I looked at her and then back at the Sun Cultivation in her hand before looking back at her. "Dance rhythms?" I signed skeptically. My head raced back to all the times I looked at the symbols and maybe now I can kind of see them as dances, but still, my head just didn't really understand.
Never in my life have I seen a dance be written down like a music sheet. I thought dance was something passed down by showing people physically and gradually that process repeated over time. However, now I stand corrected.
"Yes, dance rhythms for a dance like martial cultivation. Created by a family from the 6th dimension." She said before handing me back my cultivation book as she stood up. She walked over to the door and opened it to whisper something to the awaiting attendant.
The attendee nodded her head before disappearing from view and coming back with a book in her hand. She handed the thin-looking, aged book to Wang Nuo before bowing her head, and keeping her head bowed till Wang Nuo closed the door.
Sitting down, Wang Nuo opened the book and showed me drawings while saying, "You see, the reason you or Zhou Li didn't understand it is because these martial arts moves came from an old clan from the 6th dimension that died long ago. They were a family that originated from a dancer who came from another world." Hearing that made my eyes widen before I looked over at the drawing she pointed at.
I saw a drawing of a big woman, taller than those around her. Her expression was exaggerated not just in her face but also in her body. An exaggerated smile covered almost 90% of her face, while the surrounding individuals appeared more serene. She didn't wear traditional Hanfu, but instead what looked to me to be a crop-top tank top and cuffed sweats.
On her waist, I saw lines coming from her pants that looked like scribbles, as if the artist was unsure of what they were drawing and maybe they were. However, the whole drawing radiated power, but not the heroic kind.
"You noticed it?" Wang Nuo asked, bringing my eyes up to look up at her. "From what I heard from my older family members, the Fuamatu Clan Headmaster and clansmen were nice people. However, people couldn't look past where the Headmaster came from. Thus, they acknowledged she was strong, but at the same time, they feared it, and creations like this were born." Her fingers glided over the drawing.
I felt my stomach twist while looking over at the drawing. This will be my life if I ever take off my mask. Feared, despised, and murderous against. My head started ringing, and a burn rose in my throat before a hand patted against my head. Looking up, Wang Nuo looked down at me with a small smile.
"Such drawings will always be made about the strong or the unknown. Those who can't control something fear it, and with that fear, they either admire it or demonize it. Unfortunately for Otherworlders, demonization will be the route most will perceive them as. However," she placed both hands on my cheeks. "Some will realize you're only a human trying to survive. Surround yourself with such people, Ignis."
My head instantly brought back memories of my time in the Zhou household. How the surrounding people who knew, never showed disgust, and even those who didn't know, treated me with such care, even though I appeared out of nowhere.
I smiled from under my mask while I patted her hand, telling her I'm okay. Smiling, she let go of my face before going back to our earlier conversation.
Flipping the page, there were two drawings of women who looked to be dancing. One was dainty and elegant, while the other was the Headmaster of the Fuamato, who was drawing to look boorish. "The Fuamato cultivation was unique in a way. Dancing cultivation has already been made in this world; however, it typically ranges from graceful, silent, and swift. The Fuamato Dance cultivation style was distinct, though."
Wang Nuo flipped the page. The Headmaster now looked to be yelling, scaring those in front of her. "They're dances were more about showing strength, power, and dominance. Their cultivation focused more on the body and because of it, most of them didn't use a weapon and if they did, it was a close-distance one."
Wang Nuo closed the book, even though there were more pages. As if knowing what I was thinking, she said, "The other pictures are too incriminating for my liking, so we will leave it at that."
I nodded my head but was startled as Wang Nuo burned the book in her hand. This time she didn't answer my silent question, as she instead looked back at my cultivation book. "I'm assuming this is a body cultivation book."
Nodding my head, Wang Nuo fell into deep thought before saying, "From what I can see, those dance movements don't look like any from the few cultivation books we saved when the Fuamato family fell into ruin..." She trailed off, her eyes slowly losing focus.
While she was in thought, I opened the Sun book in my hand and flipped through the pages, once again examining the more flattering pictures that I now can see of the same woman just in different clothes. Instead of being exaggerated, I can tell the drawer put a lot of thought into drawing the woman they were observing. Clearly fascinated by watching her movement, even after many years, their fascination can still be felt even with a poor imitation of their original drawing. "How did they die?" I asked.
Clarity came back to her eyes, and I repeated what I asked, causing her to sigh. In a sombre voice, she answered, "Family annihilation." She rubbed her face before leaning toward me as she spoke more softly. "There's a reason people from different worlds that weren't supposed to come to this world can never go back to their own."
