'You are so cruel' Guizhong commented, feeling sorry for these women.
'Nah, it will pass in time. It was just a prank anyways, people will forget about that soon..oh'.
'Oh?. What do you mean oh?. Each time you say that I fear for the poor souls involved with you'.
"Hear me, beloved citizens of our proud Liyue. I, the human praised by the God of Geo himself, am offering my services for free for a limited time. Any cursed objects, haunted places, spirit possession, everything can be solved!. The price will depend on the curse, but I can assure you that my skill is genuine. If I wasn't honest, would the God of Contracts have signed one with me?". I was a genius. I didn't came here to Liyue to work, I will have enough of that later. I will be my own boss, and earn money in the way.
People started murmuring, leaving me satisfied. Liyue was packed with cursed things due to the Remnants. Those curses will disappear alone with time, but they don't know it.
'You have indeed started working as a scammer'
'Shut up, it's time for you to pay the rent. Start inventing something to sell'
'I will not sell my things so you can make easy money'
'Hooh, rebellious aren't you?. I just slapped those 3 women's faces, and I still feel a bit itchy. Do you want to line up?'
'...okay...'
'Don't be like that. You are bored any ways, and it's your chance to interact with humans, albeit indirectly. Why don't you have some fun?'
"For all the interested listeners, I will be just outside the city with a few things. Tomorrow my first 30 petitions will be for free!. And don't worry for the rest, my services will be very cheap. After all" I looked disdainfully at Yanfei "I don't need to pay taxes or ask for a business license if I'm not inside the city!"
Yes, it was that easy to avoid getting licenses. You sell it outside, and no risk. Why would people try to evade taxes when you can just put your shop outside?.
I get it, the outside is not safe and you could be robbed by those pesky Treasure Hoarders, but guess what?. The meteor-caller is on my side.
Yanfei had a hollow look. All laws from Liyue were effective in the Harbor. That will change in the next years I'm sure, or Liyue will end up as a ghost town with hundreds of shops outside it's gates, but for the 2 weeks I will be here, there is no time to pass new regulations.
"Hey Ningguang, look" I whispered to her, and looking towards the huge crowd, where a few sly guys and girls were thinking about my idea. "You have been in power for a month right?. Don't worry, if solve this you will be revered as the eternal ruler for years to come" I snickered at her dismayed face. She knew that she was not going to be able to sleep for a year after this mess.
"Hey Yanfei, looks like whatever you dedicated your life for is useless just after stepping a meter out of the Harbor. But what do I know?. I'm just a kid." I smirked at her dark face.
"Hey Ganyu, just wanted you to know that even after your shameful loss, you don't need to hire me. My job is probably going to me more interesting than yours, and probably better paid. I will keep the Contract though, it's a proof of you naivety and my victory. I will mock you with this until I die. And I probably will pass it to my grandsons so they can mock you too. That way you won't be alone. No need to thank me, a long life can be hard" I laughed at Ganyu's blank face.
'You are pure evil' Guizhong muttered.
'Ahahaha, who would think that an hour ago I was bored. This is amazing!. You know what?'
'No!, I don't want to know more, please shut up and leave this beautiful city alone!'
'No can do'
"People of Liyue, listen to me!. I know that curses are abundant in these lands, and you people have no way of cleansing them without paying exorbitant amounts of money!. Money you have worked so hard to earn, why should it be spent on these basic curses that are threatening your lives?. This is pure abuse!" I shouted.
The growing crowd looked surprised, but after a bit they nodded at my words.
"I earn 300.000 Mora a month, and removing a possession I suffered while working cost me 500.000 Mora. How is that fair?" someone shouted. Once the first guy started, everyone started shouting their grievances, even if they were unrelated to curses.
"I earn 400.000 a month, and I need to pay 300.000 a month for my house, how can I live!?"
"I earn 200.000 a month, and I send on food 150.000 a month, how can I buy the latest books?"
"I want to see my wife get f*cked by other guys, why did she get angry?"
That last one was weird, but it doesn't matter.
