of this place; we did our best to keep you alive, didn't we? Why, then, do you think everybody is out for you?"
Adam knew he was being called out, but it felt strangely pleasant. It wasn't what he was used to, especially when as the charge of Wicked. He knew what an apology earned him and the kicks in the stomach that followed.
This was nothing like it.
"I'm sorry. Darkus, hi," Adam turned to the boy with minimal presence, and Darkus raised a hand and said in the smallest voice, "Hi."
"Progress!" Esme clapped in glee, and Adam was tempted to mirror the same sentiments. He'd been looking away from those who cared what happened to him, letting his prejudice fuel his motives.
He'd been the most uncool person ever.
"From now on, I'll be present. No more looking away and trying to solve situations on my own. Will you help me?"
It took a lot for him to say that, and Esme reached out and parted Adam's bangs.
"Now you can see us too," Crystal said, her smile the brightest he'd ever seen. Esme looked like a mini goddess, and Adam felt a fierce protectiveness over her.
I haven't been looking at any of them.
"Anybody got a scissors?" He asked, and Crystal whipped out a pair of clippers.
"I've always wanted to do this," she said guiltily, almost salivating at the prospects. He wanted to laugh but didn't. They were facing him head-on, and he needed to mirror that, too.
"I'm all yours," he surrendered his hair and heard the buzzing sound of the clippers as his hair fell on the ground, and it felt like a haze that'd overcome him had finally passed.
"You're beautiful," Esme said adoringly, and Adam ruffled her hair as Gilgamesh did to him earlier.
"You really are. Why did you hide your face?" It was Cincinnati's turn to speak. Adam had always had pretty features; he'd always known.
But that didn't equate to being loved.
"Because it's the only way people would ever take me seriously." He answered and realized how much he'd been hiding away from himself.
"We take you seriously, and we always will." Crystal was in his face, and her vow carried the weight of nine worlds. He wondered if she meant everything she said.
"Now, I have competition?" Gilgamesh groaned, and everyone laughed. Adam laughed along.
He hadn't cut his hair in years. He hadn't faced the world in a long time. Seeing half figures, caricatures of what people indeed were.
Not anymore.
"We are family," Darkus spoke up, and silence swallowed the group.
"Yes, we are," Adam answered after a short silence and a whoop of cheers went up in the group.
It was the beginning of the Legend of The Renegades.
And The Boy Who Made Defeat a Friend.
Adam's Hologram beeped, but he didn't notice. His name blazed in the light of the sun.
[THE LONE DESCENDER]