Holding up a finger, she said, "One is because the majority of them are sent to the first dimension. The first dimension is a world that isn't highly intelligent or emotionally advanced. The people there are no better than wild animals, making it a world where the strong eat the weak." She made a disgusted face as she finished saying, "Quite literally."
My heart dropped a bit while she held up another finger. "Second, outside forces push situations where they die. The second applies to what happened to the Fuamato family. Back then, my family was close to their family. We were given a message of help, but before we made it there, the whole clan was wiped out." Pausing, she leaned back while saying, "Well, that is based on what the elders will say."
She looked to be completing something before looking at the book in my hand and shaking her head. I also looked at the book before signing. "You think the reason they were wiped out is because of this?"
Wang Nuo hummed before shrugging, "I have no clue. You said you got this at the market, right? Meaning, anyone could have it. So then there's no reason to kill a family over something that was public knowledge."
I nodded my head in agreement. Studying the book once again, I was thinking about what I could do with it. Wang Nuo said she couldn't understand the movements of this cultivation book and, based on what she told me, she was the best person to ask since her family had ties to the Fuamato family.
Of course, there's a chance that maybe someone in her family can help but judging on why she was down here in the third dimension and not in the sixth dimension, it seemed like a bunch of skeletons that will only lead to frustration and no results to show for it.
Time is running out, yet I'm stuck in the middle of two dead ends that both lead me to either remain weak or be killed. The two people who could most likely help me are not responding to me, and the people who can help me cannot. I have a big assignment I need to do, but I have so little information to be able to do it.
"Maybe I should give up." I felt my body shake as the thought appeared so randomly. The guilt and anger soon followed as I started berated myself.
Did I really think that? Why am I giving up so easily?
Yes, I'm having difficulties, but it's not like I haven't experienced them before, so why am I giving up on myself when I have lived 18 years of my life constantly telling myself to push forward? Has the damage to my soul caused such a massive hit to my confidence in completing something?
I tried shaking off the feeling, but the more I did, the more the doubt seemed to expand and linger in me. I felt something break within me, causing pain and more questions to override my rationality. Can I really do this? I said one thing, but did I do anything to show that I'm actually doing it? Should I go back to my family when I have already died?
"Sometimes you're so focused on one thing, you have trouble seeing the other things around you, Ignis. You can't keep focusing on the past." The familiar voice of Mrs. K sounded in my head, taking me back to the time I sat on the couch opposite her chair.
I still remember the way her office smelled like lavender in order to relax people, but it always did the opposite for me, while her red lipstick was the only color in her monotone office. From above her square-shaped glasses, she would then say: "Come to the present, Ignis, and look to your future."
However, did I want to look at my future? If I did, what about my mom? My dad? My siblings, grandparents, and friends?
"Ignis!" A boy's laughter ranged through my head. His bright blue shirt and basketball pants, which always looked dirty because he played with the school's dirty basketballs, are forever etched into my memory.
What about you?
The person who changed my life.
"Ignis?" I inhaled as two hands touched my shoulder, fishing me out of the ocean of doubts and pain. I was heaving while looking up at Wang Nuo, who looked at me with wide eyes.
"What's wrong?" She asked calmly, but her searching eyes moved around my mask as if she can see through it and her hands held me as if I could break at any time. Such eyes reminded me so much of my mom that I just wanted to lie down and cry. Tell her that my thoughts seem to be attacking me and my goal is shaking for no reason.
However, I didn't do any of that and signed, "Nothing. I was just thinking." She didn't look convinced, especially since my hands shook. She looked on the verge of asking me something but quickly I signed out, "You have any way we can start this even though we don't know the dance moves?"
Her eyebrows raised and I could see the complementation on her face but she sighed out, leaning back, taking her hands with her. "Well, I do have a way in mind, though it's not guaranteed." She answered unconfidently.
I didn't get to say anything before she groaned out while looking at the ceiling. From this angle, I couldn't see her face and I was going to pat her to ask what's wrong but suddenly she looked back down at me, making me jump as she said with furrowed brows, "Well, there's no gain when you don't try..." And with that, she stood up quickly and went to the door to talk to the attendant again.
Looking at her back, I suddenly felt it was going to be a long day.
And I was right.
Since then, she has been going in and out of the room, placing things in the hot springs, and I eventually migrated to the space of warmth, asking her questions now and then to keep me distracted from my thoughts.