"Indeed, it's unfair!. Why does people have more money than you?. You see them happy on the street, walking with their food, their paintings, their books, their exquisite tableware. Why are you the only one who can't get what you want?". Hehe, everyone is in a worse economical condition than other people, no matter how much money they earn, so everyone is jealous of another person, even while all these guys probably have more money than other unfortunate people will see in their whole lives.
""What can we do?""
Ahh, human stupidity. Why are you looking for answers from a kid who hasn't worked in his life.
Still, I think I have found my calling.
'Being an agitator!?. Shut up already, you are making a mess out of these people!' Guizhong screams tried to make me see the reason. They couldn't.
'They are grown ups, they can think for themselves. Any possible action they commit will be on their own heads'. And I ignored Guizhong's screams.
"You ask me?" I said in a calm voice, contrasting with the loud voice I had been using until now. The crown approached to hear what I wanted to say.
"You ask me!!?" I started using an angry voice, as if to represent all their repressed anger.
"It's obvious whose fault it is!!. Can't you see it!?. A farmer has no money to live, yet the one selling his products are living in luxury!!. How is that fair!?. Let me tell you, fair people of Liyue. I'm from Inazuma, exiled for telling the truth, banished for my ideals. I fell in love with Liyue, it's majestic landscape, it's amazing people, it's developed culture!. Be proud people of Liyue!. You live in a good country!!". That should be enough to stroke their ego and make then trust in me even without proof of what I'm telling them.
"So I wanted more!. I wanted more of Liyue!. I spent every moment I had in the 2 weeks I have been here travelling and seeing this wonderful land!. And what did I find?!. You, tell me!" I pointed at a random person. Even I don't know what I'm about to say, there is no way she knows.
"I- I don't know" the girl meekly said.
"I saw poverty!. I saw suffering!. I saw unfairness!. I honest people working everyday, cultivating what we are eating, and yet, and yet!!. Why do they look poorer than anyone else?!. They are giving us all of our food, so why are they not the richest ones?!. Think about it" I shouted and fell silent.
"That's right!" I didn't give them time to think. "It's unfair!. The ones selling their food are the ones with all the money!!. What does it mean!?" I asked the crowd.
"It's unfair!"
"Injustice!!"
"I love cashews!!"
"So do I!" I answered. What is a cashew?. "And then I though!!. If this is happening with food, what else is involved in this?!" I asked them again. "A painter get paid 30.000 Mora for his work, and he later needs to see the same painting being sold for 3.000.000 Mora!!. What is this!!?"
"Injustice!!"
"A robbery!!"
"Indeed it is!!. So we need to do something right!?" I shouted at them.
"Yes!!".
"Justice for the people!"
"Death to the oppressors!"
Ups, that last one got a bit far.
"Don't misunderstand!!. The moment we arm ourselves is the moment we lose this!!. We need to wield weapons, but instead of a sword, we will wield a quill!!. Instead of a spear, we will wield reason!!. Instead of cannons, we will wield the law!!!" I tried to guide them into a non-violent path.
"The law is useless!" I hear a voice saying that.
"No!!. The law is not useless!!. The law is the only way the people have to ensure they live in fairness!!. If the law is not working, it's because the law is not being respected!!!. So people of Liyue, raise to arms, those being reason, democracy and cooperation. Let us build a country where everyone is given where they are owed!!" I'm getting a hoarse voice, so I think it's better to stop now. I have an idea.
"I will be waiting tomorrow near the entrance!. In a few days I will sell a book with my ideas, so please consider buying it!!. It will be around 3.000 Mora, so please be assured!!. Together we will slap the faces of those who for so long had been abusing of our goodwill!!!"
"""""Yes!!""""""
After that the crown dispersed, leaving me alone with 5 dismayed people. Wait 5?.
There was an elderly man who I hadn't seen in my life. But looking at his soul, it was the good old Morax.
"Hehe, what do you think Boss?. I will make your country a better place. No need to thank me, we are friends after all" I nodded at the God of Geo. I guess he looks like this because he wants to keep his other appearance a secret.
