I didn't have much time left before my consciousness faded out completely.
I decided to spend it with my sleeping assistant's head on my knees, stroking his hair. He was sleeping like a child, with tear tracks on his cheeks.
"Are you stupid, Kimi?"
When I poked at his cheek, my index finger met with a springy resistance.
Honestly, right now, he was more like a baby than a child. "…That's why I intended to say good-bye on the boat." Because my assistant would cry. Because he'd cry for me.
To be honest, I hadn't meant to let him see me at the end. I'd meant for us to part for the last time on the way to the island… And yet he'd chased me all the way out here. Hadn't Charlie yelled at him?
I swear—
"Kimi, I suspect you like me far too much." I'd made that joke before.
I parted his bangs with the ball of my thumb. Why does his face look so cute when he's asleep? An anger I didn't really understand welled up in me, and I laughed a little.
"I'm sorry."
I knew he couldn't hear me.
"I'm sorry I ended up dying first." But I had to say it.
"Actually, there's one more reason I went with this reckless plan."
It was during that party you held for me in London, to celebrate my recovery. Do you remember what Alicia said? She said she wanted to go to school someday.
And so I decided to grant that wish.
"I could have just defeated her. Killing her would have been easy. But then…Alicia said that."
She wanted to live. She wanted to go to school.
I'd risked my life for that…and by tasting defeat, I'd won. This way, when Alicia wakes up in this body, I'll be able to send her to school.
Huh? Why would I go that far, you ask? Well, I mean—
"Because a detective's job is to protect the client's interests."
I knew what my assistant would have asked if he'd been awake, so I answered him.
"The thing is, it looks like that may take a little time."
If I was going to make it so that Alicia could go to school or lead a normal life, I'd have to stabilize her mind first. Even if it was a different personality that had done the killing, the knowledge that people had died at her hands might be too much for her.
I'd have to do some internal work and memory correction first, and also create a new identity for her. I'd already put that red-headed policewoman in charge of that. Right now, she was probably on her way to provide Charlie with backup, but it wouldn't be long before she came to retrieve me and my assistant.
"I've asked her to lie to you, too, but don't be mad at her, all right?"
Specifically, she's supposed to tell you that I defeated Hel and temporarily neutralized the threat of SPES, and that Alicia is safe and has been sent to live in a distant country. Otherwise, you know you'll do something silly like try to take SPES on by yourself.
So, until all the preparations are in place… Even if it's just for a little while, I want you to go back to your daily routine.
I want you to live those average, uneventful, peaceful days you longed for.
"I'm sorry for yanking you around so much over these past three years." I stroked my assistant's head again, and again, and again. I'm sure this is the last time this will happen.
"I fought with you constantly, didn't I?"
As I thought back, what came to mind was Kimi's profile as he muttered, "Not fair."
Had I really been that unfair? Had I given him nothing but trouble? I'd gotten carried away a minute ago and said I suspected he liked me far too much, but had that been completely untrue? …The idea made me a little nervous.
"Still, I had fun, at least."
If I said that, would you laugh? Or maybe you'd get mad and tell me not to break character… Well, this is the last time, so let me have this, all right?
The apple pie I ate with you tasted sweeter than when I ate it alone.
When we lived together in that cheap apartment, it felt almost as if we were a couple, didn't it?
The casino was fun, too… Oh, but I'm pretty sure you lost your shirt there.
Come to think of it, every now and then, you still gaze at that photo of me in the wedding dress, don't you?
A few days ago, we drank alcohol for what was probably the first and last time. That did not end well…
What time should we wake up tomorrow? What should we eat, and where should we go? Will we get a request for a new job? Finding a lost cat or something would be nice and easy. Oh, right: I spotted some good teacups at a shop I walked past a little while ago. I'll buy them next time, so let's brew some fancy tea and drink it together. Don't worry, there'll be enough time for a cuppa. And then the day after tomorrow, and a week after that, and a month after that—
"I wanted to drink tea with you a month from now, too."
I wanted to see your profile as you said "Not fair" and sighed.
And your smile… I don't think I could ever have seen enough of your smile.
"I didn't…want to die."
But my job is to protect. And I'll protect you.
That is my mission. After all, an ace detective is someone who protects the client's interests.
I promised back then, remember? I said I'd protect you. No matter what kind of trouble finds you, I said I'd protect you with my life.
So relax and sleep, just like you're doing now. Stay in your dream; sleep in that way I might have thought was a little bit cute. It's all right. I'm sure someday, someone will wake you up.
And I know she'll hold you close, in my place.
"I never did give this to you, did I? I'm sorry."
Finally, I took out the red ribbon—which I'd stealthily slipped into Hel's military uniform during that last fight—and tied it around my head. I wonder if she'll still be wearing this a year from now.
"…That's right. I'll have to think of a name, too."
That would be the final spell that kept Hel's consciousness sealed. "Hel— The name of a cold queen said to have ruled a country of ice."
Her new name should be warmer, at least. Something to melt others' hearts.
A name that suited that smile of Alicia's, as dazzling as the summer sun… "Listen, Assistant."
I called to him, one last time.
"Remember this. The name of the one who'll wake you up someday is— Nagisa. Nagisa Natsunagi."