I mindlessly flipped through the pages of the Sun book while I looked out the window, which brought the now-night moonlight to reflect on the water. Looking at the magnitude of the stars, I couldn't help but think of the promise I could not fulfill.
"You're such a terrible brother."
Yeah. I know.
I silently sighed while looking away from the window, feeling like I'm becoming crazy from talking to myself. Maybe my mom was right. I needed more counseling.
I broke away from my thoughts just to catch as Wang Nuo dumped more herbs into the steaming water, making the water turn a bluish glow before looking over at me.
"Okay, before we get started, I want to say a few things. Ready?" I nodded my head as I watched her walk up to me and crouch down to my height before she spoke. "I'm going along with previous cultivation books from the Fuamato family. Most of them started out with meditation in a medical bath. No where is it documented what the medical bath is so if you feel like something is wrong, go with your gut and get out quickly."
The word meditation left a sour hint in my mouth, but holding my dislike towards the action, I nodded my head. Wang Nuo proceeded to explain while I was mentally convincing myself, "This will not be a fast and painless process. All medical treatments I've experienced have been unpleasant, to say the least. The Fuamato family is known for their sturdy bodies, so all I can imagine is how much more painful this is going to get."
I hesitated a bit before nodding once again. I already felt pain before a lot of it. At least this pain will hopefully give me good results, and not emotional trauma.
Well, not more than it already has.
Wang Nuo waited for a bit to say something again. She looked to be wanting to say something, but stopped herself. I wanted to ask what she was thinking, but she finally said, "In order for this to work, we will have to put the cultivation book in the water as well. Despite being an imitation, traces of the original energy still linger, just in a very small amount. We're relying on luck right now. "
"Would that ruin the book?" I asked while she hummed quietly.
"Most likely because of the quality. If there was a bit more energy on the book, I could do something to protect it, but because the energy is so little, any type of coverage will erase the energy on it." She explained.
So if this doesn't work, then my only source of strength will be ruined? The overwhelmingness of thoughts seemed to want to come rushing back, but I shook it away as I tried to think rationally.
I needed to do this. If there's a chance, I need to grab it. I can't just keep thinking about the what if's all the time.
I could feel a negative thought come, so I nodded before it could materialize. Wang Nuo breathed out an okay before smiling encouragingly.
I took off my clothes until I was only in my undergarments and mask before going into the hot spring. The springs were warm and smelled of fusions of different medicine. I swam in it before I reached the 3-foot-radius circular table, that was placed there because of my small height. And even despite that, the water still reached my chin, making me feel a little suffocated, but I pushed it down and paid attention to her.
Seeing that I'm situated, she picked up a bottle and poured out a round sphere the same size as a gumball. "You ready?" She asked and when I nodded my head, she dropped the sphere in the water and instantly it started boiling.
The pain came to me quickly, almost making me faint as a groan slipped through my mouth. Thousands of needles seem to seep into my body, making me remember a similar pain. Proving me right, an episode was coming along and with it, the smell of blood.
The pain, however, was still tolerable. It was a pain I have dealt with many times when I had my bigger episodes. I was breathing through it until something in my head buzzed and slowly the pain was no longer just normal torment, but a crucifixion.
Instead of needles stabbing me, stakes stabbed me, tearing out my lungs. My arms and legs felt like they were chained down as someone shoved their hand down my throat, not making me call out. I tried opening my eyes, but it felt like molten lava had seeped into them.
Suddenly, memories flooded my head—the whole day of that day in slow motion. I watched my hands pick up bags to put in the car. I watched my hands make lunches and snacks for the trip. I watched as my mom and brother butted heads and I watched as I looked over to my little brother, who was cracking up because I probably said the wrong word again. He didn't know that most of the time I pretended to not know the words because I loved watching him laugh.
I watched as we got out of the car to enter the place that would cause me to be on my deathbed. I wanted to scream no. I wanted to scream to not go there. I wanted to scream to call the police to inform them of the danger the mall would face, but I didn't. I couldn't.
I watched as we made it to Mrs. Barbra's wig shop. I watched as she told me my family will always be there for me. I watched as I agreed to stay. I watched as I separated from the crowd a little bit to pick up the FaceTime call. I watched and watched.
Until it happened. I was dying because a bunch of bullets pierced my back.
My head felt like I was going off the deep end as the thoughts and questions start crashing in. What am I doing? My body was in so much pain that I felt like dying would've been the better option. Why did I have to be the one to push into this situation? Why did I have to deal with episodes every time my feelings went over a certain limit? Wouldn't it be better for me to die? I wouldn't care if I were never reborn. I could die in peace.