The other 3 looked astonished at the literal God in front of them.
"I see" he nodded. I don't know if he is angry or not, but considering I'm still in one piece must mean something. "You won't care if I check your 'book' before you sell it right?". I guess he wants to understand my philosophy so he can lead his country better. Yes, there is no way he doesn't trust me on this right?.
"Of course Boss" I nodded and he disappeared. Literally.
"So now, ladies, I hope you find your work fun because you are about to be swarmed. I will now go and eat some fowl dish, I find them delicious. Ah, don't worry, I will enjoy them in your place, ahahaha".
'You!. What have you done!'
'Relax lady. Your nature will affect you if you get so angry. You are the Goddess of Dust right?. Be careful you don't return to it'
'What have you done to our beautiful city!'
'Nothing bad. Even if I was thinking about the speech on the fly, I didn't lie. Now shut up and start thinking something to sell tomorrow. I will find the Boss to serve as an appraiser. Maybe we can start a business right here'
'A business with Morax!. Yes, yes, count me in!'
What an easy woman.
'Now let me concentrate, it's letter time'.
-------------------------------
What Kenshin didn't know is that people in Liyue thought of this moment as a flexing point in their story, when a visionary shared with them the true justice in the merchant city. People celebrated this day as the 'Day of Light', second only to the Rite of Descent and the Lantern Rite.
Some people even think that the visionary was an emissary sent by the God of Geo, who strived to fight for them, as he has always done.
People had doubts about how to call the visionary.
'Heaven Destroyer', 'Sky Piercing True Monarch', 'Absolute Peerless Paragon of the Hundred Lives'....
But the few fortunate people that saw how everything started shared their wisdom, and finally he was known as...
'The Slapping Young Master'.
----------------------------
That night, in Inazuma.
I am starting to feel scared about this hour of the day. I spent all day praying that Kenshin doesn't mess it up. He is working with the God of Geo, and that makes me extremely nervous. Kenshin is literally capable of annoying a rock, and in this case it could be fatal.
And to make things worse, today I got 2 letters, one from Ganyu. This tells me that something big has happened.
"Pink woman, respect me and my might, for I am the one that brought salvation to Liyue!.
Yes, it's true. Yesterday there was no letter because I was tired, but I will put you to date now. I ended sealing every single Remnant of the Gods. Now I think I'm more than qualified to take your place in the Shrine".
This damn kid. Hah, if you want it, take it, more work for you and more free time for me.
"Thing I won't do because you will probably like it that way"
....
This kid is getting better at reading me., and it's annoying.
"Yeah, so there is that. Now I have half a dozen adeptus eternally grateful to me. You even have the gall to threaten me through the grass-eater, learn this pink woman!. You are stronger than these adepti, but they are more, so play your hands carefully or you will have a war".
This kid is delusional. There is no way the adeptus will risk facing Inazuma. It's not that they will lose, they could win easily, but Ei is definitely too strong. I don't know if Morax can beat her.
"Anyway, I was bored in the docks when a woman approached me"
My condolences to that woman. Nothing good will come out of approaching Kenshin.
"She disturbed my meditation so I fooled her into thinking I was an adeptus. It was quite funny, it was only later her name is Ningguang, she runs things here I think"
Indeed, even I knew of her. A woman so talented that at mere 16 years she is the richest woman, or should I call her girl, in Liyue. And you had to antagonize her, really smooth Kenshin.
"After a while your friend appeared".
Just by hearing that I could sense the reason why Ganyu sent me a letter. Poor girl, she doesn't learn to leave the kid alone.
"And we made a bet. If I could slap Ningguang and make her say thank you, I would win and Ganyu would hire me. If I couldn't I will leave Liyue and return to Inazuma. Of course, I would slap anyone. Who do you take me for?"
I can feel the irony. It's a deep one, and my cheek still stings from the slap I received.
"If I could bring someone that could allow me to do whatever I wanted, I would win. Of course I called the Boss, but the Spear boy appeared. I technically lost, but people here are so blinded by their admiration towards adeptus that they didn't notice. Not even the white haired woman, and she doesn't look stupid, only devious and cruel. I saw the same look you have sometimes".
I hate this kid, I'm counting the seconds left for him to be in front of me.
"Ah, I forgot it. There was another half-adeptus called Yanfei, she is a lawyer. She seemed pissed that I said I could ignore the law, so of course I made her realize my greatness. I won the bet, and slapped their faces. Metaphorically of course. And just when I started laughing and leaving, I heard something beautiful".
This is not good a all. He mocked 3 very important people over there, and the letter is still not over. Please Kenshin, tell me you didn't do nothing extreme.
"A chorus echoed my voice. At some point, a crowd was around us. They had seen Spear Boy come and they listened to us, so they knew I had contact with their God. And I had an idea".
Please, Kenshin, please.
"Why do I need to work?. At some point I started thinking like a loser. I want to have fun, not to work. Working with the grass-lady is not going to be funny. So now, I found myself with a crowd of people with glistening eyes, venerating me for the mere fact that I knew their god, some time and in need of money. So I decided to establish my own business!"
Haha, stupid kid, you thing making a business is easy?. It's hard here for different reasons, but in Liyue you will have to compete with a lot of people.And you will need the license, and they will not give it to a child. I'm now expecting your letter from tomorrow, telling me how bad it went for you.
"Of course I knew the license was a problem. I found myself in a pinch. I want to form a business, but I can't do it here. Easy, get out of Liyue".
I'm glad no one can see me now. Why didn't I think of it before?.
"Of course this solved not only the license. I don't have to pay taxes!".
I glanced at Ganyu's letter. Now it seems even more important, I don't like where this is going.
"You should understand by now. I had a pioneer idea, one that Liyue couldn't solve in these 2 weeks and that will give me a lot of money, and a lot of clearly thirsty people, lusting after money. The great Kenshin is a nice person, so it's obvious what I had to do right?"
Please no.
"Yes, please yes. I communicated my plan to them. A few smart cookies where catching the idea, and I found myself applauded by everyone. I realized I liked this very much. I don't know if it's my calling, but I liked it a lot. So things escalated a bit, but anyway, now I have an horde of brainless people ready to defend me against your induction attempts. I have God and the People on my side. Doesn't that mean you have to face a whole country just for a kid?. Is it even worth any more?".
No, don't skip it, what happened there?. Will we see Liyue Harbor burn even from here?.
"So tomorrow morning I will give some exorcists services and will sell some things. I will also try to buy things, the God of Contracts is going to be my business partner, incognito of course. But I wonder what face will you make when I earn more money in two weeks than what you have earned in 500 years.
I will hire some people to take care of the business when I leave, so I will be making money even if I'm not here. I will even sell my own book.
You understand it now pink woman, I have WON."
No, you don't. I will confiscate everything you get, and I will buy some of the most useless things with your money just to spite you.
Still, that 'things escalated a bit' is worrying me. I will read Ganyu's letter now and get angry later.
"Yae, come tomorrow and take that devil out of here".
That's worrying. Even the gentle and soft spoken Ganyu is starting her letter like that.
"Do you have any idea of what happened to day?. I will start from the beginning.
I found Kenshin fooling Ningguang, the new leader of the Qixing. I tried to scold him, but he said there was nothing we could to stop him. It wasn't exactly like that, but he seemed to think his acquaintance could get him out of any trouble. I take pride on the fact that the city I collaborated on establishing is fair, so I took personal offence to that. We made a bet and I lost.
How could I know he had been in a Contract with Rex Lapis?.
It's unfair.
He told me that he would pass his Contract, made of extremely resistant paper, to his great-grandsons, so they could mock me too. I feel depressed just thinking about it.
So after mocking Ningguang, my friend Yanfei and me (I got slapped on the face with the Contract) he laughed. That's were things started getting out of hand.