I felt something start shaking in me and heard sounds of cracking. The familiar feeling of blood was seeping down my lips, causing me to gag. This pain was unbearable.
"Trisha." A voice startled me out of my agony. I didn't know when I closed my eyes, but when I opened them, I was no longer looking at hands, but looking above everyone like a ghost. I watched as my mom's body shook as she held my corpse as she cried silently.
In the back of my head, I knew this wasn't a projection of future events like last time. This time, it was real. What I'm seeing is real.
I watched my dad walk up to her and bend down to grab my phone. I heard the twins crying and screaming my name from the small technical box. I looked to Tre, who held a weeping Vince; his eyes held nothing. He stared down at my body with blank eyes, which was the first time I saw him look like that.
Among all my siblings, Tre and I had the weakest connectional bond. We both tried to hide the rocky relationship from other people, but deep down we both knew our relationship was similar to that of water and fire.
Due to a situation, he hasn't really liked me since. Often, I would catch him staring at me with eyes of disdain when he didn't notice me watching.
Among all the family members, I don't know how he would react to my death. Would he be happy? Excited? Glad that one reason for his trauma has finally been put to rest? Would he be especially glad because of how coincidental my death was?
Thus, my eyes couldn't help gravitating towards him. I wanted to see him and subconsciously wanted to know if he really loved me. Since that day, less than six years ago. I haven't seen you smile once at me. No big smile, no of your signature smirk, not even a mocking smile.
I missed you so much, but did you miss me?
I watched as he patted Vince's back in a slow pattern before he looked up. I paused as his eyes landed on my floating form; however, his eyes didn't look at me. He was looking at something behind me. Then the once pure blank state finally turned into something I saw in him often. I saw pure rage.
He walked to my dad and gave him a crying, broken Vince before he ran to where his eyes were locked on. Running past me, I turned to see him tackle a person that was detained by police and start punching him repeatedly. The person was crying out in pain and the police officers were ordering Tre to stop, but he couldn't hear them over his screaming.
"You took my brother! You fucking took my brother!" His voice sounded raw, and I saw other people come rushing in and start hitting the person, too. The scene was a mess and the police force had backup called.
I watched as it took five policemen to pull Tre away. His face was covered in the person's blood as he heaved. His vengeful eyes were still locked on the surprising, still alive person, but now there were tears falling down his eyes.
"Get the fuck off me! That man killed my brother! He killed my little brother!" He was struggling until my dad got to him to hold down. "Dad, let me go! Why are you holding me down?!"
"Because I can't lose another son!" The shout was in a whisper, but it was like it was on volume 100. "If you continue acting like this, you think these police officers won't use force to calm you down? I cannot lose another son, you hear me?!" Tre didn't say anything as he watched the paramedics put the beaten-up shooter on a stretcher. "You hear me, Trevon." My dad said again, but much more sternly.
Tre was panting, but finally he nodded his head and my dad let him go so they could both stand up. They walked back over to my mom and Vince. My body was now lying face up to the sky with my head on my mom's knees and my eyes closed.
Vince laid his weight on our mom while his fingers played with my hair as he whispered, "He will wake up, right? He will, right, Mama?" My mom only hummed as she looked down at me .
Tre's eyes returned to a coldness but his voice was laced with hate as he whispered, "So they got the shooter to the hospital but not the victims, huh?" He was going to say more but my dad looked at him and he closed his mouth before walking next to my mom before sitting down.
When he sat, she finally said in Amharic, "He's going to come back. I know he is." It would've sounded delusional if not for the softness of it and how sternly she said with conviction. Tre didn't argue with her as he nodded his head.
"Yeah Ma. He will come back. He's always been a strong worker."
Strong worker? Yes, I have always been a strong worker. I never gave up when I set my mind to something. In all my best qualities, I was most recognized as a strong worker. Even Tre would congratulate me when I did something well.
So, what am I doing? Am I really going to let my family down because of some pain?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ease the deep feeling of a butcher knife grinding out my spine from my back. I ignored how my eyes feel like they were going to explode, and I ignored how my lungs felt like they were trapped in a mint tin can. I ignored how my brain felt like someone was using as a stress ball. I ignored all because I had a family I needed to get back to.
The feeling in my head slowly dissipated as I floated there, breathing before the sound of people, radios, and sirens sounded away, leaving me in complete silence besides the sound of my breaths. Gradually, the pain eased, and my body trembled as if overcoming something. Suddenly, a shine of light made me open my eyes and in a field of red flowers, a large boulder sat in the middle with a woman looking out into the distance.