A crowd had reunited, and if it wasn't bad enough that everyone saw the leader of the Qixing get ridiculed by a kid, they looked at Kenshin with adoration due to his connection with Rex Lapis.
A Kenshin with an audience is something I hope you never allow to happen in Inazuma".
Indeed, that seems to be disastrous. He has been somewhat isolated in the shrine, but now I need to isolate him completely. His only visits will be his parents. At most.
"He had a devious smile on his face, one that made me shiver in fear. How can a child make such an expression?. If it wasn't because he worked with Rex Lapis himself, I would suspect he was possessed by a creature that only wants to see the world burn.
I'm sure he sent you a letter, and I don't know what he told to you, but I will tell you the unadulterated truth.
He started agitating the crowd".
That's...not something I was expecting, and something I hope I will never have see here. The fact that he sent me a letter tells me that he escaped alive. If he did that thing here, he will be charcoal in a second.
"Things were getting dangerous, some people were even shouting that they should 'eliminate' the intermediaries. It was pretty scary. I never thought humans were able of expressing such malice, and they were all led on by Kenshin. Of course I don't think that's what Kenshin pretended, he strongly argued that no violence was allowed, and that they needed to respect the law.
But now we find that 30% of the business of Liyue are out of the city in stalls, legally avoiding taxes. At the Qixing we are getting swamped by complaints and reclamations. Our workers have started a strike, and the farmers, painters, builders, miners....they all refuse to sell their products until the law is changed. 'All for equality' they say.
And the Lantern Rite is 2 weeks away. Yae, what can I do?".
Indeed. What can I do. This is not 'things escalated a bit', dammit Kenshin, we may need to send supplies from here as an apology.
"We have no food for tomorrow. Our shops have no workers, the festival preparation is suspended indefinitely until we solve this, we can't earn money as people are not paying taxes, the Qinxing leadership is in pieces as Ningguang was there when everything started.
And Kenshin is even going to sell his book with his 'ideas', the same ones that brought us here.
And you know something else?. People are calling him the Visionary or the Divine Emissary, just like you are over there. People are admiring the one that is causing us so much trouble.
Sometimes I think that this is not worth it".
Kenshin, you made a 2000 year old adeptus question her life in less than a day. You truly are talented.
"And I even heard someone alluding to the fact that Yanfei, Ningguang and my own face were 'slapped' by the Divine Emissary. They started calling us 3 as the 'God's Touched'. Do you know how embarrassing it is?.
Someone tied the ends, and now Kenshin's name in Liyue is officially the 'Slapping Young Master'".
.....
I'm sorry Ganyu, I don't know what to do.
What could have I done about this?.
I was on a reunion with the Shogun about our festival, and next thing I know, Kenshin is in Liyue.
I think about sending a member of the Shuumatsuban to retrieve him, he has now the protection of Rex Lapis.
I think about making some time myself, now he has an horde protecting him.
Was there something I could have done?. Maybe I should have dropped him after he pissed on me, rather than handing him back to his father.
I decided to finish the letter.
"PS; as you know, my master is a pure adeptus. That means that like some youkais, they have an animal form and when they are strong enough they can adopt a human form. My master's form is that of a crane. It seems that Kenshin felt a bit pissed off after walking for hours only to get rejected, so he has been sending recipes to cook birds every single day to her house".
Hahaha, that's a funny one.
Still after reading all this, I just want to sleep.
"Miyuki" I asked for her to come, she is one of the most trustful mikos here.
"Yes"
"As always, send these letters to the Kamisato Clan. Today's letters are sensitive, so pay attention. Some people will trail you, but they follow my orders".
"Yes". She didn't ask any stupid questions and just nodded.
Today's letter were specially sensitive. If someone knew that Kenshin was agitating people in Liyue, they wouldn't let him come back.
In Liyue a crowd of a 100 people could protest, and maybe they could get what they wanted.
In Inazuma a crowd of 100 people could protest, but the only thing they would get is a thunderbolt to the face.
I feel older now than I have ever felt.
Dammit Kenshin.